Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

theothermother Paying maintenance on estranged adult stepchild is eating away at our marriage
  • replies: 2

My DH has a daughter and has been in and out of her life since she was 3 due to issues with his ex. They tried to make it work for her sake after the 1st split but ended up making each other miserable for another decade until they divorced. When I me... View more

My DH has a daughter and has been in and out of her life since she was 3 due to issues with his ex. They tried to make it work for her sake after the 1st split but ended up making each other miserable for another decade until they divorced. When I met him the SD was 13 and wanted no contact. 6 years on and we have a son aged2 who the SD has never met. She was welcome to be in our son's life but his ex sent an abusive text to say that under no circumstances are we to consider her as a sister to our son. In the past 6 yrs he has seen SD a few times around xmas and bdays so she can collect an extra gift. She ignores him for the rest of the yr. There's a constant "you left us, you owe us" attitude and I doubt we'll ever see the day when they consider that debt squared. I know parents with children would say "I would never choose my new partner over my own child". But I think he believed that he had a chance at repairing their relationship as SD grew older. He promised me that child support would stop when she reached 18 and we could relax our budget a bit. I have since found out that after she reached 18 he has secretly bought her a car, paid the her bond and is paying her $500 monthly while she's studying. We've been scrimping like mad to make sure the mortgage is paid. We're sharing a bathroom because the ensuite hot water is glitchy and we don't have money for a plumber. I've been putting off getting my wisdom teeth out because we don't have enough $ as a buffer in case of emergencies. Sometimes at night I'm so crippled by anxiety that I can't breathe. My DH's good company, he still makes me laugh, he's a good father to our son. But the good moments are shadowed by the constant worry more $ will be siphoned off. As it stands he promised monthly support until the end of this yr while she finds her feet. I worry that she'll cut off contact if he stops paying so he'll sacrifice our security to keep her in his life. I have no problem with him having a relationship with her. I do have a problem with him splurging money on her and then telling me I have nothing to worry about and that we've still got enough. He still doesn't see where he went wrong, just that he's trying his best to do the right thing by her. But it's broken my trust and I don't know how to relax my guard around him. I look at the lovely house that we've bought, our innocent son and I fight the urge to just break things off so I'm not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thoughts?

MrCatfish Difficulty living with inlaws
  • replies: 1

I have been married for two years with a one year old daughter. I am a successful person (PhD and financially secure) and my friends and family consider me to be a caring and considerate person, but I am not able to get along with my in-laws. Part of... View more

I have been married for two years with a one year old daughter. I am a successful person (PhD and financially secure) and my friends and family consider me to be a caring and considerate person, but I am not able to get along with my in-laws. Part of the issue us cultural differences, my wife is Chinese, and I have not passed many of the requisite Chinese manners. Part of the issue is a fundamental difference in values. (Father in law values wealth, image, strength, competition, I value simplicity, creativity, collaboration. My father in law called off our wedding several days before it was scheduled. Our marriage went through about a year later without his blessing, and he continues to think poorly of me. My in-laws visit six months every year and live in our guest bedroom. My wife is in her mid thirties and this has been her practice for her adult life. Her parents, and particularly her father, have no real live beyond their daughter. At least no aspirations, goals, or other long term engaging activities. My wife always envisioned continuing to live with her parents like this her whole life. We had some discussion of this arrangement before we got married, and she agreed to have them live with us for shorter periods, but we didn't discuss the issues fully, or establish clear expectations for after our marriage. However, nothing has changed, and they continue to visit for six months every year. My father-in-law varies between ignoring me open hostility, but usually stays on the ignoring range. My mother-in-law is a bit easier to live with, with her temperament oscillating between disapproval and approval, but at least she doesn't ignore me. Whenever they visit I grow slowly more distant to my wife, and whenever they leave our relationship slowly repairs. But even when they are gone I sometimes think about how long until they come back and I start to feel trapped and anxious. I asked my wife to have them stay in an apartment when they visit, but she says that if we do that she would have to live with them, because they can't care for themselves where nobody speaks Chinese. This situation is really depressing (although I don't know that I am "depressed." I feel like I am stuck with two bad choices. I want to be free to be myself with my wife and daughter, but that is very hard under the oppressive weight that comes with my in-laws. I also want to respect my wife's needs and culture, especially given her fear that her parents may pass soon.

Hang10 Family breakdown
  • replies: 3

3 years ago I made contact with my father first time in my life ever at the age of 35. Mum told me from a young age about my father family that they didn’t approve of me being born as my mother was a teenage pregnancy and not married as my father fam... View more

3 years ago I made contact with my father first time in my life ever at the age of 35. Mum told me from a young age about my father family that they didn’t approve of me being born as my mother was a teenage pregnancy and not married as my father family was strict church followers. I was born with no name of my father on my birth certificate and also I had my mum maiden name. I had no contact at all over the years from any one of my fathers family at all emotionally or financially. Mum has done a great job on raising me as she sadly had 2 marriage that ended in divorce and after this a couple of domestic violence relationship that now have ended. I always wondered why about my dad family of no contact at all over the years. They tried to get my mum to have an abortion and if she did they would pay her money for a holiday. They tried everything for me not to be born. Something happen I thinking a legal document that allow them my father family to have no ties with me at all. I decided when to make contact with my father that I try my grandfather first as my mum said to me that my father wife if he was married may not know I existed. My grandfather was the one that mostly wanted me not to be born as it would look bad on him and his status in the church. I find my grandfather number as he still lived in the same place as my mum knew when she dated my father. I message my grandfather saying who I was and that I like to see my father if he like to see me. That if they didn’t want too or if his wife didn’t know than I accept that. My grandfather use this information and cause many problems my fathers wife didn’t know I existed and so didn’t the kids. I end up seeing my father but his world and my world was polar apart. I had my struggles emotionally and financially. Sadly I just couldn’t get the happy ending with my father. His wife really had strong issues and a lot of times my father would say when I visit we just had a fight and he look at me. I knew what troubles me coming into his life had caused. I had car problems and need help with money this cause great problems as it made me look like I was after his money the vists got less. I ended up writing an email as no matter what I do it just wouldn’t be good enough. I said that I never ever wanted his money and that I think it best for me to walk away. I just disappointed that it never work. I been able to be the one that puts everything together but this I can’t. Felt disappointed and a failure

Mumma_44 Empty Nester sad and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi. I never thought enough how to cope when this day would come. I envisaged a staggered, slower leaving of our 3 kids, but one way or another they all left around the same time. So adjustment has been difficult. Hubby has his own issues and seems ve... View more

Hi. I never thought enough how to cope when this day would come. I envisaged a staggered, slower leaving of our 3 kids, but one way or another they all left around the same time. So adjustment has been difficult. Hubby has his own issues and seems very wrapped up in himself, and bad habits. I am battling loneliness, lack of motivation and a sense of purpose. Most of my friends left Sydney. Even those here are often busy and unavailable. After 8 months I am so sad and lonely, and still not ready to admit being depressed, though I probably am.

jet24 Partner having relationship doubts, triggering my depression
  • replies: 5

My partner and I have been dating for about a year and 9 months, and we've been in a committed serious relationship for a bit over a year. Everything, for the most part, has been so wonderful up until about a month ago. From the beginning, he has bee... View more

My partner and I have been dating for about a year and 9 months, and we've been in a committed serious relationship for a bit over a year. Everything, for the most part, has been so wonderful up until about a month ago. From the beginning, he has been my rock, one of my best friends, and we've been so open and honest. At the same time, we both focus on our careers, friends and families. It's everything I've dreamed of. We don't live together, but were planning to move in in mid 2019. About a month ago, he switched jobs and I went through a wave of depression issues unrelated to our relationship (which I got help for and recovered from within 1-2 weeks.) Nothing was really the same after that. We developed intimacy issues (both emotional and physical), which was very strange for us. When I talked to him about it, he told me he was having doubts about us and whether or not we were meant to be. He told me he loved me; he hasn't sure why he was feeling like this and up until recently he had felt very happy. I stayed calm; I told him doubts are normal and every relationship experiences them. I told him we needed to reignite a spark, put in effort, and we'd see it through. Since then, I have put in a wave of effort, and he has reciprocated to a minimal extent. I planned a beautiful anniversary dinner for us (we had an amazing time), I wrote him a letter, I've initiated intimate moments, and at times everything has seemed like it'd be okay but then all of a sudden he retreats. This past weekend, we enjoyed a great night out with friends but when we woke up, he told me he has tried to get past his doubts about us but can't. He also can't pinpoint them; he feels that he loves me very much and doesn't know why he's feeling the way he is. He said he thinks it might be unfixable and maybe we should break up. After becoming really upset, I told him that this constant back and forth has been exhausting, and I need us to commit and move forward together. He didn't know how to respond. I've been battling waves of depression while this has been going on. After he mentioned breaking up, I haven't been able to eat or sleep much. I don't know why a relationship that was so built on love and trust and respect now feels like it's fleeting. And I don't understand why he's feeling the way he is; I still see so much love in him and we still have so much fun together. I'm not sure what to do to get my life back on track. I was so happy a month ago and now I am feeling so hopeless.

mamaof2girls Not enjoying being a second time mum
  • replies: 2

I have now a 3.5yr old and a 9week old baby.. at the moment I am hating motherhood.. things have been fine however I am absolutely hating the lack of freedom with a new baby.. I was so used to having an older child that I could take anywhere anytime.... View more

I have now a 3.5yr old and a 9week old baby.. at the moment I am hating motherhood.. things have been fine however I am absolutely hating the lack of freedom with a new baby.. I was so used to having an older child that I could take anywhere anytime.. but now.. the thought of taking the little one out gives me anxiety. Not only does she scream as soon as she’s put into the car, I’m so terrified of mucking up her routine that I just don’t and haven’t been anywhere except at home. What is wrong with me? Why do I hate being a mother? I know this will end and she’ll grow up and it’ll be all different again but at the moment I just can’t enjoy my girls or my family nor myself.. I’m not my happy self and I’m really disliking how I’m feeling.

invisible_girl1 No friends, no boyfriend, no social life...what am i doing wrong?
  • replies: 15

Hi all, So i'm the type of person who is quite shy when meeting new people and i find this make people loose interest in me quickly. I don't have any friends from childhood because coming from an airforce family i was at a different school every two ... View more

Hi all, So i'm the type of person who is quite shy when meeting new people and i find this make people loose interest in me quickly. I don't have any friends from childhood because coming from an airforce family i was at a different school every two years. I also seem to think differently from most people, so im not interested in most social fads (twitter, instagram etc, ), i have a completely different sense of humour from most people and i hate public events and crowds. as it stands im 28 have no friends, rarely had a boyfriend and i can't figure out how to change this. its not like im not trying. I'm part of a trivia team and a dragon boat team, i walk around sydney most weekends with a walking group but all i ever seem to make are acquaintences. I try my best to make friendships but i often find myself with no one to hang out with or feeling alone in a crowd. I'm not the kind of person people invite to an event or the kind of person people contact on a rainy sunday to hang out with. No one seems to care if i'm ok. I feel completely invisible and i don't know what im doing wrong. As a result i feel painfully lonely most of the time and i spend a lot of evening crying and feeling nothing but self pity and self loathing. i know my problems are small compared to some thing other people on here are dealing with, and i hate to make a fuss, but i was hoping i could get some advice?

Lmf Alcoholic partner
  • replies: 3

Im 23, 30yo long term partner of 5/6yrs, we have a 2yo together. Over the years IV notice his alcoholic tendencies have worsen. Everyday now. I have spoke multiple times about it, we have communication issues because his always drunk, not drunk enoug... View more

Im 23, 30yo long term partner of 5/6yrs, we have a 2yo together. Over the years IV notice his alcoholic tendencies have worsen. Everyday now. I have spoke multiple times about it, we have communication issues because his always drunk, not drunk enough(for himself so is shitty) or asleep/hungover. When we do eventually get to talk it's not understood at the time because being effected by alcohol or hanging for a drink so can't concentrate, I think. Then i end up bottling everything up & exploding looking like the bad person because apparently there is nothing for me to worried/angry about. 1. I am of indigenous decent & have seen what alcohol does to people . 2. I'm trying to stop this cycle for the next gen. 3. I didn't grow up in an alcoholic household (but partner did) so why should our son? 4. Its starting to take a toll on other areas in our relationship. 5. My son is starting to catch onto him being drunk, smelling of alcohol, always sleeping (weekends, since he works full time). Yes this sounds petty & he hasn't always been like this .. it just happened over time. I had a real tough pregnacy physically/mentally, not having any support etc feel into a really deep depression, I started drinking, nearly everyday, not getting legless but getting abit more then tipsy but not drunk/blotto. This year IV stopped, I was never a drinker (had my first drink at 18) the time I was drinking I realised he'd influence me & when stuff did get abit crazy it would some how always be placed on me? He had to .. it's hard to explain.. in a way someone to use as the blame of the bad situation that was started because of miss communication fuelled by alcohol. So I stopped thinking it was me, I couldn't handle my alcohol etc over the last near year IV realised he would pick at me regardless of me drinking or not, conversations would be hard because his talking over me/cutting in, speaking from a drunk mind, or completely diss what my opinion was or whatever. The typical drunk convo when your sober talking to a drunk person.. yes not everything is bad but this is where the alcoholism comes in. They're is times we'd have amazing convos plan stuff etc but never happenes because his either hungover the next day/forgets what has been said or follows thru with family plans or whatever it may be but is drunk or atleast has to have one drink. Yes his a hard worker, supports us amazing financialy but every single night does the nights have to end in disagreement, dissatisfaction

Aida_K Pregnant and stressed
  • replies: 1

Expecting my 1st baby in feb 2019. Me and my partner are so excited and so is my whole family. But I just feel sometimes im so confused about my husband. We have been together for 4 years and we haven’t been very intimate. We have have had sex maybe ... View more

Expecting my 1st baby in feb 2019. Me and my partner are so excited and so is my whole family. But I just feel sometimes im so confused about my husband. We have been together for 4 years and we haven’t been very intimate. We have have had sex maybe 3 times only. And the rest was only when I was ovulating because he wanted a baby so badly. All we have is just intercourse. No foreplay, no pashing. He never pashes me. Just gives me cheek to cheek kisses and forehead kisses. He seems to get very angry at me as well when I don’t do things the way he wants. He always hits me so badly when we argue, I get bruises all over my body. And after that he wouldn’t be sorry and just says I made him do it. Currently he is not talking to me for 1 week now because I didn’t eat whatever he told me to. How can he be so cruel when I’m pregnant and laying on bed at night and crying to myself? Doesn’t he know I need his support the most? i always have a feeling he must be having an affair as I have caught him many times talking about girls to his friends. He follows so many random girls on Instagram as well. However, he never leaves me on weekends. Comes home straight form work, doesn’t groom properly. Other than all this hes good most of the times as we have travelled soo much and we still do. He takes me on holidays and spoils me….i just don’t know what to do.his behaviour confuses me.. Im craving for so much love attention and intimacy right now. Im just 25 and my life has already been destroyed. someone plz help me

Bec28 Heartbreaking break up
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on Monday via text msg because his feelings weren’t progressing to love. I’m utterly heartbroken & I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him & miss him & I just need help

My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on Monday via text msg because his feelings weren’t progressing to love. I’m utterly heartbroken & I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him & miss him & I just need help