Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

manoody92 Struggling with work and parenting.
  • replies: 24

Hi Everyone, This is going to be a long post as I'm at my wits end, I have no one to vent to and I need outsiders opinions. Ok, so I have a 22 month old gorgeous girl. My husband insists I continue to work 2 days per week even though this means sendi... View more

Hi Everyone, This is going to be a long post as I'm at my wits end, I have no one to vent to and I need outsiders opinions. Ok, so I have a 22 month old gorgeous girl. My husband insists I continue to work 2 days per week even though this means sending our daughter to childcare where she continues to get very ill and has had to be hospitalised 3 times in the last month due to different illnesses. Because I only work part time I am then having to take the time off to look after her, which is now threatening my employment as I've had so much time off over the last 6 months. This of course is taking a toll on my mental health and I am reaching breaking point knowing I am unable to work and look after our baby to my full potential. After several discussions with my husband, he still insists I continue to work, and put our daughter in childcare. This is simply just not working. We are in a position where I know it isn't essential for me to work. In his eyes if I am not contributing financially, I am not doing anything at all. He thinks I'll just sit at home all the time and do nothing (and yes, he has actually said that to me). Yesterday, my daughter was so sick with fever she has a febrile seizure. I called an ambulance, and I have never felt so sick in my life, my poor baby. This was the final straw for me. How do I get through to my husband that this arrangement isn't working? And that I am contributing by being a full time mother to our gorgeous daughter? That I am not coping with working and sending her to childcare, and that it causes me horrendous anxiety? I barely earn anything in my industry, and he earns excellent money. I know we are financially ok, otherwise I wouldn't even consider this. I just feel helpless, and like I am going to have to choose between my daughter or my job. Advice/opinions would be much appreciated, I truly don't know what to do from here.

If_itsover Struggling with having 2 young kids and fulltime work
  • replies: 5

I know this topic is all too familiar. i have a 3 yrs and a 1 yr old. My husband doesn’t make enough income in warehousing/hospitality jobs so I have to work fulltime (as a senior accountant) and my husband stays at home fulltime. these days I can’t ... View more

I know this topic is all too familiar. i have a 3 yrs and a 1 yr old. My husband doesn’t make enough income in warehousing/hospitality jobs so I have to work fulltime (as a senior accountant) and my husband stays at home fulltime. these days I can’t get enough sleep, it’s a part of my routine. I can’t switch off. each nights 4-5 hrs of sleep is normal, too lucky to get 6. When I’m very busy 3 hrs or stay up all night. I used to neglect my sleep because I thought I can make up the sleep when I’m not too busy or I can get a rest when I feel tired. But constant pushing myself and lack of sleep became a pattern and its really affecting my immune system, happiness and energy level to do everythjng. these days I also feel happier working on my spreadsheets than looking after my 3yo son. I get home the earliest at 6pm and he has to go to sleep by 9:30. In that time frame I set up dinner, feed, bath, washing dishes, clean up house, laundry, nappies for kids, play & read etc ... my son doesn’t understand why running the tricycle on mummy’s toes is so funny yet Mum cries in frustration. He doesn’t know why I scream when he touches my scented candles because I rely on it to calm myself down to get a better sleep yet I’m scared he might burn down the house so I have to put it away. Same to everything else that I enjoy, I put them away. i haven’t have time alone and relax in 2.5 years, not even in the toilet. not so funny, it’s depressing. I tried to exercise and go to the gym. (I went twice in the last month, once at 1am-3am and 2nd time 9:30pm-11pm. Before this, I haven’t been exercise nor take care of myself in 4 yrs, since I first found out I was pregnant with my first child). After that my husband bought me some dumb bells so I can exercise at home, we also have a treadmill at home. So again, no excuse for me to get out of the house nor being away from kids. I feel like it’s pathetic to complain about such selfish things like not having any time to go out or not having enough patience for my own children. However I feel like I’m borderlining depression and I don’t have any friend nor family that I can talk to. I don’t want to Facebook my problems even though I constantly think about it. I’m hope this forum allows me to type away my depression, tiredness and parenting fails.

DadForever Is there really support out there?
  • replies: 1

My son is suffering ADHD & ODD. He expresses anger and aggression, breaks stuff and refuses to seek help. I have access to free help and counselling for him, but his refusal to help himself is really causing both my wife and I severe anxiety and depr... View more

My son is suffering ADHD & ODD. He expresses anger and aggression, breaks stuff and refuses to seek help. I have access to free help and counselling for him, but his refusal to help himself is really causing both my wife and I severe anxiety and depression. I refuse to kick him out and let him go down on his own, but he keeps getting in more trouble. The authorities are useless and I am at my wits end trying to help and unable to deal with the A&D it is causing me. Just putting him in jail will only make things worse for him and will not help his situation.

Min_ I don't know how to change my consistently uneventful and depressing life that I have barely any control over.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm Min. Each day passes by like a blur. I'm a young student, so I spend a considerable amount of time studying. But it's nearing the end of the school holidays and it dawns on me that my days are always the same. I have spent every single school... View more

Hi, I'm Min. Each day passes by like a blur. I'm a young student, so I spend a considerable amount of time studying. But it's nearing the end of the school holidays and it dawns on me that my days are always the same. I have spent every single school break staying at home, wasting time watching movies or reading. I have friends at school, but going to a private, all girls school, all of us have strict parents so none of them are ever available or allowed to hang out. I have trouble sleeping because I haven't used up any energy throughout the day, so I always sleep late and wake up feeling terrible. I look terrible too. My parents don't take me out anywhere and they don't even acknowledge my boredom or depression. I spend too much of my time self-loathing or crying and I'm just so sick of it all. My life is never exhilarating or exciting, and I do the same boring, mundane things over and over again. I'm a teenager and I want to have fun, but I just have nothing to do and nobody to talk to. I feel like the loneliness has completely overcome me.

BrokenB Wife left me and im lost
  • replies: 4

My partner of 12years and wife of 5 has left me. We haven't been great over the last year. I haven't dealt with my issues very well and she also hasn't dealt with hers and we both weren't there for each other. Since the split we are both dealing with... View more

My partner of 12years and wife of 5 has left me. We haven't been great over the last year. I haven't dealt with my issues very well and she also hasn't dealt with hers and we both weren't there for each other. Since the split we are both dealing with our own issues. But i desperately want my marriage to work. But she doesn't. We also have two children 8yr and6yr olds. We are having children 1week each. I am miserable and struggling to keep it together. She has asked for space but i keep contacting her. It consumes every thought. I want to fight for my marriage and feel very lost without my family. Any advice?

Bob Robert Wife is cheating on me again & refuses to admit it until i prove i know
  • replies: 11

Not first time, reoccurring in the 10 years we've been together. It stops when i call her out on it, but until i prove it she is in total denial. She doesn't realize that i know her so well that i can tell. She suffers from depression & anxiety & sev... View more

Not first time, reoccurring in the 10 years we've been together. It stops when i call her out on it, but until i prove it she is in total denial. She doesn't realize that i know her so well that i can tell. She suffers from depression & anxiety & severe body image issues & often goes on chat sites to find other guys to flirt with her & give her the attention that she brushes off from me. Occasionally she finds one that she gets close to. They start to send each other pics (i have photos of the latest naked from behind & shots of her posing naked with strategic covering & so many cleavage shots, none of which were meant for me) & texting at all hours. She's used Skype & KiK, logging off so i can't see what shes up to after catching her before. This time she's just texting him & deleting them. She's seeing a new doctor who has her on antidepressants & a bunch of other things to help all her issues. Yesterday she starts off the day telling me how much she appreciates my help & unwavering support & that she couldn't cope with everything without me... She then made up a story of going to movies & lunch with work friends. She didn't think of our find friends app that shows me her location. She was around where she said she'd be, but in a park half the day, then she turned off her location hoping to not give her away when she later tells me she was shopping up & down the place with the girls from work... 9 hours she was out, on the 1 day of the week we get to spend the whole day together. I had to call her when i hadn't heard from her for hours & location was off. She sounded annoyed. Soon after she called back to say she was leaving. She got home all cheerful & went to the toilet. I checked her phone. There was 3 texts from him. There was also 3 pics of them in the back of his car, kissing. I went to the toilet when she got out, she could see i'd read the texts, she deleted them & the pics & came to check on me, clearly feeling guilty. I played dumb waiting for her to tell me. She keeps asking me how im feeling (I had been depressed for the last 2 days & just told her i wasn't feeling well) & trying to act like nothing had happened, though i guess i was too... The reason she's seeing a new doctor to get healthier is because we want children. How can i have kids with someone who is constantly looking for someone else & is such a mess that they possibly can't function without me looking after her? I don't know what to do & just feel helpless & miserable.

Guest_294 Relationship anxiety 😬
  • replies: 5

Hi all, ok so I have recently entered a relationship with this guy who was previously my best friend. We’re both 18 and have become increasingly closer over the past few months and have now decided to try dating. I am really into him, and I get the s... View more

Hi all, ok so I have recently entered a relationship with this guy who was previously my best friend. We’re both 18 and have become increasingly closer over the past few months and have now decided to try dating. I am really into him, and I get the sense that he is into me as well but there are certain things that are just making me question things a bit. Prior to dating, as best friends, we used to joke about getting married and moving in together and moving overseas and our future together and it was all fun and games. I could tell him absolutely anything without any worry or anxiety. Now, in the relationship, there are two sides. On the one hand, he is amazing and romantic and makes me feel so special and I walk around with the biggest smile on my face when we’re talking. But on the other, he never makes any effort. I always have to plan dates, and push for conversation. He doesn’t hold my hand, or cuddle me or kiss me - I have to initiate those things for him. Tonight he texted asking to meet up as I was near his place for work. I texted 10 minutes later saying I would love to and he responded saying he was home now and pretty tired. I am really upset about that but I’m also worried I’m overreacting. We’ve only been together for 2 weeks after all. Please help!! Now sitting at home wondering if I should be putting as much effort in as I am (but I know when I see him tomorrow all those feelings will dissipate immediately).

Drixiepixie Struggling to cope with going it alone
  • replies: 1

I’m 23, I have two kids, 3 and almost 2. I have been separated about ten months, seeking divorce. I am studying full time and my kids attend daycare. My ex contributes $20 a fornihbt financially and he’s supposed to see his kids twice a week but he c... View more

I’m 23, I have two kids, 3 and almost 2. I have been separated about ten months, seeking divorce. I am studying full time and my kids attend daycare. My ex contributes $20 a fornihbt financially and he’s supposed to see his kids twice a week but he cancels so often it’s more like once a fortnight. Im having feelings of being utterly overwhelmed and out of my depth. My ex was never a father in reality but my aloneness is only dawning on me now. I hold up a brace face and soldier on but every few weeks I have some sort of break down or crying fit. today I had a lot of stuff to do and I took my kids to daycare. Apparently the centre has a policy that if a kid has a fever they can't come to the centre for 24 hours. My daughter ran a mild fever yesterday afternoon (she's fine today). When she got there this morning (I already dropped her off and she was playing with her friends) they cane in and told me that sorry 'jose', as she called her has to go home immediately. She didn't bother to tell me this yesterday.so I had already brought her in. She was bawling and screaming and it took me hours to get her to settle down. Let’s just say I didn’t get my work done. The previous week my son was sick all week (different virus)and couldn’t attend all week. I also pay for the absent days I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m feeling a bit at my wits end. One or both kids are sick every second week. I also struggle with my weight and I work very hard to get it under control but sometimes I’m overly emotional and I just eat and eat. On top of that I try to go to the gym literally every day but something happens almost every time which prevents me from going i have tried to get understanding from family but the general consensus is ‘that’s just life’ and my dad even told me ‘my life is much harder than yours’ Everyone says I’m ‘too sensitive’

dani11 Feeling lost and empty after a break up
  • replies: 3

I was married for 7 years, we have 2 children together & he left me during the 2nd pregnancy for the firat time so he could pursue female friends, going out to clubs, lots of socialising and in general acting like he was a bachelor. After the 2nd was... View more

I was married for 7 years, we have 2 children together & he left me during the 2nd pregnancy for the firat time so he could pursue female friends, going out to clubs, lots of socialising and in general acting like he was a bachelor. After the 2nd was born he had moved out and was renting his own place but we had continued an on/off relationship for the last 2 years in my pathetic desperate attempt to keep our faimly together. In these last 2 years we have had some very good times but many bad times, lots of fighting and he had always refused to go public with us being back together and refused to come home to live with us. Just recently he has told me we are finished for good. He doesnt want to prolong the pain of being together. He has no feeling for me anymore... And I am left guttered and raw. I wish I could forced myself to move on, I should have moved on 2 years ago but im too pathetic to do so. Im made to feel im a narcist and I pushed him away. I dont know what to believe. I just want to cut him out of my brain and heart so I can stop thinking of him and hurting over him. This has seriously affected our kids. He doesnt see the little one at he moment cos I cant bare to be around him, see him or talk to him. I know its horrible to keel kids from a parent but its the only way I know how to cope. I just cant be near him. I feel like im loosing my mind. All the shit we have been through is hard enough and now a nasty finalised break up feels like its killing me. All ive wanted was to feel loved, wanted, to not be alone & to have a partner to have kids with & grow old with but ive failed Why was I not good enough and how do I let go????? I have NO social network, no friends only a handful of family who are sick of hearing my woes. I just feel useless.

tnb2910 Child Support my ex plans on giving it straight to our 16yo daughter so she won't spend time with me.
  • replies: 2

My ex recently and fairly put in a claim to CSA as he has about 90% care of our 16yo (she spends time with me but rarely stays over) he told me he didn't want the money he wanted me to spend more time with her we also have a 19 yo that lives with me ... View more

My ex recently and fairly put in a claim to CSA as he has about 90% care of our 16yo (she spends time with me but rarely stays over) he told me he didn't want the money he wanted me to spend more time with her we also have a 19 yo that lives with me 100% unfortunately she doesn't come under child support even though she is still studying full time. I have no problem supporting both our daughters and have been paying for the 16yo tennis lessons, mobile phone and had agreed to pay 50% of her school camp he rarely helps our out 19yo financially since she turned 18 last year. He has since gone and got our 16yo a new phone and left me with a contract cancellation fee of $1000.00. I received a letter from CSA on Friday (2 months after the initial claim) saying that he has asked them to collect payments and both my daughters have told me he is going to give it straight to the 16 yo so he is now rewarding her for not spending time with me she also has a part time job and is earning about $100 a week. At no time prior to contacting child support did he contact me and ask for the money or give me his bank account details so I could pay him directly. The thing that annoys me most about all of this is that it is like our 19yo doesn't exist he just doesn't care that I wont be able to provide for her and his income is nearly triple mine (120k to 45K), I barely have $100 a fortnight left after I pay mine and our other daughters living expenses. He also has a new wife who's income would be similar to mine (I know this isn't considered by child support and rightly so but just pointing out that he has a lot more disposable income than I do) I am single and now plan on staying that way for the time being. The thing about all of this is if our 16yo spent 1 night a week with me I wouldn't have to pay him anything, she moved in with him because she didn't like the guy I was dating. I am planning on sending him an email stating that as I am now paying child support I can no longer afford to pay for our daughters tennis lessons or 50% of the school camp. I will be telling my 16yo old all of this first. Any ideas on how to word the letter to my ex would be appreciated as he is likely to pull it apart and twist everything I say to our daughters (the reason I'll be explaining all this to her before sending the email) and make me look like the bad guy because I won't pay for things even though I'll be paying child support.