Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mumma_44 Empty Nester sad and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi. I never thought enough how to cope when this day would come. I envisaged a staggered, slower leaving of our 3 kids, but one way or another they all left around the same time. So adjustment has been difficult. Hubby has his own issues and seems ve... View more

Hi. I never thought enough how to cope when this day would come. I envisaged a staggered, slower leaving of our 3 kids, but one way or another they all left around the same time. So adjustment has been difficult. Hubby has his own issues and seems very wrapped up in himself, and bad habits. I am battling loneliness, lack of motivation and a sense of purpose. Most of my friends left Sydney. Even those here are often busy and unavailable. After 8 months I am so sad and lonely, and still not ready to admit being depressed, though I probably am.

jet24 Partner having relationship doubts, triggering my depression
  • replies: 5

My partner and I have been dating for about a year and 9 months, and we've been in a committed serious relationship for a bit over a year. Everything, for the most part, has been so wonderful up until about a month ago. From the beginning, he has bee... View more

My partner and I have been dating for about a year and 9 months, and we've been in a committed serious relationship for a bit over a year. Everything, for the most part, has been so wonderful up until about a month ago. From the beginning, he has been my rock, one of my best friends, and we've been so open and honest. At the same time, we both focus on our careers, friends and families. It's everything I've dreamed of. We don't live together, but were planning to move in in mid 2019. About a month ago, he switched jobs and I went through a wave of depression issues unrelated to our relationship (which I got help for and recovered from within 1-2 weeks.) Nothing was really the same after that. We developed intimacy issues (both emotional and physical), which was very strange for us. When I talked to him about it, he told me he was having doubts about us and whether or not we were meant to be. He told me he loved me; he hasn't sure why he was feeling like this and up until recently he had felt very happy. I stayed calm; I told him doubts are normal and every relationship experiences them. I told him we needed to reignite a spark, put in effort, and we'd see it through. Since then, I have put in a wave of effort, and he has reciprocated to a minimal extent. I planned a beautiful anniversary dinner for us (we had an amazing time), I wrote him a letter, I've initiated intimate moments, and at times everything has seemed like it'd be okay but then all of a sudden he retreats. This past weekend, we enjoyed a great night out with friends but when we woke up, he told me he has tried to get past his doubts about us but can't. He also can't pinpoint them; he feels that he loves me very much and doesn't know why he's feeling the way he is. He said he thinks it might be unfixable and maybe we should break up. After becoming really upset, I told him that this constant back and forth has been exhausting, and I need us to commit and move forward together. He didn't know how to respond. I've been battling waves of depression while this has been going on. After he mentioned breaking up, I haven't been able to eat or sleep much. I don't know why a relationship that was so built on love and trust and respect now feels like it's fleeting. And I don't understand why he's feeling the way he is; I still see so much love in him and we still have so much fun together. I'm not sure what to do to get my life back on track. I was so happy a month ago and now I am feeling so hopeless.

mamaof2girls Not enjoying being a second time mum
  • replies: 2

I have now a 3.5yr old and a 9week old baby.. at the moment I am hating motherhood.. things have been fine however I am absolutely hating the lack of freedom with a new baby.. I was so used to having an older child that I could take anywhere anytime.... View more

I have now a 3.5yr old and a 9week old baby.. at the moment I am hating motherhood.. things have been fine however I am absolutely hating the lack of freedom with a new baby.. I was so used to having an older child that I could take anywhere anytime.. but now.. the thought of taking the little one out gives me anxiety. Not only does she scream as soon as she’s put into the car, I’m so terrified of mucking up her routine that I just don’t and haven’t been anywhere except at home. What is wrong with me? Why do I hate being a mother? I know this will end and she’ll grow up and it’ll be all different again but at the moment I just can’t enjoy my girls or my family nor myself.. I’m not my happy self and I’m really disliking how I’m feeling.

invisible_girl1 No friends, no boyfriend, no social life...what am i doing wrong?
  • replies: 15

Hi all, So i'm the type of person who is quite shy when meeting new people and i find this make people loose interest in me quickly. I don't have any friends from childhood because coming from an airforce family i was at a different school every two ... View more

Hi all, So i'm the type of person who is quite shy when meeting new people and i find this make people loose interest in me quickly. I don't have any friends from childhood because coming from an airforce family i was at a different school every two years. I also seem to think differently from most people, so im not interested in most social fads (twitter, instagram etc, ), i have a completely different sense of humour from most people and i hate public events and crowds. as it stands im 28 have no friends, rarely had a boyfriend and i can't figure out how to change this. its not like im not trying. I'm part of a trivia team and a dragon boat team, i walk around sydney most weekends with a walking group but all i ever seem to make are acquaintences. I try my best to make friendships but i often find myself with no one to hang out with or feeling alone in a crowd. I'm not the kind of person people invite to an event or the kind of person people contact on a rainy sunday to hang out with. No one seems to care if i'm ok. I feel completely invisible and i don't know what im doing wrong. As a result i feel painfully lonely most of the time and i spend a lot of evening crying and feeling nothing but self pity and self loathing. i know my problems are small compared to some thing other people on here are dealing with, and i hate to make a fuss, but i was hoping i could get some advice?

Lmf Alcoholic partner
  • replies: 3

Im 23, 30yo long term partner of 5/6yrs, we have a 2yo together. Over the years IV notice his alcoholic tendencies have worsen. Everyday now. I have spoke multiple times about it, we have communication issues because his always drunk, not drunk enoug... View more

Im 23, 30yo long term partner of 5/6yrs, we have a 2yo together. Over the years IV notice his alcoholic tendencies have worsen. Everyday now. I have spoke multiple times about it, we have communication issues because his always drunk, not drunk enough(for himself so is shitty) or asleep/hungover. When we do eventually get to talk it's not understood at the time because being effected by alcohol or hanging for a drink so can't concentrate, I think. Then i end up bottling everything up & exploding looking like the bad person because apparently there is nothing for me to worried/angry about. 1. I am of indigenous decent & have seen what alcohol does to people . 2. I'm trying to stop this cycle for the next gen. 3. I didn't grow up in an alcoholic household (but partner did) so why should our son? 4. Its starting to take a toll on other areas in our relationship. 5. My son is starting to catch onto him being drunk, smelling of alcohol, always sleeping (weekends, since he works full time). Yes this sounds petty & he hasn't always been like this .. it just happened over time. I had a real tough pregnacy physically/mentally, not having any support etc feel into a really deep depression, I started drinking, nearly everyday, not getting legless but getting abit more then tipsy but not drunk/blotto. This year IV stopped, I was never a drinker (had my first drink at 18) the time I was drinking I realised he'd influence me & when stuff did get abit crazy it would some how always be placed on me? He had to .. it's hard to explain.. in a way someone to use as the blame of the bad situation that was started because of miss communication fuelled by alcohol. So I stopped thinking it was me, I couldn't handle my alcohol etc over the last near year IV realised he would pick at me regardless of me drinking or not, conversations would be hard because his talking over me/cutting in, speaking from a drunk mind, or completely diss what my opinion was or whatever. The typical drunk convo when your sober talking to a drunk person.. yes not everything is bad but this is where the alcoholism comes in. They're is times we'd have amazing convos plan stuff etc but never happenes because his either hungover the next day/forgets what has been said or follows thru with family plans or whatever it may be but is drunk or atleast has to have one drink. Yes his a hard worker, supports us amazing financialy but every single night does the nights have to end in disagreement, dissatisfaction

Aida_K Pregnant and stressed
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Expecting my 1st baby in feb 2019. Me and my partner are so excited and so is my whole family. But I just feel sometimes im so confused about my husband. We have been together for 4 years and we haven’t been very intimate. We have have had sex maybe ... View more

Expecting my 1st baby in feb 2019. Me and my partner are so excited and so is my whole family. But I just feel sometimes im so confused about my husband. We have been together for 4 years and we haven’t been very intimate. We have have had sex maybe 3 times only. And the rest was only when I was ovulating because he wanted a baby so badly. All we have is just intercourse. No foreplay, no pashing. He never pashes me. Just gives me cheek to cheek kisses and forehead kisses. He seems to get very angry at me as well when I don’t do things the way he wants. He always hits me so badly when we argue, I get bruises all over my body. And after that he wouldn’t be sorry and just says I made him do it. Currently he is not talking to me for 1 week now because I didn’t eat whatever he told me to. How can he be so cruel when I’m pregnant and laying on bed at night and crying to myself? Doesn’t he know I need his support the most? i always have a feeling he must be having an affair as I have caught him many times talking about girls to his friends. He follows so many random girls on Instagram as well. However, he never leaves me on weekends. Comes home straight form work, doesn’t groom properly. Other than all this hes good most of the times as we have travelled soo much and we still do. He takes me on holidays and spoils me….i just don’t know what to do.his behaviour confuses me.. Im craving for so much love attention and intimacy right now. Im just 25 and my life has already been destroyed. someone plz help me

Bec28 Heartbreaking break up
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on Monday via text msg because his feelings weren’t progressing to love. I’m utterly heartbroken & I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him & miss him & I just need help

My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me on Monday via text msg because his feelings weren’t progressing to love. I’m utterly heartbroken & I don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him & miss him & I just need help

noraenorvas Need Help - Destroying friendships and family relationships
  • replies: 3

Hello. First post. Reaching out because there's something happening that I can't control. I've had childhood trauma, and more recently a shocking divorce after 10 years last September. It took its toll on me mentally and I've been struggling with anx... View more

Hello. First post. Reaching out because there's something happening that I can't control. I've had childhood trauma, and more recently a shocking divorce after 10 years last September. It took its toll on me mentally and I've been struggling with anxiety/depression. Moreso the anxiety. It's been a year and I am deliberately lashing out and being difficult towards friends and family. I find myself being tactless and rigid and mean so that it causes conflict and strain. When I realise it is happening, I don't stop it. I have an anger/sadness inside me that wants to end my relationships with friends and family. It's not just anyone, it's people I have resentments for or perhaps unresolved issues. It's like I'm sick of trying and I just want to destroy it all and cut out the issues. I'm not abusive, or anything, it's just verbal conflict. Instead of resolving things, I just charge and dismiss. I feel an anger start to fuel up inside me and it just wants to push everyone away, so I become arrogant and use accusatory language. Having a mix of anxiety, depression, anger and sadness is new to me. I'm just sick of everyone's shit, honestly. I need peace. I'm self aware enough to know that that peace will come from the inside, not the outside. I guess I just wanted to talk about it and get some advice that this is (somewhat) normal or common and that I can fix it.

Imogen000 Help me stop repeating the story over and over in my head.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am in a blended family situation. I am the second wife and we have a baby together. We are financially stuggelling and have been for a few years now and it's getting worse. My partner did a binding child support agreement with his ex that is wa... View more

Hi, I am in a blended family situation. I am the second wife and we have a baby together. We are financially stuggelling and have been for a few years now and it's getting worse. My partner did a binding child support agreement with his ex that is way to generous and now the kids are in high school he pays half of that too as part of the agreement. One household is very well of with overseas trips every year, top schools go out for dinner 4 nights a week, holiday house etc and we are up to our eyeballs in bills. The kids hardly see us and when they do they expect the same lifestyle of going out for dinner with Dad as they have with Mum. My husband will never tell them we cant afford it. We cant get any help with family tax benefit A or B as my Husband earns too much and it does not take into consideration that so much goes to the other household. Look there are a lot of issues that upset me about our blended situations and repeating them here is probably not the answe,r it is just repeating what is ruining my days every day. Going over the story in my head. Going over the situation in my mind on repeat. I look like I'm watching tv but I'm not, I'm going over the story in my head. I need serious help to stop this, its ruining the beautiful time I should be having with my daughter and effecting my relationship. Some help and insight appreciated.

Possum_Magic Daughter hates me.
  • replies: 3

My husband died of cancer, after four years of battling, when my daughter was fourteen years old. She was numb and blank- faced during the ordeal and our marriage even failed at the end, as he lost hope and became surly and rejecting. She wouldnt tal... View more

My husband died of cancer, after four years of battling, when my daughter was fourteen years old. She was numb and blank- faced during the ordeal and our marriage even failed at the end, as he lost hope and became surly and rejecting. She wouldnt talk to anyone, even our psychiatrist for families of the terminally ill. She was always loved and cherished but spun out of control, rejecting us all and going from relationship to relationship, drugs and losing custody of her own child. I love her dearly but she blocks me on her phone, Facebook and emails. Once she was almost-friendly - for two weeks around her birthday. She’s sold everything given to her (for ice, I suspect. I think she wishes it was me who died instead of her dad, which I understand, but you can’t control those things.She calls me toxic and negative, I think for countering her threats when they became illegal. The violence was incredible. In hindsight, I think those texts were drug-induced. I keep her in my prayers and my door is always open to her, but she totally blames me and won’t talk to me on any level. On the other hand, some of my friends think I must have been a neglectful parent. I know I need to let her go, but she’s my daughter. I can’t block her from my life for I’m afraid a day might come when she needs to contact me. I’m not upset on the surface. I’ve worked hard to rebuild my life, but deep down, I miss her.