Relationship and family issues

Long distance relationship lonliness

replies: 6

Hi, My hubby, best friend and soul mate had to move for his job and I was unable to go due to the care of my 2 children and their father refusing to allow me to take them. My hubby and I have been together for so long, not all smooth sailing but we g... View more

Hi, My hubby, best friend and soul mate had to move for his job and I was unable to go due to the care of my 2 children and their father refusing to allow me to take them. My hubby and I have been together for so long, not all smooth sailing but we got there and now he has gone, although we are still together it feels like I am alone, we are unable to speak every day, I can't reach out and get a hug if I need it and I feel so lonely and isolated and have no friends or family close by, I live in a country town that's isolated and just don't know what to do.

I'm so disappointed in my mum

replies: 7

Yesterday I sat down with my mum to try and explain why I've declined to go to the next family birthday do. For the first time I outlined what it has meant for me to have anxiety, like actually what it means in day to day life. I then talked about th... View more

Yesterday I sat down with my mum to try and explain why I've declined to go to the next family birthday do. For the first time I outlined what it has meant for me to have anxiety, like actually what it means in day to day life. I then talked about the family group dynamics and what I see going on and why I get so anxious. By the end she was only humouring me. At times she stated/threatened that I have to be careful as there are "consequences", also mentioned that I'll loose my relationships. She was quite upfront about it. Then at the end she launched into this whole spiel about how life gets easier as the kids get older and I need to make sure I don't prolong the difficulty with decisions now. I need to get out and make friends; queue advise on how to do that... totally ignoring what I had explained about anxiety. She told me that the difficulties I have with the dynamics can only be changed by me (read between the lines, it's my fault). She told me to use disassociation as a coping mechanism to ignore the meanness and manipulation. And yes, she should actually know what disassociation is. She learnt nothing about me. I secretly recorded it so my husband and I could listen to it, and together we were able to identify the maniplutaions, gaslighting etc. She talked about how she and Dad would watch me get bullied as a kid and they did nothing because "what can you do?"... leave, you can take your child and leave. You can teach your child what is happening and how to stand up for themself... unless of course you don't want them to use those skills to stand up to you. I feel so exhausted and overwhelmingly sad today. I've held out hope that it's just my dad that is the bully in the family, but yesterday my mum proved she is right in there with him.

Steps to leave Narcissistic Family?

replies: 2

Im male, was raised co-dependant and the scapegoat of a narcissistic family. They are effecting my life and health. I have nobody for support as i just attracted more narcissists which ive slowly cut off. Its now down to an ex gf who calls and my fam... View more

Im male, was raised co-dependant and the scapegoat of a narcissistic family. They are effecting my life and health. I have nobody for support as i just attracted more narcissists which ive slowly cut off. Its now down to an ex gf who calls and my family. Im on the dole, i have 2 dogs so it seems hard to find anything suitable. I dont trust people to live with. I've never moved out on my own accord, so i dont even know how to do it all. There has been stalking intimidation but its stopped for now. I can only guess it will start again when i leave. Is there a way for me to leave my narcissistic family? What steps should i take?

Advice for dealing with toxic Mum who hates my partner?

replies: 3

Hi, all. My partner and I have been living together at my Mum's place for about a year now and recently things have taken a turn for the worst. My mum recently remarried and offered up the spare room to her husband's daughter, which would have been f... View more

Hi, all. My partner and I have been living together at my Mum's place for about a year now and recently things have taken a turn for the worst. My mum recently remarried and offered up the spare room to her husband's daughter, which would have been fine if his daughter didn't like to throw parties at random times. We had about an hour of warning before she brought her friends over, with a toddler stamping its feet loudly upstairs and serving to negate what sleep we could have gotten that night. My partner and I have the lower floor of the house, and while the party wasn't extremely boisterous, it was still very difficult to get to sleep knowing that they could have come downstairs and taken our stuff without our knowledge. It was hellish trying to get to sleep that night. Mum thought I needed to be more tolerant of the daughter, who lied through text that she was going to quiet things down but it was extremely unfair that we were denied sleep because of her. I've tried to get her to see my side of things but my Mum just completely refuses to listen. She believes that because I want to do different things with my partner instead of her, that my partner is the problem. She's belitted my partner, talked behind her back, chastised her and hasn't accepted her as a family member at all. I'm beginning to suspect my mum is emotionally abusive to me. I know that the internet has droves of unhelpful information, but from what I read it seems like my experience lines up with what the article I read classifies as symptoms of emotional abuse. Instances like not taking my emotions seriously, saying that I embarrass her, talking down to me subtly in public and trying to guilt-trip me emotionally have lead me to believe that she could be doing this without realizing. Regardless of her intentions, I honestly can't take this fight between her and my partner anymore and I can't handle her talking down to my partner. Thank you for reading. Any advice on how to keep my Mum at arm's length until my partner and I land our own place would be very much appreciated. We are going up to my partner's parents' to get away from this for a while.

Emotional blackmail from parents

replies: 2

Hey everyone, my second post here! A quick intro: I'm 17, mum and dad are separated and have been for many years. Dad is getting remarried to mum's previous best friend. This is very severely affecting mum. This woman (I'll call her S, she lives in N... View more

Hey everyone, my second post here! A quick intro: I'm 17, mum and dad are separated and have been for many years. Dad is getting remarried to mum's previous best friend. This is very severely affecting mum. This woman (I'll call her S, she lives in NSW and we are in QLD) clearly doesn't like me and I don't like her. I don't like her bratty daughter either, but her son is one of my best friends, though he has actually cut and run from the whole family at the age of 16 so I may never see him again. I have to be a bridesmaid along with the daughter for S which is something deeply against my morals and it is really upsetting my mum that I'm going through with this - so why do it, you might ask? I guess loyalty. I am so loyal to my parents that I have been doing everything in my power to keep them both happy for 10 years, even when they have conflicting views. I love my mum and dad so deeply that I will feel physically sick if I disappoint them. I am exhausted as I haven't had the chance to put myself first for a long time. (My parents are amazing people but this just outlines what goes on.) There lies the issue - dad is starting to take advantage of this. He is on good pay and will buy me things, then use that against me later. E.g. "I make sure you have the best (idk, something) at all times so how could you say this?". And he will do this for S too. "She bought you all these clothes and you're being so rude to her!!" - But he has no idea the amount of deep hatred I have for her and her motives. I know so much about her and I know she doesn't love my dad. But I could never say anything without dad immediately becoming defensive. (I feel like giving up on typing this because it's so hard to write everything down, there's so much more). I live with dad almost full time but I feel trapped here. He says the worst things about my mum but I defend her always. He is very childish sometimes and gets defensive extremely easily. I am slowly learning to hold my own in an argument because he can be manipulative. Mum is begging me to live with her for half the time but I don't even know how to approach dad about it. Then she too will emotionally blackmail me but in a different, passive aggressive way that makes me feel even worse, e.g. "Don't even worry about the dog. I'll just look after her." But mum knows me better than anyone and she is always there for me. She is struggling with money and mental health. How do I keep them both happy? I don't know.

Friend acceptance

replies: 3

Hi I want to get some advice on what to do about a particular friend of mine that I am not sure if I am wasting my time. I’ve know this person about 2 years when I lived with her and I always find that I dnt ever know where I stand with her if she li... View more

Hi I want to get some advice on what to do about a particular friend of mine that I am not sure if I am wasting my time. I’ve know this person about 2 years when I lived with her and I always find that I dnt ever know where I stand with her if she likes me or not because her personality is quite dominate compared to mine which is more passive. Throughout my time living with her I always found it hard to open up cause I felt like she might judge me and because I am insecure about myself sometimes I would close myself off.Last year I decided to move back home to my parents so that I could save a bit before moving in with my boyfriend. I’d thought we would catch up like we use to but we seem to not have but I’ve noticed that she keeps going out with our other roommate who has also moved out and doesn’t included me I’ve tried to tell her next time they catch up to include me but never made the effort and recently at her 30th we took some nice photos up but she purposely I feel left me out when she posted them on Facebook. Am I being paranoid or should I ask her straight out what the problem is and maybe tell her how I feel?

Making the right decision

replies: 4

I need help and advise from people who will not judge me and make me feel even craper. I have been with my partner for 24 years, married 17 years and have 3 kids. Life has got busy and over the past 5 years I have felt a something missing in my marri... View more

I need help and advise from people who will not judge me and make me feel even craper. I have been with my partner for 24 years, married 17 years and have 3 kids. Life has got busy and over the past 5 years I have felt a something missing in my marriage. I tried talking to my husband about it many of times but he never fully got it. He stopped noticing me, making me feel special, I started doing things without him, even changed works thinking it was my job making me sad. He is a loving husband and father but I want more now. I started to stay back at work more because I didn’t really look forward to going home. This is where things get grey. I started to get to know a guy 22 years older. We clicked and talked and talked each day. Our friendship grew and we enjoyed each other’s company. He I guess was my emotional support when I wasn’t getting it from hubby. I have got into such a addiction to text him, see him I have formed feeling for this guy which I am ashamed off and I admitted to my husband I had feeling for him and he said he already knew. We have tried marriage counselling, I have been having single counselling too. I moved out in end of last year thinking I need time out but in fact gave me more time to see the other guy. I feel so guilty but can’t help my feelings. I have moved back home hoping things will get better and hubby is trying so hard to fight for me and I know he loves me so much. If he found out about the lying he will end the marriage and I don’t want to break his heart. I am struggling so much in the head because my head is saying to stay because he is a good man and my life would be comfortable.... if I leave him I risk my family wiping me because they are disgusted I even have feeling for someone else let alone a guy 22 years old. Stay would mean still heart attach . Go means broken marriage, upsetting kids,losing family and friends, town bullshit. But atm the I struggling with my husband touching me as I feel so guilty and I am scared things will go back to what it was before.... not exciting. I am miserable everyday because I don’t know what to do and how to feel. If anyone has been in this situation please honestly tell me what to do. I appreciate anyone help right now because I am just living and barely functioning normally. Just want to be happy again . Thanks for your time.

Changes causing withdrawal

replies: 2

Hi, over the last 1 1/2 years things have been taking a backwards step for my relationship with my wife. There are two major issues that are causing problems but the one I need the most help with I think most will find unusual and would wounder why I... View more

Hi, over the last 1 1/2 years things have been taking a backwards step for my relationship with my wife. There are two major issues that are causing problems but the one I need the most help with I think most will find unusual and would wounder why I would feel this way. My wife has always been a slightly bigger girl, we have been together for 10 years now. When we first met I thought she was amazing and loved her and her body even if she was a little bigger. Over the years she did put on extra weight due to having kids but I never once worried about it. 2 years ago she started to make changes to lose weight which I thought was great however it was to slower process for her. She decided she wanted surgery to speed up the weight loss, at this point when ever I brought up the fact I didn’t want her to lose to much she continued to ignore me and said it wouldn’t cause any issues to us. One year later I’m lying here absolutely misriable, she has now lost almost 20kgs more than when we first meet. For her it’s amazing but for me I feel like I have lost her and have been feeling withdrawn sexually and emotionally from her. She hates me that I feel this way and continually post photos to Facebook looking for attention from people and it’s making me feel even worse now. i should be happy but I’m really struggling and now she’s talking about separating so she can have happiness and have some to touch her and realise how sexy she is. What’s wrong with me! thanks in advance

Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.

replies: 1

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve b... View more

Hi all, this is my first time posting here so please be kind. My partner & I have been through some very tough times the last year or two, his mental health and my own mental health have declined a lot. We live together with two daughters, and I’ve been thinking more & more lately that I want to leave. I suffer extreme anxiety as well as psychosis but this is managed ok with medication. I am so so scared & anxious about leaving, I’m scared of breaking out of my comfort zone & scared about the whole thing to the point where I’ve worked myself up into an absolute state. I don’t want to stay here for the rest of my life but I feel like he will take the news so badly & he won’t cope well at all. This is just eating me alive, pretending all is ok when inside it’s not & I want to run away I can’t eat much, sleep or have any happiness. I just haven’t left as it seems such a big hurdle, especially with all the catastrophizing I do. I just need someone to talk to and perhaps just some kind words or advice. Thank you for reading.

Both people in relationship with mental illness

replies: 12

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we go... View more

Hello, Some background, my SO and I have been together for almost 2 years but we were friends long before this. I have (high functioning) autism and depression, she has generalised anxiety disorder, but we both knew about and accepted it before we got together. For many reasons we don't live together but we will move in and get married eventually. For both of us it is our first serious relationship. I have a stressful and unstimulating 9-5 office job which I am trying to quit, and my SO works in hospitality, normally the 6-12 shift. As well as this her passion is running. She spends hours and hours training, and often volunteers as a running/fitness coach for friends, family, members of her running group's kids....etc etc. Running is her passion but before any marathon or race of any kind, she goes into this anxiety where she doesn't talk to me about it. Sometimes it lasts for weeks leading up to it, but she never shares any of it with me, she just sort of disconnects from me and all I can do is watch her suffer in silence and wait for it to end. A marathon is coming up and she's back at the silent anxiety again. My company has an awful management team and my work is getting more and more stressful, which has pushed my normally mild depression into overdrive. I'm struggling to hold on while I look for new work, but my girlfriend who's my rock is so distant right now. I grew up well into my 20s with a totally controlling and overbearing mother and my natural instinct is to push people away the moment I feel rejected/neglected. I love my girlfriend so much but I can't handle this at the moment. Has anyone else been through something similar? Oldie

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Long distance relationship lonliness

replies: 6

I'm so disappointed in my mum

replies: 7

Steps to leave Narcissistic Family?

replies: 2

Advice for dealing with toxic Mum who hates my partner?

replies: 3

Emotional blackmail from parents

replies: 2

Friend acceptance

replies: 3

Making the right decision

replies: 4

Changes causing withdrawal

replies: 2

Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.

replies: 1

Both people in relationship with mental illness

replies: 12

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Long distance relationship lonliness replies: 6

I'm so disappointed in my mum replies: 7

Steps to leave Narcissistic Family? replies: 2

Advice for dealing with toxic Mum who hates my partner? replies: 3

Emotional blackmail from parents replies: 2

Friend acceptance replies: 3

Making the right decision replies: 4

Changes causing withdrawal replies: 2

Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk. replies: 1

Both people in relationship with mental illness replies: 12

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Long distance relationship lonliness

replies: 6

I'm so disappointed in my mum

replies: 7

Steps to leave Narcissistic Family?

replies: 2

Advice for dealing with toxic Mum who hates my partner?

replies: 3

Emotional blackmail from parents

replies: 2

Friend acceptance

replies: 3

Making the right decision

replies: 4

Changes causing withdrawal

replies: 2

Unhappy relationship, stressed, anxious. Need to talk.

replies: 1

Both people in relationship with mental illness

replies: 12