Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jimmy16 Long Term Relationship Ending, Seeking Help
  • replies: 5

Hi, This is the first time i have posted on here and the first time i have really ever shared anything with anyone other than my partner. I am early 30's & have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for just over 6 years (lived together... View more

Hi, This is the first time i have posted on here and the first time i have really ever shared anything with anyone other than my partner. I am early 30's & have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for just over 6 years (lived together for 5). The time together has been better than average, hardly any fighting & we always talk about how we feel. She recently moved about 4 hours away from were we live to further her career. She has always been very career orientated so i fully understood why she had to leave.Things were good for the first few months, i would visit her on weekends and she would visit me. I have always put everything i have into making our relationship work and because she has moved and started a new job in a new place it's hard for her to reciprocate this effort. I started to put things in place to move down to her and find a new job to make it easier on us both. Then she told me the relationship was not working and she didn't want to be with me anymore because she feels it's unfair to me and her career is the most important thing at the moment. We are best friends and have decided to end it in a couple of months to work through things together and remain friends, plus our families our very close and think we would be together for ever. it has been about a month since we decided to call it off and lately i have been really struggling to deal with it all, in my mind there was no doubt she was the one i wanted to be with forever & i thought she felt the same. I fully trust her but i have been cheated on in the past and my mind keeps reverting to her being unfaithful, she is renting a room off a guy in his 30's who owns the house she is living in. When i have been down to visit her we stay in other accommodation because she says she feels uncomfortable and awkward to bring another guy to her place of rent when the other guy that lives there actually owns the house and sort of makes all the rules. This particular situation does not sit with me very well and i feel as though she's hiding me or something from me. She assures me this is not the case and she is 100% the most trust worthy person i know i just cant get this out of my head. This is just one example of how my mind spirals out of control and i constantly feel there must be more to this than she is telling me. She is a really kind, caring person and i don't want to lose her but i know i have to let her go. I have no idea where to go from here and just really need some help

Ironman Separation and depression
  • replies: 5

Good evening, my first post please bear with me. I have been married to a wonderful lady for 20 years. She unfortunately suffers with depression. For the last 5 years our marriage has also survived alcohol abuse/health issues. Our marriage has surviv... View more

Good evening, my first post please bear with me. I have been married to a wonderful lady for 20 years. She unfortunately suffers with depression. For the last 5 years our marriage has also survived alcohol abuse/health issues. Our marriage has survived and I felt the last 12 months (being sober) has been the most wonderful year of our marriage. We have 3 beautiful children and enjoy a very lucky life. There you have the context. there have been rocky times as my wife has suffered including one brief separation 10 years ago. We often go through stages where she will be suffering for weeks/months and close down to me but eventually ask me to hold her and we move on.I also suffer from childhood abuse, we have always supported each other, she has ‘healed’ me ‘ and I would support her through anything. I know she has been suffering badly recently including increased meds. she recently went overseas with my daughter and prior to going confided that she didn’t want to go as I wasn’t there and she would miss me. The first message from OS included the usual love iou and miss you but gradually the tone subdued. When she got home her mood has been distant for the last month and I assumed it was the usual pattern and eventually I would be able to pick her up again. monday morning was different as she advised me that she has not loved me for 10 years and I was to leave, within hours I had a settlement request from her lawyer. She has always has episodes of you don’t make me happy any more but after 24/48 hours floods of tears and apologies for her state of mind. This is a relationship that has continued to show affection and caring for each enough. I was bought an expensive anniversary present 6 weeks ago with a card outlining never ending love. We were also due to travel together next week which she was looking forward to us getting away. I am confused and devastated as are our children. I would do anything for my wife who is the kindest most beautiful human I have met. The past week however she has been so cold and hurtful I just don’t know who she is ( including calling my best friend to tell him how happy she is now) After all these years I thought I had been through every one of her emotions but this seems final. If this actually gave her peace and happiness I would gladly let her, thaat’s What you do to partners you love. Simple question , is this an unusual case and if I I assume my marriage is over what can I do that is best for her.

T67 My friend told others about my mental health problems
  • replies: 6

So I have recently started to see someone about my mild depression and anxiety. I spoke to a close friend who I thought would understand as she also has mental health issues . I found out today that she has told 3 other friends without my consent. Th... View more

So I have recently started to see someone about my mild depression and anxiety. I spoke to a close friend who I thought would understand as she also has mental health issues . I found out today that she has told 3 other friends without my consent. This is all new to me and I'm not ready to tell everyone. I feel sick . What do I do here ?

Chillimax Need advice
  • replies: 2

A bit of a long story. About 8 weeks ago my sons partner rang to say that my son has a substance abuse issue that has been going on for two years. He was extremely upset and wanted to let us know what was going on. As they live in another city, my hu... View more

A bit of a long story. About 8 weeks ago my sons partner rang to say that my son has a substance abuse issue that has been going on for two years. He was extremely upset and wanted to let us know what was going on. As they live in another city, my husband and I flew down immediately to see the situation for ourselves. As there relationship has not been good for awhile, which our son has kept us informed of, and his partner is not the most reliable source of info, we thought it best to see for ourselves. After numerous phone calls from our sons partner, worried our son would find out he had told us about our sons supposed drug issues, we arrived at our destination. Our sons partner was going to pick us up at the airport but last minute change to plans meant he couldn’t. Still received texts from him worried the info would get back to our son. I assured him I would tell our son it was a surprise visit and we would not let on. After spending four days with our son, who holds a full time demanding job, and has just had a promotion, he also teaches gym classes four times a week, and has a personal trainer, he looks well, sounds great, keeps eye contact, has no mood swings, etc. we find it difficult to see that he has a problem without asking him outright. On our last night we had dinner with our son and his partner. His partner at no stage tried to take us aside and speak to us and we have not heard a word from him since the original calls. We decided not to tell our son as we didn’t want him to feel any pressure from us, and we didn’t want to cause any more problems with his relationship. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and am feeling the pressure of a twofold problem. I feel terrible lying to our son. Should we tell him the truth about what his partner has said? And should we ask him if he has any issues? I have tried not to bury my head in the sand and look for all the usual signs of trouble with susbtance abuse. My sister has also seen our son twice since and says he seems fine. She has at times worked in an industry that deals with people who have substance abuse problems. Not sure what to do.

Freddo45 Lost and alone
  • replies: 3

I don't want to go into too much detail but basically my marriage has hit a very rocky patch, I've done some things I'm not proud of and my wife says she wants a divorce. I'm from overseas so don't have family here. Plus my social life has pretty muc... View more

I don't want to go into too much detail but basically my marriage has hit a very rocky patch, I've done some things I'm not proud of and my wife says she wants a divorce. I'm from overseas so don't have family here. Plus my social life has pretty much revolved around my wife and her family so I don't really have friends here to turn to. It's Friday evening and I feel I'm gazing at a blank weekend which will be filled with either sitting on the bed in our spare room or going for walks with only self recrimination and misery for company. Does anyone have any suggestions for ways to get through this?

Player1 Partner with depression has left me
  • replies: 4

Hi, My partner (ex), lost her Mum to a rare illness close to 2 years ago now. She's the type to just bottle all feelings up and not deal with it. Eventually as the months past, I noticed her hiding it. She always felt vulnerable around me and hated i... View more

Hi, My partner (ex), lost her Mum to a rare illness close to 2 years ago now. She's the type to just bottle all feelings up and not deal with it. Eventually as the months past, I noticed her hiding it. She always felt vulnerable around me and hated it because she could tell me anything and would. This April was her mums birthday and it really hit her harder than ever. I have never seen her in such a state and I worried so much. She was so bad, mentioned so much stuff and even dark stuff. I asked if she was considering doing something and she said she wouldn't as her Grandma and Dad needs her. I forgot to mention her Grandad died a year after her mum passed, plus losing 2 or 3 friends, I believe the other was cancer. She finally started to see a specialist to get help. She found a place to be at peace on the weekends so I gave her that space to help. Sunday night, I receive a text message which was out of the blue. I'm happy to share the message as I think it's quite dark. Maybe it's just me. Of course i'm totally gutted, I love the girl with all my heart and was by her side this whole time and would never have left her, especially in this state. The week before I received the text, we seemed to be getting closer, she was sending more messages, warmer ones, with kisses etc. Now i'm 35 so I'm not a kid but it was easy to see her mood in texts. Anyway this is the message... 'I believe it will be best if we do not see each other any longer. I have tried to find happiness in myself and i cannot find it. I cannot be a burden on you any longer. I am not the person that I was and i don't know if i ever will be again. I have been the cause of pain for too long now and that is not something you deserve. You deserve to be happy. I do not believe that I am that happiness and I do not deserve your kindness. I am truly sorry for everything that I have put you through. All i ask is that you understand and know that i am truly and utterly sorry for everything.' It seems she has cut me out of her life over the past few days. I did call after the message and she answered, I asked if it's what she wanted and she couldn't even answer, just said it's best for me. I have approached a family member as they are not aware of her mental health. I have asked to use discretion on approaching her. I am so lost, I know she thinks this is better for me, but the way she has cut me out is just not right.

A34 My husband has walked out
  • replies: 1

Hi , my husband of ten years and 3 girls has walked out . Is consistently tells me I’m fat ugly and a shit mum !!!! He has ODD oppositional defiant disorder , ADHD and it’s always someone else’s fault ... I love him but I’m tired of the pain and hurt... View more

Hi , my husband of ten years and 3 girls has walked out . Is consistently tells me I’m fat ugly and a shit mum !!!! He has ODD oppositional defiant disorder , ADHD and it’s always someone else’s fault ... I love him but I’m tired of the pain and hurt ... he has taken one of the girls away for the night and I’m sad and lost ... I need all my chickens I’m the one nest - so Ro speak ... he is a great father but can be at times ( not all the time a terrible husband ... not sure what to do from here I don’t want to give up on our family ... I do still love him - I must be very forgiving haha evbeeyone says take one day at a time ... but how am I going to work full time ( he yelled at me for 1 year till I got a full time job and in his words gave up being a Mum ) now I do work full time and I’m not sure how I’m going to be a single Mum and work long hours .... im very sad not even angry yet ... I feel like a failure to my girls and myself

JMR99 HOw many people can say they are I am the last person standing
  • replies: 3

I am the last person standing, sounds crazy but its true, I am an only child with no brothers or sisters my parents have both passed away I have no grandparents aunties or uncles, my husband divorced me (cause he hated everything about me) and that i... View more

I am the last person standing, sounds crazy but its true, I am an only child with no brothers or sisters my parents have both passed away I have no grandparents aunties or uncles, my husband divorced me (cause he hated everything about me) and that is true cause he so proudly told me the reason we married was (in his exact words) "how do you dump someone who's father just died" I am blessed with two amazing children who I have 24/7 with the only help from there father is sweet........ I have come to a point in my life now that I am going out of my head, I cant sleep through the night without waking and crying , I cant go a day without crying, I talk to myself and the four walls, I am a stay at home mum, I am so alone, I don't know how to get out of this hole I've dug. I will ring to my ex because i feel there is no one else he keeps telling me that Im crazy, dumb and that i brought on all the anger it was my fault i know it wasn't all me fault in my heart of hearts but im loosing that belief he lied to me since we met and now i have just found out that he has married a Thai girl and is waiting on a visa to bring her here My kids are devastated my son handles it by saying its ok it won't make a difference we don't see him anyway but my daughter who is younger cry's tears that are so full of pain its killing me i have told her that its part of the great roller coaster of life and that as low as life gets it makes you stronger to go up. and i know that they are the true words to believe in but i dont have the strength for me to believe my own words The worst part is I want my husband back i want him to want me I want to have my family back I want my childrens father back I want him to knock on the door and say i'm sorry I want him to come home but he hates me and he wont and know he;s married I know that if he did he would hate me again he would hurt me and he would tell me Im dump and stupid and a lazy bitch I know what would happen I know its toxic but Im alone I cant do this on my own anymore I just need the strength to turn my life around I need the strength when this Thai girl arrives that I keep telling my kids that its ok that she might be a lovely person the fact they have a new step mum that they never every heard about or have seen is killing them i don't know why i wrote this but maybe this is a start maybe this is hope, maybe this is..... thanks for reading

nwjhl Husband walked out on me
  • replies: 7

My husband walked out on me early April, said he doesn’t love me anymore and needs time to work himself out. I find out a couple of weeks ago from the husband of a women he is friends with they have been having an affair. I’ve looked back on the phon... View more

My husband walked out on me early April, said he doesn’t love me anymore and needs time to work himself out. I find out a couple of weeks ago from the husband of a women he is friends with they have been having an affair. I’ve looked back on the phone bills and there are months of calls to her sometimes 2hours long. He said nothing was physical until after we separated, but as far as I was aware he just wanted his space to work his head out, it wasn’t a separation as such. They were physical only a couple of days after he left. Emotional affair now physical. I’m devastated. 22years of marriage, no problems I was aware of, he’s nearly 47 so maybe a mid life crisis. He hasn’t spoken to me at all since I found out about the affair, sends texts to our 3 girls everyday. Only one responds as the other 2 are disgusted in him for the lying and cheating. He sends me a text the other day saying he misses me and still cares about me. I’m so messed up.

needhelpplease1 I broke up with my (long distance) girlfriend today, I feel extremely guilty.
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, a little background. I was in a (very) long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs. I come from a very good family while she is quite the opposite and is stuck in an extremely difficult situa... View more

Hey guys, a little background. I was in a (very) long distance relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year. We've had our ups and downs. I come from a very good family while she is quite the opposite and is stuck in an extremely difficult situation. I have tried my best (and have done so) to help her through that and comfort her as best as i can with her extremely unpleasant and difficult life. Lately, I've felt extremely unhappy with our relationship (as has she). It feels very unfulfilling for both of us. I don't have much relationship experience, so that may contribute to her feeling unfulfilled. She has extreme depression and anxiety and I feel like that has affected me a lot throughout the relationship. I'm starting to feel depressed and I just feel stuck in life. I've helped her so much in her life and I understand that it's not my mission to do, but it's definitely the right thing. But anyways, today, after some argument we had, I decided to end things. I feel EXTREMELY guilty and i feel like i'm completely abandoning her. Truthfully (from her), she doesn't really have much in her life besides me. I'm her only source of happiness (she has said that to me before), which I understand is not healthy, and have tried helping her with before, although it is a key factor in me feeling so guilty. I'm not really good with breakups and I just don't know what to do. Try to help her through it? Just go no contact? I've tried my best to do it in the nicest way possible but I realised that isn't really possible. I feel like i've completely broken her and just left her to deal with all of her shit on her own. I'm not the best at writing (obviously) but I hope someone can read this and give me an insight or some advice on what to do. Thank you so much!