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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_926 Help- I need strength to leave my partner
  • replies: 38

Hi, I need some help and support. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and have lived with him for most of that time. I was single for a long time before I met him; was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I am insecure and do not trust easily. ... View more

Hi, I need some help and support. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and have lived with him for most of that time. I was single for a long time before I met him; was in an abusive marriage for 12 years. I am insecure and do not trust easily. But he was so loving and still is at times, I thought I’d found my perfect partner. After a few months I found out he had been communicating with past girlfriends and was on multiple dating websites. He’d even contacted a woman on one. He assured me he would wipe his past and we started counselling. My trust was broken. He was eager to buy property together and get married. I held off the marriage but bought land with him. We have been under a lot of stress due to work and trying to blend families successfully. He is reasonably nice to my kids but complains they do nothing to help out. We are back in counselling as he pushed me a few times and I called the police. It doesn’t seem to be helping. He blames me for all our problems; he has tried to contact his past girlfriends a few more times and has met with one of his ex-wives to discuss our relationship which I had asked him not to do. I often wonder if he is a narcissist. Reading about it I can see some traits in him. We have a few good days and it’s so loving and wonderful but then I’ll say something he doesn’t like and won’t speak to me for days. This happens all the time and has been our story. I have reached out to his third wife to get some insight on what I thought was true - he cheated on his wives and lied. He has the potential to be quite horrible when drinking so I asked him not to drink much and he did agree but in the last two months he has started to go out with work colleagues (mainly women) and drink. It’s hard to express what I’m feeling. Basically some times he treats me so wonderfully but he can’t sustain it. Then he blames me and doesn’t speak to me for days. He is very negative about things at times and mopes about. He always talks about himself and will often cut me off. My psychologist is of the thought he won’t change and I need to leave. There’s been so many times he has lied to me or contacted other women or not spoken to me for days. I’m so confused. In my gut I know I have to leave; I think he will become mean if he finds out my plan. I’m worried how I will move everything out in one day. I don’t have many people to help. I can’t pack beforehand as he’ll know. But then he is quite loving. I need help to stick to my plan to go.

YunaS Utterly lost and confused.
  • replies: 8

Hey I'm new to these forums I'm kind of scared to post anything about this in fear of making him angry but I need some help. So me and my partner met 1 year ago have been dating on and off since, it became very bad quite quickly he let his ex girlfri... View more

Hey I'm new to these forums I'm kind of scared to post anything about this in fear of making him angry but I need some help. So me and my partner met 1 year ago have been dating on and off since, it became very bad quite quickly he let his ex girlfriend actually break up on several occasions and he also left me for someone else which is bad enough right? but my 30 year old self fell in love so i became desperate to fix his mess and to hold onto what little I could of our relationship. Soon in batween that I had learned that he blamed me for literally everything even if it was not my fault it was his and made me feel really horrible. Whenever we had issues instead of coming to me he went to his friends told them lies about me wondered why they hated me and let his friends actually decide everything in our relationship and yet I was still to blame I was still at fault for that. I have broken it off several times lately but he always comes running back making new accounts to contact me on knowing he hasn't left me enough time to get over my hurt from the break up telling me he loves me he is sorry for everything he wont do it again and begs me not let leave him again then it's like after he has gotten me back a lightbulb goes off in his head and he goes back to his normal self. He has cast so much heavy doubt into my mind about myself and my feelings that I can feel myself breaking and I no longer know if im wrong or right good or bad or who I am anymore. When he is really wanting me to shut up he always uses the "I'm going to leave you" trick or the "well you can leave im not stopping you" trick. I now fear making him angry he just looses it entirely over such small little things. We have had several arguments about me wondering why he never tells me "I miss you how are you doing?" because he said "I never miss you i can contact you when i want to" and "I never miss anybody it's not just you" and then yelling at me telling me how needy I am. He tells me off on a daily basis telling me I am a drama queen im too over emotional and I just need to relax "I have never known anyone who does this to me like you do nobody else does this" I simply ask a question and thats the responses I get. He made me feel guilty for going onto an online game forgetting my profile said single and character had a semi-revealing outfit and his friend took a picture of me entirely on my own not near anyone and told my partner I was cheating and he blamed me for that. Any advice?

Anne74 Finding it hard to let go
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend is currently trying to quit smoking pot and im having a really hard time dealing with his moods. We had an argument a couple of days ago and ive tried reaching out to him to talk but he is angry and responds rudely to my attempts to talk... View more

My boyfriend is currently trying to quit smoking pot and im having a really hard time dealing with his moods. We had an argument a couple of days ago and ive tried reaching out to him to talk but he is angry and responds rudely to my attempts to talk. I feel like a punching bag and dont know how to stop stressing about it all. I have generalised anxiety disorder so when things like this happen it goes through the roof and i try to get things back to normal as quick as i can cos i hate stress. Can anyone give me ideas on how to cope with this situation? Anne

ImplodedSoul Spiraling thoughts
  • replies: 2

Since my last post I’ve been diagnosed with extremely severe depression, anxiety and stress. I have been prescribed medication which works for the better part. But then it hits me like a brick wall and I’m down - and it’s a long long way down! She is... View more

Since my last post I’ve been diagnosed with extremely severe depression, anxiety and stress. I have been prescribed medication which works for the better part. But then it hits me like a brick wall and I’m down - and it’s a long long way down! She is still communicating with me, but is persistent in her path of not wanting to reconcile. I’ve tried so much now that I feel like I’m about to fall off the edge of the earth, it feels like my support group is dwindling (sick of my determination to get her back perhaps), and I feel like I’ve run out of people to talk to. Thoughts got rather out of control today, which scares the hell out of me.... and sets alarm bells screaming. But I can’t leave my girls! Just spent a few days away on an enjoyable trip, but the thoughts continue to come back to her and how much I Iove her. 10 weeks and it feels worse now!

Jems14 I’m ruining my relationship
  • replies: 6

Hi all. I have a long history of failed relationships. All of which have their good parts and bad. Last year I met my boyfriend and we began dating and have now been together for 1 year. He now says he doesn’t feel the same. He is willing to try coup... View more

Hi all. I have a long history of failed relationships. All of which have their good parts and bad. Last year I met my boyfriend and we began dating and have now been together for 1 year. He now says he doesn’t feel the same. He is willing to try couples therapy but I can see he doesn’t feel the same way. I tend to pick fights. I can be insecure. I have an ugly streak. But I can also be supportive, fun and loving. I feel alone and given that he needs space can’t seek reassurance from him. I feel so disappointed in myself. Sad I’ve pushed him so far away. I’m trying to keep things in perspective and remind myself that I will be ok regardless of the outcome. But I’m terrified I’ve gone too far and that I will never change. Im sick of the same cycles. I want to love and be loved. I don’t want to hurt it’ll be hurt. Starting to lose hope that I’ll ever be happy in a relationship.

Erin1992 I don't feel anything
  • replies: 4

I know this is going to sound terrible but i just don't feel anything towards my family at all anymore! i don't want to be around my husband or my kids. Im really struggling with day to day life and resorting to drinking instead of facing my problems... View more

I know this is going to sound terrible but i just don't feel anything towards my family at all anymore! i don't want to be around my husband or my kids. Im really struggling with day to day life and resorting to drinking instead of facing my problems head on. I also haven't really mourned the death of my great grandma who died 2 months ago and now i am just absolutely crushing into a million pieces! I really hope it might just be a hard week but i don't think its going to be and know i have to face my issues head on but i don't know how to!!

Selfcontrol Married 35 years first time in trouble
  • replies: 18

Hello eveybody My wife of 35 years yes 35 ,had been distance and just different for sometime. I noticed quite a few changes over the past year yes all the usual, weight loss ,new hair style, new wardrobe, etc etc chuck in menopause and it’s been a tr... View more

Hello eveybody My wife of 35 years yes 35 ,had been distance and just different for sometime. I noticed quite a few changes over the past year yes all the usual, weight loss ,new hair style, new wardrobe, etc etc chuck in menopause and it’s been a trying time. No matter how many signs of an affair you want to tick she was ticking quite a few. After a few failed attempts at getting her to open up over the past year ,recently I asked her straight out are you having an affair this was met with a no. I let her know how I have been feeling I asked if there is something wrong anything we can talk through. I asked if she been asked out that has given her cause for thought this was met with avoidance not a no. I threw in a name that that I have heard. in passing conversation with me in the past One such conversation she mentioned was his wife had left him four months ago. This guy is a regular customer they see each other often. Thinking it was just coffee etc I was shocked to hear he wanted her to come away with him on a European trip. Yes he knows she is married She told me she declined. I asked if this no was a no that would let him know he is out of line. She said I just said no as he is a really nice guy This was some 4 weeks ago I asked if she has had any further contact with him ,yes nice guy....etc Then she let me know about a week ago he put this app on her phone so he could send pics while he was away. He doesn’t leave for another 6 weeks its a privacy chat app Viber he set it up. I looked through the contacts and I couldn’t see his name. After tears ,storm out etc Told me the assumed name she put him under. Did he do that? ..no she picked the name that on a quick glance it would look like an old female boss of hers. I am totally gutted she says she has no feelings for him. He is a nice guy 🤬 we’re just friends. She says she doesn’t see it that he wants it to be more I have asked all contact to cease which is possible she refuses to do this She says that’s controlling I let her know how that it hurts me. I can’t get her to see what this guy really wants from this holiday How does a guy get the confidence to ask such a question? I feel it was asking her to leave her husband and have a good time with me Even hiding his name shows she knew it was wrong but refuses to acknowledge that. What can I do or say that may help her see this friendship in a different light. She doesn’t want me to approach this guy. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks

Tropicana Left abusive husband. Sister in law is relentless!
  • replies: 8

After another abusive episode last weekend, the kids and I left. The police took out a DVO for me. Yes, the kids and I are safe. He has kept his distance which I’m happy about. his sister has been sending me text messages telling me not to take out t... View more

After another abusive episode last weekend, the kids and I left. The police took out a DVO for me. Yes, the kids and I are safe. He has kept his distance which I’m happy about. his sister has been sending me text messages telling me not to take out the DVO (not up to me) telling me I must have postnatal depression (I don’t - I’m depressed because of abuse, as anyone would be) says her brother is the gentlest person she knows (but then says she knows what he did and she’s “not happy about it). She also made comments about my personal appearance. i know it’s easy to say to ignore her but this is hard to cop. My mother spoke to my husband and said if there’s any chance of us coming together in the future, his sister doing this will leave it in tatters. He said he told her not to but I don’t think he’s done a good enough job or he hasn’t done it at all, or she’s ignored him. I don’t know. The police want me to make a report about her behaviour but I just don’t have the energy on top of everything else. I also do not want to speak to her. I have not responded to her at all. But I don’t deserve to be spoken to like this. She’s not supporting either of us. Did I mention she’s currently studying to be a social worker? She says she experienced abuse in her childhood as well. I’m just baffled at her behaviour and it’s really knocked me back in this whole thing.

MummaPetal Feeling guilty for wanting more
  • replies: 3

I've been married for 10 years and my husband has been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction and has sleep apnea. He is a good provider and father to our child. I feel very grateful that I've been able to stay at home for those first few precious years... View more

I've been married for 10 years and my husband has been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction and has sleep apnea. He is a good provider and father to our child. I feel very grateful that I've been able to stay at home for those first few precious years but now I've gone back to work part-time. Things sound great, right? My problem is that I feel very lonely and I feel guilty for wanting more in our relationship. There is no intimacy. My husband is often tired. I feel as if I do most of the parenting as a result. We have tried counselling together and he says everything is okay but it doesn't feel that way. I don't know how to reach him. Any suggestions?

jessemjim He wont divorce is ex. Am I stupid for being bothered by this?
  • replies: 4

Hi Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He is 56 and I am 48. I have been divorced for 3 years and have a friendly relationship with my ex for the sake of our 3 adult children. My partner has been separated from his partner for 10 years although t... View more

Hi Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He is 56 and I am 48. I have been divorced for 3 years and have a friendly relationship with my ex for the sake of our 3 adult children. My partner has been separated from his partner for 10 years although they were still living and sleeping in the same bed as friends - no sex up until I started seeing him at which time she moved out. the have a long history spanning 30 something years. I have never really understood his relationship with his ex. My boyfriend had a successful business and a His wife was cheating on him and had a gambling problem and basically gambled away all the equity in the home loan and he ended up with nothing. He left her when he found out she was cheating. They sold their home and that's when he found out there was no money to split between them. After a year or so he ended up living with her again apparently for the sake of their 2 teenage boys and as I said didn't leave until we started seeing each other. I have never been able to understand why he would stay friends with the woman who cheated on him and gambled away everything he owned???? We do not live together but see each other everyday. Recently he has finally agreed to take the next step and move in together but no matter what I say he refuses to divorce her. A part of me believes hes only agreed to move in with me because he knows I want more from him and he is afraid I will end it if he doesnt. I think he would be quite happy leaving things the way they are. He knows I feel as though he should get a divorce to show his commitment to me and close the door on that chapter of his life. He know it really really bothers me and that I don't understand why he wont divorce her and yet he doesn't seem to care. He says its only a piece of paper and hes not going to pay for it. He does have the money to pay for it if he wanted to by the way. Also the car she drives is in his name he organised that during OUR relationship because she is bankrupt and cant get a loan or insurance. Am I crazy to be even bothering with this guy or am I just being jealous and unreasonable. Why the hell would he go out of his way to help this woman and why the hell wont he divorce her??????