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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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NotSoSunny Will I be alone for the rest of my life?
  • replies: 4

I don't want to live like this. I've been single for almost five years. I'm 36, and nobody asks me out except for old gross men. I don't have kids or pets and I think about suicide every day. People tell me I'm attractive but I don't see it. I've tri... View more

I don't want to live like this. I've been single for almost five years. I'm 36, and nobody asks me out except for old gross men. I don't have kids or pets and I think about suicide every day. People tell me I'm attractive but I don't see it. I've tried everything - group sports, the gym, healthy eating, online dating - but nothing works. I now am struggling to do anything at work because I'm so unmotivated. Does anyone have any advice? I have lost hope that I'll ever find a husband or have kids, and I have just a glimmer of hope that one day I might not have to wake up alone like I do every other day

Worried_Sick Worried Sick
  • replies: 13

Hello I'm a middle aged mother of two school aged children. I recently found content/downloands on my husbands computer by accident of school girls in private school uniform from leading private girls schools in our City. There are over 50 or 60 down... View more

Hello I'm a middle aged mother of two school aged children. I recently found content/downloands on my husbands computer by accident of school girls in private school uniform from leading private girls schools in our City. There are over 50 or 60 downloaded photos from the private sc schools. Although no Child Pornography on computer there is a lot of adult pornography links saved in bookmarks along with the downloads of school girls ranging in age from Kindergarten through to Senior years and only has private school girl photos. ie not from boys or co-ed private schools. The images have been filed in his computer with code names etc. Although innocent enough if there were a few - there are just fairly excessive given that they are tied up with Pornographic adult websites on comp as well. These girls are my childrens ages so I am sure their parents would be horrified if they knew this. We don't know the girls but they are just photos taken perhaps by the inhouse school photographer of girls in uniform on their school grounds. Around 6 or 8 private schools were targeted within our city. It has affected me so much for some reason. I did confront my husband about it and said I came across some downloads of these images but he became so frighteningly angry that I was a "snoop" and bullied me into believing that I had done something wrong by using his computer. He has since deleted all the evidence although I have proof still as I made sure of this. When he became angry I backed down and did not demand for an answer as to why he had them. In the meantime I rang a domestic violence talk line and they ended up reporting it to Child Protection Services (they had my details/phone number from a past violent incident involving one of my children with their father). The Child Protection rang me the next day and visited me to chat to me about whether or not there was a child protection issue within our house. They felt it was not appropriate to question my husband about why he had images of such despite being extremely alarming and bizarre. After a 2 hour visit in my home when my husband was at work they felt they cant approach him about it due to safety issues. I am now beside myself if my husband finds out that all these people know - he is going to hit the roof. I'm so scared I can't cope.

Beautifulsoul75 HELP stuck between a rock and a bad place
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone im new to this site, but hoping I can get some sound guidance and support im with a man you who is right now suffering severely with anxiety and depression... he is on medication and just had his dosage increased which has caused him to f... View more

Hi everyone im new to this site, but hoping I can get some sound guidance and support im with a man you who is right now suffering severely with anxiety and depression... he is on medication and just had his dosage increased which has caused him to feel worse (part of the side effects). my problem is I’m the only one he has told how he’s feeling.... and now he has pushed me away and said he needs a week or so to sort himself out ... his family have no idea what’s going on .... to be honest I’m really scared for him. When He gets this down he sticks his head in the sand and just disappears and talks to no one ... I need to know should I be telling his family what’s going on so they can try and help or not break his trust and say nothing and let him come to me when he feels better .. I’ve been i tears all day over this ... and it’s worse as I can’t see him any advice would be greatly appreciated

Kazza13 Depressed about feelings towards husband
  • replies: 7

I have been struggling with depression for 25 years but was managing through medication for most of that. Gone down again. I have been married for 25 years but get depressed about how I feel about my husband and his looks. I know I love him and could... View more

I have been struggling with depression for 25 years but was managing through medication for most of that. Gone down again. I have been married for 25 years but get depressed about how I feel about my husband and his looks. I know I love him and couldnt imagine life without him, so why do I feel like this. Does anybody out there have the same thing, I feel like I am the only one in the whole world who feels like this.

Dee161 New To Depression
  • replies: 2

Hi Lovely ppl Well where do I start a few months ago I found out that my partner has depression. He came to me and was honest about everything we went to the doctors and he started antidepressants tablets A few weeks in everything was going great, hi... View more

Hi Lovely ppl Well where do I start a few months ago I found out that my partner has depression. He came to me and was honest about everything we went to the doctors and he started antidepressants tablets A few weeks in everything was going great, his anger towards me had seem to disappear and I felt like it was the old him, then without any word I found out that he had stopped the tablets and everything just seem to go downhill he told me he didn’t love me he didn’t want to be with myself and our daughters he was happy for me to keep the house and he would just move away. I just want to know how to deal with stuff like this I want to know if it’s really him or it’s going cold turkey on the tablets????? I’m beyond frustrated at the moment because once I found out that he had depression I was conscious of every think that I would say to him how I would act trying to be positive reassuring him that every think in the household is perfect and now after a massive few nights of just arguing he goes back to like nothing has happened like every think is perfect again . Any advice would be greatly appreciated

FragileFamily My Story
  • replies: 2

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances ... View more

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances she had coming up. The whole year was a write off really. I had made her strawberrys dipped in chocolate to surprise her when she got home. She told me the sight of what I had done made her feel sick because it was a very lovely gesture but she no longer wanted to be with me. We tried to discuss this issue and things got overheated by both of us which ended in her kicking me out of the house. I stayed away only visiting the house to see my kids and we both apologised but she was not prepared to work things out. I convinced her to let me come home and be with the kids over Xmas. We all had a great time and even went away for a holiday for a week after Xmas. Things were looking up. When we returned home I asked if I should pack up my things and move out properly but she wanted to speak with her psychologist first. I waited the 2 days as I thought she must be reconsidering and wanted to discuss it first. Once she had spoken to the psychologist she came back and said her psychologist suggests the we don't continue the relationship which I thought was a fairly odd. Nevertheless I did not fight this time I packed my things and left. At the moment I have the kids 5 days a week but she wants to see them more and contacts me almost every day, at one point to ask how I was doing with everything. She's gone from relationship to happy co-parenting over night and wants to do mediation which I have refused to do at this point because she is refusing to work on the relationship. I'm grieving the relationship, my work and social life is suffering. I want my partner and my family back together and shift our focus onto what is important but she will not partake. Only a month or two before at a wedding she has asked me when we would get married. She says she has been unhappy since before the birth of our second daughter but I don't believe it to be true. It's been found out she has extremely low iron and has for awhile. She says she needs space to find herself again and in 6 or 12 months may assess the situation if she sees positive changes I make within myself aswell. By this time I feel it will be too late to save the relationship as all the pain and adjustment will be over. thanks for reading if you got this far.

lilykitten Co-dependent Relationship help.
  • replies: 2

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work t... View more

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work to look after her while I kept working. He had dreams of working from home. We had a second daughter 16 months later. He often complained how difficult it was being home with the kids although he was constantly out of the house visiting friends with them. When they were toddlers he was frustrated he couldn't work on his projects so i organised family daycare 2 days a week. Then he got bigger projects and a friend offered to take them for another 2 days a week. In all this time i was working full time and paying for everything. He was having the parental payments put into his account for day to day expenses and I was also doing all the household tasks as well. When the kids had both started school I asked him to do a business plan and wanted him set a goal of 5 years and then if it wasn't working to go back to paid employment. He was heartbroken and said ultimatums were a sign I didn't believe in him. By the time my youngest was 10 years old my resentment about paying for everything and doing all the housework was extreme but I was also proud of the fact I kept everything running. Instead of getting praise for my efforts like I would if I were a single Mum with 3 kids, friends would not give me any emotional support saying I should leave. By this stage the thought of losing half of everything I paid for when I had no savings was too much so we went to counselling which helped a bit with the resentment but did little to change the situation as my husband cant see himself doing anything wrong. He works so hard, often 10 hours a day on his projects for little financial gain but feels he is doing his best and gets depressed about it. Now my youngest is 13. At the end of last year after finding I was paying almost $500 a month into his business petrol and phone bills, I said no more. He has not contributed any money to the family unit for 14 years and does not help around the house. I even do all the traditional male jobs like mowing and fixing things. Every week since then he has moaned about not having money. Today he asked me to help out with his monthly bills and I said no. IS IT POSSIBLE TO BREAK OUT OF A CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT BREAKING UP? I do love him. He is also a wonderful father who doesn't drink and is a kind person. he is just blinkered when it comes to his work.

Little_lollipop Partner frustrating me with marriage
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year ... View more

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year after I mentioned marriage again. He promised it would be 'soon' but he still hasn't done it 6 years on. I approached him more than a few times and he always has an excuse. I love him but I feel like he will never do it. He only wants to drink and smoke on the weekend, we rarely do anything fun or go on dates so we had an argument. He just went to bed instead of resolving it. Now I'm all worked up and upset. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I'm a mess and blaming myself. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Or wait? I'm at my wits end and a total mess over this frustration!

Toughmumma Can't catch a break
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is complete... View more

Hi, Im new to this and just needed to vent really. I'm feeling like I can't get my head completely above water. There is always something. I have gone to the gp about anxiety. She has put me into connections to talk to someone and said it is completely justified in what I was telling her. I have been having sleeping, health issues, I work two jobs, and raise two kids, which I think I suck at most of the time. I feel like I am always yelling and they are always yelling and no one is actually listening to each other. I feel completely ignored most of the time. I am made to feel like I am too dramatic by my husband, and fairly alone in most that I do. He goes to work, works hard, but then comes home and clocks off. I literally run the rest of our lives. The kids have molluscum which is contagious and can last for years and making me and them constantly anxious. Paranoid even.I stress about everything and now have sleeping issues that results in me running from my bed, in my sleep, to find my kids. Bizarre I know. I hurt my back right when I can't afford too. There is just no chance to just breath. So I pick up, I carry on, day by day, I have good days and try to focus on the positives in life everyday, but I am starting to see the cracks and looking at which way to turn. I can't keep all the balls in the air. And I drop them, everyone around me suffers just as much. I have been to a psychologist after my mum past and found him dreadful. I am trying again. I am trying to avoid medication, and treat the source, find management skills. Any suggestions? Councillor, psychiatrist, psychologist? Is it a case of just keep trying till you find one that works for you?

zy Feeling resentment, hurt and heartache with Siblings who take me for granted
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two ye... View more

Hi All, I need some solid advice on a situation that I feel I need to resolve or take action on to help bring much needed peace in my life. Short story is unavoidable and a string of tumultuous circumstances occurred with my step sister almost two years back when she lived with me, my wife and kids which eventually resulted in betrayal, broken trust, broken relationships, hurt and deep anger. What made it worse is my step-brothers did not support, help, assist nor take responsibility in assisting the situation given she is their blood relative nor providing the assistance and support to myself, leaving me to suffer alone in the wake of the things she had done therefore I eventually experienced compassion fatigue and emotional burn out. (Even to the point of experiencing reactive depression and anxiety.) This then created strong feelings of resentment, disappointment and anger towards my step siblings, especially my brothers. In essence, I felt used, hurt and heart broken. I know my step siblings have personal and if not mental health issues themselves such as fears of abandonment, anxiety, avoidance issues but this became a catch 22 for myself, since they would rather avoid and run away from situations their actions or lack thereof further solidifying my negative feelings towards them. Hence leading up to this day, almost two years and none of them have really made any effort to reconcile or take any action to rebuild our relationships. You can see how this further adds to my feelings of resentment, hurt and anger. For the two years it’s just been brewing, sometimes I feel compassion sometimes I feel nothing but hate and anger. Sometimes I don’t feel anything because I’m focused on other things alas ‘out of sight out of mind’. But I’ve come to this point where I’m so tired of the roller coaster of emotions and want peace back in my life. I’ve felt a strong need to resolve this myself (again) but this is where I get stuck… I will still have to see them since they are my mother’s husband’s kids so I know I can’t completely ‘walk away”. So I am writing to ask what can I do in this instance? I need peace back, I want to let go and not feel hurt nor angry anymore. Do I just simply walk away and basically do what they do? Or do I once and for all confront them and tell them that I am letting go and do just that, acknowledge their presence but basically ignore them? Or do I continue making an effort to rebuild HOPING that love will eventually reciprocate?