Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Helpless126 Helpless and Hopeless
  • replies: 2

So my mum has had depression and anxiety since she was a teenager and so have I. I’ve had quite a rough months and so I’m struggling myself. The thing is - my mum had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago after a workplace incident. She’s now experienci... View more

So my mum has had depression and anxiety since she was a teenager and so have I. I’ve had quite a rough months and so I’m struggling myself. The thing is - my mum had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago after a workplace incident. She’s now experiencing extreme highs and lows regularly and she just takes off on drives everyday. She doesn’t tell anyone where shes going. And I’m seriously starting to think she just might not come back. I’m really worried. I’ve started looking into involuntary admission for mental health facilities but I’m sure if we’re at that stage yet or even how to go about it. please help.

MallowPuff Separating from 'the other woman'.
  • replies: 30

Hi All,need some guidance in helping get my life back on track. I've been through some tough times, recently diagnosed as recurrent MDD, but also concerns on Bipolar, but between my psychologist and psychiatrist(s) it's undecided.During a stage, I en... View more

Hi All,need some guidance in helping get my life back on track. I've been through some tough times, recently diagnosed as recurrent MDD, but also concerns on Bipolar, but between my psychologist and psychiatrist(s) it's undecided.During a stage, I ended up having intimate relations with a close friend who was supporting me, which developed into an emotional dependency/attachment. Alas, it wasn't just mine as she also became more engaged with me, although she was 'just up for fun, no regrets, no emotions'. We care alot about each other... but as I've not settled on a good dose of medication, as well as some counselling, the damage to my family is something I need to focus on and fix. As well as the many other issues going on So I've asked my friend for space, told her that we crossed a line that has made our relationship more than friends, and that I need to take a break (which I expect will be a very very long one, or for ever) that has meant her support for me is now compromised. The issue now, is that she first got angry, then started pleading with me to not leave her, and now has made comments around life not being worth living without me.... I have had suicidal thoughts myself, and this is a big shock. I care for her, and although she's now part of the problem, she's been my saviour in a few bad times.But the guilt I have, the wonderful family and wife I have, are things that I now know I've been neglecting, and need to get back to. Although I love my friend dearly, repairing the relationship with my wonderful wife and kids is where I need to be...How to support my friend is where I need help, it just adds to the hurt to know I'm ruining others around me that I care about..... Looking for 'safe' ideas of how to support my friend... No-one other than her and I know about our 'affair'.... She is also married, with a good husband, and two gorgeous kids....I've made a mess.... need help....

Gambit Should I be grieving for family I’ve never really know?
  • replies: 11

To preface, I’ve never been close to my dad’s side of our family. My father tried to keep in loose contact with a few uncles up until I was about 14/15 (I’m 20) and then communication just stopped. Outside of them and the rare visit from his father, ... View more

To preface, I’ve never been close to my dad’s side of our family. My father tried to keep in loose contact with a few uncles up until I was about 14/15 (I’m 20) and then communication just stopped. Outside of them and the rare visit from his father, I’ve never really met anyone on his side; at least not since I was a toddler. No cards, no calls, nada. My father’s uncle is on his death bed, and my dad expressed that he’d like me to see him before he dies. Apparently I’ve met with him a few times (I was young, and so I don’t recall this) and every time he stayed in his shed and had no interested in meeting me or my brother. I feel like it makes me a bad person, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to react in this sort of situation. This is a man who’s face and name I don’t even know. To put it insensitively, it doesn’t feel like I’m not losing anything; it’s almost like hearing about a stranger’s passing. I feel like I should be sad, after all, this is family I’m losing. Does feeling this way make me a bad person? What am I supposed to do when I inevitably see him?

Lanson Wife had an affair but I still love her
  • replies: 13

Hey guys, Just wanted to see if anyone has experienced infidelity during their marriage and decide to stay with their wife. I caught my wife cheating six weeks ago and I still love her but I'm struggling to move forward as I still have images in my h... View more

Hey guys, Just wanted to see if anyone has experienced infidelity during their marriage and decide to stay with their wife. I caught my wife cheating six weeks ago and I still love her but I'm struggling to move forward as I still have images in my head of her and her lover. She developed an emotional and physical connection with him and it destroys me just thinking about it. She admitted that she loved him and that he was her best friend. But she also questioned herself if she knows the meaning of love. We've been married for nine years and have two kids. She has ended her affair and has committed to work on our marriage. She says she loves me more than ever and is being very affectionate and loving towards me. One day I feel ok, the next I feel depressed. I'm seeing counseling and it's helping a bit but I feel like I need to talk to someone who's experienced this to help me get through it. How do I stop these toxic images and thoughts and get back to normality? Or am I being dishonest to myself and making myself suffer depression? Any help is much appreciated.

Guest_68 can't stand more aloneness
  • replies: 5

I'm just feeling really lonely at the moment. Nobody wants to hang with me. Two weeks ago I tried to connect with a friend, no reply for a week, then oh, I got a new phone, maybe next Sunday? Now it is next Sunday and I doubt I'm going to hear anythi... View more

I'm just feeling really lonely at the moment. Nobody wants to hang with me. Two weeks ago I tried to connect with a friend, no reply for a week, then oh, I got a new phone, maybe next Sunday? Now it is next Sunday and I doubt I'm going to hear anything. Everyone I know is busy doing their own thing or they have family. God, I hate that word. All it means to me is constant criticism and not measuring up to mother's ideal. Big time not measuring up. Last straw was gender transition (and please don't shift my post again because this IS about loneliness and relationships, or lack of, not specifically about being off the gender mainstream] Everything I post gets put in there because I'm trans. Way before that, I found that I was stuck on my own a lot and nobody wanted to see me. I wasn't good enough to have a partner or to date. If I don't actually reach out to somebody, I get nothing, i.e. nobody asks me if I want to meet up unless I have prompted first. I feel like I can't stand another weekend of this.

Lina42 Commitment phobic,bipolarity dating depression in a hard time
  • replies: 4

Hi everybody, I need helps. About 10 years ago, I had a serious major depression. My depression was a result of child abuse,mental violence from family members. The depression was so hard that sometimes I would sleep 20 hours out of 24 hours a day, I... View more

Hi everybody, I need helps. About 10 years ago, I had a serious major depression. My depression was a result of child abuse,mental violence from family members. The depression was so hard that sometimes I would sleep 20 hours out of 24 hours a day, I would vomit while trying to run,I would lost senses of taste, or simply emotions,etc.I was a total stranger in my own body. I was in an extreme pain everyday. The same pain you may have when a very close relative dies. My depression was not easy since I had no support at all. I would be named crazy by my family, I would be even physically harmed by close relatives thinking I was possessed lol. Anyway, I got pretty good medical mental support while travelling abroad. Yes, my depression did not stop me to travel,work, and live abroad. I wanted to survive,to be free again. After years of fighting the desease, I finally ended free from the desease and became a better person : Alleluya! I learnt so much about me and others with this desease. For years after, I lived "pretty normal". No depression. But,little by little,I started having anxiety and insomnia because of life difficulties:I was unemployed twice, I had "huge"financial issues ,no deep family contacts and a broken relationship with this amazing bipolar person for months. I met him under a "casual" title. At the beginning, no one wanted any serious commitment. But my attachment and emotions get bigger for him and I felt in love. I love him totally. Over the past months, he has had constant contradictory opinions toward me. One day, he would never see me as his girlfriend and the other day,he would "probably". All his answers are "maybe","probably",yes/no...but we always end up meeting.I know he really likes me a lot. Our dating scene is pretty intense with his huge changes of emotions and rages.But then he becomes an amazing man again. For the first months, I was believing that I was the reason of all his reactions.And then, I understood: he is bipolar. He feels totally lost with himself,his mind,his contradictions.He is confused. He loves being totally alone and my presence stresses him-but funny things he loves my presence that makes him feel better ( ok? T_T).He can get extremely and disproportionately irritated for small things,noises.,small attention. And can sleep in my arms after all my attentions <3.Anyway, my question is: does bipolarity stop someone to commit ? My current depression/anxiety are affecting my judgment. I am so confused.

Jane1234 Like a kick in the guts.... Living not existing..... 12 years together
  • replies: 6

Were over, were done, I can't keep going around in circles anymore, Im over existing and not living. I just can't get over the past. Dont really understand guy talk lol but I'm guessing he was bored and wanting more out of life, wanted to be happy, w... View more

Were over, were done, I can't keep going around in circles anymore, Im over existing and not living. I just can't get over the past. Dont really understand guy talk lol but I'm guessing he was bored and wanting more out of life, wanted to be happy, wasn't attracted or inlove anymore.

Chookie91 Regret leaving my loving husband
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home. My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time ... View more

Hi everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home. My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time I need and he will be here waiting for me, we need each other, do better as a team and we'll get through it. My parents begged me to get counselling, make it work with him because they adore him, he is their son. My mum tells me everyday...he loves you, go home. I just didn't feel in love and disinterested, marriage is hard work and I felt exhausted. I constantly felt lonely with him doing shift work, I was tired begging him to help around the house and to make time for us, the intimacy was 3 years long gone but he loves me, I am his world, we had each other, he worked himself to the bone to ensure we had what we needed and wanted, I could say jump and he would say 'how high'...I regret taking advantage of his kind heartedness and now realise he was probably depressed too. I think we were too young, no idea how to communicate, motivate, encourage each other, maybe we should of grown together before getting married. A few months ago, I met a new man and we moved in together. Everything has been bliss, he is everything I wanted in my husband. He always wants to make plans with me, weekends away, hiking, kayaking, he is someone who encourages me, I am doing better at work and I am loosing weight because I have confidence and motivation but he's not my husband who I have been missing a lot lately... I feel confused and tired from constantly crying. Do I just miss what is familiar? someone I have known nearly a decade, who knows me like the back of his hand, who respected and loved me or do I want to have a future with a man I just met, that I click with and love every minute of my time with.

Jane1234 Emotional affair were both so lost
  • replies: 12

brief description, been together 12 years great until 3 years ago, my daughter from a previous relationship started highschool, lots of trouble, police came around every few months, every fortnight a different drama. Me and my partner were very dista... View more

brief description, been together 12 years great until 3 years ago, my daughter from a previous relationship started highschool, lots of trouble, police came around every few months, every fortnight a different drama. Me and my partner were very distant. I never realised this at the time....... he told me it was over, I thought there was more, so I kept asking him if there was someone else, a week later he admitted there was she was 26 he's 41.They meet when he was away at work, four months ago, she made him happy. I told him to get out. I was so broken cried all the time it wasn't until this that I realised that I still loved him. He still came around every second day or so just to check on things. I kept crying and telling him i wanted to try to work things out and that I forgot I was inlove with him. He kept saying he loved me but wasn't inlove with me and he wasn't comming back to this relationship too many dramas he wasn't being unhappy anymore and he had found someone who made him happy. Two weeks after he went to he's mothers he rang me up crying hysterically telling me he was still inlove with me but doesn't understand how we could fix this and that he had called things off with the other woman. He moved back in and everytime we tried to talk to each other, either the other woman or my daughter was brought up. We were totally upfront and honest with each other lots of tears, emotions and awkwardness both ways, this happened for four weeks. We were sleeping in the same bed, every night we'd cuddle and wake up kissing. He told me he was scared to try again, asked how could I still love him after what he did, told me he didn't realise I loved him, I wanted him to unpack boxes and change motels which he never did. last week he went back to the same motel I was cranky and emotional, had an argument with him telling him we needed a break. I sent him a message the next day saying sorry I didn't want to go anywhere. he came home three days later, told me that he wasn't sure how he felt about me and thought me going away for a few days would be a good idea. He asked me if I would sleep in the same bed as him I said no if you want me to go I'll go but I can't do both. I never left but started sleeping in a different room. Its been a week, he's still saying he's unsure of how he feels, he just needs time to make up he's mind. How much time do I give him, How can he go from loving me to not loving me. I feel so lost, distant and hurt at the moment.

unsure44 Partner acting strange - think he may have cheated. Anxious.
  • replies: 4

Hi. I am a very anxious person, and my partner has recently been acting strange and I am reading very much into it. He recently went away for the weekend with some friends, and got very drunk and went out. All night he was texting me things such as '... View more

Hi. I am a very anxious person, and my partner has recently been acting strange and I am reading very much into it. He recently went away for the weekend with some friends, and got very drunk and went out. All night he was texting me things such as 'I love you', 'I'm going to marry you', 'I promise I won't hurt you', 'Don't get worried and cheat on me'. This was him being very over affectionate which he usually doesn't do. Mind you, he has not been out drunk without me yet, so this may just be drunk texting. He got home but stopped replying as soon as he did. I noticed on his Uber receipt he split the Uber with two girls whom I know are friends with the person he was staying with. He never mentioned this to me though, possibly due to my anxiety. However, the next day he acted quite normal until that night. He began being over affectionate again, constantly calling me baby, telling me he would marry me again, saying 'just keep remembering I love you and I won't hurt you', 'don't be worried, I'll treat you the way you deserve', 'I'm doing everything I can to make you feel better and loved'. This might be too much detail, but he asked me twice (and I did twice) if I could send some pictures so he could .... because he missed me. This was also unusual to do it twice on his behalf. The next day I said I felt quite uneasy and nervous and he just got very defensive saying he has told me he would never do anything and I need to stop bringing it up. He also said to me "if you're hiding something, tell me", which is accusing me of cheating - which he has never done before. To me this is all signs of him being guilty, but I may be overthinking it. I cannot see him for a couple of weeks as he is away but this one night is really playing with my anxiety and I just need advice on whether this is normal behaviour because he misses me or if it is possibly guilt. He has never cheated on me that I know of, and I cannot bring it up with him or he will get angry. I just need to ease my mind for now until I can see him. This is the first time we've been away from each other and I just am feeling so uneasy. Thanks in advance.