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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Breegirl Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK
  • replies: 14

I have posted onto these forums already regarding leaving my husband and how I DO it Today I am extremely anxious and depressed - last week I tried to again leave him, he just doesn't want to hear it, then threatens to take everything and leave me wi... View more

I have posted onto these forums already regarding leaving my husband and how I DO it Today I am extremely anxious and depressed - last week I tried to again leave him, he just doesn't want to hear it, then threatens to take everything and leave me with nothing, lots of other stuff. He is going overseas in 3 weeks for work, I am going to pack up and move into a rental with my 2 kids, more time to do it, less traumatic on the kids and myself. I know it sounds harsh but if I try to do it now he will make it difficult. I have to 'play the game' for the moment, play happy families thinking everything is OK - I haven't been happy for a long long time, always making sure other people are doing okay forgetting about myself.....I think that is why I am struggling as this is out of my character to up and leave and I am looking for reassurance, not saying I need it but when I feel this way it is what I look for....... Has anyone else had to do a similar thing?

WeAllNeedHelp Advice very much needed for the love life and emotional state. Please Help.
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I hope you are all doing well. Here is the story. Lately I just feel a complete change in how I feel about things. I don't feel as happy with my partner and that he just stays with me every weekend to which i feel like i don't get too much jo... View more

Hi all, I hope you are all doing well. Here is the story. Lately I just feel a complete change in how I feel about things. I don't feel as happy with my partner and that he just stays with me every weekend to which i feel like i don't get too much joy out of anymore. We were getting close the other night and when he was kissing me, I just wasn't feeling it but I enjoy our sex when i am up for it. I totally feel like i am cheating on him by having a wandering mind and wanting to spend time with a male friend I have made at work to which i already have confused emotions about. I am curious yet unsure, interested because its new yet i am honestly too tired with life to start anything new and cant bear the thought of breaking up with my current partner if that's what I feel right. yet my work friend is probably moving for work in several months and can't bring myself to tell him i have a partner as i have no idea of his intentions with me. What does every one suggest? I just can't bring myself to discuss anything about my feelings to my partner yet. I'm not feeling the love as much as I did even though i think it is still there. There are also too many guilty emotions like where would he go and what would we do if i left. plus i have never needed to end a relationship in the past Someone please help, i am so confused and i just want to feel free. Plus work life (shift work ) which makes you tired as tired doesn't help Kaylee

abcdefghijk Cheated on girlfriend - I let her know
  • replies: 2

Hi all. Moved in with my girlfriend. First time out of home for me, and she has been out for a while. I have never wanted to cheat or even thought about it before, but one night while she was on a week and a half excursion I made a bad decision to ch... View more

Hi all. Moved in with my girlfriend. First time out of home for me, and she has been out for a while. I have never wanted to cheat or even thought about it before, but one night while she was on a week and a half excursion I made a bad decision to cheat on her. I was pretty intoxicated and honestly regret it a lot, but I still did it. I ended up telling her when she got back (the next day, I am an idiot I know) and it cut her pretty deep. Things were going well for us and I honestly am not really sure why I did it, I just did it and knew i would regret it while doing it...just followed the wrong brain i guess. Since I am overseas away from my close friends, I am struggling a bit with the emotional side for myself. Her and I are working through things...and it seems OK...but I guess you can never really know with this type of thing. She has been better than anyone in my position could deserve, and I am grateful for that, but I need to vent and speak to someone because I can't do it to her, for obvious reasons, and i am holding emotions in i guess. I guess any insight users on this forum have would be helpful, mostly in regards to: How do i deal with this moving forward? How can I make my partner feel as good and happy as she can? Should I tell a friend or family back home for support? I am ashamed but I think telling someone might be constructive, and helpful for advice and emotional support. Any general advice of life experience would be very appreciated! Thanks!

Rose_3 First post, very nervous and alone. Seeking to create a support base for myself.
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have anxiety and a few months ago I struggled with depression and some pretty bad physical and mental issues. I have had issues for years and never sort help and a few months ago it all became too much and I even had to pull out of studying. No... View more

Hi, I have anxiety and a few months ago I struggled with depression and some pretty bad physical and mental issues. I have had issues for years and never sort help and a few months ago it all became too much and I even had to pull out of studying. Now, I am so much better than I was. But I have little support. So this is the first time I have opened up and I am very nervous. I literally have no friends and no one to talk to. I still struggle with anxiety and I have just got a new job and I am worried about getting worse if I do not handle it well or have no support. It feels really strange for me to write these things as I do not talk to anyone about, well, me. I am really looking forward to being a part of the BeyondBlue community. It is lovely to find that there are so many caring, kind people out there. Thank you for reading this.

Shininglight Depressed husband suddenly left
  • replies: 1

My husband of over 20 years has suddenly left. We have three young children & we were a very close, fun loving, social family. My husband has struggled with mental illness since before we met & we have been managing this together over the years. His ... View more

My husband of over 20 years has suddenly left. We have three young children & we were a very close, fun loving, social family. My husband has struggled with mental illness since before we met & we have been managing this together over the years. His sudden walking out of our family has shocked & devastated us. The kids & I are really struggling to come to terms with it, our family and friends are completely shocked & saddened by it. He still sees the kids & says he's doing it to be a better dad. I have researched that it's common for sufferers of depression/bipolar to blame the relationship & the only way they think they can escape their inner pain is to leave & start a new life. That their feelings are so repressed, they fantasise about a new partner as the only way they can feel anything good. This is exactly what happened. Before he left, he was in a long depression - angry, snapping at the kids, withdrawn, unengaged & unmotivated. It was like walking on eggshells. He said he had been speaking to his psychologist about needing a temporary break from the family stress. It was a shock as he'd never hinted at something like that before. So he planned a trip away on his own for a week or so. A few days before he left he had a big night drinking (excessive drinking has always been a problem) & hit rock bottom the next morning with suicidal thoughts. The night before he left he said our marriage was a problem & 'we' hadn't been happy for 5 years!! This was the first I'd heard of it & I do not agree. While away, he made the decision not to come back. I immediately went into overdrive researching intensive therapy, writing a mental health plan, arranging marriage counselling, whatever I could basically. But little did I know after only 4 weeks he'd started seeing a friend of ours, someone we saw every week with the kids. I found out about the relationship and he turned immediately on me - rage, anger, awful manic behaviour, threats to cut finances. I'm completely to blame apparently for not looking after him. I spent 2 whole decades supporting him, forgiving all kinds of inappropriate behaviour, finding therapists, picking up medication, picking up the slack at home, loving him unconditionally. But he doesn't see any of that. He was severely depressed with delusional negative thoughts about our marriage, followed by a manic episode. Do you think he'll ever get to a point where he acknowledges & accepts what he's done & either regret it or at least show remorse?

EllieC Having a baby on my own
  • replies: 12

Hi all, 27 year old woman here Earlier this year I suddenly decided I wanted to have a baby. I'm not exaggerating by saying 'suddenly', I visited a friend in hospital after she gave birth and met her new little one, and in the space of that afternoon... View more

Hi all, 27 year old woman here Earlier this year I suddenly decided I wanted to have a baby. I'm not exaggerating by saying 'suddenly', I visited a friend in hospital after she gave birth and met her new little one, and in the space of that afternoon went from not really having any interest to desperately wanting to become a mum. Several months later this feeling has gotten stronger if anything. I think about being pregnant, the excitement of waiting to welcome a new life into the world, getting to hold my baby for the first time, looking at them and being so in love with them and proud of them. The catch is that I'm not currently in a relationship. I haven't been for a couple of years now, in fact. So there's no obvious candidate for a father. At my age it's not like my biological clock is running down, so I know that I could wait, see if I meet somebody I want to take that step with in the coming years, and look at other options if that doesn't pan out in time. I don't know if I want to wait that long though? It's just a really powerful longing I have. It's 2018, there are medical options like donor sperm for women who want to have a child and don't have a partner. I wonder though if I would be missing out on the opportunity to share that joy with someone I love? And whether my child might feel like there's something missing because they don't have a father - not just no father in their life, but not even a father than I could name or tell them anything about? Anyway, I know that in the end this is a decision I have to make for myself, but I'm wondering if anybody has any input... has anybody gone the route of having a baby on your own, or waited for a partner and been glad you did, or grown up not knowing anything about one of your parents and felt like it negatively affected you? Any thoughts in general about becoming a parent or the desire to have a child (or lack thereof, if thats the case for you)? Any thoughts appreciated Ellie

PNC81 Pregnant and alone
  • replies: 3

My partner and I have been together for a year and I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first baby which was completely unplanned. He wanted an abortion to begin with but there was no way I could go through with that. He's been complaining of feeling down ... View more

My partner and I have been together for a year and I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first baby which was completely unplanned. He wanted an abortion to begin with but there was no way I could go through with that. He's been complaining of feeling down a lot and has tried 3 different types of anti-depressants and said the last one was working but we had a big argument a week ago and he said he couldn't do this anymore and left me. He said he's stopped taking the anti depressants because he's revealed that they actually weren't doing anything and says he still loves me but it's not working and he doesn't know what he wants. I just don't know what to do to cope on my own or support him. Looking for any tips and support at all right now as I'm feeling alone and scared.

Bubz Married but feel like we are housemates
  • replies: 2

Since my husband and I got together, we've never been passionate. I always felt I could change this and create it, by living together, by getting married and having kids. We've been married for two years and still nothing, whilst we were trying for k... View more

Since my husband and I got together, we've never been passionate. I always felt I could change this and create it, by living together, by getting married and having kids. We've been married for two years and still nothing, whilst we were trying for kids, he was not really interested in having to have sex on demand and eventually told me that my weight was the problem. (I use to weigh 55kg, but got to 70kg) due to aging. We met when I was only 21 and he was 30, I'm now 28 turning 29 in December. I had an abortion the day I met my husband, due to a relationship failing with another person - it was unexpected and my ex wasn't interested in having a child. I fear that due to managing that loss, I attached myself to my now husband to deal with the grief, guilt and loss. Losing sight of our incompatibilities, we've never really had anything in common. Roughly 4 years ago we moved to another region away from our friends and my family. My husband started blaming me for why we couldn't conceive, saying it is likely due to my abortion and they possible damaged something. We kept trying for 1 year and finally got tests, turned out it was due to his low sperm count. During the course of this year, he would always knock me back sexually saying he wasn't in the mood or make the process awkward, I started to feel unattractive, worthless and just yuck. We don't really spend too much time together, he smokes pot and usually isolates himself in a separate room and watches videos. I started talking to another gentleman who befriended me, as my only avenue of interaction, I opened up to him and he's been consoling me saying I'm beautiful, amazing and deserve better. We've been talking for the past 6 months now, he has told me he loves me and I feel like I like him also. I just don't know if I should keep trying to fix and correct my relationship, I seek passion and appreciation where my husband finds these as a dream or expecting too much from watching movies etc. I feel compelled to stay with my husband as he is almost 40 without children and that leaving him for my own happiness would affect his future too much. I find myself flirting with the other guy as I like the attention, feeling of being wanted - all the things which are lacking in my current relationship. I discussed a divorce with my husband some months ago, he didn't want to loose me as he loved me. I told him what my issues were, but I feel like he is falling back into the old patterns.

Gwen_777 Feeling lost and exhausted
  • replies: 2

I’ve suffered with depression for many years...I’m SSRI meds ....at times I drink too much....ok I got into a really bad habit of drinking after work and I’m now cutting out drinking all together and exercising more....but I woke up this morning and ... View more

I’ve suffered with depression for many years...I’m SSRI meds ....at times I drink too much....ok I got into a really bad habit of drinking after work and I’m now cutting out drinking all together and exercising more....but I woke up this morning and was so sad and down.....I was at my bf house (we have dated for over five years) but only really see each other once or twice a week....and I just woke up and couldn’t stop crying....he knows all my issues...he’s in management and even takes part in depression education for staff members... but every time I get down or want to be alone...he just keeps thinking I’m with someone else or that I’m talking to someone else...he says he doesn’t understand why I cry and feel sad for no reason....sometimes I don’t even know🤷🏻‍ He is very successful and I only have a diploma and a low paying but fulltime stable job....he keeps telling me how much money he has and how much super he has and what his children will inherit and how everyone at his work thinks he’s an amazing worker....he’s very much an a type personality...if I want a rest...he thinks I’m being lazy....he’s told me that he feels he would never be able to live with me full time...He says he doesn’t understand why I say and do some things and why I can’t get out of sadness when I’m down....we had a big disagreement this morning because I couldn’t stop crying and I don’t know why...i said if I’m so weird why are you seeing me still after all this time.....I just feel lost (I’m in my late forties and he’s late fifties) I said something terrible he has two children to two different women and he states that both of his past partners have had non diagnosed mental health conditions (his diagnoses) ?? and I said I’m mental too...why do you keep picking people with mental issues?? i know I’m horrible and nastt

Bubz Married but feel like we are housemates
  • replies: 1

Since my husband and I got together, it's never been passion filled, always felt I could change this and create it, by living together, by getting married and having kids. We've been married for two years and still nothing, whilst we were trying for ... View more

Since my husband and I got together, it's never been passion filled, always felt I could change this and create it, by living together, by getting married and having kids. We've been married for two years and still nothing, whilst we were trying for kids, he was not really interested in having to have sex on demand and eventually told me that my weight was the problem. (I use to weigh 55kg, but got to 70kg) due to aging. We met when I was only 21 and he was 30, I'm now 28 turning 29 in December. I had unfortunately had an abortion the day I met my husband, due to a relationship failing with another person it was unexpected and my ex wasn't interested in having a child. I fear that due to managing that loss, I attached myself to my now husband to deal with the grief, guilt and loss. Losing sight of our incompatibilities, we've never really had anything in common. My husband started blaming me for why we couldn't conceive, saying it is likely due to my abortion and they possible damaged something, which really upset me. I started to feel really alone and isolated as I had no friends to talk to about this and how it made me feel. We kept trying for 1 year and finally got tests, turned out it was due to his low sperm count. During the course of this year, he would always knock me back sexually saying he wasn't in the mood or make the process awkward, I started to feel unattractive, worthless and just yuck. I started talking to another gentleman who befriended me, as my only avenue of interaction, I opened up to him and he started console me saying I'm beautiful, amazing and deserve better. We've been talking for the past 6 months now, he has told me he loves me and I feel like I like him also. I just don't know do i keep trying, I seek passion and appreciation where my husband finds these as a dream or expecting too much from watching movies etc. I feel compelled to stay with my husband as he is almost 40 without children and that leaving him or my own happiness would affect his future too much. I find myself flirting with the other guy as I like the attention, feeling of being wanted - all the things which are lacking in my current relationship. I discussed a divorce with my husband some months ago, but I feel like he is falling back into the old patterns. Is it me, am I just expecting too much - Am I a bad person, I would never physically cheat on my husband, but this emotional cheating makes me feel like I'm being selfish.