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Advice very much needed for the love life and emotional state. Please Help.

WeAllNeedHelp
Community Member

Hi all, I hope you are all doing well.

Here is the story. Lately I just feel a complete change in how I feel about things. I don't feel as happy with my partner and that he just stays with me every weekend to which i feel like i don't get too much joy out of anymore. We were getting close the other night and when he was kissing me, I just wasn't feeling it but I enjoy our sex when i am up for it. I totally feel like i am cheating on him by having a wandering mind and wanting to spend time with a male friend I have made at work to which i already have confused emotions about.

I am curious yet unsure, interested because its new yet i am honestly too tired with life to start anything new and cant bear the thought of breaking up with my current partner if that's what I feel right. yet my work friend is probably moving for work in several months and can't bring myself to tell him i have a partner as i have no idea of his intentions with me.

What does every one suggest? I just can't bring myself to discuss anything about my feelings to my partner yet. I'm not feeling the love as much as I did even though i think it is still there. There are also too many guilty emotions like where would he go and what would we do if i left. plus i have never needed to end a relationship in the past

Someone please help, i am so confused and i just want to feel free. Plus work life (shift work ) which makes you tired as tired doesn't help

Kaylee

4 Replies 4

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Kaylee

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for telling us your story.

May I ask why your partner only stays with you at weekends? I can understand how lonely this can feel. Whether or not your partner can live with you full time I suspect it is this loneliness which makes another person attractive to you. We feel attracted to all our friends as they would not be our friends if we did not like them. I understand that your feelings toward this man are little different to friendship but when he leaves your organisation I think you will forget him quite quickly.

Is there a reason why your colleague should know you have a partner? You can always make a casual statement that your partner is returning home tonight and you are looking forward to his return. It would avoid the potential embarrassment of making the point about your partner to your colleague without appearing to assume you knew his attentions. He may well have a partner/girlfriend himself and feel more relaxed about a friendship with you.

You said i am honestly too tired with life to start anything new and cant bear the thought of breaking up with my current partner if that's what I feel right. This could just be 'the grass is always greener....' and given more house room by your partner's absence. It's not a uncommon situation. There's nothing wrong admiring someone else. It's what you do with that admiration.

Your current partner returns home feeling tired etc and wants you to be there as a comforting presence. So unless you have ideas about sleeping with this new man or any other outing, try to see him as a friend and move on.

Mary

Hi Mary. Thanks for your reply. My partner is away through the week for work. I like having that time to myself also. We've only been together 2.5 years but we've always done this arrangement. So to answer your statement I am not lonely. Well i guess I might be but not for my current Partners company which makes me feel horrible

Hello WANH

Sounds like your difficulty is a bit of a chicken and egg saga. Are you becoming disenchanted with your partner and the attraction to your colleague is the result or is being attracted to someone else making you question your attachment to your partner? Not that it matters a great deal as you are still left with a growing distance between you and your partner which I suggest needs considering regardless of this other man.

It's hard when you feel you are moving away from someone, especially if you are not sure why. Think about how your life will feel without the partner. It's tempting I know to presume you and your colleague will become a couple. It may or may not happen but considering this option will confuse your decision about your partner.

Working out the whys and wherefores of a relationship can be tricky. Make your decision based solely on the desire to stay with your partner or the desire to leave him. Try (not easy) to separate your thoughts about your partner from the thoughts about your colleague. You may find you want to leave the partnership and realise you do not want a partnership with your colleague. He may be only the catalyst for considering breaking up.

I hope my words are not confusing. If you need to talk to someone why not make an appointment with someone from Relationships Australia. They have counsellors all over Australia. It's often good to speak with someone who is objective but who can ask the hard questions. It sounds like you are really confused about your relationship and the effect your colleague has had on you.

Go and have a chat . Relationships Australia do not charge much and maybe you can resolve your difficulty in one or two discussions. It's always a good idea to make decisions based on all the information you can get.

I hope you will continue writing in here for as long as you wish.

Mary

Thankyou so much for your reply Mary. In answer to your first statement in the first paragraph, it is a little bit if both. I will certainly give relationships Australia a try. And going solely off my current relationship, I am still confused as he treats me well but I'm still not 100% happy and feel like I just want to have my own time to breath.