Supporting partner with anxiety and depression through grief

[PamelaR]

Hi all

It's been 10 days or more since I've posted in the forums. I've just travelled interstate by car for a funeral for one of my partner's family members.

What can I say. It was exhausting, the travel, the sleepless nights in strange places, the funeral, the unexpressed emotions by my partner and his family. While I love my partner and his family dearly, they have difficulties expressing how they feel. This ultimately culminates in my hubby and I having 'hissy fits' with one another. Driving and living 24/7 with my partner during this time drove me nuts.

I want to scream, yell, curse, do a dummy spit, pull my hair out. It's excruciating, but I'm getting through it. Home now and my cats, once they'd forgiven us, are my stabilisers. Hubby has gone off on his own - peace, quiet and ability to do my own thing. Hmmmm......

I sound terribly unsupportive don't I? Well, this is not quite right. He's had my undivided attention, much talking, much love. Just need a little space to breath and do what I want to.

Now to let go of my own grief. I've known the person (let's say A) for over 30 years. Since I met my hubby and went to family get togethers. Many diners we had. Such a lovely soul, who'd do anything for you, whose life was good. Rest in peace A. Thoughts go with you.

I have a pain in my chest that won't leave me at the moment, think it's only anxiety from all the upheaval of the past 2 weeks. I just need rest and time out for myself I think.

Supporting others when you have your own mental health issues is difficult. It's so important to take care of yourself too.

Does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share here? Feel free to do so.

PamelaR

[DizzyLisa]

Hi Pamela - I do. Grief is a awful thing and something I'm going through in spades at the moment. My father died 3 years ago, which I've never got over. A friend died a couple of months ago and my estranged mother is dying at the moment which has brought up so much grief and shame - but the estrangement is for good reason, which to others looks like I'm being selfish and cold. I don't know quite how to deal with it all as every time I start to feel vaguely better, a get a message about my mother which brings me right back to the bottom. It feels overwhelming and a big struggle right now to just keep going.

[PamelaR]

Hello DizzyLisa and welcome to our community forums

Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. Such a painful time, a lot of deaths in such a short period of time can be extremely draining.

You're so right about grief, it can get overwhelming and be a struggle. There are so many phases to grief that you go through. Each phase happening at different times - when they like. No rhyme, no reason. One of the very good things to know though, it does get better - I find it's getting the support to help me through. Writing in the forums is my outlet at the moment. My hubby has his own little world, one that he lives in, he talks and talks at times. I just nod my head and say yes love. Though this leave me floundering. That's why coming here is good. I can sort out my own emotions and thoughts. Take the focus away from him for a little and put in on myself.

How do you manage? Are you seeing anyone, e.g. a doctor or health professional? Is there anyone you can talk to, e.g. a close trusted friend or family member? I find these are important to help me through. Couldn't do without having my psychologist to call on when the going gets tough.

You're not alone DizzyLisa, feel free to reach out here if and when you want to. You sound like things are a little rough for you.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[DizzyLisa]

Hi Pamela thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it. I have friends but they are getting tired of me and have their own lives. I am on medication and do have a psychologist who I will see when she gets back from leave at the beginning of November. I'm just trying to keep going. Its hard work though, hard to get up each day - the internal fight is strong. The 'you must do this, get up' vs 'why bother, it won't work'. I know the exercises and work I need to do and how but I'm lacking the serious motivation to do it again. Right now, I don't have the inner strength to be able to say 'I believe in you' if that makes sense.

[PamelaR]

Hi DizzyLisa

Yes, it all makes sense. I too get like that. I have all the coping skills, and mechanisms but there are times when - who cares. That motivation is just not there. It gets me down, however, I'm a surviver and I find that inner strength from somewhere. Don't know where it comes from, but it does come when needed. To pull me out of the depths that I some times reach.

From all the work i've done with psychs over the years, the last one I think had the best views for me - find those basic beliefs about myself. What is it that causes my low self esteem and self worth that sends me to those depths. It helps, it's really good. But sometimes, you know - wouldn't it be good not to have to do that?

Hope this helps you rather than decreases your inner strength even more. Maybe look at more uplifting threads in the forum. I'm usually your very positive and opportunistic person. But grief pulls you down a little. I'll get back to my usual self shortly.

Kind regards

PamelaR