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An outside opinion on feelings of doubt with a 5 year relationship

Community Member

I've been with my partner for 5 years since I was just out of high school. For the first few years of our relationship I was so blindly in love I never had any doubt that I wanted to be with them, but over the past few years as I have matured a bit and started to think about what I really need from a relationship (especially in the long-term if we stay together) feelings of doubt about the relationship have started to grow. I'm a very emotional and sensitive person and most of my feelings of doubt about the relationship stem from me feeling my partner doesn't care about me as much as they should or at least doesn't show me they care as much as I need . Every day I tell them I love them, ask them how their day was and I make sure I ackowledge and say thank you for things they have done around the house, whereas my partner has never asked me how my day was (this seems trivial but I really notice) and I feel they don't take an interest in me or what is going on in my life. It's really started to affect my self-esteem and acceptance and makes me feel like I just want a partner who cares about my life and is there for me when I am overwhelmed with life and am going through a stressful time.

We recently bought a house together and since my partner is quite a bit older than me they have started to talk about getting married and having kids in the next few years. I honestly don't know if I even want to have children and definitely not in the near future. I think it's unfair for me to go on with this relationship if I'm having these feelings of doubt and my partner wants to start taking these next steps with their life that I am not ready for. Most of the time I love this person and can't imagine myself with anyone else but I just don't know if I can get over their issues with intimacy and being unable to be as emotionally supportive as I need. I know these issues would just get worse if we were to have children together. Do you think this is something someone can work on? Or are some people just less emotional than others? I want to work through this if it's possible but i just can't see a way at the moment. Any outside opinions or experiences from those in a similar situation on this would be helpful. Thankyou 🙂

1 Reply 1

Community Member

I once dated an older guy (14 years older ) I loved him but at the end of it we were not on the same page, There were underlying issues but we broke up and even though we don’t speak it was the right decision to leave.

I am now 28, I now have a partner and we love each other. We bought a house and I freaked out - I felt suffocated and that I wouldn’t be able to do the things I wanted to do. We are now engaged but no plans to marry but I know I want kids in the next couple of years.

i am very emotional, I need the thanks the I love you etc and my partner is very much if he didn’t want to be here he wouldn’t be. His parents are divorced and mine are together; he thinks coming and eating dinner at the table shows that he wants to be a family where I take that for granted and like it should be done. We just express ourselves differently.

I think you need to explain to your partner how you feel that you are not ready for kids just yet. You might be surprised, he could be doing it because in his head it’s the natural progression of a relationship. Have you travelled together ? I mean really overseas. And most importantly do you love or are you in love ?

i guess what I’m trying to say is it’s okay to leave and things will work out but some people show love in a different way and just because you are unsure doesn’t mean you have to end it, just detour your plans for a little bit!