Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Dunno_anymore Iv got no idea
  • replies: 1

Have no idea what to say, I figure Iv been depressed for years now, always angry or sad, sad or angry, unless I'm drinking, mind you that's not very often i have three children, two of which are living with autism, I share custody of them 50/50 with ... View more

Have no idea what to say, I figure Iv been depressed for years now, always angry or sad, sad or angry, unless I'm drinking, mind you that's not very often i have three children, two of which are living with autism, I share custody of them 50/50 with my ex. She left me for a woman, that was a bit hard to accept but Iv moved past that anger and hurt, after all she's still a great mum I have a decent job that pays all the bills, I just hate most of the judgmental right wing rednecks I'm stuck working with, guys I thought were decent and considered friends have certainly shown their true colours whilst debating the marriage equality survey. id like to quit but if I lose my job I lose my house, my kids need somewhere to live long after I'm gone. i feel lost, I feel stuck, i feel weak, I feel like a failure for being here writing this, I feel like pressing delete and forgetting today

Mumof1 Advice required.
  • replies: 11

My 2nd thread and hope to get some advice. My daughter turning 17 in a month has major depression is on medication and seeing a pyscologist. My issue atm is with her boyfriends influence and her rudeness. I like the boyfriend who suffers from depress... View more

My 2nd thread and hope to get some advice. My daughter turning 17 in a month has major depression is on medication and seeing a pyscologist. My issue atm is with her boyfriends influence and her rudeness. I like the boyfriend who suffers from depression also as they understand each other BUT I'm scared that she relys on him so so much. My DR said let him stay as she got something that makes her happy and stopping suicide thoughts. He has basically moved in. What I'm having a issue with is she listens to only him. He is saying pyscologists aren't helpful didn't help him. I got cranky and said she is staying with hers and you aren't a DR..I NEVER get 2 mins of her time they r joined at the hip. I do remember what young love is like but her rudeness and anger is always directed at her family only.. i have tried talking to her but she yells and says i hate him etc. I try to advise her don't lose your friends they r important. I'm on eggshells as is my mum and sister as we don't know when she will explode. Any advice appreciated thanks.

Lalalovessunshine 21 year old mum who's lost and feeling lifeless
  • replies: 8

Hi guys I'm new and came here for somewhere to vent and find something but I'm not quiet sure yet. I probably don't make sense at all but the truth is I'm really lost. I'm a 21 year old young mum to a beautiful little girl. The past 3-4 years have be... View more

Hi guys I'm new and came here for somewhere to vent and find something but I'm not quiet sure yet. I probably don't make sense at all but the truth is I'm really lost. I'm a 21 year old young mum to a beautiful little girl. The past 3-4 years have been a struggle. I've had to be a single mum and I'm living at home with my parents. My mum has a drinking problem (for many years now) and also battles her own mental issues (I think biopolar or something similar) and the drinking makes her much worse. When she drinks she's somebody else and will almost every night want to fight or pick at you (we have a long history of fights due to her emotional abuse and drinking). My dad now has joined her and started drinking too much (a big disappointment because we used to be close and he was my only stable parental figure) and now I feel like I've lost him. The father of my child/boyfriend/dontknowwhatweare is in prison serving a 2 year sentence. I've dropped my whole life waiting for him/working on us with what we have and it's now with 6 months left of his sentence and I'm now breaking to bits. Everything is getting too much. My family home is a cold cold home where my parents make it very obvious I'm a burden and I'm not wanted here they just want to enjoy their own life. My partner is a good man that respects and loves me SO much but I feel like all the stress/hurt I held in over the past few years has now come to haunt me and I feel like I'm falling. I don't feel happy, I don't look forward to waking up tomorrow, I don't look forward to the future, I've lost all life in me. I spend my day in bed under the blanket lifeless. My daughter just plays around me and constantly asks me to come play but I just can't get up. I love her so much she's my whole life. She's everything to me and I promise her I'll be the best mum I can ever be and will vow to never be like my own that suddenly give up on me once I turned 20. I feel really drained emotionally. I feel like every day that passes I get sadder and I can't seem to find love that I crave especially from my mother and family. My partner promises to give me my dream family life when he comes out but I feel like it's too late my soul is so abused/tired that I don't look forward to tomorrow morning let alone in one years time. Not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing. I don't want to leave the house and at breaking point. Thank u in advance for reading and listening to me tonight. Would appreciate someone to offer advice

Pls_Help I Can't Stand My Brother But My Family Enables Him
  • replies: 2

I am currently 18, and my older brother is 21 and we both live at home with our parents. My brother has never had a job and has only recently gone back to studying (he quit his TAFE course after 6 months then spent 2 years doing nothing) whereas I ha... View more

I am currently 18, and my older brother is 21 and we both live at home with our parents. My brother has never had a job and has only recently gone back to studying (he quit his TAFE course after 6 months then spent 2 years doing nothing) whereas I have been working since I was 14 and am studying full time at Uni. I know he has ASD or something similar but my parents don't talk about it when I'm around so I'm not 100% sure of what's wrong with him. He takes his anger out on me mostly e.g. if someone calls him out for being defensive he says things like "well X (me) is always attacking me so I have to be defensive". Which is a lie- I avoid him at all costs because I know he'll take it out on me and what's worse is my parents allow him to get away with this behaviour! He is also quite selfish- he gets paid by my parents to clean the house as a form of income but doesn't make any attempt to do a good job and often nags my parents for more money despite his terrible effort. And then he spends the money on stupid, unnecessary things. No matter what I say he takes it as a personal attack and lashes out at me. I have tried ignoring him to see if thT would help but it did absolutely nothing- he still blamed me for things happening to him. He also carries on about me never doing anything nice for him ever (thus verbatim not an exaggeration) despite me constantly lending him money knowing he won't pay me back and doing jobs for him and inviting him to things with a mutual friend, etc. Anyway I'm getting real sick of him blaming me for things that have happened as a result of his por behaviour not mine. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?

Guest_1584 How to cope with ex w's new man around my daughter - can be a chat thread for others if interested.
  • replies: 31

So many things now and over this last 6yrs,l feel as though people here might thing l'm making stuff up but ha, l wish !. We separated 5yrs ago,divorced 3y ago. together 19yrs. It was hell the first few yrs separating and although our marriage had be... View more

So many things now and over this last 6yrs,l feel as though people here might thing l'm making stuff up but ha, l wish !. We separated 5yrs ago,divorced 3y ago. together 19yrs. It was hell the first few yrs separating and although our marriage had been rough and l was no saint in our last few yrs, l wanted to save it , especially for my daughter and it was the hardest thing l have ever been through in my life. Well, ex met some guy , 6wks before we separated , 6wks compared to our 19yrs and our family. She starts seeing him full time when she moved out and had my daughter 60% of the time too , but we agreed that this guy or any future partners hers or mine were not allowed to be around my daughter until she was 16. She was 12 when we split, she's 16 now. Well , ex has married the guy. l won't go into this part here it's too long but as yet though they still don't live together and my daughter and ex still have there own unit. But ex does spend a lot of time over at his house, 12mins away, and just in this last few mths he's started being around my daughter and they take her places. It still makes me sick to the stomach, this is the guy that basically destroyed my family, and now he's taking them around in his car, my daughter even helped them with painting his house. Well , there's also been a couple of times they dropped her of here at my place too now. it just makes me puke , here's this guy and now ex's hub' bringing my daughter to me at my place. l dunno lf l'm being a big baby after 5yrs but it just feels like another knife in the heart every time. l don't want this guy at my house or with my daughter and l don't know how to deal with it or cope with it. l can;t help it or l don't know how too anyway. ex and l have worked well with parenting together right through but l fear that iif l was to ask her to keep him the hell away from my place and to bring my daughter herself, she might crack and make things hard me and my daughter,. it doesn't matter what rules or laws are in place , there are things a mother can easily do just by doing nothing at all even , tp make it harder and block the father in all sorts of ways. l don't really deal with ex as far as my daughter goes much anymore , it's mainly me and d organize our plans these days phone or text. Although we've kept most spite/bs out of this last 5yrs, she can still make things very awkward if l asked her this and it pissed her off. l just don't know, but seeing him rock up here makes me sick

Leighshan My husband has developed an Ice (Crystal Meth) and Sex Addiction and left me and our two children to pick up the pieces.
  • replies: 8

Four days ago I found out that my husband, who I love and adore, has been smoking Ice and meeting strangers for sex for at least the last two months. We have a one year old and two year old and I have been home on maternity for the past two and a hal... View more

Four days ago I found out that my husband, who I love and adore, has been smoking Ice and meeting strangers for sex for at least the last two months. We have a one year old and two year old and I have been home on maternity for the past two and a half years during which I thought would be the best time of my life, but it has all gone miserably wrong. I have been seeing a counselor for the last year to help with depression which I have always struggled with. This was bought on by feelings of isolation as we don't have family in Australia and also because I wanted to stay home full time but struggled to find other mums who were doing the same in my area. My husband has been extremely supportive during this and always puts myself and the children before himself. Over the past year though, despite him being supportive, he has also been going through a stressful work situation and has become argumentative, emotionally and verbally abusive and unpredictable in regard to his mood. I have tried and tried to encourage him to seek help but it just kept falling on deaf ears. Now, here I am, devasted as I have found out what he has been up to behind my back. Today he checked in to a detox facility and insists that he will do anything he can to regain my trust so that he can come back home and be my husband and a father to his beautiful children again. I am just so exhausted after a week of absolute devastation and feel so lost as what to do. I am seeing a counselor for myself and my husband and I will be embarking on relationship counseling when he is discharged from detox, as well as he will be involved in an outpatient program for drug and alcohol abuse, as well as the sex addiction. I am in between counseling sessions and my husband is off in detox and I'm am just feeling so much pain right now, I am looking for extra support on this forum and advice and encouragement to help me find the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other during this time. I have had family fly in from overseas to help me for a couple of weeks, so I am not looking after a baby and toddler full time alone, but that time will come soon and I need to be prepared and put some systems in place to ensure my children aren't affected and their lives continue to be happy and healthy despite the traumatic time their parents are going through. My heart aches and as someone who already struggles with depression, I am looking for all the support I can possible get right now.

Guest_2290 Feel silly and lonely
  • replies: 2

Hi, I dont know how to start this so ill just come out with it. Ive fallen for and cant get over my best friend. Ive never been with her and the whole time ive had feelings for her(over 12 months now) she has had a boyfriend. They now have a 2 month ... View more

Hi, I dont know how to start this so ill just come out with it. Ive fallen for and cant get over my best friend. Ive never been with her and the whole time ive had feelings for her(over 12 months now) she has had a boyfriend. They now have a 2 month old baby together and I hardly see her anymore and we only chat through phone calls or text but still I cant get over her...Over the last few days I stopped myself from texting and phoning her or commenting on any of her social media posts(not the first time I have done this) but I just feel guilty that im doing wrong by a friend and I always end up texting or calling her. I feel ridiculous, frustrated and annoyed at myself because I have never been with her, never even kissed her and even though im distancing myself and our lives are going in totally different directions, I still cant get over her. I have tried dating websites and going to parties and social outings with other mates but with no luck...

Sharmeen Never Felt Close to Anyone Except One
  • replies: 3

Hello Everyone, I am 24 year old, female and moved to Australia about a year ago. I have felt lonely pretty much most of my life. I had a bad childhood, I was sexually abused. I could never tell anyone, not even my family. I was sometimes beaten up b... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 24 year old, female and moved to Australia about a year ago. I have felt lonely pretty much most of my life. I had a bad childhood, I was sexually abused. I could never tell anyone, not even my family. I was sometimes beaten up by my father and those are the only memories I have of my childhood. I have never felt any attachment with my parents, never miss them nor do I miss any of my friends in the past. I feel I am stuck in the time where those bad incidences of my childhood took place. I still cry about those times, get dreams about them. I talk to my dad normally just superficial. I feel I can never forgive him and also my mom for never protecting me. I always resist people. Never want to get any close to anyone. I can't make a conversation of more than a min with any of them. In fact, I can't make a personal conversation with anyone. This is the first time I am even talking about this. I met this amazing man about 5 years ago. We both love each other like anything but I can't speak my heart out to him even after spending a long time with him. But i guess at this time I am resisting him too. I push him away all the time, say rude things on his face when I know I do not mean them. I no more enjoy sex . In fact, I hate it when he touches me. I feel disgusted and also sometimes I him back to push him away. I am okay with cuddling but when he tries something more than that, I resist. In my head I think does he just want this from me? I never get a desire to have sex on the other hand. I know he loves me but I feel I am hiding so much from him that I am not myself. He sleeps just next to me and I am still lonely. It is hard to believe but I feel I have not experienced happiness for a very long time. I have read a lot about depression and have done many online test for it. I am not sure how should I tell my GP or how do I even start a conversation? I feel like I am stuck at that very place where those bad things happened. I thought I will move places and I will be better but I am still stuck there. Just want to know if this is a medical condition or I have to live with this forever? I want to make things work with this person because he is only one I care about, only one whom I miss, only one I feel attached to. I hope reading other's opinions may give me a start and I could lead a happy life or at least take a step toward making my life better.

No_Grey_Areas Contact with Ex Wife - never while I am around
  • replies: 9

We've been married for a year and half (both second marriages). He has two adult children (27 and 30 year old). Hubby and I have had some huge big ugly arguments over his texting to his ex wife. He has let her know I am uncomfortable with it and I ha... View more

We've been married for a year and half (both second marriages). He has two adult children (27 and 30 year old). Hubby and I have had some huge big ugly arguments over his texting to his ex wife. He has let her know I am uncomfortable with it and I have seen texts to him in which she highlights how texting will get him into trouble - but then proceeds to text or text a time for a call. I have told hubby that he should never discuss my issues/ insecurities with his ex/ another woman!!! NEVER. She knows how I feel: yet continues to. We had a huge big ugly argument over the texting recently: it's never when I am around. No contact at all when I am around. Always when I am at work or out of home. In the recent argument, I told husband to let me in - let me know when he wants to contact her, about what or that she has made contact with him. Although it will be uncomfortable, at least it is not hidden. Step daughter (who the mum lives with) totally snubbed me at family get together and started a conversation with her Dad: Mum said she had messaged you...... It felt like a double whammy. The daughter will know that I have a contact issue with the ex (living with mum and all), and yet chose to bring it up at that time. Husband did NOT tell me of any contact - yet we agreed he would...... I felt like a huge outsider sitting with his family at the table. Everything stopped.... I had to walk away and did not return to table (went home). Am I wrong for feeling like an outsider? He seems to have made it clear that I am not in his family; yet encourages me to gatherings.... why? Why did step daughter do this! She knew full well the issues we have with her mum contacting her dad..... I am mad, hurt and want to walk away from it all. Hubby says I am treating him like poo. PS: he then told me what ex had texted, but only because it had come to light. He had NO intention of telling me otherwise (he even deleted text evidence from his phone).

kath92 Literally feeling like there's no hope.
  • replies: 4

Hi all, new to beyondblue - I have tried everything and am at wits end so thought maybe venting to strangers and hearing other stories might shed some light on my situation. My baby daddy and I have recently split up - due to my anger, unfaithfulness... View more

Hi all, new to beyondblue - I have tried everything and am at wits end so thought maybe venting to strangers and hearing other stories might shed some light on my situation. My baby daddy and I have recently split up - due to my anger, unfaithfulness, lying, drinking and all round abusivness towards him. We have an almost 2 year old who we have shared custody, she lives with me he has her twice a week. He's a wonderful dad and a great man whom I don't want to lose. After our daughter goes to bed I tend to self medicate and have some wine, which I know isn't healthy (for me because I'm starting to abuse it) I find I have suppressed anger from incidents as a child (both my parents are alcoholics) and my failing relationship with my child's father. I am on medication which I feel does Near to nothing for me and another medication for epilepsy although I feel it makes me angry which is strange as it's used as a mood disorder medication. It also makes me so tired and I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Last night I had been drinking and was so angry over bills, not being able to find work.. my ex came over and we chatted and I started getting angry so he left. This made me angrier and I rang him and said "if you don't come back I am going to strangle our daughter". I am so deeply ashamed to even type those words, I am so ashamed to even repeat them and am most certainly never going to hurt my child. I love my daughter so much and I honestly see myself as a great mother. I would NEVER hurt her, can't even imagine doing something so insane as that, but I said it because I was angry, wanting my way and because I am a spoilt BRAT. My ex did cheat on me and I have suppressed feelings about that. I use it against him and in this case I used our daughter against him and I am so disgusted and realise that is it something to throw around and say. I am embarrassed and I hate myself. I say this as I think that's what my problem is? I have OCD, I check my daughter and her breathing every hour... my psychiatrist doesn't listen to me he insists I'm fine but these thoughts or threats to get my way are not normal! I feel crazy