FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Should I Stay?

kiwiboy0897
Community Member

Hello,

I have been in a long-term relationship for almost 3 years now. However, there have been lingering doubts about my relationship which come and go. My partner is very genuine, honest and supportive. He is a really great guy, but there is a part of me which wants more in a relationship. We have identified these things and discussed them together. We’ve been trying to work on them, but I still feel the same way. I am afraid that this feeling will not subside, and I would rather let him go and allow us both to move on rather than continue to string him along. To some extent, I am worried that I am settling. There’s so much in my relationship which I value, but some of my needs aren’t being met.

There has also been someone who has recently come into my life who I feel has intensified these feelings and made me realise these things even more. These doubts were always there, but I kind of brushed them off. Now, they are not passing by.

Thank you in advance for your comments and contributions.

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Kiwiboy, sometimes even great relationship can't satisfy or fill that vacant spot you so long want and it needs to be accomplished, this can happen for several reasons, such as wanting that extra stimulation, which isn't being provided.

So another person enters with a different personality and with them they bring a flux of new ideas as well as behaviours, an incentive to bring life back into your personality.

If this does prevail then the excitement and enjoyment suddenly become stronger than with your existing relationship, however, after a while the same may also happen with this new r/lationship unless you can continually fill and achieve new ventures.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Resolute459
Community Member

Have you told him what your needs are and how do those needs match your original charter? What are those needs that are not being met? You didn't give much to go on kiwi.

-kibl

livi_mivi
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey Kiwiboy0897,

I'm sorry to hear that you are in this difficult circumstance, I can imagine how stressful this might be for you both.

It can be very difficult to navigate these situations, especially when trying to take the other person's feelings into considerations. It is good that you have discussed what needs aren't being met and working through them. Regardless of what the outcome may be, the fact that you were open and honest with your partner is all that you can guarantee. Sometimes, even the best relationship and partner might not bring the fulfilment that you expect or need it to bring. And sometimes, even when all of your needs are being met, it still might not be enough to sustain your relationship or change your feelings, and that is okay.

I think that the longer you dismiss these doubts, the harder to ignore and more pervasive they will become. Are these needs something that can be met and what will it take to meet them? Would you be able to continue in this relationship if these needs aren't met? What is it that has kept you with your partner for this long? What is missing from the relationship? All of these questions allow for a level of introspection that might aid you in your decision.

It's hard to know whether feelings will ever change so I think the more transparent and communicative you can be with your partner, the better. I wish you luck and hope you can both find peace in whatever decision you might reach.

All the best!