I'm such a bad wife....

[No_Sunshine_Left____]

We moved from Vic to Qld to be closer to family and left all our friends behind.

We had a fairly active social life with our friends before moving and it has been an aspect of us moving that both my husband and I sorely miss.

In an attempt to make friends, I joined a chat site and was general chit chatting to a few people, male and female.

One guy suggested we meet up and have a face to face chat (had been chatting for a few weeks at this stage and he played football at the same club as my husband). I didnt feel threatened or at risk when i met him in a local park.

My husband was fully aware I was speaking with him but was asleep at the time I met him due to work the next day.

I met this guy in the park and he is great, he is someone both my husband and I would be great friends with.

As I was rounding up our conversation to head home after a really good first meet, he kissed me. I pulled away immediately and just looked at him. He tried a second time... and I let him this time. I discontinued speaking with this person and havent spoken with him since.

I told my husband (honesty is important) and now we are extremely disconnected. My husband doesn't trust me (rightly so) and he cant even say he loves me anymore.

We have been together for 15 years and married for 3 years. My husband is my world and I feel like I've broken him - well I know I have!

Husband wont speak to me, he insists nothing is wrong, that all is well but its not, I can feel it.

Should I leave my husband so he can be with someone more deserving? This would break my heart!!

What advice can you guys offer me? I am not getting any emotional love from my husband, he is only interested in sexual love now and it makes me feel like a prostitute.

[No_Sunshine_Left____]

To add a little more information, I have extreme anxiety and depression due to a number of events throughout my life which I am challenging myself on daily. I have lost babies with my husband, laid to rest our family dog, my 19yo died in a horrific car accident and my life has been turned upside through grief and loss. I may not have made the best decisions in life but my heart and life belongs to my husband, he just doesnt believe me anymore and its making me feel worthless and undeserving of his love.

[Sophie_M]

Hi No Sunshine Left,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. This is a really good space for sharing what's going on. Many in this community will be able to relate to some aspect of what's going on for you, and we hope that you can feel less alone once the community spots your post. 

We can hear that the relationship issues you're having are having a really big impact on how you're feeling day to day, so first and foremost we want you to know that we're here, and that you deserve to feel supported and listened to, even if you're feeling really guilty. It sounds like you've dealt with some enormous challenges, so we're really glad you could share here. If you'd like to talk it through with our Support Service, we'd welcome your call anytime, on 1300 22 4636. A few other options are:

• Griefline, on 1300 845 745
• Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here. Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Bridge678]

How long ago did this all take place? I’ve been in your husbands shoes recently and I can assure you as much as I want it to work with my husband, what he did breaks me every day. I’m not ok and sometimes wonder if I ever will be. The one thing I need from him the most is to realise how much he has broken me and keep trying to fix it and not blame me for not forgiving him. I also haven’t told him I love him since, it just doesn’t feel right to say it yet. If you love him be patient, I can’t describe the pain.

[Fiatlux]

Firstly, you are not worthless or undeserving of love.

Nobody, deserves to be treated poorly by their spouse regardless of what has happened.

When I read your post, It resonated with me.

In brief, I was in an abusive marriage for over 30 years. I made the terrible mistake of confiding in a male, a Social Worker with many years experience in DV. I kept this new friendship from my husband. As we were just mates. My husband didn’t see it that way. He became very aggressive and threatening when he discovered that I had told someone about his terrible treatment of me. There’s a lot that I can not disclose here on BB.

My husband wasn’t upset about the abuse that I had endured but rather upset that someone else, another Male knew about it. The threats and my husband’s need for revenge, eventually forced me to leave him. I had to be the one to move out of our home.

I had only moral support from my friend as he was in another State. (My husband also threatened my friend).

Soon after I set myself up in a new place, my dear friend and confidant, took his own life.

I was so grief stricken that I almost succeeded in taking my own life. My husband had pushed me to the point of despair. I still wasn’t safe from him and the harassment continued.

This is only part of my story.

Although your husband is hurt, he doesn’t have the right to treat you like this. His words and actions can have devastating consequences. I learnt this the hard way.

Have a serious heart to heart with your husband.

[Resolute459]

Because he is dispondant and not capable of speaking, I will say you are the negative things you say about you. You have contact with any person and it is your relationship's business. What do I think?

Go for that advice that says he doesn't have the right. You don't owe him all of the time he needs to get through it.

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