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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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DangerousDave78 Partner has abruptly ended relationship and blocked social media.
  • replies: 4

I have known my partner for 6 months and within the last 2 months have become very close, way more than friends. We haven't placed a label on it but were very much beyond dating. We live apart in different states, met and courted due to my being in h... View more

I have known my partner for 6 months and within the last 2 months have become very close, way more than friends. We haven't placed a label on it but were very much beyond dating. We live apart in different states, met and courted due to my being in her location for work and the discussion of LDR hasn't been a concern or issue to either of us. She does however have a history of an emotionally abusive ex-husband and suffers PTSD and anxiety as a result which she receives counselling for. Recently to add to this her grandfather is close to passing away and her father appears to have cancer, literally occurring within the same week putting tremendous strain on her. In all this I've tried to support her as best as I can. A week ago I came home to QLD, we left on great terms and we talked to each other daily but for a good 24 hour period she fell silent. The next morning I messaged and asked what was going on as it was really disconcerting and she told me that she "couldn't do it anymore, couldn't sleep or eat, was in a bad way and that she just wanted out." After that, blocked me on facebook and instagram however hasn't blocked me on Snapchat which is what we primarily use to talk / video call. But to date won't answer back to my messages or take/return my calls asking to talk about things. Will look at story posts but gone silent. I have her phone number naturally but trying not to bombard her. I love her very much and understand she is going through a lot right now but hard to understand why she is choosing to shut me out. I still have no idea what exactly is bothering her. There is a lot more context that I can't fit into 2500 character limit. Just asking for some help and insight as to what I should do that I haven't done already which is to reassure her, say I'm there for her and want to talk to her. Afraid to lose her as I consider her to be my person and I firmly believe she feels the same.

running_girl My partner is upset that my mum is friends with my ex
  • replies: 3

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. His relationship with my mother had never been easy. My mother is elderly and it makes it hard for me to go on holidays as I don’t like to leave her. my mother maintains a mother/son type relat... View more

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. His relationship with my mother had never been easy. My mother is elderly and it makes it hard for me to go on holidays as I don’t like to leave her. my mother maintains a mother/son type relationship with my ex husband. I’m not in contact with my ex myself out of respect for my current partner although there’s no bad blood between us my Ex wants to travel interstate to visit my mum for a week and I thought it would create a good opportunity for me and my partner to get away for a short vacation as mum would be cared for by my ex who also happens to work in aged care. I told my partner of this arrangement and he took it extremely badly. He didn’t know mum and my ex stayed in touch and he is shocked and hurt. His reaction was so bad I felt that he was questioning my own fidelity to him, which he says he wasn’t. was I wrong to be open with him about my ex staying with my mum? Is he right that this is “ludicrous” and abnormal? I always try to do the right thing but I’m being treated as if I’ve done something terribly wrong. I am despairing over this

PsychedelicFur How can I deal with my partner's pessimistic friends and father?
  • replies: 8

Hello there, Firstly, my partner and I are in a loving, supportive and wonderful relationship together. I love him dearly and he treats me with respect and unconditional love. We have been together for three months off a year and I feel safe with him... View more

Hello there, Firstly, my partner and I are in a loving, supportive and wonderful relationship together. I love him dearly and he treats me with respect and unconditional love. We have been together for three months off a year and I feel safe with him. Most of his friends are lovely and I genuinely get along well with them. Although, I am dealing with a bit of anxiety circulating around a few of his friends and his father. A few of his friends, two of them, in particular seem to be very pessimistic. I met one at a group dinner very recently and she was really judge- mental. Someone congratulated the fact that I had completed my first year of my university degree and she said "she still has two years yet." in a pessimistic tone. She seems very negative and judge-mental. She hits her friends with a handbag when they 'annoy' her. And to me that doesn't seem right, even if it is friendly banter. She is constantly commenting on everyone's decisions. And judging them quite harshly. And it made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to communicate to my partner that I felt that she was very judge-mental and pessimistic. Another friend of his seems to also be pessimistic. The first time ever meeting me she asked if he was a 'gentleman' in the bedroom...I was shocked! She calls him 'dumb dumb' and touched his personal property - his record player with a record playing on it. And she said in his house "you are not my Dad, you can't tell me what to do!" this was as she helped herself to pulling things out of the backyard shed. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THESE PEOPLE? THEY GIVE ME SEVERE ANXIETY. I LOVE MY PARTNER BUT HECK... THESE PEOPLE ARE REALLY CRAPPY FRIENDS. My partner has issues with his Father too. His father is constantly rushing him by saying "come on, hurry up. Put on your skates and get going." I should also point out, both my partner and I are autistic. When my partner lived at home, I heard his father speak to him like "YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES, DINNER IS ON THE TABLE!" and "YOU BETTER MAKE YOUR BED TODAY."It triggers bad memories of my narcissistic mother and now I realize I am severely hypervigilant. How do I deal with all of this?? He rushes us and it gives me anxiety.

EmmaP My BPD GF suddenly upped and left
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, My borderline personality disorder girlfriend upped and left me yesterday without warning. We had been friends for 4 years and together for 7+ months. It was her birthday last week and I made sure to make it special for her. Its my birth... View more

Hi Everyone, My borderline personality disorder girlfriend upped and left me yesterday without warning. We had been friends for 4 years and together for 7+ months. It was her birthday last week and I made sure to make it special for her. Its my birthday this week and she upped and left before my birthday. She half did the breakup over text and half via a letter she handed to me in person. She sent the text when she knew I would be at work and I was a hysterical mess in the work bathroom on the floor. I went straight to my best friends house. She has been very sick mentally, but I didn't see it coming. Everything was perfect last week with her birthday, I had a performance on the weekend and she was extremely supportive and even jumped on stage when I finished and kissed and hugged me in front of everyone. She then gave me a bit of the silent treatment this week, and I just assumed she was having another "episode" and gave her the space. Next thing you know she has left me, with stupid excuses. She hadn't and wouldn't discuss what was going on for her this week or of late so I had no indication of what was going on for her. She tried to do it "humanely" but it has left me broken hearted and smashed into a million pieces. She says its because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and its not fair on me how sick she is, but it just seems really ironic because she has hurt me incredibly by doing it. When we first got together she idolised me and put me on a pedestal in true BPD fashion, and she then tore the rug from under me in true BPD fashion. We had so many plans and future goals, and now I'm feeling lost. I gave this relationship everything, which may have been my downfall. I read the books, set boundaries, cared for her when she was sick, gave her space when she wanted it. My problem is separation anxiety after my mothers and fathers abandonment of me when I was younger, & then my grandmothers sudden death two years ago, she was my best friend. I feel like my now I cannot trust and like one more person has abandoned me after the promise of eternal love and never going anywhere. Just as I was getting my anxiety and depression under control this has happen and it now feels like 5 steps backwards. I'm trying to stay positive but its hard and my chest feels like its been pounded in, I can't eat and I just want to sleep, but when I do I'm constantly waking up and having nightmares. Sorry, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest ...

Tata.M Stressed about having baby no.2
  • replies: 1

Hi... Am not sure if am over reacting but am having sleepless nights about it. I have a baby under 2 years and expecting baby number 2 this summer. The problem is that I feel overwhelmed and scared of the loneliness experienced with my first child. I... View more

Hi... Am not sure if am over reacting but am having sleepless nights about it. I have a baby under 2 years and expecting baby number 2 this summer. The problem is that I feel overwhelmed and scared of the loneliness experienced with my first child. I asked my mum to travel from overseas to help and she was happy to take leave from work and help me for 4 months. My husband has completely refused for her to come live with us and all he says is we can do it without external help. I have expressed often to the point of breaking down that I can't and I don't want to go through what I went through before. He doesn't seem to understand my position and I feel helpless. We both have no family in Australia hence I don't expect any support. How do I deal with this. My 2nd baby will be here in less than two months.

Jay__Bee Alcohol has ruined my marriage
  • replies: 1

I am sure there are probably similar stories which I’ll be sure to search.Its been rough my marriage is literally on the rocks ok a little light humour. My wife had told me multiple times to cut down my drinking. I don’t drink every night but I’m a b... View more

I am sure there are probably similar stories which I’ll be sure to search.Its been rough my marriage is literally on the rocks ok a little light humour. My wife had told me multiple times to cut down my drinking. I don’t drink every night but I’m a big binge drinker. It could now all be too little too late, I’ve got some help with understanding why and what has lead to all of this. I don’t crave alcohol at all and for the past 2 weeks haven’t had a drop. I know it does terrible things mentally when you are dealing with things so the thought of it actually makes me feel sick. My wife is sick of it and doesn’t believe I’ll change. I actually don’t blame her but all I can do is keep working on myself for myself foremost however she is not really saying how she feels. If we try to talk about it she gets upset. Control of her feelings is out of my hands, I just feel so empty with out her. Feel that I’ve missed out on great fun times all due to drinking. It could be all too little too late and mentally it is hard while I’m in the spare room just waiting for her to give me the tick or give me the flick. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up, I feel sick to the stomach, it’s the wait and not knowing. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I fear she’s checked out.

Niki1603 Hurt by my boyfriends past with no right to be
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he is the best thing to have happened to me. He is so loving and supportive of my mental health. We met on an online dating app, and messaged for a few months before we went on our first date.... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and he is the best thing to have happened to me. He is so loving and supportive of my mental health. We met on an online dating app, and messaged for a few months before we went on our first date. After a few weeks of dating once we met, he told me he had a one night stand with a friend of his whilst we were texting. I never cared at first because we were not together. One day I was thinking about it a few months into us being together and immediately panicked. I had done a full 180 and convinced myself he had cheated on me by sleeping with someone whilst we were texting. My adult brain knows this isn’t true, but I can’t help but hold onto this thought and it impacts my everyday life. My therapist as well as everyone else I’ve spoken to about it has told me he did nothing wrong, but I can’t accept that answer and I don’t know why. When I’m distracted I’m fine, when I’m alone I go over it again and again and can’t believe the facts that he did nothing wrong. I worry so much about it to the point where I’m worried if I can’t get over it and be happy I’ll have no choice but to walk away. But I do not want to do that because I know he did nothing wrong. I just can’t accept this. Has anyone else been in the same situation and if so please let me know how you dealt with it and overcame it. I find I’m going in a vicious cycle and I just want ti be happy for the both of us.

1980 Should I stay or go? (Emotional abuse (
  • replies: 2

Three years ago I found out my partner had taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or consent. Through psychology I realised that there was a long history of emotional abuse. We separated for 9 months and he did a lot of work with a psycholog... View more

Three years ago I found out my partner had taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or consent. Through psychology I realised that there was a long history of emotional abuse. We separated for 9 months and he did a lot of work with a psychologist and we got back together. While things aren't as bad as they were I feel like he never really addressed the core of the problem. He knows what to say and do but never really addressed how bad this was for me. Also, a condition of us getting back together was that our relationship would be porn free, because this was a slippery slope to normalising the non consensual photos. He says he is attracted to my body which is petite and looks most like a younger woman than one my own age. I'm not sure if I'm being unrealistic with the porn issue as I know a lot of men watch it, but breaking this promise was a big deal for me. Last week I told him it's over and now he's saying he'll do whatever it takes, he'll go to a domestic abuse counselor or group etc. When it's good it's really good, it's not all bad but I'm not sure I should hold on for him to do the work, although we have a long history with a lot of good things in our relationship and we also have kids. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening

Stevolica27 Partner makes plans last minute for just about every holidays/long weekend
  • replies: 1

This might seem trivial and I've posted a similar thing around Christmas, but it really ramps up my anxiety. There have been several long weekends this year and aside from Australia Day, my partner has made plans (often the week of) to go with family... View more

This might seem trivial and I've posted a similar thing around Christmas, but it really ramps up my anxiety. There have been several long weekends this year and aside from Australia Day, my partner has made plans (often the week of) to go with family and friends, camping essentially. Sometimes I go, have a good time, sometimes we go together for day trips - I'm happy to compromise, sometimes she goes the whole time and either go one night, the whole time, and/or do my own thing. She went all of Easter and I went out of those nights and hung out elsewhere catching up with my own friends the rest of the time, which she doesn't tag along to unless planned in advance. We had made an agreement that the long weekends were up for grabs but she suggested the May Day weekend for staying home, doing things around the house (that we need to do) and doing things together that we both like to do, just us. We were going to join the family this weekend just gone but my gf was sick and decided not to go - we even thought of doing a day trip etc and I was happy to drive and support (we also didn't manage to have much fun at home due to sickness). But this weekend, I thought was just gonna be about us and planning that together but 'everyone' is going camping again so my partner wants to go for at least one night "since we missed out" this past weekend. The thing that gets me upset is that we both know how much allocating an occasional long weekend to doing our own thing, particular if the longer weekend time allows us to plan different kinds of adventures. I just don't want to default all the time to what 'everyone' is doing, because they decided to do it that week ... Maybe I have no right to hold onto our May long weekend plans since we have other weekends together, but similarly, we could organise for everyone to go camping any weekend for the one night - the place they go is 2 hrs away for us, 3 hrs away for the rest. Any thoughts/criticisms of my perspective welcome - just need to get out of my own head. Cheers,

random__ I’m terrified of my ex best friend
  • replies: 6

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so scared of this girl.. we have known each other for 10 years now she was my best friend and ex girlfriend.. but she’s always been the same.. she would comment of my weight and appearance, stalking my house and a... View more

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so scared of this girl.. we have known each other for 10 years now she was my best friend and ex girlfriend.. but she’s always been the same.. she would comment of my weight and appearance, stalking my house and always take the guys that I liked away from me.. but she has gone to far, 3 years ago she falsely accused me of something horrible! she accused me of sexually assaulting her.. she turned my life upside down due to this.. we hadn’t spoken for 6 months after that.. but then she sent me a message saying that she falsely accused me and it was her boyfriend who told her to do it.. I couldn’t handle being around her.. she made me feel so worthless.. so I moved to another state.. but now she’s followed me here.. she has moved 3 times getting closer to where I live and now she’s only 30mins away… she stalks my social media’s, tells everyone that I SA’ed her and replicates everything move I make in life to how I look, dress and what I post on social media.. she’s destroyed a lot of my old friendships with the things she has told them and posts about me a lot.. I’m so scared of her.. I’m scared of doing things I wanna do in life.. I have sleep problems and since dealing with this whole situation I hate physical touch.. I feel like throwing up when I think about her.. I don’t know how to handle this anymore.. I feel like I’m drowning!