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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Juliet_84 Do you have “that conversation” with your parents before they die?
  • replies: 11

Hi all, I grew up in a household with a very controlling and volatile mother. She had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, a superiority complex and a need to always be right, would constantly see you as a threat to her authority (in her own mind) so wo... View more

Hi all, I grew up in a household with a very controlling and volatile mother. She had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, a superiority complex and a need to always be right, would constantly see you as a threat to her authority (in her own mind) so would create ridiculous rules that you had to follow just to assert her dominance, would forever initiate arguments and then say incredibly hurtful things. But perhaps most hurtful was my father, in contrast, he was kind and loving and consistent, but gutless. Not even a bystander, she would often get him to do her bidding. She would often send him to do her dirty work and break up whatever fun we were having to march us back to her, and he did it dutifully. It’s little wonder I ended up in a DV relationship as an adult. Now I have a very pleasant relationship with both of my parents. My dad had always been happy and loving and my mother is now committed to the role of being a loving and caring mother (partly due to appearances I’m sure), and she can uphold that for the brief visits that we see her. For a time, I even considered that it was likely a stressful time for her too and we have all moved on and put that chapter behind us. My sister has recently moved back home for a spell and can confirm that my mother has not changed one bit and is back to her old tricks. Both of my parents are ageing. My question is, do you have your say and tell your parents the effect they had on you growing up and hold them accountable for their behaviour or do you let sleeping dogs lie and try to move on and heal on your own? Will I regret not saying how I feel?

movingkids Moving from country town to city
  • replies: 2

I have a child with anxiety and struggle to help her as I don't understand the condition much. I have been offered work in a capital city which means moving. We tried a couple of weeks and she had a panic attack in the city centre. She has said she c... View more

I have a child with anxiety and struggle to help her as I don't understand the condition much. I have been offered work in a capital city which means moving. We tried a couple of weeks and she had a panic attack in the city centre. She has said she can't handle the city and likes the small town we live in. She did not really leave the house when in the city and she will need to change schools as well. She does SH as well. She is 13 yrs old but for me the job opportunity and increase wages is to good to pass. Will I make things worst for her forcing her the change towns and school.

Cloo I think my girlfriends mentally draining
  • replies: 9

I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a bit now. It’s been pretty smooth sailing but over the past couple of months things have been starting to get really bad. A while back we had a moment where we fought and eventually broke up, but we t... View more

I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a bit now. It’s been pretty smooth sailing but over the past couple of months things have been starting to get really bad. A while back we had a moment where we fought and eventually broke up, but we talked and gave it another go. Since then things haven’t been the same. I don’t want to sound like a bad guy or anything, but my girlfriend’s been mentally and emotionally draining, and I’m not sure if it’s gonna get better. I’ve been told by heaps of people that I should talk to her about it, but I’m always met with a harsh lecture about how she can’t help it, practically making me feel more drained for even attempting to speak up about it. I’ve tried to explain that I want breaks where I can have time to myself, but she guilt trips me into not having them, whether that’s forcing me to explain every reason why I want one which even then isn’t enough, or gets mad at me while using the ‘how-about-what-I-want’ card. Even when I’ve gotten breaks, I get calls from her asking if I’m annoyed or mad, which typically last the whole day, not even giving me a break at all. She also constantly asks me if I’m ok, mad, annoyed, in the mood to talk, ect. Regardless of my answer, she gets stressed and doesn’t believe me at all, saying I’m sad and pressuring me to tell her what’s wrong, when nothing is wrong. She then gets upset, saying I’m annoyed and demanding a reason why. I could be perfectly normal, and how I usually am, yet she stills asks what’s wrong and says I’m annoyed. And then she begins to go on, saying how I’m not doing something, or I’m doing something wrong, even bringing up things that don’t relate to anything. Sometimes she says something that I can’t understand then proceeds to say it’s nothing or it doesn’t matter, then gets upset about how I didn’t listen or that I don’t want to talk. To put things short, I’m getting extremely drained by her, which is affecting everything else in my life, school, work, even friendships cause I can’t go out because she gets upset from it. I’ve had thoughts about what I should do and if it’s the relationship I want, but I have this guilt about ending things, especially seeing how she was the first time. I’m honestly stuck and don’t know why to do.

Hope-Less Used Up
  • replies: 4

I am struggling to accept my son does not respect me.He is in his early 20s not working, doing community service a couple times a week& treats me like I am dirt.My only use to him to picking up after him and expected to provide a roof over his head a... View more

I am struggling to accept my son does not respect me.He is in his early 20s not working, doing community service a couple times a week& treats me like I am dirt.My only use to him to picking up after him and expected to provide a roof over his head and pay bills.The topic of paying board is either laughed at or anger reflected back at me. He screams- who is expected to pay to live in their own home?My responses are to point out I work and have a large mortgage and have bills to pay. Now he has moved in his pregnant teenage girlfriend and displays all the signs of psychological abuse…starting with going out and leaving her at home in their bedroom. Swearing and yelling at her. Going through her contacts in her phone, to check their are no males.They leave rubbish around the house and clothes on the bathroom floor- expecting me to clean up.After three divorces, I am diagnosed with complex PTSD, anxiety and severe depression.My youth has faded along with my looks & loneliness is real in my isolation.I cannot see joy for very long, the idea of my first grandchild gave me joy, but faded quickly when I watch my son who thinks it is fine to sleep, eat and copulate. I try to remind myself I brought my daughter up to be a functional, successful member of society any parent would be proud of. The vast difference in personalities is unbelievable. I am worn out and hope has faded.

Cakecake Guilt that my divorce hurt my children
  • replies: 7

I always prioritized my children over everything. I only married as I was pregnant (unplanned) and I wasn’t in love with my partner. I wanted my baby to have siblings and a family. It was working pretty well, although I was unfulfilled in my marriage... View more

I always prioritized my children over everything. I only married as I was pregnant (unplanned) and I wasn’t in love with my partner. I wanted my baby to have siblings and a family. It was working pretty well, although I was unfulfilled in my marriage and husband was quite dependent and more like another child than a partner. I became obsessed with a much older and senior man I worked with. He was very flirtatious and pursued me. I told my husband that I had fallen in love with someone else, but he became became extremely angry, hopeless and clingy and even more dependent than before. Anyway a year went by and I finally caved and visited this man and told him my feelings and kissed him. I felt so guilty and anxious, my husband could tell and he was able to track my movements and so discovered what had happened. He threw me out, in front of the kids, it was awful. However he called me to return a couple of hours later. The next few months were a nightmare, the older man was perusing me begging me to be with him, and I really loved him. my husband was tracking me and getting alternately angry, scaring me with potential scenarios where he said that if I left I wouldn’t be with my kids or hear about them for weeks. Or he was hopeless and desperately attached to me. I moved into the study of our house, and separated from my husband and commenced a relationship with the older man, well I actually tried to brake it off with older man several times as I was so scared to leave marriage and lose full custody of my kids, It was very hard to brake up with him, impossible actually. Husband says I was cheating on him during this time, and remains extremely bitter and angry. When home school started I moved to my parents regional property with the kids and took them home to their dads on weekends, and husband and I never lived in the same house again. Im not with the older man now either, who I now believe was a very toxic person who shouldn’t really have persued a married women with young children. There is still so much acrimony with my ex husband. I have worked so hard to shelter my kids from all the troubles, and they are doing very well actually. Their dad has become much more hands on. However I always feel so guilty, remorseful, and sad that I destroyed their family. When I am not with them and they’re at their dads I’m so sad the entire time. I’m so worried they will end up with illness. I love my kids so much, but I ruined their lives.

Username01 Is this a normal or okay situation?
  • replies: 2

I have been struggling with this for a few years and although I’ve done a lot of work I am still unable to accept it. I am just wanting some insight from others into my situation if possible. As a teenager I was practically groomed by a man more that... View more

I have been struggling with this for a few years and although I’ve done a lot of work I am still unable to accept it. I am just wanting some insight from others into my situation if possible. As a teenager I was practically groomed by a man more that 10 years older to go to live with him. I was just over the age of consent, so it was not illegal. He said he would help me get my licence and get on my feet as my family situation wasn’t good. It immediately became an abusive sexual relationship I was in for about a year which ended in pregnancy, and I left. I applied to court for custody arrangements as I was not comfortable to negotiate with him alone. They found it was an abusive situation but not illegal, and not involving the child so co-parenting was ordered. It has been over 5 years since I left and I am having a terrible time having to deal with this man and try to co-parent. It is distressing having contact with him. I feel as though it was very wrong what happened, and the way my child was conceived, but there is no accountability for what happened. I know it was not illegal as I was just of age of consent, but he was so much older and there is a huge power imbalance. I just can’t believe I am in this situation. I would just like to hear other people’s insights into this situation, as I read about other people’s co-parenting but have never read about a situation similar to mine. Thanks for any replies.

Jenny8 Am I jealous, lazy or being taken advantage of?
  • replies: 4

My mum is living with my sister who is married with 2 kids while I’m living with my dad. My parents are still together. It’s a separate issue why mum is away but she’s meant to visit everyday.I work all day everyday (2 jobs), clean the house, care fo... View more

My mum is living with my sister who is married with 2 kids while I’m living with my dad. My parents are still together. It’s a separate issue why mum is away but she’s meant to visit everyday.I work all day everyday (2 jobs), clean the house, care for animals and do the yard work. My dad is an old school farmer so wife cooks, washes and cleans. But she doesn’t. I do. If I leave dishes in the sink or washing in the machine it’s waiting for when I get home. While my sister never did anything until she moved out, I even did her and her partners washing beforehand. I like things tidy so I don’t mind cleaning up but I get very overwhelmed. I’ve even hung washing out by torchlight at midnight and skipped showers because I don’t have time. And always unbelievably tired. Am I jealous of my sister, whinging or is mum asking a bit much?

Odysey1977 Need some advice
  • replies: 2

Long term subscriber / reader, first time poster. I need some advice to a situation I put myself back into, but now feel like an absolute because I truly don't want to hurt my family - but know I am / will. I was previously separated for 4 years and... View more

Long term subscriber / reader, first time poster. I need some advice to a situation I put myself back into, but now feel like an absolute because I truly don't want to hurt my family - but know I am / will. I was previously separated for 4 years and was very content with being on my own. At the end of last year (following a lot of lockdowns, etc), I visited my ex (for whom we share a child) and daughter. Naturally I had missed them last year due to lockdowns, border closures, etc. However (and this is where I chose a path), I suggested that I missed my ex and my family. I have since moved back in with them, however the issues that faced us 4 years ago are still there - nothings changed. I love my child dearly but am more "friends" with my ex. I feel like an absolute monster and know I am hurting her - which I desperately don't want to do. The other aspect is where they live (state wise), I have mental health issues and very bad memories of. Now when I am there, I can feel my mental health slipping and I desperately don't want to be in that mental space ever again. I haven't told my family this and I know they won't move to the state I love and feel at home. I am stuck and have no idea what to do. Any suggestions, thoughts are extremely welcome. Has anyone been in this situation before?

DosShoeman Finding the Motivation
  • replies: 1

Im interested to know from the everyone what has caused you to lack motivation in searching for a partner, and what has helped gain that motivation back? Personally, many of my previous relationships have been mentally taxing causing me to stop takin... View more

Im interested to know from the everyone what has caused you to lack motivation in searching for a partner, and what has helped gain that motivation back? Personally, many of my previous relationships have been mentally taxing causing me to stop taking care of myself for a period of time. With every recovery I step further away from being interested in pursuing a new partner. I feel cemented on the idea of not actively searching for a partner right now, and I'd like to change that but need some encouragement. So what has helped you change ambitions and get you out searching again?

CamdenChucks New dad at breaking point
  • replies: 5

Hi there. I have a relatively new son who is 11 months old who I love very much. Over the last couple of months however my relationship with my wife hasn't been the best. We both work around 30 hours a week trying to juggle looking after our son and ... View more

Hi there. I have a relatively new son who is 11 months old who I love very much. Over the last couple of months however my relationship with my wife hasn't been the best. We both work around 30 hours a week trying to juggle looking after our son and work however I keep getting this built up frustration and sadness as i feel the large majority of the house work is left to me to do and on the weekends my wife leaves him with me while she does other things. I love my son so much but I do need my time by myself. Whenever I do bring this up to her it ends in a fight and i feel like im the bad person. I have suffered with depression on and off since being a teenager so I get quite upset and down with it all. Any pointers would be great. Cheers!