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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Butterfly71 Sad and confused
  • replies: 2

HI I lost my dad about a year ago and couldn't say bye to him because of Covid & border restrictions. My Mum and sister are narcassists, I went through trauma since I was a child. Recently another problem accured where I had to say something and told... View more

HI I lost my dad about a year ago and couldn't say bye to him because of Covid & border restrictions. My Mum and sister are narcassists, I went through trauma since I was a child. Recently another problem accured where I had to say something and told the truth. Unfortunately I am being hated and bullied again. I had no choice to cut ties with them. I am divorced and was abused by my ex partner. I am independent and have my own house now. I am in a relationship my new partner works away. He is a good person but I find him very arrogant and he disrespects my feelings. He made an arrangement without checking with me first about dinner plans at his friends place. He is staying at his friends place and his friend works away as well, the friends girlfriend doesn't work she stays at home. He never told me that he is staying there while his friend is working away, I had to find out myself. Then he made arrangements behind my back for dinner there where it would be just us three without his friend. I was furious when he told me that so I cancelled the plans. I told him I am studying and catching up with new friends from a mental health group and I will talk to him after the weekend. He kept on calling me and I explained to him how I felt. He did apologise but also said he can't promise something like this wont happen again. Then he said his phone will be off for 2 days because he is working in a mining pit. I find it suspicious it's been 3 days and no contact. I am a proud person and wont call him. I dont know what to do or expect. I feel lonely and dont have many people to talk to that I can trust. He was adopted and divorced a couple of years ago. He has suffered with symptoms of mental illness since he was younger and threatens that things will trigger him. He gives 100% to his kids and to me. He spoils me a lot and is full of surprises. He likes to play jokes and I dont find it funny sometimes. It feels like he is messing with my mind. He sends me messages and when I talk about it he will deny what he said but then I will show him his message to tell him he is lying. It feels like he always wants to know where I am and what I am doing. I feel drained and tired and can't talk to people that I can trust. I am so confused because he is a good person but I feel I cant trust him because he lies & disrespects me. Am I in the wrong?

CaramelCrisp Feels like no good choice
  • replies: 2

My relationships are definitely taking a strain because of physical and mental problems. And i need people more than ever but for i dont feel i can safely be this way around them to expand on that, i have lost this month people who i love so deeply. ... View more

My relationships are definitely taking a strain because of physical and mental problems. And i need people more than ever but for i dont feel i can safely be this way around them to expand on that, i have lost this month people who i love so deeply. We had plans to move in together only for everything to end this month. After a while of distance they said there was problems between us they tried to fix on their own and cant. Theyre living the life we dreamed of without me now. I still know them which sometimes feels like more than i deserve knowing that i hurt them but i shouldnt complain lest i encourage one of the only things keeping me going to completely cut me off. I dont have negative feelings towards them they did what they had to but my heart is broken and i wish they couldve told me what was wrong. I feel like that wouldve been better. Or at least could have been. But they made the decision they did so then theres a friend group i largely havent seen since december. Sometimes i would drop out of plans or look unwell during them because of my mental health and disabilities and that makes me feel insecure too. Even if my mental health improves im probably always going to have these chronic pains. But i guess being less than 100% is too much for them so as much as i want to meet up again im so scared. I will just hurt people more if dinner upsets my stomach and i need to sit to the side for a bit. Its more complicated than that. I know there are people in the group who care, and its possible the ones who trigger traa not 24 hours old or seem to not have the same interest in my existence they do the rest of the group do. But at its core i feel i need friends but I also know there are other people. I am meeting new people but im in too much pain to do my part in encouraging those relationships grow. And i worry eventually I’ll hurt my other friends just like i did both of the above. Ive never not lost someone.

Butterfly_39 Downward spiral again
  • replies: 2

Hi All I was here a few years ago after a break-up & I was suffering depression due to it. On the day he broke up with me, I saw messages on his phone & he was texting another woman behind my back (I did not snoop, he opened his phone in front of me ... View more

Hi All I was here a few years ago after a break-up & I was suffering depression due to it. On the day he broke up with me, I saw messages on his phone & he was texting another woman behind my back (I did not snoop, he opened his phone in front of me and texted her in front of me). I don't know any of the details of how long this was going on. He started acting strange about 3 weeks before we broke up & blamed it on his mental health. I felt sorry for him & was very worried about him. I can only pinpoint it to be at that time. It took me a few weeks after the break-up to ask him about the text messages. He has never told me anything or even admitted to anything. Instead, I got some standard response & got blocked everywhere. It was pretty devastating for me. I was heartbroken & in a bad way for a long time. I got no answers but they ended up together so I figure that's the answer right there. Since then, I worked really hard to get out of depression. I have not dated since as I was not in the headspace to do that. Every time I tried, I backed away from the idea. The idea of getting hurt again scares me. I was also cheated on before my last relationship & stolen from, & my ex knew about it &, as he had been in a similar situation, I was silly enough to have thought he wouldn't do it to me if he had experienced it himself. About a year ago I landed a job that I thought was great. It has been in the last few months that I have noticed a culture of bullying. In the last week, I have become one of the targets. Unfortunately, my mental health has started to deteriorate. This is not a knee-jerk reaction but a thought that I have had for a few weeks now before I started to get targeted. Nobody knows that I am looking at leaving so this is not the reason why I am being targeted now. My mental health though is worrying me. I feel myself concentrating on how bad things are. During a moment of weakness, I went onto my ex-boyfriends social media & he is still with this woman & they recently got engaged. The overwhelming feelings of hurt I felt from that, I felt like a burden & a failure, & I was thinking to myself why does he get to be happy after betraying me with her? Meanwhile, I can't even go on a date after what he did to me. I felt my body get hot and I was shaking when I saw it. Lesson is, never look him up again. This has now contributed to my downward spiral. I thought I had moved on. I am sorry for the long story and thank you for reading.

rhinoceros Where to from here? Left an abusive relationship, dealing with collateral damage.
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I left my ex nearly 7 months ago now. Based on the reading and research I've been doing, it appears she was a covert-malignant narcissist. I tried everything I could to make the relationship work, but in the end nothing I did was enough. ... View more

Hi everyone I left my ex nearly 7 months ago now. Based on the reading and research I've been doing, it appears she was a covert-malignant narcissist. I tried everything I could to make the relationship work, but in the end nothing I did was enough. I was with this person for 5 1/2 years. I spent nearly all that time in fight/flight/freeze mode, not knowing what mood she would be in on a given day, what was expected from me, or whether she'd be kind to me or cold and silent. There was a lot of emotional/verbal/psychological abuse, where I felt completely dehumanised at times. I left because the mental health toll the relationship was taking meant I was becoming so depressed that I no longer felt safe. When I left her I had to deal with stalking etc. It was very scary. I'm now slowly on the path of recovery. I'm getting therapy. My stress levels are nowhere near as high any more. My ex has left me alone now. I've made positive changes to my lifestyle i.e getting exercise, trying to stay social as much as I can. The collateral damage is complete lack of confidence and self esteem. She took all that away. I think about the possibility starting a new relationship for example, and I find just the thought of it completely terrifying. I don't trust anyone. Additionally my ex was very controlling. Before her I had many female friends. I lost touch with many of them, so my social circle is small now. Mentally I feel fatigued. I'm only 29 but I honestly feel like this relationship too about 20 years off my life. I'm mentally exhausted. Has anyone else had this kind of experience? How did you move on? Is it even possible to trust/love again? I apologies for whinging! I'm having a bad day today and trying to make sense of it all.

Doberman38 Dad doesn't take urgent issues seriously, gets angry when we want them addressed
  • replies: 5

This doesn't apply to everything, and I know that certainly in an emergency he wouldn't hesitate, but when it comes to the electrical and plumbing systems of the house he shows little desire to get them fixed, despite numerous problems. A pipe has be... View more

This doesn't apply to everything, and I know that certainly in an emergency he wouldn't hesitate, but when it comes to the electrical and plumbing systems of the house he shows little desire to get them fixed, despite numerous problems. A pipe has been leaking water for ages, while lightbulbs are failing one by one and our safety switch has tripped multiple times. He hardly takes anything I say about these things seriously, because he attributes it all to my anxiety and thinks I'm just being influenced by my mum. In fact, he becomes LESS inclined to do something about it. My concerns are not delegitimised just because I have anxiety, and when I bring it up to him I am calm but firm, NOT panicking, but he treats it all the same. I love him but I've had enough of my input being invalidated in this way.

bethysocks92 Having an avoidant and emotionally unavailable partner
  • replies: 1

I never thought I could feel such sadness, turmoil, heartbreak and a lack of self worth and appreciation with someone. I have been with my partner for nearly 6 months and it has been a soaring rollercoaster of emotions every single day. In the beginn... View more

I never thought I could feel such sadness, turmoil, heartbreak and a lack of self worth and appreciation with someone. I have been with my partner for nearly 6 months and it has been a soaring rollercoaster of emotions every single day. In the beginning he pursued me and wanted only me. We then wanted a relationship. Little did he know what was involved. For someone who hasn't been in a relationship with someone for more than 3 months, hadn't lived alone for majority of his life and adores his personal time and space, this was daunting to him. He didn't realise this until being in a relationship with me. My emotional and physical needs are not being met right now. He has his own issues/ development he needs to process and work through. I am trying really hard to understand. Being an empath I'm drawn in and just want to help, but sometimes this is at the expense of me too. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should leave him be and let me be for my own sanity and to regain my sense of self worth and happiness back, but I care for him deeply. But why stay if he can't give me what I need right now? I know he is emotionally unavailable right now. So, here's one to anyone out there experiencing or going through the same or similar thing.. how do you cope? what are some strategies? what do or did you do in your situation?

Tanya_P Suddenly paranoid and depressed partner
  • replies: 2

I have also been with my partner for 2 years, but up until 2 months ago, you would not have known that he even had depression, let alone paranoia. He has always been a very happy-go-lucky chap and very positive. I just don't understand the sudden cha... View more

I have also been with my partner for 2 years, but up until 2 months ago, you would not have known that he even had depression, let alone paranoia. He has always been a very happy-go-lucky chap and very positive. I just don't understand the sudden change in personality, and its hitting me very hard as I am back 3 months ago when we were still so happy and very much in love, and he is here where we are now accusing me of things I didn't do, his thoughts are extremely bizarre and disorganised, and he has very angry sudden outbursts. I just don't understand how we got from where we were to where we are now, almost overnight. He goes out gambling, which he never did before, he is working all day and then comes home and does UberEats at night to get more money. He is obsessed with power and feels like he is lower than low in class, and to the best of my memory, I have never intentionally made him feel this way. When he starts to falsely accuse me of things, I try to shift the topic to something else, but he persists often and we end up fighting because I have to deny his accusations because they hurt so much. Has anyone experienced such a sudden change in personality? Will he go back to how he was before or is this our life now? He was seeing a local psychologist, but has decided that he doesn't trust them. He is now looking for a new one, which will delay treatment even longer. He has made a telehealth appointment with the GP for tomorrow at least to ask for some antidepressants. Hopefully, they will give them to him and they will make a difference. Has anyone had any experience with this?

Bridget_Anne I chose integrity & respect of myself in relationships & have now have no true connections.
  • replies: 2

If only I could go back to the 1990's. Connected times with the best friend I ever had & family. After trying to connect with people I am exhausted psychologically. I am now in a place in my life where I do not want to give very much of anything to l... View more

If only I could go back to the 1990's. Connected times with the best friend I ever had & family. After trying to connect with people I am exhausted psychologically. I am now in a place in my life where I do not want to give very much of anything to life in general. I do however make sure I get up & keep going every day. What for I am not sure, I guess just for myself

Lalalalola My first post
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first post. I’ve been struggling really bad the last few weeks, more so than usual, I’ve found myself coming on to this website frequently trying to get up the courage to speak to someone but kept logging off as the wait was too long. ... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I’ve been struggling really bad the last few weeks, more so than usual, I’ve found myself coming on to this website frequently trying to get up the courage to speak to someone but kept logging off as the wait was too long. but if background, I’ve been with my partner for 12.5 years and we have 2 kids together our youngest is 4, and he has adhd and is autistic. Our eldest is 9 and I suspect she has adhd but getting a diagnosis hasn’t been easy. Unlike my son who was diagnosed easily. My partner has depression, anxiety, ptsd from his childhood and the doctor suspects he is also bipolar. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so we are a super fun household!!