Mum guilt

[Karen0901]

I have a son. He's 3 and a half. My sister in law is pregnant and my son has said he wants a sibling to me when he found out. I have infertility. My son was a result of 7 years of IVF. I have tried to give him a sibling but it hasn't worked. After my last miscarriage earlier in the year, my mental health has become bad and I fear trying again. I am also getting older. 

How do I deal with the guilt and anxiety? I feel so upset with myself and my life. I know I have tried my best but it doesn't change the reality of my situation. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Karen0901,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums...

I am so sorry your struggling with your mental health..

Please sweet lady don’t feel guilty about what’s happening to you...sometimes we have no control over our body....and what it can and can’t do...it just happens, feeling guilty about something you have no control over will only take away precious moments that you could be enjoying with your son...

I think you are so brave going through IVF for 7 years...and by doing so, you have a gorgeous little son....congratulations dear Karen....

I think at 3 and a half your son is to young to understand the amount of heartbreak and stress you went through for those 7 years to conceive him...and then to miscarry another baby...I am really so sorry....

You can only do your best, and your doing that...Your son looks like he will have a little cousin very soon...to play and grow up with...that also is so very precious...they can become great friends...

Please talk here when you feel up to it...We are here to help support you as much as we can...

My kindest thoughts with my care dear Karen...

Grandy..

[Sophie_M]

Dear Karen0901
 
It is great to know you feel safe to be able to share your experience here and we hope that you find the support you are looking for.
 
We are sorry that you are feeling such guilt and anxiety around this situation, it sounds like it has been a difficult journey for you.  You mention the guilt you are feeling, which whilst it  has its purpose, in that it helps us decide if we are making the right choice, we can also carry ‘unhealthy’ guilt whereby we blame ourselves for situations and events that are beyond our control.  Finding ways forward by reminding yourself of the strength it has taken for you to come this far, that this is not your fault and you are so much more than your fertility.  Please speak kindly to yourself, perhaps reframing the way you are looking at the situation, prioritizing self-care and living your best life with your family now as you deserve to be happy.  There are also several support groups and professional help that you might find helpful to reach out to in relation to the loss you have experienced and I have put the link below:
 
Griefline or telephone 1300 845 745
 
We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. As you know they’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Kind Regards
 
Sophie M

[Karen0901]

Thanks you Grandy. The idea that he might understand when he is older and be ok with it is a nice thought.