Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Caz1967 Much needed third party advice...trust in relationship
  • replies: 2

Been together 11yrs. He used to dote on me. No sex or any affection (hugs) last 5 yrs. His computer history shows dating sites etc. He denies, says don't know how they show that Have heard conversations of his mates running me down Tried so many time... View more

Been together 11yrs. He used to dote on me. No sex or any affection (hugs) last 5 yrs. His computer history shows dating sites etc. He denies, says don't know how they show that Have heard conversations of his mates running me down Tried so many times to address all of this with him. He just denies it all and days he loves me Not a fool but my question is, why doesn't he just break it off, instead off living a lie, loveless relationship.

Guest_1584 What do you think about this situation , gf wants to work with me ?
  • replies: 28

Hi people. l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok. My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a... View more

Hi people. l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok. My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a casual job at home so she can come and go. Thing is she's also had a hell of a last 6 or 6yrs , a lot like mine , and her nerves are shot and she has a few other health things. God do l know how she feels. However when she's here , it's like everything just goes away for us both and we have the coolest life and times. l work at home and she just helps out , or does things round the house or outside , she's so fantastic to have around not only such a huge help which is so damn nice for a change lifes been damn hard since divorce it's just been beautiful having someone so special in my corner again, and she does that much around here or even at work , just goes out and does stuff and works that damn hard , but of course there's also the US factor and just being together too. And she's just settled right down her health comes a lot better her nerves , we both just so relaxed content and at ease. Sooo, here's the thing. She's moving down soon and in , well that's what we're thinking. She wants to just keep our life as is , she helps at work and around the place and not get other work . She's been seeing doctors for 5yrs but still can't get some kind of centrelink thing even though they've given letters saying that she shouldn't be working but with us she's ok because everything's relaxed and she copes really well , it's like a new her and we both really like the life. My ex w and l both worked from how for a few year back when and for us anyway , that was also a great life and still one of the best times of my life , and ironically after everything , here's gf and we've loved it too. Thing is , that would mean though we'd both be dependent on my income which would be our income. It covers enough , we wouldn't be rich but we'd get by ok her being here really doesn't make much difference to expenses. But it would also be great if she had just a bit of work on the side bringing in a bit extra , so l'm just not sure what to think about it all being on my work , our work. Would you have any thoughts on the situation , should l ? ironically , when l was single l met girls full set up , one had 100k in the bank, another one had 5houses , crikey that'd be nice , buttttt, we are what we are and she's a great girl.

Castro Trust issues from partner.
  • replies: 4

Going on 5 years now, about 2.5 years ago we had our first child. I guess just before that pregnancy she was a heavy drinker. One night she looked at her mums tablet and messenger. Without permission. She came across a conversation I had with her mum... View more

Going on 5 years now, about 2.5 years ago we had our first child. I guess just before that pregnancy she was a heavy drinker. One night she looked at her mums tablet and messenger. Without permission. She came across a conversation I had with her mum. She exploded, ‘how dare I talk to her mother!’ I said sorry but she started by asking about her daughters drinking, true concern I don’t know, but I responded with the truth, yes the drinking was a problem but I’m doing my best to push her daughter in the right direction. I love her. But my partner only focused not on content but the talking to her mum bit. Which I found hard as I was showing true concern. She’s an alcoholic. From that moment I had lost her trust. Not long after the ‘where were you, you’ve been cheating’ topic started popping up. I have never been with anyone but her. She questions that too sometimes. Am I really the guy that decided to wait till 32? Well yes. I contrast this stubborn position I took, even when single had no desire for casual sex, with being constantly questioned as if I were cheating on her. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’m honest but I’m laidback. Suddenly a single word in a text in my phone has her question me. ‘Are you 2 talking in code?’ It’s difficult getting the third degree where I can’t deviate from the truth. All allegations are false. I know the ppl she brings up, I try to show the irrational thinking, the projecting of her past trauma. She’ll say I’m gaslighting her. 1.5 years ago we lost our second child. She held on for five days but we had to let her go. Around that pregnancy, things went into overdrive. She started using the baby monitor to record video and sound, she’d leave a second phone laying around recording. Or place one in my car. She’d take notes on time and places I’d go. I’d always say her arrogance of thinking she’s right is a downfall. That she’s digging a hole and it’s getting deeper and I’m worried she won’t get out of it. She talked to no one about her/our loss. I see a psychologist. It feels like I’m being suffocated and stalked by my own partner. Eggshells! I give her 100% faith that she won’t cheat on me. Then I wondered am I being an enabler as at one point I gave her access to my google maps (which is innaccurate when used in background). I let her look all over my computer and in my phone. I really have nothing to hide. I randomly asked to look at her phone, all being fair and equal, but she wouldn’t let me. ?

avonsdent Wish you were here.
  • replies: 1

Hi. I’m writing this thread with the sole purpose of letting my thoughts and feelings out. They say that as adults navigating through life, we may lose the people who we cherish deeply. And I get that. I really do. But sometimes, I just think it suck... View more

Hi. I’m writing this thread with the sole purpose of letting my thoughts and feelings out. They say that as adults navigating through life, we may lose the people who we cherish deeply. And I get that. I really do. But sometimes, I just think it sucks. Why do friendships have to end? How did we go from talking to each other almost everyday to barely acknowledging the other’s presence? It just hurts you know. The people I used to tell every single detail of my life to has no idea how bad I’ve been struggling with uni, or how excited I am for the coming months. The people I used to make plans with now makes plans for their future without a shadow of me in it. The people I used to cry to now are the reasons for my tears. Though I get it okay. I get that people do drift apart. And that they weren’t meant to stay in my life forever. I just wish that it didn’t end the way it did. I just wish that we knew when our last hangout was going to be. I wish I knew when we would have ended so I could tell you how thankful I am to have you as a part of my life even for the shortest time. I wish I could’ve told you how I much I appreciated you and that no matter what happens, you will always have a place in my heart. You will always be a beautiful memory. And I wish you happiness. So to you, whoever is reading this, I hope you take this as a sign to tell or show the people who are currently in your life how much you appreciate them. Don’t wait for the time when all you have left are beautiful yet painful memories and a mind full of regrets.

Ruby2 1 Money and friends
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Feeling a little confused and overwhelmed at the moment. My husband died 6 months ago from lung cancer. I have recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and am undergoing surgery tomorrow. My best friend of over 45yrs has asked me for a loan f... View more

Hi all, Feeling a little confused and overwhelmed at the moment. My husband died 6 months ago from lung cancer. I have recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and am undergoing surgery tomorrow. My best friend of over 45yrs has asked me for a loan for $44k to help her start a business. I denied her request and now find she is not returning my calls etc. Was I wrong? I don't have much,nor do I own property. Very confused and upset at turn of events.

Feral Unfaithful husband - first porn, then chat room sex, the prostitute/s
  • replies: 15

I noticed my husband becoming more distant, going to the spare room for increasingly long periods of time, and checking his phone more often. I checked his phone and found various porn sites, and a series of sex chats and videos where he also shared ... View more

I noticed my husband becoming more distant, going to the spare room for increasingly long periods of time, and checking his phone more often. I checked his phone and found various porn sites, and a series of sex chats and videos where he also shared information about me, our house, and even sent a photo of his car! He swore he would stop, and delete everything, which he appeared to. Then 3 weeks later I found a message asking for a woman's address. When confronted he said he did nothing and was just curious. Then 3 days later a reply from the same number starting with"Yes, I'm free until Wed night". He claims this was the reply to the first message I saw but that did not make sense. I confronted him and told him that I believed he had not told me the whole truth. He went quiet, and I asked if it was because I would not want to know the true story. He agreed. He has agreed to have counselling, and I told him to prepare for another conversation about the prostitute hookup. He has said we might at well end it now. I have now been feeling a physical and emotional wreck for nearly 4 weeks, with each new revelation spiralling me down further. I think I still love him, but can't tolerate any of the above, or blatant lying. I'm feeling like I'm hanging on the edge of the cliff while I wait for him to spill his guts and decide how to move on from this. I have attended one counselling session and luckily have booked another. Anyone been through similar who could give me some tips?

Lookingforadvice3 Divorced, pregnant to new partner and think I’m depressed
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I’ve never used forums before. I am a woman in her 30s. I’ve been divorced for about 3 and a bit years. I’ve recently become pregnant (unplanned) to my new partner who doesn’t reside in the same town as me. I have one child from my marriage. He has t... View more

I’ve never used forums before. I am a woman in her 30s. I’ve been divorced for about 3 and a bit years. I’ve recently become pregnant (unplanned) to my new partner who doesn’t reside in the same town as me. I have one child from my marriage. He has two. In the past I’ve been a “stressor” and perhaps anxious, often in response to reasonable events. At the moment I think maybe I have antenatal depression. But I don’t know if it’s just because of this awful and challenging situation that’s been created. I work hard, I have a good job, I get along well with my ex for my sons sake. I have no family where I live. I am crying almost constantly. I keep needing to remove myself from situations because I’m upset. I am avoiding friends. Avoiding activities. At the moment I’m lying in bed after bawling/hyperventilating after dropping my son off. I’m largely non-functional. Maybe it’s just relative to the stress that has been created with this big change? I haven’t even told friends about it despite being 16 weeks, probably because that will make it all real. I’m worrying about everything constantly. I took my son on a mini camping vacation this week and seeing full “regular” families is just too confronting all of a sudden. After years of not really mourning that. Please help or if anyone has been in this situation let me know how it went for you. Thank you

Mostly_optimistic My husband of 10 years just came out as Transgender and we have 2 young autistic kids
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Hi Everyone, This is my first type of post on any forum so please bare with me. I’ve tried looking everywhere and anywhere for answers but our situation seems to be very unique. Last year my husband of 10 years told me he was transgender and wanted t... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first type of post on any forum so please bare with me. I’ve tried looking everywhere and anywhere for answers but our situation seems to be very unique. Last year my husband of 10 years told me he was transgender and wanted to transition to being a woman. Initially this didn’t bother me too much and I tried my hardest to be supportive. My biggest concern is we have 2 young autistic children who are very literal thinkers and I know won’t comprehend the change or understand why Daddy no longer looks like Daddy ect. I can feel our marriage breaking apart which makes me sad, I think my biggest personal issue is I don’t identify as gay and staying with him after transition would really confuse my own gender identity. The other thing that hurts is he knew something was up before we got married and had kids so I feel slightly duped and tricked. It’s been a year since I’ve known and I’m still in a tail spin. Any advice?

TillieB My boyfriend broke up with me due to depression
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend & I had been living together as housemates since Feb 2019. We soon started dating and we fell faster in love due to living together and fast tracking the relationship. I've moved out due to finishing studies so I was now living 2 hours a... View more

My boyfriend & I had been living together as housemates since Feb 2019. We soon started dating and we fell faster in love due to living together and fast tracking the relationship. I've moved out due to finishing studies so I was now living 2 hours away from him since December which was a huge & hard change for us. He still has one year of study left and it is a really full on course but I was full prepared to visit him every week to two weeks and accept that there may be extremely busy periods for him where it is not possible. I have been having some physical health problems which has affected our intimacy & thus flared up my symptoms of anxiety & depression over the last three months, without realising it I was leaning on him for a lot of my support to get through my health problems. There was a lot going on for me and I didn't have the energy to divulge it to others, so I relied on him. Literally overnight, he realises that he’s suicidal & depressed. He was probably suppressing these thoughts to support me. I urged him to get help which he has gone and done now. However, he asked me for space. It had been 3 weeks since I saw him and I had only spoken to him a few times in that time frame. I was restless and anxious and not coping with the space. I asked if we could meet so we could make a plan going forward with what our new relationship would look like whilst he gets help. I probably also need some help to deal with my own mental illnesses too, but he has really declined. Because of how low he saw himself, he thought during our relationship that I thought he needed to be improved and that I didn't think he was good enough. Which is not true. I think that we could be stronger together and we could help each other get help and be there while we build ourselves back up, but he believes he needs to sort his depression out on his own and find a way to love himself and build himself again. We held each others hands, crying, as we both said "I love you" to each other, and then we broke up. I am struggling with what to do now. I am not coping. We obviously both love each other, so I can't help but hold onto the hope that when he is doing better we can be together again. Do I check up on him every now and then to see how he is going? Do I completely delete him from my life for 5 months or so and then see? He had been my rock and I feel so heartbroken and lost and I just want to be with the man I love and who loves me. But I guess, it is complicated.

rani_94 Was ghosted by a friend a few years ago and I'm still not over it - how do I move on?
  • replies: 6

Ben (not his real name) is an old friend of mine from school. We used to be quite close. I had a crush on him in school, which didn’t really lead to anywhere until we both graduated. After we graduated school, he moved to a different state and I went... View more

Ben (not his real name) is an old friend of mine from school. We used to be quite close. I had a crush on him in school, which didn’t really lead to anywhere until we both graduated. After we graduated school, he moved to a different state and I went to university. We would catch up whenever he was in town and things were always very flirty between us. The last time we met up we ended up hooking up at the end of the night...which ended up being pretty awkward in all honesty. And that was the last I saw or heard anything from Ben. While I haven’t made an effort to reach out to him, I have held resentment towards him because he didn’t check to see that I was okay after we hooked up (I wasn’t). I felt that this was extremely disrespectful towards me, especially given that we were meant to be friends and as a result, Ben not checking up on me made me feel used and humiliated. A few months passed after our last date and since he didn’t reach out, I decided to delete him off social media. He definitely noticed, because I quickly realised that he unfollowed me on Instagram. It’s been almost 5 years since I have seen or heard anything from Ben. I am also now in a loving relationship with someone else. But yet, especially over this last year, Ben has crossed my mind more and more frequently. I am torn between being resentful towards him and missing the friendship we used to have. These thoughts are becoming a lot more intrusive and I keep finding myself searching for him on social media. I'm even considering reaching out to him, but I am unsure what to say after all this time or if this is even a good idea. I feel like I can't go on like this - I don't know why I keep ruminating on someone from the past when I have a great boyfriend right in front of me. How do I move on?