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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kitty1991 Struggling with relationship
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, my partner and I have been together for 10 years and engaged for about 5-6 years. I am the only one working and we struggle on a single income and are unable to save any money. I find this so stressful, I always have. I am always researc... View more

Hi everyone, my partner and I have been together for 10 years and engaged for about 5-6 years. I am the only one working and we struggle on a single income and are unable to save any money. I find this so stressful, I always have. I am always researching better ways to budget and trying to cut down on spending, but the money in and out doesn’t really change. I try really hard to provide my partner what every he needs/wants. I manage the money so he can travel several times a year to go visit his family, and this means I cannot visit mine. I get to visit family for Christmas approx every 2-3 years. I try and talk to my partner about the budget and how I need help but I am always told that it is my money and my problem. I guess I have been living in fairy land because I really thought as an engaged couple we should be working towards similar goals, but we are not. I was diagnosed with depression a year ago. I told my partner, explained the side effects of my medication etc... About a month ago I was told I now have extremely severe depression and extremely severe anxiety. Not really coping to well. My partner forgot that I was depressed... I struggle to leave my house without a mental breakdown. I have asked my partner to go to couples counseling with me because I am not happy and struggling. He has agreed to go but he doesn’t think it will help with my depression and anxiety because I must have some cognitive issues. He flat out refused today to even consider getting a job, as he refuses to be subordinate to someone, and that I am really shallow for wanting more money. I think I am looking for security and support. I am now freaking out that I am shallow and greedy. Also freaking out about the potential of us breaking up, I have never broken up with anyone before. Am I being too unreasonable? Does anyone have experience with couples counseling? Will it help or make it worse?

Calloy Need advice regarding my twin sister
  • replies: 5

Hi. I am brand new to this forum and could use some advice. I feel like my relationship with my twin sister has gotten very distant and I’m not sure why and what I can do about it. So just a bit of background…I am female and in my 40s and I have suff... View more

Hi. I am brand new to this forum and could use some advice. I feel like my relationship with my twin sister has gotten very distant and I’m not sure why and what I can do about it. So just a bit of background…I am female and in my 40s and I have suffered from anxiety my whole life. In particular I have high social anxiety and social interactions can be difficult for me even with people I know well. My sister is married and has two teenage kids. I am also married but have choosen not to have kids. We used to be close as teenagers and even lived together in our early 20s but now it seems she just doesn’t have any desire to keep in touch anymore. We do not live close (over 800 kms apart) so we do not see each other often but she has also stopped contacting me in any way. It has now been over 4 months since we had any contact and that was via text. I know she has a very busy life but surely she has 30 seconds to send a text. I know everyone will say that I could be the first to contact her but I have deliberately left it up to her as I feel I am always the one making contact and I wanted to see how long it would take her (4 months+ apparently). There have been a couple of incidents which have really upset me but I have not been brave enough to tell her how hurt I was. I know she will not even see an issue. The most recent happened in April. My sister and her family were travelling up my way for the school holidays. They passed within 15kms of my house on they way to their holiday destination and didn’t “have time” to drop in for a visit. I would have been happy to even meet somewhere but that wasn’t even suggested. This was around the last time we talked. This whole situation is causing so much anxiety that I feel physically sick. I actually feel nauseous just writing about it. The thought of texting her about this whole situation or about my feelings fills me with panic and dread. I doubt she even thinks there is a problem. She probably doesn’t even realise how long it’s been since we were last in touch. I doubt I enter her thoughts much at all to be honest . I think our relationship is more important to me than it is to her. Anyway if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Honestly it feels good just putting my feelings out there even if it is not to the right person.

Losingtheplot29 Emotional Abuse
  • replies: 7

Hello, My wife and I are coming up on 13 years of marriage, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am constantly told that I am worthless, am told I stuff everything up, don't have a brain, and am extremely insincere. All of this, she says in front o... View more

Hello, My wife and I are coming up on 13 years of marriage, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am constantly told that I am worthless, am told I stuff everything up, don't have a brain, and am extremely insincere. All of this, she says in front of our kids, and then says to them, when they become anxious about the fighting, that this is normal, and they should be aware of it. If I try and mention that I disagree, I am then abused and yelled at, so I have to take the moderator route. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with Aspergers; which was a big relief for me as it explained so much of why certain things have happened the way they have throughout my life. Whilst my wife agrees that I have this, she constantly bags me for being the way I am and gets frustrated that I don't do things they way she would do them, or say stupid things. 'I have had enough time now to learn to be neurotypical and be normal like everyone else'. I am told that I gaslight her, when something happens. My wife is very insecure and can never trust anyone, so always believes a situation is how she thinks the situation is, so when I am in a situation of having to defend myself for something she believes I have done, I often have to let her win, and then admit that I have done wrong because erupts and causes the biggest scene. I do this for my kids, but I cannot tolerate this anymore. Last night, I was asked to pay a 'bill', so I paid the one that was due in a few days, but then later got told off because I didn't pay the 'bills' including the one that was due in 3 weeks. I was told off for being incompetent, and stupid, and that 'normal' people wouldn't make this mistake. I was also told for eating something from the fridge after my wife went to be from the previous night. She claims I am sneaking... I am truly at a loss; we've had counselling; which only went her way because I couldn't bring up anything that she did as she would always 'deflect' on to me, and my wife managed to control the counsellor into focusing on everything I did wrong. I have even tried to get my own counselling, which had to be done behind my wife's back, but the counsellor ended up knowing her in my local suburb, so I had to stop. I am not perfect, but I have always supported my wife. She has depression and is medicated. I have always been there for her and have stayed with her to protect my kids. My other family are basically estranged because she finds fault with them too, so I can't get help from them.

Crash_bandicoot A broken builder who lives in the NSW lockdown.
  • replies: 4

First time on Beyond Blue. I don't know if you anyone agrees but I have been at home ever since Construction was ordered to stop work due to 100 cases. Now Gladys has pretty much forced us to get jabbed and I don't feel like being an experimental gui... View more

First time on Beyond Blue. I don't know if you anyone agrees but I have been at home ever since Construction was ordered to stop work due to 100 cases. Now Gladys has pretty much forced us to get jabbed and I don't feel like being an experimental guinea pig. I can solemnly swear I have never taken cocaine, ecstasy tablet or any illicit drug. Ive lost many friends due to this growing up.... should I continue staying home with my family who are very supportive. I don't talk to them about my feelings and always put a brave and happy face on when ever they ask if I'm OK. Im a hands on builder and for the first time I have subcontracted my work out. It's killing me inside and I feel so useless and overwhelmed with grief for something that I enjoy doing. I have just started trading on my own and won a decent project in my area only to be handing it over to people who aren't in lock down and a free to roam around. Broken useless father of 3 amazing kids. My wife is also amazing and I don't want to tell her I'm secretly crying inside. Being a man I'm ment to benthe provider and that's all I've done.

Ladybug55 Emotional cheating / online cheating
  • replies: 4

I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for almost 3. Back story - So my Husband back in 2019 was getting sent naked pictures from a girl he knows (overseas) over snap chat. At the time I caught him I did the wrong thing and had checked h... View more

I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for almost 3. Back story - So my Husband back in 2019 was getting sent naked pictures from a girl he knows (overseas) over snap chat. At the time I caught him I did the wrong thing and had checked his device and that’s how I found out. Why did I check his device? He was becoming distant. I confronted him and he had said he stopped it.since then he reconnected with her but says he no longer gets pictures but she’s such a good friend. This is girl A. side note - he has an obsession with redheads and especially Fit girls. Me =dark brunette 65kg with a little stomach on me ( not exactly fitness chick) fast forward to end of 2020 he built a strong relationship with a girl at work who now lives in a diff city. He hid this relationship from me because he thought I would be weird - why she’s a red head and really fit. if I can be her friend then it’s fine but no he keeps her from me and keeps girl A from me. due To work commitments he is currently away. I jumped on his laptop to get a movie to watch because I’m alone and it’s covid. His hidden folders were active and I saw he had a hidden folder where this girl B the one from work. Of her clothed bum, or her in undies showing off her abs and her legs. Yeh good on her for having a great body but my husband shouldn’t be getting his chick friends to send him pics and save them for later?? he never compliments me obviously what for I’m not good enough. he is very muscular and fit. I haven’t brought this up to him cause he is away and not home and we won’t physically see each other for another 3 weeks. But for now I cry myself to sleep every night, wake up throughout the night and cry. I feel like I’m not good enough. am I right to say he doesn’t actually care about me even though he says he does - because you wouldn’t hide and ask for pics from another woman and keep those relationships from your wife if you cared about her?? im going to be contacting support or try to it’s really hard to talk about this. I know my mental health is suffering and I can’t trust my own husband. Yeh he’s not physically cheating on me but he’s doing this all online and while I’m in the room. Or chatting to them when I go to the gym to make myself better. Why I haven’t left? Because I love him and I’ll be lonely. I’m also stuck where I am for my job and can’t just pick up and leave. My family and friends are all interstate and all I have here are my dogs.

Pink_Rose Heartbroken
  • replies: 1

My husband and I have been married for 26 years. Together for 29 years. 2 adult children. We just celebrated our 25+1 anniversary and friends and family even surprised us. I have been a supportive and devoted wife whilst he runs his business. Due to ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 26 years. Together for 29 years. 2 adult children. We just celebrated our 25+1 anniversary and friends and family even surprised us. I have been a supportive and devoted wife whilst he runs his business. Due to pressures and stress with Covid etc husband hs been having difficulties having sex. We brush it off and try again. so to my complete shock I find text messages on his phone asking for full service massage and extras. Asking for photos. From 3 different women. after confronting him he denies following thru. Denies doing it any other time. Says he couldn’t do it even if he tried. sick to my stomach. Don’t believe him. He gives me passwords to computer and the I discovered on his history tab searches for escorts and pros from weeks ago. He denies he followed through. just curious. Trying to get him in the mood. Stress etc. I haven’t stopped crying and feel so many emotions. I don’t know what to do what to believe but my gut says he’s done it. This is about to tip me over the edge and I’ve told him he’s ruined my life

lochness46 Toxic Mother & feeling like Im always the bad daughter
  • replies: 6

I need to vent, I live with BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder). Ive always had a difficult with both my mother & father, but more so my mother. I really suspect that shes has undiagnosed BPD. Im a single parent & unfortunately I have always reall... View more

I need to vent, I live with BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder). Ive always had a difficult with both my mother & father, but more so my mother. I really suspect that shes has undiagnosed BPD. Im a single parent & unfortunately I have always really struggled to have any kind of relationship with my mother. Im an only child from my parents, but I do have 2 half living brothers, one of my half brother's past away at the end of 2019. I never really had a very close relationship with any of my brothers, maybe my brother that past away, we kind of had a close-ish relationship with me when he was younger. There is a big age difference with my younger half brothers, & they really havent tried to have much a of closer relationship with me. Im ususally doing the contacting for a chat. But getting back to my mother & our relationship, we have always had difficult relationship, very strained & there have been times that we stopped speaking at all for months. In recent months I was getting so triggered by the way she was behaving towards me with her total lack of acknoledgment of me & my mental illness, she'd always make it about herself, if I even mentioned anything about me battling on a daily basis with my MI, she'd constanstly make comparisions between her & myself & our situations, she'd minimise anything I said & gaslight me when I mentioned early childhood memories of what I remembered from when she was younger. Her toxic-ness eventually triggered me so bad that I had to stop communicating with her at all, for my own sanity. It hasnt been easy, & in the mean time Ive also dealing with some physically & medical issues. Back in May I asked my Dad if he would contact my mum to ask her on my behalf, because I was becoming deperate as I couldnt walk or do anything because of knee condition. He got back to me & told me that my mother had said, "No, she wouldnt come & help me". I was shocked & then I received a txt msg from her sayin she wasnt prepared to help me. She is my only family that lives close to me. I was so hurt by her response. Since then luckily Ive had some help through a mental health organisation at least, but it still hurts so much that my own mother has turned her back on me, especially when I needed family shes also blocked me on Facebook & I have tried to call & msg her in recent week & Ive gotten nothing back from her. I feel like she is punishing me for EVERYTHING & now I dont know how to move forward without feeling deeply hurt by her.

Ryan2021 Long distance relationship during covid
  • replies: 2

I just found out my long distance girlfriend who I haven't been able to see since Feb last year because of covid is possibly cheating on me. I am madly in love with her, has been so hard being away for so long because of the virus. I have been workin... View more

I just found out my long distance girlfriend who I haven't been able to see since Feb last year because of covid is possibly cheating on me. I am madly in love with her, has been so hard being away for so long because of the virus. I have been working my ass off doing 2 jobs. I have done 4 20 hour days and a 28 hour day with minimal sleep trying to make 10 grand to try and get to her or get her a visa to come here. She has been my everything for almost 2 years. The one I would do anything for and have been trying so hard to keep it working. A mutual friend contacted me and said she is about ready to give up on me and has possibly had another guy on the side. She messaged me separately and said she really wants to come here and can I keep working on her visa. It has been so hard being away from her almost 18 months as it is. I am stuck and have no idea what to do and who to believe.

Ms_milz Lonely and feeling like im detaching from my 4yr relationship with my bf.
  • replies: 1

Hello Iv been in a relationship with my bf for 4years ,it hasn't been completely smooth sailing he is a widow 2years prior to me meeting him.I have learnt he is slightly different in the dating game compared to others,as he & his wife were together f... View more

Hello Iv been in a relationship with my bf for 4years ,it hasn't been completely smooth sailing he is a widow 2years prior to me meeting him.I have learnt he is slightly different in the dating game compared to others,as he & his wife were together for 24years ,she died suddenly from a burst enyurism.very sad for the family. He was left with 2 teenage children.The issue at hand recently is,he is a truck driver has been for as long as iv known him but this new company hes started with 6 months ago has been offering more work further away from home.Now he hasnt taken them up on it due to myself needing surgery to have ovarian cancer removed (stage0-T1-contained contamination) all went well,9 weeks ago now.3weeks ago he went back to work & suddenly not coming home.im aware sometimes he can be away 1 or 2 nights here & there thats fine,but its been 3weeks & hes only been home 3nights out of these 3 weeks. He failed to inform me the 1st week he had taken an offer from the company to work away for the next 6 months!He didnt even talk to me about this he just went.I let him know of my concerns & hurt from not being Informed & his response is"just know I love you & its great money ".im just taken back by this & how he hasnt taken any consideration into how its impacting me here at home on my own with my 2 children his step kids.We live together in his house we have 3 acres,alot of animals.Im still on recovery but semi manageable to do light work around here . But my main issue is he never spoke to me about this decision pre to taking it on let alone Inform me of it,the 1st week he was away.I asked him was he aware of these extra nights away & he had chosen to lie to me all week until he finally sent a message confessing he was offered it & took it but this message only came after i told him I was leaving as non of his actions in absence made any sense.i know sounds crazy my decision but he has a nack of stonewalling me by walkin out mid convo or avoiding any issues that involve him making any effort in the relationship.Im known as the glue. Ugh!Over the last 3 weeks I have let him know how I am feeling & how its hurt me & how im not coping but his response to this is bleak & not in relation to my concerns.Im feeling very drained hurt miserable & just not coping & all he says is just know I love you & I long for you.. im not even sure if all of this will make any sense to an outsider but please any input would be great . Ask anythin if needed Cheers

GrapevineGirl Feeling Abandoned
  • replies: 1

So my Boyfriend recently left Australia to go to the USA, mostly because his parents manipulated him into going because they couldn’t get exemption to travel without him. He only told me with five days to go that he would be outside Australia for at ... View more

So my Boyfriend recently left Australia to go to the USA, mostly because his parents manipulated him into going because they couldn’t get exemption to travel without him. He only told me with five days to go that he would be outside Australia for at least 3 months. It felt very sudden and I feel so abandoned, since we are in the middle of lockdown and I was already finding it hard. Now he is travelling around US and was given many rewards for leaving, but doesn’t seem to consider how it makes me feel. I am currently unable to bring myself to message him back because I have so much anger and blame him for leaving, but it’s making everything feel worse because I feel even more distant from him due to the emotional blocks I have created, and I don’t know how to come to terms with him leaving and just try to do three months long distance even through I really don’t want to. I’m just so upset all the time and I don’t know how to fix it