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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jtjt_4862 Relationship Ended due to partner's mental health
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I've been following the forum for quite some time, and it has helped me through my first break up. So this is my first post to the forum, and I hope by sharing my story, it may help those who may find it relatable. Last year when a frien... View more

Hi everyone, I've been following the forum for quite some time, and it has helped me through my first break up. So this is my first post to the forum, and I hope by sharing my story, it may help those who may find it relatable. Last year when a friend of mine introduced me to a kind hearted, gentle, and loving person. We both hit it off and we found ourselves in love with each other, and it was our first time in a relationship. We were together for more than a year, and it had been a positive experience even thru out the COVID-19 lockdowns. But in late March this year, out of the blue, she decided that it's best if we both went separate ways. She explained that she's going through depression and anxiety, and cannot give me the love/time/care that I deserve. Even though I expressed that I was willing to support her through her tough times, she felt that she does not deserve my love/care/time. In the end, we agreed to go separate ways and remain as friends. But even though we had agreed to stay as friends, I tried reflecting back on the relationship, thinking what went wrong, how did it come to this, and was in disbelief that this had happened. I tried to fix our relationship, explaining what I thought might be my flaws that had caused her to feel this way to want a break up. I even thought, by trying to be a good supportive friend thru her depression, she might feel better and come back to me. But as I keep doing this, I felt it was very detrimental to both our mental state, and could feel her depression and anxiety episode getting worse. One day, I decided to ask how she was going, and she said she wasn't feeling well, and will be staying away from messaging for awhile. I gave her my last few messages of love and care, and decided to give her some space until she's ready to chat again. I told myself that I've done all I can, but I need to take care of myself too. So from now till whenever she's ready to chat again, or Oct 2nd (as we initially agreed to go watch a play together as friends), I've decided to take the time to improve myself, while remembering the fond memories that we had together as a couple. I still think about her, and wish she won't have to feel like this forever. But I'm also ready to face the possibility of us never reconnecting with each other again (even as friends). (I'll make another post on what I've learned from this break up)

Mark h HOW MUCH TIME IS ENOUGH TIME???
  • replies: 43

Good afternoon everyone. I really hope you can spread some advice for my current situation which is difficult to cope with to be honest. My wife and I are separating and she is moving out of our home at the end of April to have space to see whether s... View more

Good afternoon everyone. I really hope you can spread some advice for my current situation which is difficult to cope with to be honest. My wife and I are separating and she is moving out of our home at the end of April to have space to see whether she wants to come back and work things out between us. There is no other man involved and for me, I have no other relationship either. We have both remained faithful during our 26 years together but now, she needs time to see if US is what she wants in the future. We have both had our faults in the past for sure. For her it's certainly a trust thing and for me, it's more about how her time is spent when we were together. We are living under the same roof right now (very amicably too by the way) but she has found a place to go as I say at the end of April. The house is not available until then but all I am hearing when we talk 'US' is that she needs her 'space'. We sleep in the same bed and we work together in our business too. It's just so hard because all I want to do is to start building our marriage again. My questions are as follows: My wife says she needs time and has said that she docent know how long this will be. Could be 3 months, 6 months, 12 months or even two years. I feel completely in limbo and feel that 12 months or two years is too long? It has already been seven weeks since she told me but the 'space' she needs only comes into play as and when she moves out apparently. In the time where we are physically separated, do we see other people? Not saying that I actively want to date now...far from it but do we keep those options open??? I am keeping myself busy and have taken up golf and am singing too now. I am just really scared that things won't return and at this stage if I had to guess, it would be very much 50/50. I also suffer with anxiety / depression, so my anxiety levels are out of control right now. Any help you can provide would be great. Thanks people.

LostSoul21 Understanding Mixed Signals
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have recently reconnected with someone from past that I had a long term relationship with. It had been many years with no contact. We have been getting along really well and enjoy each other's company, however all of a sudden the messages got l... View more

Hi, I have recently reconnected with someone from past that I had a long term relationship with. It had been many years with no contact. We have been getting along really well and enjoy each other's company, however all of a sudden the messages got less and questions went unanswered and I started to feel distance forming between us. When I asked what was happening, I was told it was stress about other issues, all was still OK but needed a break to sort themselves out, but still loved me and still looking positive for the future. I now haven't heard anything for over a week. Should I consider this over? Or should I just continue to give some time and space as asked for and maybe there is still a chance to move forward with the relationship?

B21 Advice step parenting
  • replies: 3

I feel so selfish saying this so please be kind. I'm 21 years old dating a 26 year old who has 2 kids aged 2 and 3. Please don't get me wrong I love the kids so much but lately I've been feeling so left out. My boyfriend doesn't make time for me, I f... View more

I feel so selfish saying this so please be kind. I'm 21 years old dating a 26 year old who has 2 kids aged 2 and 3. Please don't get me wrong I love the kids so much but lately I've been feeling so left out. My boyfriend doesn't make time for me, I feel like he only cares about the kids and I feel like a total outsider in their lives. I look after them, cook dinner, clean, feed them, shower them etc etc but don't get to be involved in anything important. I don't get to make rules, the kids don't listen to me, I don't get told about important things happening in their lives e.g the other week one was in hospital and I wasn't even informed. It's getting me really upset that I don't feel apart of the family and my boyfriend expect me to take on the role of step mum but without the appreciation and respect I feel I deserve. I really don't know what to do anymore, Ive tried talking to him about it and he doesn't understand. I'm so down about it all We have also been talking a lot about our future and if we have kids and Ive been a bit down about that too. I'm having trouble letting go of the idea that if we have kids it's won't be special for him because he's done it before. Twice. Does anyone have any advice to stop feeling this way or what I can do. I love him and I love his kids so much I just want to feel happy together again not how I have been.

DreamyCream broke off a relationship and feeling horrible
  • replies: 6

hey there people i've been, or had been, with my boyfriend for almost a year. it was supposed to be our first anniversary in a week. but... it was an online relationship. we met up only once, a few months ago, and he was so freaking perfect and sweet... View more

hey there people i've been, or had been, with my boyfriend for almost a year. it was supposed to be our first anniversary in a week. but... it was an online relationship. we met up only once, a few months ago, and he was so freaking perfect and sweet, and I still love him, but what we had just wasn't going to work - 5 years. online. it's hard, and painful. so I broke it off when things began to go downhill. i feel like the worst person in the world, because he still loves me, and I still love him. please give me advice on how to react to all of this.. he was my first love, and now he's leaving my life, possibly even forever. i feel awful.

kowhai Husband moves out
  • replies: 5

hi there .. this is my first time writing on a forum and i'm just not sure where else to turn. short story is my husband and best friend has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression. he has daily suicidal thoughts and talks about needing to 'create... View more

hi there .. this is my first time writing on a forum and i'm just not sure where else to turn. short story is my husband and best friend has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression. he has daily suicidal thoughts and talks about needing to 'create space' for himself. we have 2 children (7 and 9) one of which is particularly high energy. his anxiety has kept him 'stuck' for many years and as a result our dreams and plans have been shelved/ignored and our home is a constant unfinished project. i have tried to give him space, freedom, time .. i have never complained about being the sole breadwinner in the family and have never applied any pressure to him but as a result i feel the 'stuck' situation just becomes more real. this morning he announced that he needs to leave to stay at a friend's house to give himself more space as his psychologist that he visits weekly is 'worried about him' and fears if he continues on the path he is on he will end up in hospital or dead .. i have tried to discuss medication with him for his depression but he just says he has tried everything - as a result he uses alcohol and doesn't sleep. he is concerned that he is a 'bad parent' and wants the space to 'make himself a better parent and husband'. i am not sure our marriage will survive this and i feel as though i have lost my best friend. i have to try and remain upbeat about the situation for our kids but just feel upset, hurt and deserted. i am wondering if anyone has any advice who might have a better understanding of his current mental state than me. thank you

Anon372690973_- Finding boyfriend has only fans
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’ve recently found out my boy friend has only fans. We have been together for 2.5 years and just bought our first house together. This has hurt me so much. He knows I would not like him to have an account but has done it anyway. He has also... View more

Hi guys, I’ve recently found out my boy friend has only fans. We have been together for 2.5 years and just bought our first house together. This has hurt me so much. He knows I would not like him to have an account but has done it anyway. He has also subscribed to girls we both know that has made me feel so uncomfortable. It has also made me feel insecure as he never asks me for nudes or saves the ones I send him and has been getting this elsewhere from other girls. I do not see how I am going to get past this. I am so disgusted by this and do not want to speak to him or be around him. We both watch porn in our own time but him having only fans and subscribing to girls we know has crossed a boundary. I appreciate any advice! Thankyou

TassyNick Tired, exhausted and feeling numb after experiencing years of trauma.
  • replies: 2

Well, it seems like things have finally caught up to me. After what has been 4 years of hell since moving from Tasmania to Victoria, my mind and body has started to give up altogether. Nothing makes me sad, nothing makes me happy. Everyday seems poin... View more

Well, it seems like things have finally caught up to me. After what has been 4 years of hell since moving from Tasmania to Victoria, my mind and body has started to give up altogether. Nothing makes me sad, nothing makes me happy. Everyday seems pointless, and the only thing I am truly aware of is the aches and pains in my body attributed to my ageing Cerebral Palsy and the constant badgering from those around me who constantly demand my attention and time in order to feel validated. 4 years ago, after finding myself in a situation I didn't want to be in and experiencing a significant level of trauma associated with it, I decided to move from Hobart to Melbourne.On arrival I spent 3 months in a hotel before I managed to find a rental unit and secure myself a bank loan to fund some contents. At the time I didn't have much with me apart from my car and a bag of clothes as I ended up having to leave everything else I owned behind in order to leave at short notice. Shortly after moving into my flat I met what I thought was a lovely man, but instead would end up making my life a nightmare. No sooner after I had met them, they virtually moved themselves into my home despite my constant protests. What followed was many months of manipulation that resulted in me giving up my flat and spending most of my time at his family home whereby his own family members would sit by while this man would systematically emotionally and physically assault me leaving me feeling constantly fatigued from defending myself. In the end I lost my job, and in response to that the mans family threw me onto the street with no notice or support. What followed was easily the worst year of my life. The very man that abused me continued to follow me even when I was homeless. I ended up loosing my car and spent nearly 6 months living in a tent in a friends backyard because they didn't want me in the house. Naturally sleeping on the ground was not good for my Cerebral Palsy and I ended up with severe back pain. Still, despite all the trauma, I forced myself to look for a job while the man following me refused to do so. Now you may ask, why couldn't I make him leave? For two reasons really, he has successfully worn me down whereby I had little to no energy, and secondly I had no other support around me to help enforce my decision. Eventually I managed to find a job and a room to rent however I am now at a point I need help to move forward past the trauma and get my life back. Any thoughts?

MissJ94 New relationship?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I had been talking to this guy for months now and we finally met up last week at a local cafe. I hadnt been on a date in 3 years! My last relationship ended 6 years ago! So i felt very out of place! But as my psychologist put it, look at pote... View more

Hi all, I had been talking to this guy for months now and we finally met up last week at a local cafe. I hadnt been on a date in 3 years! My last relationship ended 6 years ago! So i felt very out of place! But as my psychologist put it, look at potential partners like a beer. Sometimes you need to try many of them to find the one you really like. So i went into the date with no expectations to just "try the beer". The guy isnt what i typically go for either! And i feel like it went really well, i ended up liking this beer sounds weird saying it like that. Really look forward to seeing him again and i feel like its a positive sign we are still talking! He had messaged me only like 30mins after our date too. I just dont want to get too attached so soon though. But at times i cant help but wonder what our kids would look like, what type of ring he would propose to me with, how our lives would be like living together, would we end up buying a house together, what are his parents like, would they like me etc. Then i think about what he really thought of me. What were his thoughts about me when first meeting, what has he told his friends or family about me if anything, will he end up ghosting me? Then also thoughts about when my expectations were way too high! This guy is a couple months younger than me, i usually go for guys at least 2 years older. This guy enjoys going out for a couple drinks with his mates, i dont drink. This guy is a gaming manager at a pub, i usually go for guys who are university educated. So many thoughts racing through my mind and not sure how to feel about any of them! The scariest thing i find about dating is what if i find someone i like better? I hate hurting people and i guess thats one reason i was out of the dating scene for quite a while. That fear of getting comfortable with someone only for someone i like more to come along? If that makes sense. Makes me wonder if ill ever be ready to settle? Ive been in some pretty terrible/abusive relationships in the past and i guess all those issues come back up. Questioning everything.. am i too damaged to be in a relationship again??

Whydomyplantsalwaysdie My best friend has depression and it’s making my mental health decline
  • replies: 2

I need help. Normally I would talk to my best friend but I can’t. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for her, but it just seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m constantly in fear of doing the wrong thing that will upset her, and when I do, ... View more

I need help. Normally I would talk to my best friend but I can’t. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for her, but it just seems like everything I do is wrong. I’m constantly in fear of doing the wrong thing that will upset her, and when I do, it’s like there’s no sympathy or second chances. If I do something wrong (and by that I mean, a conversation about her ends up being about me, I comfort her when she just wants me to listen, I don’t understand what she’s trying to tell me etc) she shuts me out and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I try so hard to do and be what she wants me to, but I have mental health issues too, I can’t always stop myself from being anxious about something, or reacting sensitively. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I would try to talk to her about this but last time I did that it ruined her mental health, it’s like, I can’t look after mine without damaging hers. And whenever I do try to talk to her about this stuff she doesn’t seem to care. I understand what she’s going through, and I don’t blame her for these reactions one bit, but it’s hard on me, and it’s not exactly like I can talk to her about it.