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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Redhuta Relationship Counselling ? Seeking advice and maybe sharing your experience?
  • replies: 19

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are... View more

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are now back together our problems keep arising about lack of intimacy/emotion towards me. Our daughters both suffer with anxiety and all three including my husband see their own psychiatrists. Its evident to bother dr’s treating our daughters that the lack of emotion towards me and the separation have impacted my daughters and may contribute somewhat to their anxiety. I have known this and I also have expressed this to my husband however it did take a professional to make he take finally realise its not me “nagging”. My husband likes to blame me and I understand that could be the depression but much to my surprise he has asked we get marriage counselling? I suspect his psychiatrist may have suggested this and I also add he is in the process of changing meds as the ones he has been on for the last 10 years are not what he should have been on according to this dr.This is a major move forward as over the years its always been me asking for help or to try and fix our problems. The children and life always taking priority over our relationships,so I am more that willing to give this a go and hopefully be able to communicate more effectively with my husband now that a professional is involved. We are looking at Relationships Australia? I do have my psychologist who I have been seeing on and off over the last 4 years to help me with the issues dealing with my husband and the effects its had on me, but also my two daughters and their anxiety. My husband does not want to go to him. Any advice would be greatly appericated.

Abstraction Ongoing platonic relationship within four days of ending the affair
  • replies: 2

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at ... View more

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at work - 'connection' => flirtation => and despite my warnings, stepping over the line. It has involved constant secret messaging in the mornings and into the night, probably all day at work, along with secret meeting up when she was out on 'errands', including kissing. She says they haven't slept together. She went from competely honest to lies and sneaking around. When I discovered it, bit by bit, she gave false assurances at each step, but she refused to stop even though I barely slept most nights and had been unable to work for 3 weeks. She insisted she still loved me. Eventually the other guy's wife fell pregnant so he ended it monday week ago. In trying to reconcile she made no effort on her side because she 'couldn't process it right now' so I agreed to go away last thursday for two weeks to give her space. On Friday, the very next day, he messaged her again. She told me this Saturday morning and said it was unwelcome and she wished he was out of his life. Yet she met up with him some hours later, an example of the kind of misleading she had done all along and how much power it has over her. I only discovered this on Sunday with a direct question from 130km away. I have her space to help us focus on our marriage and she is back to messaging and meeting up with him. She claims it is just a platonic friendship now (4 days after it was an affair), that they won't cross the line, and refuses to stop. She says if I love her I should be glad she has a wonderful connection with another person. When I asked if she had met up with him again she said she had on Sunday but that my fixating on him is not going to help (our marriage). She has constantly warned me that giving an ultimatum would make her want to go the other way. She is in counselling, does love me and doesn't want our marriage to end. She agreed to talk to the counsellor about this issue tonight. What do you think? Is she right that I'm overreacting by objecting to her refusal to stop the contact with this guy outside of work? I do know what I think, I think I know what most people think but I'm so alone in this. I just want to hear other views from any perspective including disagreement with me.

SESIAH I don’t know what to do...
  • replies: 4

The past few months I have been experiencing high stress, worry, insomnia, depression and anxiety from a number of things. A marriage that i feel stuck in, financial stress, miscarriage, family problems, things are piling on top and I just can’t seem... View more

The past few months I have been experiencing high stress, worry, insomnia, depression and anxiety from a number of things. A marriage that i feel stuck in, financial stress, miscarriage, family problems, things are piling on top and I just can’t seem to see the other side. It feels as though it’s just hit after hit. I have zero support and I feel like I’m dumping my negative thoughts on my children. This weekend gone by seems to have triggered me to have some sort of mental break down. I haven’t been sleeping well since and today I found myself mentally falling down. I cried in the car on the way home, I’ve lost relationships with my family today. I feel so used and mistreated. I feel worthless like I don’t understand why it feels like I’m supposed to care about everyone around me but no one seems to care about me? My husband has convinced me to reach out to a dr but my drs practice doesn’t offer anyone in mental health problems. I’ve contacted my boss who has helped me find our work help for mental health and this is one of the links they sent so I’m starting here. I have looked at the “press to talk to a mental health nurse” button in the online chat for the past 20 minutes, I can’t do it. What if they think my problems aren’t worth their help? i feel so stuck. I’m usually the happiest person but month after month I’m being dragged down. I’m usually so good at hiding it but I can’t anymore. I don’t like feeling like this and I just wish I could run away with my kids and start all over again.

Andrew-n Gday everyone.
  • replies: 13

Married (10 years) 4 kids....... Wife has cheated before. (i never have) Never got over it. 7 years later still kills me inside. Think wife is cheating on me again. Signs signs signs everywhere or maybe its all in my head? At this point i no longer a... View more

Married (10 years) 4 kids....... Wife has cheated before. (i never have) Never got over it. 7 years later still kills me inside. Think wife is cheating on me again. Signs signs signs everywhere or maybe its all in my head? At this point i no longer actually know. Not many mates or family.... Just the family i built so find myself looking online! Thats just how shit my life has got. (No offence, i understand the online community can help but i just feel so low.) Dunno.. looking for support or just a place to vent. Feel like a coward and weak posting this. Andrew.

bubbles85 Still in love with my ex who suffers from depression
  • replies: 15

My (f35) boyfriend (m29) ended our 8 month relationship about 2 months ago due to his depression. He was in a dark place and said he needed to work through it on his own. He had told me during the relationship about the fact he suffered from depressi... View more

My (f35) boyfriend (m29) ended our 8 month relationship about 2 months ago due to his depression. He was in a dark place and said he needed to work through it on his own. He had told me during the relationship about the fact he suffered from depression, but felt he wasn't strong enough to tell me his whole history with it. I never pushed and let him reveal things slowly as he felt comfortable. Everything in the relationship seemed to fall apart in only a 2 week span from the time I could see he was struggling to when he ended things. Over the last couple of months we still have been speaking sporadically and we work for the same company so I do still see him daily even if we do not speak. I've been really struggling with the break up as I am still in love with him. The time and space has done nothing to dull these feelings. We fell hard and fast into the relationship, it was my first major relationship and his first since the first time he was in a serious depressive state. I know he is in treatment and seems to have his good days and bad from what I can see when I see him around work. I really want to tell him about how I feel but I am terrified of being rejected again. I feel like I am currently in limbo because I don't want to be putting any pressure on him while he is still unwell, but my feelings for him are still so strong. I'm looking for advise on how to navigate this.

WeAllNeedHelp Wanting to Leave my Parnter - But how?
  • replies: 6

Hi all. To get the the point, I want to leave my partner. So much is going through my mind. How? When? Basically, Right now he doesn't have a job, he has no income, and he's using his saving to assist in bills, but I'm on my last thread. I'm beyond t... View more

Hi all. To get the the point, I want to leave my partner. So much is going through my mind. How? When? Basically, Right now he doesn't have a job, he has no income, and he's using his saving to assist in bills, but I'm on my last thread. I'm beyond trying to fix the relationship. he doesn't know how I feel. I feel so guilty for the breakup to come which leaves him with no where to go. the lease for the unit we're living in is under my name. I have places i could stay while he tries to find somewhere, but how is he supposed to? Feel like such a bad person, yet i need to be happy. he's holding me back and i want to spread my wings and go places. we lliterally do nothing together, its just say to say life.

Mark h Marriage Crisis - Should I Call It Over? Please help!
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone. Can you please provide some insights and advice for my current situation. My wife and I separated back in January and she decided to move out of the family home and move into her own rental unit to try and take some time to see if our ma... View more

Hi Everyone. Can you please provide some insights and advice for my current situation. My wife and I separated back in January and she decided to move out of the family home and move into her own rental unit to try and take some time to see if our marriage was something that she wanted to continue with or not. For her, she has trust issues and for myself, I feel that I have have never really had my needs understood or met especially over the last 8 or so years in particular. When my wife moved out 6 weeks ago, we always spoke and said that we would still do things together on occasion and remain amicable and friendly. I have two teenage boys living at home and am taking care of them whilst also cooking, cleaning etc. We also own our own business together too, so it is an unusual circumstance and outside the norm of what is a standard separation for sure. Over the last few weeks, things have become strained. My wife does still talk to me but is what I would call totally unimotional in her way that she talks and acts. It's almost as if we are now more distant friends which is hugely sad and disappointing. She has a huge support network of friends around her which I am thankful for and of course, they are no doubt offering their own advice. I however have always had the same connection of friends being that I moved over here from the UK 22 years ago and so I have no real network of my own in which to speak with anyone about this. I am seeing a Psychologist and Life Coach who are helping me. Last week, I found that my wife had taken over $3,000 cash from ATM machines during the month of March alone. Something she has never done before. When I asked her about this, she said that she didn't know it was that much but something told me this wasn't true. I decided to be mindful of what could happen and so I changed the password on my phone and deleted my Facebook account as it was making me sad to see her moving on so fast with her friend network. Yesterday we were out at dinner with the family and she wanted to see the specials menu, a pic of which I had taken on my phone. She couldn't get in and this morning she is now saying to me that I am hiding something and that I lied about changing the code. My point here is that I am so anxious about all of this that it's causing me severe distress. Whilst it would be SO hard to end this marriage, I feel that continuing on as we are doing is too exhausting. Maybe a fresh new start for both of us is best? Comments please.

Lily73 A cheating partner with depression
  • replies: 5

Hello I am writing here because I don’t know who else to talk to. My partner recently cheated on me - for the second time. I am not sure whether to try and work it out or go our separate ways. He is my only family here as all of my family is overseas... View more

Hello I am writing here because I don’t know who else to talk to. My partner recently cheated on me - for the second time. I am not sure whether to try and work it out or go our separate ways. He is my only family here as all of my family is overseas. What bothers me is not the act of having sex, but the context in which it all happened. The first time I was overseas looking after my dad who was dying of a terminal cancer. He cheated on me with a friend - an obese, not a very attractive girl. This time, he cheated on me with a person at work - who has some problems in her marriage. my partner has depression, is being medicated for it and is seeng a professional. However, the last three years have been full of emotional abuse. I have been looking after him emotionally, helping him out financially, and just being there. I am completely lost - one part of me just wants to erase him from my life and the other, caring part of me understands depression. Again, not an excuse for all the poor behaviours over the last few years. We just moved into our new house and it is all about to get very complicated if/when we separate. I don’t know where to start and how to get my thoughts straight. I’m very lost, so any objective opinion will be great. I don’t want to get my family into this, because they will only bring all the unnecessary negative emotions in my life.

Npf1120 Ex dating a guy we know....
  • replies: 2

Hi All, mid last year my wife and i decided to separate as things werent exciting and was no spark it was hard at the time but this has been fantastic for me as i have really moved on with my life and am finding out more about myself. we have 2 boys ... View more

Hi All, mid last year my wife and i decided to separate as things werent exciting and was no spark it was hard at the time but this has been fantastic for me as i have really moved on with my life and am finding out more about myself. we have 2 boys 3 and 6 and they have adjusted very well to the separate lives we now have but we have such a better bond than ever before. My ex and i have been getting on very well and its been quite easy minus a few hiccups but we resolved them. so the question i put to you, is she has just told me last week that she is dating a guy that she used to work with from her last job, this guy comes to our kids birthday parties with his little girl, i quite like the guy and we get on well and always have, but i cant help but feel like there was something there before we split, although i truly believe she couldn't of had the time to have an affair as we are both quite busy at the time. I feel very dissapointed that she has gone to him to start dating as it has really hit me making me feel like i was an idiot if there was anything going on. ( ranting a bit) how can i get rid of this feeling that im having, im not losing sleep over it, i just think about it all day, when im awake. she assures me nothing happened before the split. but ya know! who truly knows and i wont ever. moving forward though, what are some guidelines i should implement, im not ready to have my fatherhood challenged just yet. I want to put some expectations forward to my ex like, id like it if you see him outside of the time with the kids for now as to not confuse the kids, of course im sure they will be together and logically the kids will be more involved later. im just in a weird space, im fully ok with them being together, i have no love for her in that respect and i dont mind him. i understand that it was going to happen eventually which im ok with. Ive been on the dating scene and have met a fair few people as well, so i dont hold that against them as id be a hipocrit. any ideas on how to just get over it as i know i should. I say i really dont care but obviously somewhere i do.