Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

jxav95 Relationship troubles
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs b... View more

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs but when we argue she says that she's the only one trying in this relationship. I do love her dearly but I'm at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. A piece of me breaks away more and more each time we right and I'm just not sure how much I have left in me.

Mrs1979 Enabling triggered behaviours and how to leave
  • replies: 6

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He i... View more

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He is unable to move past a period where I didn’t provide support he needed. I’ve acknowledged I would do things differently now. But I did the best I could. My mum had just died, we had two small kids, he was away 12 hrs/day studying and I was working 4 days a week. He developed issues with my dad. I thought they’d pass, but in not doing anything he feels I chose my dad over him. Now if I mention dad, it triggers my husband. He calls dad a monster; he’s not. I rarely see dad because it makes things easier at home. Last time I said I want to see dad, my husband said fine it’s over. My husband is insecure. He asked me to ‘help’ by showing love. He needs ALL text exchanges to include ‘love you’ even if I said it 10 mins ago. I’ve tried to meet these needs; if I forget, I’m met with anger. I’ve dropped the kids at school, a block away, texted they’re ok (since Covid he has anxiety re them) but forgotten to say love you. When I get home, my husband is striding down the street angrily. At night, If I go past him without a kiss and ‘I love you’, I’m met with sighs and anger. This is dysfunctional behaviour, right? Even if he has been triggered? I think I should leave him, but am not strong enough. I’ve seen a psychologist who was awesome in validating my feelings but I don’t feel like she gave me more than moral support. I’m unable to take that final step. I don’t want to do that to the kids (he generally is a good father, esp. to our daughter). I don’t want the financial implications. I’ve always been the breadwinner. He’s worked casually at times but since completing his degree he doesn’t get much paid work (he’s in the arts). All we have is because of me; I’ve also done almost all the chores and child rearing. But moreover I don’t know how to hurt someone I care about. He thinks about suicide frequently. He says he should leave, but on the few occasions I agreed he’s gotten so angry. And I tell him I love him and don’t want him to leave. It’s not a healthy relationship. I keep triggering him despite trying to please him. He feels like he doesn’t belong and unable to trust me because I apparently chose my dad. should I be more understanding of his childhood trauma? How do you hurt someone vulnerable, whom you love?

ShannonN Dealing with trust with partner after affair/s
  • replies: 3

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more ch... View more

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more chats about why this happening all the time then we had ever As after the 1st time, we really never deal with it and got back so quickly it was crazy, i must admit i put myself into work and other communities activities, and put her second over many years, and just spiralled from there leading into happening 2 more times, due to lack of respect and intimacy on my side, due to my stubborn ways Thing is , after realising that putting her second and not giving the love she needed, of course she look for it in other places, i was just to dumb to realise it We decided to only now to take a break,however try and re-connect and work on the things that been missing for so many years, so dont end such a long time together My issues now, is how to deal with trust in her and take her word for it, thats she still not talking to other guys on social media while we a going to try reconnect in our break. I just need tips in coping with not thinking the worse scenario all the time, and try and believe what she says without being in face about it all the time, as i know that will make things worse. should i just plan one day at time, or just even give up and move on, knowing it may happen even if she gets the love she needs from me.

Mamalife Addiction
  • replies: 3

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un pr... View more

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un proven) that he is using drugs. He has admitted to using in the past as an antidepressant but maintains he’s been clean for 5ish months. Looking back on his recent behaviour though I think he’s probably be using again for at least the last two. I asked him to leave last weekend and he did although he doesn’t admit to anything and then on Sunday he flipped his lid and text me horrible abuse saying he was never coming home. I know this isn’t him at all. We are all suffering big time especially our children. But I just don’t know where to from here if he doesn’t think he has a problem and certainly doesn’t admit he’s using at all. Onviously I’d like it to all work out and he gets help and we all live happily ever after but even if that doesn’t happen - if he’s a drug user I don’t want him with my kids unsupervised but until I can prove it how can I stop him?

Losingmyself Partner of an emergency worker
  • replies: 2

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it takin... View more

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it taking a toll on her and also now on me. If it continues likely on our relationship. I have shared my feelings and she is sorry that it’s impacting me and wants to take measures for it not to. I know it’s important for me to share my feelings but I don’t want her to feel alone also. Is there any one with personal experience being in relationship with an emergency worker and how do you navigate the heaviness?

Taannyyaa_xx Head vs Heart
  • replies: 1

Hi, So i am 36 weeks pregnant and am feeling very emtoional these days, thoughts will come into my mind at random and can often make me want to break down and cry, even if i know that they are far from the truth. Lately my thoughts have been telling ... View more

Hi, So i am 36 weeks pregnant and am feeling very emtoional these days, thoughts will come into my mind at random and can often make me want to break down and cry, even if i know that they are far from the truth. Lately my thoughts have been telling me that my partner doesnt find me attractive or want me anymore because ive gotten so huge and fat lately. Since ive been pregant we barely have sex or are intimate anymore, he tells me its because he is tired from work (which i know he really is) but i cant help thinking that there is another reason behind it. Today he went out to see an old female friend that i never met, i told him that i was completley okay with it and that i trusted him (which i do with all my heart) he came home very happy and more relaxed than i have seen him in a long time and had brought me home an expensive gift as well, telling me that he loved me so much and how he had so much fun catching up with his friends. Now deep down in my heart i knew he was speaking the truth and that there is nothing going on there at all but now i lay in bed overthinking everything and from my past relationship experience, all i can keep thinking is that he has to be cheating on me or something (my ex actually would play mind games anfnemotionally manipulate me). Like the gift was because he was guilty and that he doesnt want to have sex with me because he is getting it somewhere else... idk if any of this makes sense but these random thoughts that keep popping into my head on a daily base are starting to affect me and i dont know what to do. I feel like i cant talk to my partner because he will just think im being psycho and call me crazy like my ex did. I feel like this is all driving me insane

Acceptance_is_key Unplanned pregnancy
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have recently found out I am pregnant to a guy I have known only just over a month. He wanted me to abort it and continue seeing each other to see where things went. I on the other hand wasn’t comfortable with having an abortion. He doesn’t wan... View more

Hi, I have recently found out I am pregnant to a guy I have known only just over a month. He wanted me to abort it and continue seeing each other to see where things went. I on the other hand wasn’t comfortable with having an abortion. He doesn’t want anything to do with me and the baby so we are no long going to be seeing each other or communicating. Which is really heartbreaking as we both do like each other. I am scared and wondering if it’s better to terminate the pregnancy and have a shot with him. However I worry I would resent him for doing something I wasn’t 100% sure on doing. Has anyone experienced this or know of any women who have been through this? I feel empty and broken. This isn’t how I wanted to have my first baby. I worry my baby will think it’s father didn’t want them and if I would be enough. Looking for any advice or words of wisdom. Feeling very alone in this. I am 26 turning 27 next month also.

TheLastSlice_ofBread When I’m older
  • replies: 1

When I grow up I want to be like you I want to be caring I want to wear my heart on my sleeve I want to have good bearings On how my life should be You are not perfect Nor should anyone be But your core will always have an affect on me You are strong... View more

When I grow up I want to be like you I want to be caring I want to wear my heart on my sleeve I want to have good bearings On how my life should be You are not perfect Nor should anyone be But your core will always have an affect on me You are strong and brave I’m so sad you don’t see yourself that way You are my rock And now my foundational building block You have endured so much And had some real bad luck And this has made your beautiful soul shine through In everything you do Now I’m older I understand much more about your life choices I hope to be like a solider Listening to the wise voices That can guide me to be like you I’m so sorry for what he has put you through

Somehurtguy my gf broke up with me and i am having a hard time accepting what has happened
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone first time poster, bit over a week ago my gf of 6 months broke up with me. It crushed me we seemed so happy together and everything just seemed right. she said she needed space so I gave it to her but she msged two days ago and we got ch... View more

Hey everyone first time poster, bit over a week ago my gf of 6 months broke up with me. It crushed me we seemed so happy together and everything just seemed right. she said she needed space so I gave it to her but she msged two days ago and we got chatting and she said she missed me. I would love nothing better than to be back with her, we were long distance but it was only a 3hr drive, but the distance took its toll. I move down there in a month or so and think it will be different once I move down we will be happy and things will work out. But she says she lost the spark and feelings have changed. I said that its alright relationships do hit hard times like this and we can work through this we have not seen eachother for a while i move down soon we can work. But she just doesnt accept it, saying she misses having me as a best friend not the relationship part. I love her but I cant stay friends and see her move on and date other people it would just hurt a lot more. I dont want to block her but she may block me soon as we have spoken and its just she just gave up on me. She doesnt want to try and fix it but says she misses me and msgs me. How do i deal with these emotions that what i had with her will never happen again after making it soo far and about to be so close to eachother just to lose it all. Thankyou for any help given

jtjt_4862 Relationship Ended due to partner's mental health
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I've been following the forum for quite some time, and it has helped me through my first break up. So this is my first post to the forum, and I hope by sharing my story, it may help those who may find it relatable. Last year when a frien... View more

Hi everyone, I've been following the forum for quite some time, and it has helped me through my first break up. So this is my first post to the forum, and I hope by sharing my story, it may help those who may find it relatable. Last year when a friend of mine introduced me to a kind hearted, gentle, and loving person. We both hit it off and we found ourselves in love with each other, and it was our first time in a relationship. We were together for more than a year, and it had been a positive experience even thru out the COVID-19 lockdowns. But in late March this year, out of the blue, she decided that it's best if we both went separate ways. She explained that she's going through depression and anxiety, and cannot give me the love/time/care that I deserve. Even though I expressed that I was willing to support her through her tough times, she felt that she does not deserve my love/care/time. In the end, we agreed to go separate ways and remain as friends. But even though we had agreed to stay as friends, I tried reflecting back on the relationship, thinking what went wrong, how did it come to this, and was in disbelief that this had happened. I tried to fix our relationship, explaining what I thought might be my flaws that had caused her to feel this way to want a break up. I even thought, by trying to be a good supportive friend thru her depression, she might feel better and come back to me. But as I keep doing this, I felt it was very detrimental to both our mental state, and could feel her depression and anxiety episode getting worse. One day, I decided to ask how she was going, and she said she wasn't feeling well, and will be staying away from messaging for awhile. I gave her my last few messages of love and care, and decided to give her some space until she's ready to chat again. I told myself that I've done all I can, but I need to take care of myself too. So from now till whenever she's ready to chat again, or Oct 2nd (as we initially agreed to go watch a play together as friends), I've decided to take the time to improve myself, while remembering the fond memories that we had together as a couple. I still think about her, and wish she won't have to feel like this forever. But I'm also ready to face the possibility of us never reconnecting with each other again (even as friends). (I'll make another post on what I've learned from this break up)