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New dad at breaking point

Community Member
Hi there. I have a relatively new son who is 11 months old who I love very much. Over the last couple of months however my relationship with my wife hasn't been the best. We both work around 30 hours a week trying to juggle looking after our son and work however I keep getting this built up frustration and sadness as i feel the large majority of the house work is left to me to do and on the weekends my wife leaves him with me while she does other things. I love my son so much but I do need my time by myself. Whenever I do bring this up to her it ends in a fight and i feel like im the bad person. I have suffered with depression on and off since being a teenager so I get quite upset and down with it all. Any pointers would be great. Cheers!
5 Replies 5

Dear CamdenChuck,

Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members.
We want to thank you for having the strength and bravery to share your story and allow our community to help you on your journey. We can hear that you have a lot of anxiety and stress around being a new dad and failed support from your partner.  We understand that not always being able to communicate without arguments doesnt help the situation.

We can see that this is having a impact on your mental health and we want you to know that Beyond Blue are there for you if you need to talk anytime.
Beyond Blue support service 24/7, either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support


Sophie M

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi CandenChucks,

Wellcome to our forums.

I’m sorry that you are feeling this way.

I understand that being a new parent can be hard sometimes.

Sometimes the Mum or Dad can suffer with postnatal depression or postnatal anxiety.

I have a lived experience of postnatal anxiety and parental OCD which I have now recovered from thanks to the help I received from health professionals.

Have you thought about having a chat to your gp about the way you are feeling?

I’m sorry that you fight with your wife when you bring this up…… does your wife understand how you are feeling?

Community Champion
Community Champion


welcome to the forums and thanks for your first post.

It is hard with a young child working out who does what.

petal and Sophie have given suggestions.

can you take turns in minding your son and have alone time and family time.

Community Member

Hey lo,
My brother is in the same situation. He reckons they should have TV ads warning people how difficult parenting is haha!

38 y.o childless female myself - freedom is good but pretty lonely...
My brother and his wife talked about getting a cleaner but they have 2 rambunctious dogs and the cleaner would need to be very dog friendly.... not easy to find. Plus the expense.
It's really hard when housework is left to one person. I am that person in my house too, but I don't have kids and work part time so it's manageable. I have a couple of tips for you: magic erasers machete through soap scum on glass & tiles in the shower. They are also brilliant for removing marks from walls but will take shine off gloss surfaces. Vinegar kills mould. Bi carb soda removes odours. That's all I have sorry!
Have you watched "The Let Down"? Was available on ABC iview but it's now on Netflix. Pretty relevant & a great laugh! My fave line: "It's not my fault she's being a dickhead" (the baby.) They totally are dickheads when they cry on & on for no reason. I do love my nephew to bits, BTW.
If you want time off you might have to schedule in advance. Surely if you look after baby this weekend she can't deny you next Saturday evening off?... I would hope. Organise it when HER time off is fresh in her mind.
Good luck and pat yourself on the back for doing a good job, Dad!!

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello CamdenChucks, looking after a new born, and an 11 month old baby is still under this category is not easy work and as said either parent or both of you can develop PND where you believe you aren't getting the help shared.

Doing everything yourself on the weekends doesn't give you the same freedom as what your wife is having, although the rest of the week she may be so busy, that she needs a break on the weekends, but in turn it needs to go both ways, and when Monday comes you must feel worn out, this needs to be alternated, so both of you need to have some time alone, so it's balanced.

Is there a mother/MIL who can help you out, which will give both of you time to yourself, that's what happened to my wife (ex) and myself, where my MIL looked after the kids when both of us were suffering from PND, where I still had to work, which was not easy to do.

Best wishes.