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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BlueBorder Living with a Borderline narcissist mother
  • replies: 11

Hi I’ll apologise upfront for the length of this post but I’m hoping to find someone in the same situation as me. I’m married with a child in my mid 30s and have a very volatile relationship with my mum to say the least. She has many mental health pr... View more

Hi I’ll apologise upfront for the length of this post but I’m hoping to find someone in the same situation as me. I’m married with a child in my mid 30s and have a very volatile relationship with my mum to say the least. She has many mental health problems but refuses to seek help. As a child, I grew up in a violent home with lots of screaming and some physical violence but not towards me. I believe this has left me with anxiety of loud noises. My mother always told me all about her problems, from her mother to her work issues and my father and their relationship (they’re still married). When I got to high school my mum was always upset that I would spend time with my friends and not her, this has continued into adulthood. My mum has regularly sent me texts basically unloading all of her issues with me often when I’m at work and she knows I’m at work. Whenever I receive these texts it completely ruins my day. The texts usually come about from something she perceives I have done wrong. For example if I dare tell my dad I love him and I don’t say the same to her. I’m here writing this as they often cross the line, the latest being this week when she has sent 7 texts within 2 days saying things like she never wants to see me again, she wants everyone to know she hates me, I’m a despicable human being and that I’m the nastiest person on earth. Prior to these texts I had sent her text wishing her a happy birthday. I think this is emotional abuse and it’s not the first time she has been awful to me. I have attempted to set boundaries with her that included a request that she not just show up at my house. I did this as when she does show up she stays for hours and if I say I’m busy or need to do something or have plans, I get the above kind of text messages or passive aggressive ones saying she knows I don’t have time for her and she won’t bother me ever again. Anyway after setting this boundary she showed up at our house drunk so I guess my point is that I don’t feel as though setting boundaries work. She has also contacted all of my friends behind my back if we’ve had a disagreement to tell them her side of the story because she thinks that I talk about her to them which I don’t until they contact me to tell me what she’s said to them. What do I do? I have honestly tried everything, including seeing a psychologist with her which she took nothing from and went back to her bad behaviour quickly. Thanks for reading my essay!

Ljtorana I don't know what I'm meant to do
  • replies: 2

I have been through horrific sexual trauma as a child and now I feel rejected if I don't have sex, and due to my partners past relationships he hates sex... what do I do....?

I have been through horrific sexual trauma as a child and now I feel rejected if I don't have sex, and due to my partners past relationships he hates sex... what do I do....?

mermaidgirl New relationship after infidelity
  • replies: 1

I have started seeing someone for just over a month now. We are taking things slow, but I am having issues with feeling anxious after being with them. Everything is amazing when we are together. When we aren’t together I worry they will change the wa... View more

I have started seeing someone for just over a month now. We are taking things slow, but I am having issues with feeling anxious after being with them. Everything is amazing when we are together. When we aren’t together I worry they will change the way they feel about me, they will not want to see me anymore, they will find someone better. A year ago I left my marriage after discovering my husband was unfaithful with my best friend. This has obviously damaged me and I now have major trust issues and abandonment issues. How can I move past this?

WHaze47 Stuck in a loop
  • replies: 2

I don't know anymore. There's so many things going on in my head, I can't focus on anything. Again and again I've tried to heal or I've tried to forget about my ex and the moment I actually start feeling better he messages me out of nowhere and it ju... View more

I don't know anymore. There's so many things going on in my head, I can't focus on anything. Again and again I've tried to heal or I've tried to forget about my ex and the moment I actually start feeling better he messages me out of nowhere and it just triggers me so much. I would feel happy? that he reached out and at the same time feel resentful and angry for the things that happened in the past...there's so many emotions I'm feeling at the same time and again I ride the rollercoaster, it frustrates me. I know I am to blame for letting him treat me like that from the beginning but I can't seem to get rid of him emotionally. I am frustrated with myself for always replying back and taking him back whenever he feels like coming back. I feel so worthless. I feel like I haven't learned the lesson. Its frustrating, I need help.... I need help to get out of this cycle, blocking him seems pointless...I've reached out to a few friends and they said dating again would help me forget, but I feel like that would just make things worse as I feel so agitated already. I need help....what should I do?

Cris_B True light or gaslight? I don’t know anymore.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I recently gave birth via caesarean and received no spouse support for two months. He had five weeks off work but refused to help myself or the baby and played computer games to ‘escape’ me and his son. I was verbally scolded for not tid... View more

Hi everyone, I recently gave birth via caesarean and received no spouse support for two months. He had five weeks off work but refused to help myself or the baby and played computer games to ‘escape’ me and his son. I was verbally scolded for not tidying up after myself, making it difficult for him to clean the house and for asking for help when I ‘didn’t need it’ or when he was busy playing games. I had the baby blues and he yelled at me for crying and when I told him that I was going to speak to a counsellor about my moods, he told me that he didn’t believe in depression or counsellors and that I just needed to be grateful. After two months he decided to become involved and then continued to accuse me of not including him. He asked me to text him my whereabouts at all times and demanded that I be home one weekend day when he came from work (always different hours that were communicated to me in real time) to spend alone time with his son. He monitored my presence with the house cameras and wanted me to invite him to every event / catch up that I had even if I didn’t want him there. Now, as our child surpasses three months of age, he is acting normal again and gave me a ‘im sorry but I was feeling a lot of pressure’ speech. I told him that I felt exhausted by his behaviour and that I felt cheated on; the person I needed and trusted to meet my needs, abandoned me and our son when we were both at our most vulnerable. He has acted like this once before, about four years ago, and I told him then that I would leave him if he spoke to me in this way. At the time he stopped. I am heartbroken and seeing a counsellor to try and forgive and forget but to be honest, I don’t believe the way he treated me was acceptable and I can’t trust that he will be there for me in the future or that he won’t ‘turn’ when things get hard. He won’t seek help but told me that admitting he was wrong should be enough for me. Am I gaslighting myself? Being gaslighted? I just don’t know anymore.

Mememo Trying to let go
  • replies: 2

I've been living with a good man for 2 years and I've made some mistakes. I am disappointing him all the time. I feel desperate that he loves me. It's can be both terrible but when he loves me it's the height of love and wonderful and I'm on cloud ni... View more

I've been living with a good man for 2 years and I've made some mistakes. I am disappointing him all the time. I feel desperate that he loves me. It's can be both terrible but when he loves me it's the height of love and wonderful and I'm on cloud nine. He has broken up with me several times and then we've worked it out but it's left me insecure and needy. I think so much of this person and it hurts so much that he might want me gone. I feel like I can't handle life without him but I know I have to let him go. If it's meant to be he will still love me. How do I stay ok when I'm doing this? I'm heartbroken.

trappedinqld Lost and Alone
  • replies: 3

I need some advice. I feel like I'm trapped in my relationship and I don't see a way forward. My mind is so foggy. I love my kids so much and can't bear to think what will happen if I leave and how I will be able to see them. I want to make sure that... View more

I need some advice. I feel like I'm trapped in my relationship and I don't see a way forward. My mind is so foggy. I love my kids so much and can't bear to think what will happen if I leave and how I will be able to see them. I want to make sure that I will be able to see them regularly and equally but even the thought of only seeing them sometimes hurts me so bad. But I feel stuck in a relationship that is not working and I can't communicate with my partner. She can't deal with any serious discussions and becomes histerical. It's a never-ending cycle of problems and then feeling lost and trapped which makes me just try to fix things but it's like putting on a band-aid on a broken leg. We can't seem to fix any of the underlying problems. I just don't know what to do from here. I have hardly any friends or family who I can talk to so I just feel so alone. I've told her a couple of times that we should break up and she just threatens to take the kids and to cause me problems. I don't want to make it worse for my kids or her but I just don't see a way forward. We recently moved to a rural property so feel very isolated and have no help from friends or family. I also work from home so there is no break from the every day issues that have gotten worse and worse. I'm sorry it's all very vague. I just don't feel comfortable sharing too many details although there a lot of things going on which ads to my situation.

Cjm158819 Husband ending marriage - severely depressed
  • replies: 28

I am completely at a loss. My husband who has been my best friend and soul mate for 15 years ended our marriage. He is staying with his mum, barely has any stuff and has left everything at home. He started with the I love you but not in love with you... View more

I am completely at a loss. My husband who has been my best friend and soul mate for 15 years ended our marriage. He is staying with his mum, barely has any stuff and has left everything at home. He started with the I love you but not in love with you line. In my mind that means the spark is gone as we are wrapped up in everyday life, kids etc. Life is hard we both work full time, have a demanding 3 and 6 year old. After he said this, we had an amazing week together and bonded well. Then all came to blows one night where he kept threatening suicide and left in a rage. Next day he ended it. He stopped his medication suddenly a couple months prior. He will not try and work on our marriage. Everytime I ask to not make decisions when he is severely depressed he yells and screams and tells me to stop. This has been going on 4 weeks and everyime I try to talk about everything he won't answer, says it's over and there's no trying. It's like he suddenly projected all his hurt in life onto our marriage. We were happy, lockdown took a toll on him and he was diagnosed as severely depressed. He has a lot of childhood trauma. We were always open and spoke about everything. He has changed into someone I don't know. It's like the man I married literally died in front of me. I've taken on the load of everything while he's tapped out and he couldn't care less. I snapped tonight and told him I'm completely done as he won't have a rational conversation about everything so I can move on with my life. This is emotional torture for me, so I'm cutting all contact now. One minute he didn't blame the marriage and said he's numb to everyone and everything and the next it's over its over I've told you a million times. If it was a toxic marriage, if there were major issues I would accept and move forward and wouldn't of been fighting. He has mentioned he's worse since he left our home. He's on week 4 of his medication again and his dose has been upped as he is worse. He makes me feel like I'm crazy and he keeps saying I'm pushing. He has no idea the effect of all of this on his family. I snapped tonight as I have the full time pressure of 2 demanding kids and a high pressure job.

PsychedelicFur I have big feelings for my friend and I don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

Hello. Recently, I left my partner and we were together for one year. Since leaving him, I have really felt quite lonely and yearning for some companionship. My friend, who is much older than me, is very dear and important to me. We have known each o... View more

Hello. Recently, I left my partner and we were together for one year. Since leaving him, I have really felt quite lonely and yearning for some companionship. My friend, who is much older than me, is very dear and important to me. We have known each other for more than five years, probably seven. I guess, in some way I have always felt something for him. However, I have never pursued or told him because I am afraid of rejection. He is empathic, kind, gentle, attentive, supportive and genuinely brought up properly. Plus the age gap is very large. I am of legal age but I feel like he wouldn't be interested in me, in that way. I am in my early twenties and I have told him he is important to me. The other day, there was a family emergency of mine and he came to visit me. He initiated hand holding, he held my hand to comfort me and then we cuddled on the sofa. Nothing escalated, which was really respectful of him. He has never taken advantage of me and he is different to other guys, that I have known. The only issue is he calls me his 'little sister'... I wish things were different. I really have a lot of love in my heart for him. And when he cuddled me and held my hand it brought SO MUCH comfort and happiness to me. I felt really comfortable and safe. I loved hearing his heart beat fast. I wish I could tell him that I love him but I'm really afraid of doing so. I really like him. PF.

Mortho when is it enough
  • replies: 1

I think just writing something down helps me feel better. so here goes. when is it time to say enough. some weeks he puts me through hell i spend hours talking him through his negative thoughts until he comes out the other side, i feel like i’m const... View more

I think just writing something down helps me feel better. so here goes. when is it time to say enough. some weeks he puts me through hell i spend hours talking him through his negative thoughts until he comes out the other side, i feel like i’m constantly running on empty and am always being positive and supportive of him. I do tell him some times it’s to much and i need a break and he says he knows he’s a lot and leans on me for to much all the time. But he never seems to let up i’m so mentally and emotionally drained. some days i hate him and i don’t want to feel that way about him. it’s been a very hard 12 months and i thought once he came out of hospital after 5 weeks things would he better and things have improved he is working every day and we are socializing again which is great. But then he spends all our time together over analyzing how every one else is better than him, how people at work are smarter. I just want my husband back and i’m so angry at this mental illness for taking him away from me. I know it’s a long road to get better but it’s wearing me down.

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