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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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_M_ Clinically Depressed Boyfriend And What Do I Do?
  • replies: 3

Hello, I would like advice on how to continue connecting with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months. (I know it may not seem long but he's extremely important to me). He has been clinically depressed for over 3 years. Our relationship began ... View more

Hello, I would like advice on how to continue connecting with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 4 months. (I know it may not seem long but he's extremely important to me). He has been clinically depressed for over 3 years. Our relationship began quite well and it has had its small depressive moments and fights however through communication and support from some friends we were able to overcome those. However, he has hit a really deep depressive state. He has asked me last night that we take a 4 week break. we talked it through and I agreed if it would help him then I could do that. During our conversation I asked him what has initiated the break. He said he isn't interested in anything anymore (which is true he has stopped doing the activities that he usually likes doing) and anything intimate with me it doesn't interest him anymore (ik he isn't cheating). He has had a lot of trouble focusing and has had recent suicidal thoughts. I felt like I shouldn't leave him during this time. However, he made it clear he needs a break and it wasn't just with me but with his best friends as well. I respected his decision and told him that I would be here to support him and if ever needed to talk. He set an estimated time in which he said he would contact me and I would like to know, how to treat this situation. I love and care for him deeply and it pains me to see him like this. I want to be someone he knows he can trust, but I know how unpredictable it can be when it comes to depression. Once he reaches out to me, how do I talk to him? He will currently start on antidepressants in a day. He has tried talking to a therapist in previous years however, he said that it didn't help him. He says that nothing seems to be working. He's embarrassed over the fact that he feels this way. He doesn't know why he feels this way. It's been weighing on him very heavily. Is there some sort of process that I would follow? It's been a day since we talked but I have spent the day researching depression to better understand it. I just want more insight into what's to be done or said when he reconnects? (and his best friend will keep an eye on him just in case, throughout the "break" weeks) Thank you, M

Jamie42 My friend is leaving because I asked for too much help
  • replies: 4

I’ve been leaning on my best mate too much for quite a while now, and the other day he started some new boundaries. I’m not allowed to call him when I’m suicidal anymore, and he wants me to tell some other people about my issues, and if I’m not getti... View more

I’ve been leaning on my best mate too much for quite a while now, and the other day he started some new boundaries. I’m not allowed to call him when I’m suicidal anymore, and he wants me to tell some other people about my issues, and if I’m not getting professional help by the end of the month then we can’t be friends anymore. I understand the reasons behind all of them and it’s good that he’s protecting himself but it hurts so much. I actually let myself believe that he wasn’t gonna leave me, I let myself believe that he was different. I still love him so much but now I cry every time I think about him. I don’t know how to deal with this. I know I need to put my walls back up but I can’t lie to him.

A_guy_called_John Unhappily married, fallen into an affair, now miserable, confused and feeling sick
  • replies: 9

I've been with my wife for 20 years (late teenagers) and married for 10 with children (all under 10). We have been through much in our time and have had our fair share of difficulties. I would even go as far to say as we have fought too much and lack... View more

I've been with my wife for 20 years (late teenagers) and married for 10 with children (all under 10). We have been through much in our time and have had our fair share of difficulties. I would even go as far to say as we have fought too much and lack enough fun through our time together. Unfortunately in the last 3 years we have drifted and I feel I have fallen out of love with my wife. Now we fight constantly and I don't have the patience I once did. Additionally I she forgoes things in her life (like travel, more friends) as this does work with me. So I feel like I'm stopping her living her best life. Add in the kids and life has gone into auto pilot. Bedroom intimacy has now largely disappeared. I have considered if leaving was an option many times during these past few years (my wife has even told me I should leave during many arguments). About 2 years ago this girl started work in our office. We quickly became good friends and refer to each other as work spouses. About 6 months ago at an after work gathering and a few beers things went a bit further than the normal flirtation of the past 2 years. We slept together. For the next two weeks we discussed what do next and move forward from the event. She is in a relationship (not married) which is on the rocks. Despite our attempts at breaking up and morals, we are still seeing each other. Our relationship has grown. I know this sounds cliche and I've read it over and over but we are a good fit together. I have feelings when I'm with her that I never had in the past. I did not know I could feel this way about someone else that wasn't my children. We both never wanted to be in an affair but we just want to spend all our time together. We fantasize about running away together or what our future would look like, pros and cons. Now my marriage has gotten worse (partly due to me having an affair) and I am considering if a divorce is the option. This is eating me up inside. I feel sick mentally and physically. I have gone off food, seeing friends and basically am an empty shell when I am not with her. If it wasn't for the kids this would not be so hard. Do I stay in an unhappy marriage for the children, or chase my happiness and cause them untold pain? I know only I can answer this, but I'm now at the point where this is consuming me entirely. I look and feel miserable and down, and feel so heavy with my circumstance, like I'm backed into a corner. I just don't know what to do next other than cry.

Mr K Has anyone used a collaborative Family Lawyer (Not looking for recommendations, just want to know if it works) or your experience.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm going through the motions of a separation. I'm not a financially motivated man and have been warned that this will result in my being taken advantage of. My Ex wants us to create a binding financial agreement through collaborative practice an... View more

Hi, I'm going through the motions of a separation. I'm not a financially motivated man and have been warned that this will result in my being taken advantage of. My Ex wants us to create a binding financial agreement through collaborative practice and I can't sleep worrying that I'm going to be left in a bad way and unable to provide the lifestyle I want to for my little girls. Thanks for sharing, K

MummaPetal Family relationships
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My partner and I separated earlier this year after 10+ years of being together. I have just only recently found out that my sister-n-law (on my side of the family) is keeping in regular contact with my ex's mother. My ex's parents have not ev... View more

Hi all, My partner and I separated earlier this year after 10+ years of being together. I have just only recently found out that my sister-n-law (on my side of the family) is keeping in regular contact with my ex's mother. My ex's parents have not even spoken to me since the break up. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel upset but I am not sure if I should be. I'm not the sort of person to stop any friendship but at the same time it's weird how my ex's parents have not made contact with me and yet still speak to some of my family. It's sort of weird in a way. I didn't have a good relationship with his parents, despite many efforts on my part to make it more harmonious. Can anyone share their ex-inlaws experience? Thanks

KK22 Not sure what to do!
  • replies: 23

Hey everyone! I've been with my BF for 2 years (we've lived together for 1 year). A few weeks into us meeting, he had told me that he didn't want to live in Sydney long term, at which point I told him my whole life is in Sydney & I never see myself l... View more

Hey everyone! I've been with my BF for 2 years (we've lived together for 1 year). A few weeks into us meeting, he had told me that he didn't want to live in Sydney long term, at which point I told him my whole life is in Sydney & I never see myself leaving, so I told him that it would be better for him to date somebody else. He thought about it for a few days, came back & told me he wanted to be with me & that living here wasn't an issue. Over the last 2 years we've looked at places to live & he's always chosen places in Sydney. Around 6 weeks ago however, I noticed that something had changed... he was being distant & avoiding me, wasn't talking to me when he was home & would take any chance to not be here on weekends (often telling me he would just be gone the Friday, but not coming back until the Sunday evening). I asked him what was going on & he said he has a big decision to make & he doesn't know what to do; the decision being that he loves me & wants to be with me (we've already spoken about engagement), but he doesn't want to be here. I asked him what's changed to make him feel that way & he told me that he's always felt that way &he went into this hoping he could change my mind (making me feel that I've been misled for 2 years). I started offering him compromises, to all of which he said no, but wasn't offering any solutions of his own.. he just kept saying he didn't want to be here. After 2 weeks of going back and forth on this, I ended up just telling him that he shouldn't stay here because of me because he'll just end up resenting me, so I told him to chase what he wants. We broke up but the day I was leaving, he then said he was happy to compromise. He also said he was happy to go to couple's counselling (which I had suggested months earlier & he had said no to). So the last few weeks we've been working on things & I thought we were moving in the right direction, only to find out this past weekend he's still not happy to compromise (so again I feel I've been putting in the effort the last few weeks when he's had one foot out the door). So, we broke up a few days ago, but now he's willing to go with a different compromise, one that does suit us both however is of no benefit to me and I'd solely be doing it for him. I guess I'm not sure what to do because yes I am able to make the compromise, but all this back and forth has really made me doubt whether the compromise will make him happy long term or if we'll end up in the same position again.

west096 Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm currently in a relationship where all is going well, he treats me well and we haven't had any problems but I recently moved to a different state and have to stay here for two months due to family. My anxiety has skyrocketed, I always have... View more

Hi all, I'm currently in a relationship where all is going well, he treats me well and we haven't had any problems but I recently moved to a different state and have to stay here for two months due to family. My anxiety has skyrocketed, I always have doubts and feel like he will get bored of me not being around and break up with me, I haven't had someone care for me as much as he does so every time I think this I feel like throwing up and always end up crying. He constantly reassures me and tells me that's not the case but I still have doubts and feel bad for having them. I don't know why I think like this as I do trust him but there's always just a 'what if' for me. Every time he goes out with his friends I try my best not to stress but it never works out, even if he gives me updates every now and then on what he's doing I still overthink and I feel bad for this as all he's doing is going out with his friends and I get all worked up over it. I just feel bad for thinking like this all the time when I do trust him and I just don't know how to control it, I don't know how to bring this up with him because I feel bad as he doesn't purposely make me feel anxious and always reassures me but I just can't control it and it can ruin my whole day. I really don't want to self-sabotage this relationship with my own overthinking but I just don't know how to help myself.

Harlow88 33 and confused
  • replies: 17

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s not been himself & once it’s over he will go back to normal I gave as much love&support as he’d allow as he turns phone off for days, we don’t live together & I’ve never been to his place, I had to drag his address out of him as I thought it was odd we’d been together for 2 years & I didn’t know where he lives), I let him be & gave him the time he asked for & let him know I was there he became mean, if I had an issue it wasn’t as important as his issues, if I told my feelings I was being dramatic & he has no time or patience for nonsense. I get while we’re at work (he got a new job with very long hours and literally works 7 days a week apparently) that we can’t text & talk all day. but I’m lucky if I get 2 texts a day and he is unreachable at least once every weekend. Once the legal issues settled & he seemed better I shared that I don’t feel loved & cared for, he didn’t care. I withdrew into myself, stopped sharing my life, sadness or happiness with him as when I did, it didn’t compare to his stress. It’s constant fighting & me trying to show him I feel like a secret, he was so secretive about giving me his address, he ignores me for days at a time. He likes to feel physical intimacy (hugs, kisses) where as I like to feel loved & heard & if we can’t see each other often, a kind word goes a long way. but he told me he needs time to be able to compliment me because he’s stressed. I could count on one hand the nice things he’s said to me. he never says anything nice to or about me. I don’t need constant compliments, just want to feel loved. I don’t know if I should stay & see if he does get better or if I should move on. we don’t have photos together, We’ve never celebrated anything, new year, birthday or anything. He forgot my birthday this year and last year I got a single text saying “happy bday”& when I say that he says get real we’re going through a pandemic. Im struggling because I’m 33 and hanging out with him in a car because he’s not ready to introduce to family because of the stress & that’s ok. just want to add the family issues are somewhat stressful, but all avoidable. It’s all stupid decisions made by his family that he for some reason has to fix. please help me with some honest advice x

dbrad First baby and my wife hates me she has PPD /A and I don't know how to handle everything at the moment.
  • replies: 11

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good eno... View more

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good enough, I get pages and pages of texts saying how difficult it is when I'm not at home etc, I try so hard to help but she is a controlling parent and everything has to be done her way, she even refers him as my baby not ours, it's getting very hard to cope, my feelings are never valid, I can't be tired as I'm not as tired as her etc, she breastfeeds him co bed shares so I'm on the couch every night, I litteraly do not want any more children after this, I feel for you, I'm wondering how you went as it's 2019 when you posted this, any advice on how to better understand the situation would be great

LizzieM5 Compulsive Liar?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recentl... View more

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recently separated from his partner of over 20 years. I noticed a few of his stories at the start sounded a bit 'out there', like I was like 'no way?! really?! etc.' but all with a smile on my face. However I've noticed this pattern continue and have been unable to 'laugh it off'. I have asked him about this three time in the last two weeks. I keep offering him a safe space to tell me the truth. I've explained my feelings of uneasiness and that I feel I can't trust him. On one occasion he did admit telling lies, only to retract it the next day saying he only said that as he thought I would leave him (?!) So, if I believe he lied about lying, he's actually telling the truth!! I'm so confused! The lies aren't even about anything major, just embellishing really, although when I've really held him to his account it has been turned back on me ('so you don't trust me?', 'why are you doing this', 'I don't like it when you do X,Y,Z'.) So I guess I'm seeking some guidance as to whether I'm being over-sensitive due to my recent past or are these legitimate concerns? Sincerely, thank you.