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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Mr K Has anyone used a collaborative Family Lawyer (Not looking for recommendations, just want to know if it works) or your experience.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm going through the motions of a separation. I'm not a financially motivated man and have been warned that this will result in my being taken advantage of. My Ex wants us to create a binding financial agreement through collaborative practice an... View more

Hi, I'm going through the motions of a separation. I'm not a financially motivated man and have been warned that this will result in my being taken advantage of. My Ex wants us to create a binding financial agreement through collaborative practice and I can't sleep worrying that I'm going to be left in a bad way and unable to provide the lifestyle I want to for my little girls. Thanks for sharing, K

MummaPetal Family relationships
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My partner and I separated earlier this year after 10+ years of being together. I have just only recently found out that my sister-n-law (on my side of the family) is keeping in regular contact with my ex's mother. My ex's parents have not ev... View more

Hi all, My partner and I separated earlier this year after 10+ years of being together. I have just only recently found out that my sister-n-law (on my side of the family) is keeping in regular contact with my ex's mother. My ex's parents have not even spoken to me since the break up. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel upset but I am not sure if I should be. I'm not the sort of person to stop any friendship but at the same time it's weird how my ex's parents have not made contact with me and yet still speak to some of my family. It's sort of weird in a way. I didn't have a good relationship with his parents, despite many efforts on my part to make it more harmonious. Can anyone share their ex-inlaws experience? Thanks

KK22 Not sure what to do!
  • replies: 23

Hey everyone! I've been with my BF for 2 years (we've lived together for 1 year). A few weeks into us meeting, he had told me that he didn't want to live in Sydney long term, at which point I told him my whole life is in Sydney & I never see myself l... View more

Hey everyone! I've been with my BF for 2 years (we've lived together for 1 year). A few weeks into us meeting, he had told me that he didn't want to live in Sydney long term, at which point I told him my whole life is in Sydney & I never see myself leaving, so I told him that it would be better for him to date somebody else. He thought about it for a few days, came back & told me he wanted to be with me & that living here wasn't an issue. Over the last 2 years we've looked at places to live & he's always chosen places in Sydney. Around 6 weeks ago however, I noticed that something had changed... he was being distant & avoiding me, wasn't talking to me when he was home & would take any chance to not be here on weekends (often telling me he would just be gone the Friday, but not coming back until the Sunday evening). I asked him what was going on & he said he has a big decision to make & he doesn't know what to do; the decision being that he loves me & wants to be with me (we've already spoken about engagement), but he doesn't want to be here. I asked him what's changed to make him feel that way & he told me that he's always felt that way &he went into this hoping he could change my mind (making me feel that I've been misled for 2 years). I started offering him compromises, to all of which he said no, but wasn't offering any solutions of his own.. he just kept saying he didn't want to be here. After 2 weeks of going back and forth on this, I ended up just telling him that he shouldn't stay here because of me because he'll just end up resenting me, so I told him to chase what he wants. We broke up but the day I was leaving, he then said he was happy to compromise. He also said he was happy to go to couple's counselling (which I had suggested months earlier & he had said no to). So the last few weeks we've been working on things & I thought we were moving in the right direction, only to find out this past weekend he's still not happy to compromise (so again I feel I've been putting in the effort the last few weeks when he's had one foot out the door). So, we broke up a few days ago, but now he's willing to go with a different compromise, one that does suit us both however is of no benefit to me and I'd solely be doing it for him. I guess I'm not sure what to do because yes I am able to make the compromise, but all this back and forth has really made me doubt whether the compromise will make him happy long term or if we'll end up in the same position again.

west096 Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm currently in a relationship where all is going well, he treats me well and we haven't had any problems but I recently moved to a different state and have to stay here for two months due to family. My anxiety has skyrocketed, I always have... View more

Hi all, I'm currently in a relationship where all is going well, he treats me well and we haven't had any problems but I recently moved to a different state and have to stay here for two months due to family. My anxiety has skyrocketed, I always have doubts and feel like he will get bored of me not being around and break up with me, I haven't had someone care for me as much as he does so every time I think this I feel like throwing up and always end up crying. He constantly reassures me and tells me that's not the case but I still have doubts and feel bad for having them. I don't know why I think like this as I do trust him but there's always just a 'what if' for me. Every time he goes out with his friends I try my best not to stress but it never works out, even if he gives me updates every now and then on what he's doing I still overthink and I feel bad for this as all he's doing is going out with his friends and I get all worked up over it. I just feel bad for thinking like this all the time when I do trust him and I just don't know how to control it, I don't know how to bring this up with him because I feel bad as he doesn't purposely make me feel anxious and always reassures me but I just can't control it and it can ruin my whole day. I really don't want to self-sabotage this relationship with my own overthinking but I just don't know how to help myself.

Harlow88 33 and confused
  • replies: 17

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 2.5years, everything was great the 1styear. We got along & I could see a future (he’d been married prior and I’d been engaged) COVID hit he lost his job & his family got into legal woes & he became cold he admitted he’s not been himself & once it’s over he will go back to normal I gave as much love&support as he’d allow as he turns phone off for days, we don’t live together & I’ve never been to his place, I had to drag his address out of him as I thought it was odd we’d been together for 2 years & I didn’t know where he lives), I let him be & gave him the time he asked for & let him know I was there he became mean, if I had an issue it wasn’t as important as his issues, if I told my feelings I was being dramatic & he has no time or patience for nonsense. I get while we’re at work (he got a new job with very long hours and literally works 7 days a week apparently) that we can’t text & talk all day. but I’m lucky if I get 2 texts a day and he is unreachable at least once every weekend. Once the legal issues settled & he seemed better I shared that I don’t feel loved & cared for, he didn’t care. I withdrew into myself, stopped sharing my life, sadness or happiness with him as when I did, it didn’t compare to his stress. It’s constant fighting & me trying to show him I feel like a secret, he was so secretive about giving me his address, he ignores me for days at a time. He likes to feel physical intimacy (hugs, kisses) where as I like to feel loved & heard & if we can’t see each other often, a kind word goes a long way. but he told me he needs time to be able to compliment me because he’s stressed. I could count on one hand the nice things he’s said to me. he never says anything nice to or about me. I don’t need constant compliments, just want to feel loved. I don’t know if I should stay & see if he does get better or if I should move on. we don’t have photos together, We’ve never celebrated anything, new year, birthday or anything. He forgot my birthday this year and last year I got a single text saying “happy bday”& when I say that he says get real we’re going through a pandemic. Im struggling because I’m 33 and hanging out with him in a car because he’s not ready to introduce to family because of the stress & that’s ok. just want to add the family issues are somewhat stressful, but all avoidable. It’s all stupid decisions made by his family that he for some reason has to fix. please help me with some honest advice x

dbrad First baby and my wife hates me she has PPD /A and I don't know how to handle everything at the moment.
  • replies: 11

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good eno... View more

My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good enough, I get pages and pages of texts saying how difficult it is when I'm not at home etc, I try so hard to help but she is a controlling parent and everything has to be done her way, she even refers him as my baby not ours, it's getting very hard to cope, my feelings are never valid, I can't be tired as I'm not as tired as her etc, she breastfeeds him co bed shares so I'm on the couch every night, I litteraly do not want any more children after this, I feel for you, I'm wondering how you went as it's 2019 when you posted this, any advice on how to better understand the situation would be great

LizzieM5 Compulsive Liar?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recentl... View more

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship after leaving a partnership/marriage of over 10 years due to emotional abuse/neglect. We met online and hit it off immediately and have been spending the majority of time together ever since. He had also recently separated from his partner of over 20 years. I noticed a few of his stories at the start sounded a bit 'out there', like I was like 'no way?! really?! etc.' but all with a smile on my face. However I've noticed this pattern continue and have been unable to 'laugh it off'. I have asked him about this three time in the last two weeks. I keep offering him a safe space to tell me the truth. I've explained my feelings of uneasiness and that I feel I can't trust him. On one occasion he did admit telling lies, only to retract it the next day saying he only said that as he thought I would leave him (?!) So, if I believe he lied about lying, he's actually telling the truth!! I'm so confused! The lies aren't even about anything major, just embellishing really, although when I've really held him to his account it has been turned back on me ('so you don't trust me?', 'why are you doing this', 'I don't like it when you do X,Y,Z'.) So I guess I'm seeking some guidance as to whether I'm being over-sensitive due to my recent past or are these legitimate concerns? Sincerely, thank you.

running_girl A question
  • replies: 12

Has anyone ever wanted to move out from living with their partner because of arguing/incompatibility but are just too tired to make the move? I’m tired from being depressed about my situation and lack of options. I also don’t know if I should stick w... View more

Has anyone ever wanted to move out from living with their partner because of arguing/incompatibility but are just too tired to make the move? I’m tired from being depressed about my situation and lack of options. I also don’t know if I should stick with the relationship even though it’s flawed.

Deborahsh88 Need help
  • replies: 5

I need help please I don't know what to do....I'm lost and scared. I need to get out of a relationship and I don't know how. He's a sex addict and it's destroying my soul. He's too interested in other women, almost an obsession. He's on porn sites an... View more

I need help please I don't know what to do....I'm lost and scared. I need to get out of a relationship and I don't know how. He's a sex addict and it's destroying my soul. He's too interested in other women, almost an obsession. He's on porn sites and I saw he went into chatterbait. I had never heard of it but discovered its a live Web site. It makes me sick. I live in a caravan with him and my furbaby dog Audrey and another furbaby my 3 month old lamb. I cant live without my furbabies so they are with me forever. I have no one .... no family or friends.. I am truly alone. Where do I start? What do I do? I feel sick and can't stop crying. I want to die. I have no home. Was in a 30 year old marriage which ended 4 years ago and been in this relationship for 3 years. PLEASE I don't know what to do.

Claudia_H Father no longer speaking to me
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I’m a bit at a loss here. In February this year my Dad spoke to me (in person) and told me he felt like I was using him. I obviously was very upset by this. I am an avid gig goer- before Covid I would be at concerts and gigs just about e... View more

Hi everyone, I’m a bit at a loss here. In February this year my Dad spoke to me (in person) and told me he felt like I was using him. I obviously was very upset by this. I am an avid gig goer- before Covid I would be at concerts and gigs just about every single weekend of the year since turning 18 (I’m 21 now). I usually would stay at his place and I would stay the next day to spend time with him so I myself didn’t feel like I was using him. My Dad conveniently lived 10-15 minutes from the city and I lived an hour or more drive away from the city. I haven’t seen my Dad since that conversation in February. I hear from him in March to ask what my birthday plans are. I told him I had plans already and suggested we go out for dinner the week after. I got no response to that and I get a TEXT for my birthday. I was really upset he didn’t call me, it’s not like it wasn’t my 21st birthday. In between him asking what my birthday plans were and saying happy birthday to me. He says he needs my help on particular dates. I said I was happy to help and roastered the days off at my NEW job. My Dad wanted to pay me to take photos for his new business. I am a photographer. My Dad ended up TEXTING me and saying “love you ratbag” “sorry to do this to you but we have organised a professional photographer to do the photos”. I was utterly offended by this, I am a registered small business owner- I am a professional photographer. My photos would have been better then the photographers they ended up hiring. I saw the photos and thought they’d been a bit ripped off. I decided that I am (for the last time) sick of having to put in the effort to have a relationship with my father. Him and myself both believe in that friendship/being in contact with people is a two way street. It isn’t two wayed here. The next time I reach out first, in June and I only did because I got a new phone and number. We have a few texts and decided to catch up a couple days later. He didn’t respond to me and I didn’t think he was going to. He texts me a day later, the morning of the day we decided to catch up- I’d already made different plans. I felt bad but in saying that my partners family who live in a different state came up for a surprise visit. I told my Dad all of the days I was free the following week- I didn’t get a response and he hasn’t spoken to me since. (To be continued)