Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Azzdog]

Thanks Dools for sharing that. It’s inspiring for you to have that attitude.

Unfortunately I can’t seem to develop that attitude or keep it for long enough.

I’ve just slipped again big time.

[smallwolf]

Aaron,

I mentioned to you (today) on another thread about reframing your thoughts. I will expand on it a little more here. On my phone I have 2 notepad apps. Neither have a link on the desktop, and unless you knew what you were looking for, one you might not recognise as a notepad type app. Anyway, in this other notepad, I have entries like "reasons to live", "serenity prayer", etc., and now an alternative way of viewing a situation. So if I am in an anxiety producing situation, I have something I can read to myself which can help stop the negative thought and change the way I view the situation I am in. Do you think that you could try something like that?

Tim

[Azzdog]

I have tried that before, many times in the past.

I don't know how I can reword it. I am almost 25, a quarter of a century old, women despise me (I cannot, for the life of me, work out why), and I still am a million miles off achieving anything meaningful. I might have things going for me but do women care about any of that? Nope, they never have.

[Azzdog]

I want to change my therapist but I am so overwhelmed by what to do. I don't know how to navigate the directories BB have provided because how can I be sure any of them are decent? I am not seeing my GP for a couple of weeks and I am really scared right now.

[smallwolf]

Hi Aaron,

Things sound very bad for you now.

On finding a psychologist... Have you tried using

https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist

It is linked to from the beyond blue directory page. You can select up to 3 issues, the location and then search. You get to see a picture of each person and basic information and can see a profile of each person.

On re-framing (or rewording)... There are a couple of options here. One is an app called "mood tools" for your phone. You describe the situation and consider an alternative view. Otherwise you could post an example situation (hypothetical) and (we?) consider it from other possible perspectives?

For example, you are chatting with someone online, and then they don't respond. Here are some alternative ways to view a non-response - (1) phone died, or (2) had to take a phone from someone else, or (3) had to have a shower/bath/lunch. Each of these has happened to me. And you could then say something along the lines of "hey, I have to go now... hope we can chat later?" or ........

There are also some people I know that take days to respond.

Tim

PS. Perhaps you could make up a list of the criteria you want in a therapist. What area do they specialise in? What qualifications do they have? Do you prefer male or female? etc.

[Azzdog]

Hi Tim,

I've sent out emails to a few psychologists so I am now waiting for their responses. I asked them specific questions on how/if they treat these conditions. So we will see how it goes but I am feeling a little better about it now than this morning.

I searched for the app on the App Store and it didn't come up. Is there a different name for it?

[smallwolf]

Search for

Moodtools - Depression tools

[HamSolo01]

Hey Azzdog.

I'm glad to hear that you are looking at the options in relation to psychological help. That shows guts mate. I am happy to hear it.

How have things been lately?

I went to a conference over the weekend and found that it really helped with my career goals and ideas for what I can do. I'm hoping that I can get somewhere with it this year.

I'm submitting stuff and getting nowhere in particular but maybe that's the part of the journey.

Anyways. Take care bud

[Azzdog]

Sorry my friends for being awol the past week. I’ve been sick with glandular fever which isn’t plesant.

So just to give an update. I have some good news.

First of all, I have a new psychologist that I will be seeing. I will start seeing him in a few weeks but so far we have a good rapport from the conversations we have had on the phone.

Secondly I have good news on the social front. I have been doing a new therapy group where some of the people who have gone to it I already New from another support service. We are starting a social group for young people with mental health issues. I am one of the admins of this group so I will help run some of the social events.

So, for once, I have good news to share haha

Hey Mitch, that’s great to hear what you are doing for your work. I hope it leads to good things for you my friend.

Hey Tim, I’ve been using that app and it has been really good so far. Thanks for the tip.

[smallwolf]

Hi Aaron,

Hope you get better soon. My son had it last year (I think) and it does knock you around a bit. But it is good to read about the positives in your life at the moment and I hope these continue for you.

And happy that you find the app useful for you. I have to say that it was one that I found myself (not a recommendation) but it helped me one time when I was doing homework for my psychologist. I do have some other apps that were recommended to me by my psychologist, but I am sure that if there any for you, your new psychologist will recommend them to you.

Finally, having a good rapport between the therapist (whatever type) and client is a fundamental. I wish you well.

Tim