Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Azzdog,

Sorry to hear you've been unwell. It can take a while to get over GF so it's best to take things slowly at first & get plenty of rest. It's lovely to see you able to have some positives in your life, I really look forward to hearing about your new social group, it sounds like a wonderful idea.

I must say "well done you". You are being so pro-active in making the changes you need, from finding a new Psych to taking a hands on approach to getting a new social circle. It is hard work to ignore our inner critic & make changes in our lives, but you are taking the first steps which you should be proud of yourself for.

Take care

Paw Prints

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim and Paw Prints,

I also had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics as well. So the last couple of weeks have been “fun”.

Thanks for the support. I’m seeing the new psych in a couple of weeks and I’m looking forward to a change in perspective and just dealing with the issues I have with another person. I felt that I have gotten stuck with the previous one. Also there was some baggage that we carried over from public to private practice. It was probably doomed from the beginning but I did get some things out of it.

The new social circle is still early days at the moment. I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I just want to make sure I don’t sabotage myself 😬😬

[smallwolf]

Hi Aaron,

I just want to the acknowledge the change I see in you again. The reaction to the antibiotics sucks, but you sound more positive again. Not sure what you are doing, but keep doing it.

Out of curiosity can you tell me a little about the new social circle? Sounds interesting.

Tim

[Azzdog]

I haven't been positive, I have just been faking it. I am in a really dark place right now.

[Azzdog]

I am really frustrated now. Why do women hate me?

[blondguy]

Hey Azz

Thankyou for posting back about Dale Carnegie's book on the other thread

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

If you find any positives your opinion would be appreciated. Dont pay too much attention to the subject headings as it was written in 1936 before WW2......yet its still in print now. The book only keeps things simple

my best always

Paul

[smallwolf]

Hi Azzdog,

I know it might feel that women hate you, but I would pose the following question to you...

suppose that you went on a date with a person, and during that time you find or work out that you do not like the person you are talking to. What will you do?

• Will you tell other person that you are incompatible?
• Would you say nothing and separate from each other?
• And what if the other person liked you?

Not everyone might be the same as you in how they respond or handle this situation. Some people might just separate and say nothing to the other person. In this what you are faced with, would you tell me that you think that you were being blocked?

Tim

PS. More to come after your reply. Hope that is OK

[Azzdog]

Hey Paul,

It wasn't so much the heading as it was the points listed under it. I feel like I have done all those things, and I continue to do them, yet I don't get much of a response at all.

I certainly don't want to dismiss any positives you got from it at all. I am happy you did. I am just a cynic thats all and I have found self-help books to be somewhat unhelpful. But thats my perspective.

Hey Tim,

I have actually been in that situation before and I have told them, in the kindest way possible, that I didn't think it was going to work. She just didn't respond which is understandable. It is still rejection even if you sugarcoat it.

In regards to your other point, it was on a dating site. She told me at the end of the date that she had a lot of fun and wanted to do it again. I left it for two days and then after that I asked her how her weekend was. She didn't respond and a day later she blocked me. All I said was how was your weekend. Very strange

[HamSolo01]

Hey Azzdog/Aaron (and also to the others on this thread)

Hope you're in an okay place given the past few weeks. Thought I'd drop in and say gday.

I'm not sure if you like the band Disturbed? I'm listening to one of their songs lately called "A Reason To Fight" which is basically about depression and the battle with mental illness. Today I received a bit of bad news in relation to a job I didn't get. It's been a repetitive process of applying, then getting an interview but then not getting a position. In the end though I think it is for the best because I really didn't like the attitude on display by one of the interviewers - heaps of facial expressions. I don't think peer support work is ideal for me anyway, I think it would be a strain - especially now that I've moved on past a lot of that stuff in my life.

Back to the drawing board I guess? Idk man. Thing get me done. I'm thinking of going to the gym today, but it's close to mid-day so I might leave it for tomorrow.

I'm just airing now. Sorry. This is your thread. I can see you've been having some trouble though so Idk.. hopefully you can relate to something I've written here?

In regards to dating - yeah I've been there before right. No response. Even from a basic question. I'm a bit of cynic too, so I just laugh about it.

Me: "Hi"

Other person: *blocks me*

haha.

But anyways. I don't think it's anything personal. It's usually down to expectations that individuals bring to the table when on a date. I haven't been on a date since last year. There is just so much crap people put one another through and I think I'm trying to focus more on my career direction and what I want out of life. It's deeper and more fulfilling. There is a lot of crap that people give each other for their lack of (or even checkered) dating life. One friend of mine cracked a joke about my lack of action lately and I just laughed it off. Whatever man. Good on him. I fail to get upset or outraged and stuff like now because there is no utility in doing so.

Anyway. I'm going on again and again.

Self help books can be hit or miss. The only one I ever found useful wasn't even really a self-help book, more like practical advice to sort out one's life. I think a lot of self help can depend on what the individual needs in a given moment in time. The best advice is usually immune to time though I think.

Anyways man. Take care. Hope things are a bit better today when you read this

[Azzdog]

Hey everyone,

Sorry for being AWOL this past month. A lot has been happening, some positives and some negatives.

I am in a really dark place right now though.