Separating from 'the other woman'.

[MallowPuff]

Hi All,

need some guidance in helping get my life back on track. I've been through some tough times, recently diagnosed as recurrent MDD, but also concerns on Bipolar, but between my psychologist and psychiatrist(s) it's undecided.

During a stage, I ended up having intimate relations with a close friend who was supporting me, which developed into an emotional dependency/attachment. Alas, it wasn't just mine as she also became more engaged with me, although she was 'just up for fun, no regrets, no emotions'. We care alot about each other... but as I've not settled on a good dose of medication, as well as some counselling, the damage to my family is something I need to focus on and fix. As well as the many other issues going on 😞

So I've asked my friend for space, told her that we crossed a line that has made our relationship more than friends, and that I need to take a break (which I expect will be a very very long one, or for ever) that has meant her support for me is now compromised. The issue now, is that she first got angry, then started pleading with me to not leave her, and now has made comments around life not being worth living without me.... I have had suicidal thoughts myself, and this is a big shock. I care for her, and although she's now part of the problem, she's been my saviour in a few bad times.

But the guilt I have, the wonderful family and wife I have, are things that I now know I've been neglecting, and need to get back to. Although I love my friend dearly, repairing the relationship with my wonderful wife and kids is where I need to be...

How to support my friend is where I need help, it just adds to the hurt to know I'm ruining others around me that I care about..... Looking for 'safe' ideas of how to support my friend... No-one other than her and I know about our 'affair'.... She is also married, with a good husband, and two gorgeous kids....

I've made a mess.... need help....

[AlbertS]

As a person that has been cheated on, i believe you owe your wife an honest answer to any and all of her questions. It may hurt her to hear it but at least if you are open and honest you are proving that you are capable of being honest and there is no more deception, after all, an affair is about deception. You owe it to your wife, not the affair partner and certainly not you, the affair happen because you let it, you gave your wife no chance of mending your relationship first. So now you need to give your wife the chance to decide if she can forgive you and she can only do this if you are being completely honest with her and yourself. As for the op, break off your friendship with her and end all contact, that is the only way you are going to ever have a chance at fixing your marriage. Its time to come clean.