Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bluebird46 Not sure I am capable of having a relationship
  • replies: 3

Really not sure where to start... I have posted only once before, so am fairly new to this. I guess I am doubting my ability to maintain a healthy relationship. I thought we were happy, but we have some serious step parenting issues. I am a few years... View more

Really not sure where to start... I have posted only once before, so am fairly new to this. I guess I am doubting my ability to maintain a healthy relationship. I thought we were happy, but we have some serious step parenting issues. I am a few years older than my partner but my kids are at a different stage (one independent and out of the nest, other in last couple of school years), his are later primary school and first year of high school and still having what I see as toddler issues. I have my own issues with anxiety and mild depression and am finding it so hard to cope with the fallout and anguish that comes from their behaviour. I keep my own home and he has his. I have tried in recent years (after alcoholic parent, lazy and spendthrift ex husband, and subsequent relationship with a psycho stalker ) to distance myself from conflict. I don’t deal with it well - I bottle things and then blow my stack - that’s my M.O My current partner was very understanding, but now struggles to see why I won’t move in despite the fact that I have diminishing patience with his kids. I love him but feel if I have to live with kids behaving badly it will wreck our relationship. I know that is supremely selfish but isn’t that better than moving in and being a horrid stepmother? I have tried to explain how I feel but I don’t think I’m getting anywhere.. I feel like all relationships are too hard, I am still hoping this one will work but I’m feeling very low and don’t know if I have the energy required to help it work. I sort of feel it’s not worth it but not because I don’t love him but because I so can’t be bothered... with any sort of effort at all. At this stage everything is an effort. I have dropped off social media because it pisses me off how people see one happy post and assume everything is perfect (I am generally an optimist so I do get it but I still hate it). I do love my partner - I know I won’t find better because he is wonderful but I wonder if I would be better single...

Washappyonce Am I the only one
  • replies: 3

I have been with my man for 23 years 3 kids I thought we were picture perfect. I thought wrong. Two years ago I had a accident and became depressed two years ago he told me he never loved me. Fast forward this year he has been acting weird getting an... View more

I have been with my man for 23 years 3 kids I thought we were picture perfect. I thought wrong. Two years ago I had a accident and became depressed two years ago he told me he never loved me. Fast forward this year he has been acting weird getting angry with me. Hiding his phone find out he has been talking to his teenage gf. After I confront him he tells me he’s always been in love with her he has never loved me only stayed with me because I got pregnant and was forced to be with me. He also has a distorted view of our history forgetting certain things and seems to have changed out life together in his mind. He won’t leave wants to stay his excuse if I never told u you would never have known and we would be fine. He is not the man I fell in love with. To be able to fake 23 years, making love children memories is this normal am I going crazy I don’t want to be anyone’s second best I want someone to love me love me strong it hurts and I’m trying really hard not to explode but I’m getting severely depressed I have days of crying I don’t eat at all in the last 6months all I do is binge drink and then lash out. This is not me. I loved him wholeheartedly I am shattered and I have no one to talk to I am embarrassed and ashamed that my life with him has been fake. All our family and friends believe we are the prefect couple perfect family I’m finding it hard to socialise work keeps me busy but it’s eating me inside because I have no one to confide in. Help me

Karla_1 Family, MIL issues - Totally isolated
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am in need of some 'you're not alone' type of reassurance. I am very isolated on all fronts. Moved from the city to the country 2 years ago so my DH & I could have a baby and create a healthier life for the 3 of us. I quit a lucrative career in... View more

Hi, I am in need of some 'you're not alone' type of reassurance. I am very isolated on all fronts. Moved from the city to the country 2 years ago so my DH & I could have a baby and create a healthier life for the 3 of us. I quit a lucrative career in the city & it has taken almost 9 months of my son's 2nd year to find suitable part time work. Suffered a really terrible pregnancy & emergency birth, baby had bad reflux for almost his first year & PND for me plus in that time my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/dementia. I have a long history of being emotionally abused by my father, step mother & younger sister, all classic narcissists. I cut my father off permanently in this year also. My abusive sister took control of my Mum's estate & moved her into a nursing home, all the while I was struggling as an older (38) first time mum & couldn't help much which caused resentment. I bit my lip and kept the peace. I also stopped contact with my mum's relatives overseas as when my baby was born, they were toxic as well - loooong history of physical abuse on that side. I saw 2 psychologists & neither was able to help. To top it off, my only hope was my DH's family and MIL who I've always had a good relationship with. But tonight we argued after months of her not respecting simple boundaries. Simple being, sticking to my son's allergy diet, not inviting other members of family down at short notice and not giving him the iPhone to play with! I don't have time to make friends as I'm working 2 x 12 hour shifts & consulting some nights plus looking after the home and DH drives an average of 300km per day to provide for us. I'm exhausted and don't want to cut my toxic sister or MIL out of our lives as we would then have NO family at all but I'm at my wits end. My son is not quite 2 but I feel he, in time, will suffer as I do or even just from watching me not coping. Is anyone out there in a similar position or have some positive words of encouragement? TIA

Morticia_Darling Work place is doing my head in!
  • replies: 4

So, I'm new to this, but am finding myself increasingly frustrated and cant stop going over things so thought maybe getting it out like this might help. So in my workplace I am a manager. I manage the office at a piggery, and my job is to manage all ... View more

So, I'm new to this, but am finding myself increasingly frustrated and cant stop going over things so thought maybe getting it out like this might help. So in my workplace I am a manager. I manage the office at a piggery, and my job is to manage all HR, finance, accounts, WHS, Return to Work and Government reporting. There are 2 directors above me, and 3 other office/technical staff. I find that because my position has very little to do with pigs, I am very often excluded from discussions, events and gatherings. I alone have been left out every year for a pig conference which we hold in a city 5 hours away, so everyone else gets to go and I am not invited, I am left out of company dinners when pig industry people are visiting, and just yesterday, i alone was left out of a full day discussion and work group on redeveloping our brand. What makes me more frustrated is that one of the directors partner (soon to be wife) is included in all these events and I am not. I constantly feel undervalued and unimportant to the business. I keep telling myself that I am reading too much into this, and it makes sense as I am not involved in that aspect, but it still hurts and I just find it harder and harder to get past. For the most part, I love my job, and I am paid reasonably. I just get hung up on this all the time. I would be interested in any thoughts...

Julie_a Am I wrong to feel this way
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I need somebody to tell me if I’m wrong or just being silly ok here goes, I’ve been with my partner for nearly nine years, he suffers from depression(that’s a whole different story) he’s friends with a couple who have now broken up after... View more

Hi everyone, I need somebody to tell me if I’m wrong or just being silly ok here goes, I’ve been with my partner for nearly nine years, he suffers from depression(that’s a whole different story) he’s friends with a couple who have now broken up after 25 years of marriage, my partner wants to be there for both of them as they helped him through his marriage twelve years ago, my partner has caught up with the husband a few times, his wife called to catch up for dinner last week with my partner and I (I’ve only met her a hand full of times) since we’ve been together, she’s a stunner lovely looking lady, now my partners been inviting her out with us and I’m alittle concerned as he met the husband first, why I’m uncomfortable with her coming out with us is that my partner told me a long time ago that when his marriage was going down hill and wasn’t intimate with the wife he would fantasise about other women, I’m really feeling uncomfortable in this situation so am I being silly

TA Packing up my mums memories.
  • replies: 2

We lost our mum to cancer 2.5 years ago. Mum and dad were together 50 years. I had never seen him cry until that moment. For 12 mths he struggled with suicide thoughts. But he was there for his family, always checking on us, making sure we were copin... View more

We lost our mum to cancer 2.5 years ago. Mum and dad were together 50 years. I had never seen him cry until that moment. For 12 mths he struggled with suicide thoughts. But he was there for his family, always checking on us, making sure we were coping. After 12 mths he met his first girlfriend, she was our age. She refused to meet any of dad’s children even though we have always been a very close family. Dad drifted away. He never had time for us. He was too busy showering his girlfriend with gifts and holidays. She talked so badly to him and every time a family member needed him she would need him even more urgently. Even when my sisters husband died suddenly, the concert that she needed to go to was more important then my sister and her 6 little boys. I eventually told him I was concerned about her intentions. He barely spoke to me again. After 10 months They broke up. I tried ringing Dad every day to make sure he was ok. I messaged him love every day. Eventually he returned my call and told me to stop ringing and stop sending messages. He was so angry with me. On my mothers 2nd anniversary at her grave He hurt his back and I offered him a hot pack, I was told very quickly to back off. I backed off. I gave him space. I didn’t call or message. Then he met a new woman. One his age. She seems lovely from what my sisters tell me. It took him 6mths to tell me about her. I tried to chat to him and asked what I had done so wrong that he couldn’t talk to me. He told me he didn’t like me. Just like that my heart smashed into a million pieces. He has decided all of a sudden that we need to clear our home of all mums belongings. I live 2 hrs away, my sisters live 2 minutes. I am having trouble fitting in around their work days. He won’t speak to me but he told my sisters that it was too hard for him to be there. I thought maybe it would be good for us to say goodbye as a family. I thought he should help pack 66 years of memories away. How can it be so hard when lying in another woman’s bed is not hard? Should I offer not to be there so he can get some closure with the children he does like? He is my father and all I wish for him is happiness. My sisters say I should stop being selfish and just take a couple of days off work and do it. I just can’t be his punching bag any longer. My heart is irreversibley broken and I can’t take any more abuse from him. I have to think of my family. Am I being selfish? Should he be there?

London1 Life changing decisions
  • replies: 8

Well here goes- never sought help before and trying to be brave - long story but I’ll shorten it!! Met an Aussie in England came to oz married him had two sons 28 years ago - he became a heavy drinker and very verbally abusive - got the courage to di... View more

Well here goes- never sought help before and trying to be brave - long story but I’ll shorten it!! Met an Aussie in England came to oz married him had two sons 28 years ago - he became a heavy drinker and very verbally abusive - got the courage to divorce- boys stayed with him - he seemed to have s mental hold on them - he is a narcissist! Went through a very messy divorce but he finally got help and completely stopped drinking and became the man I fell in love with - we became and still are good friends- 8 months ago he was diagnosed with throat cancer so I decided to support him through he’s treatment - it’s been a long hard journey and he is still sick - my sons have been great and very supportive of him and have a much better relationship with him now - after my divorce I traveled and once our finances were settled I purchased my own house - I’ve struggled to get a full time job so financially it’s very hard - this week my sister in London has been diagnosed with what they think is terminal cancer - just when you think things can’t get any worse!! Next week we will get her prognosis - I think I need to go to London to support her but financially I can’t afford it - all my money is tied up in my house and as I only work part time I’m unable to remortgage to get cash - cards are maxed out too - I get I’m trying to decide whether to sell up and go home - all my family are in London - or keep my house and just try to borrow some money - my ex had offered- but that makes me feel that yet again I am allowing him to have control over my life - I want to support my sister but feel so torn - I feel so alone- I’m losing friends as I really can’t be bothered to listen and put up with their insecurities when I have much bigger problems to deal with - my closest friends are all in London - I can’t imagine not seeing my boys everyday - 22 and 27 - life’s hard!!

T3 Close to divorce
  • replies: 4

My wife and i have been married for over 2 years. she had no idea how bad my anxiety was before we got married and to be honest., neither did i. I was from an unplanned pregnancy and parents divorced 2 years after my birth. My father was always telli... View more

My wife and i have been married for over 2 years. she had no idea how bad my anxiety was before we got married and to be honest., neither did i. I was from an unplanned pregnancy and parents divorced 2 years after my birth. My father was always telling me what i had done wrong and never what i had done well. I have brought this into mymarriage. The communication between my wifeand I is 80% negative. It is either me depressed and sad or her feeling helpless We see a counsellor but nothing has improved after a few weeks. I feel the best thingto do is leave and even move interstate and start again. I don't want to run but far too tiredto fight

Harry_harry Girlfriend leaving me after 2 years
  • replies: 11

Long story short the love of my life just one day didn't come home and tells me she can't be in a relationship anymore and that she still loves me. She left me because I was possessive and needy at times but refused to give me a second chance. Anyway... View more

Long story short the love of my life just one day didn't come home and tells me she can't be in a relationship anymore and that she still loves me. She left me because I was possessive and needy at times but refused to give me a second chance. Anyway I annoyed her to the point where she literally wants nothing to do with me, this is the person who we had both our life's planned out together. Our kids names already picked & so many plans. She said she just can't be in a relationship anymore. It's been 3 months and she has me blocked on everything and pretty much hates me. I've never felt so low in my entire life if anyone has edvidce it would be greatly appreciated

Alone_confused The right choice
  • replies: 8

Hi. This is the first time i have ever posted in a forum like this. I feel a little nervous. Im a middle aged guy. I’ve been married since I was 19, and now we have great children together. I guess we have always had the kind of relationship that isn... View more

Hi. This is the first time i have ever posted in a forum like this. I feel a little nervous. Im a middle aged guy. I’ve been married since I was 19, and now we have great children together. I guess we have always had the kind of relationship that isn’t focused on affection. We are both independent people and have successful careers. We don’t sleep in the same bed, we have been in separate rooms for several years now. I’m wondering, is this normal for couples who have been together a long time? I feel like this is normal for us. There was no real precursor to us going to separate rooms, it just seemed to happen over time. I think I do miss the intimacy. Which brings me to the topic of my post. At the start of the year, I became emotionally and sexually involved with a female colleague. This lasted about 2 months before I decided to finish it because it was so wrong. My relationship with my wife is okay I think. I’m not particularly unhappy, we don’t fight, we are good parents I believe. Our 3 kids are very grounded young adults that I’m very proud of. I decided I would not leave my wife or destroy our family. I don’t want our children to come from a broken home. However. I find myself missing the intimacy and affection I received during my affair. I still have feelings for the woman. My wife knows about my mistake. I was honest with her and told her. I felt sick seeing how hurt she was. But she agreed she didn’t want our family to break up because I was selfish. I said I thought we should go to counseling. But my wife didn’t think we needed to. I think these days my life really is all about the kids. I do find happiness and satisfaction in my life with them. Has anyone else lived in a situation like this?