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Community Member

On mother’s day I found out my ex had been cheating on me for 4 years with his best friend from school. We have been together 24 years 3 children. I am still struggling. He told me he never loved me our life was a mistake she’s his soulmate and he should have always been with her he said we weren’t in the same social class he’s a private school kid I was public, my family isn’t wealthy his is well off. After I found out and kicked him out my younger girls told me that he had been secretly meeting up with her and her children whilst taking my kids out. Then my eldest son informed me he has been bad mouthing me to him for years. I was completely blindsided my children don’t want anything to do with him. I am trying to hold it together barely as he’s all I’ve known he was my first and only love and to be told it was all a lie and a mistake is hurtful. Im trying to cope keep a smile on my face but it is extremely hard. He has told everyone we mutually agreed to seperate as it wasn’t working out and I’m sick of having to explain the truth. I have a good day then I have a lot of really bad days. I feel so alone and I’m trying my hardest to put on that brave face for my kids sake. I know everyone says time heals but he’s all I’ve known my whole life we have grown up together I don’t want to see my friends because I can’t bear going out without him I feel so stupid and embarrassed and ashamed that people know he’s never loved me and he’s left for me for his so called soul mate. What hurts more is there was no signs our sex life was great our life was great or so I thought. I just want to feel normal and not so insecure I feel like I don’t trust anyone anymore that anything anyone says to me is a lie after what he’s done when do these feelings go away. My children have a lot of anger and hate towards him as well and I’m struggling to try and make them try and see him because part of me knows it’s not right he’s still their dad but part of me is angry that he has used my children as a cover to cheat it’s all a big mess

3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Washappyonce and welcome to the forums

I'm so sorry to hear you ex said those those terrible things to you. No one deserves to have that happen to them. No one deserves to be lied to for that long.

I believe that you have nothing to be ashamed of in terms telling people what happened. It is his decision to be deceitful for that long and lie for that long. If anything you friends should show compassion. If a friend told me your story it would make me want to help my friend and be there for them.

I understand why your kids are mad at their father. No parent should bad mouth the other parent all the time. My step mum bad mouthed my mum. It made me feel terrible. It is something that a parent shouldn't do or at least not say to the kids. Kids can take it personally because that is their blood. So my suggestion is to not stoop down to his level. Just say you are very disappointing with how it has ended, but at least you got your kids out of the relationship.

Sorry to hear how horribly it ended. You are cared for and supported here. You are in a safe place here.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Washappyonce, I am so sorry that your husband has not only been cheating on you but also being dishonest, especially when he is your first and only love, exactly the same as my situation, 25 years married but I was divorced, that's another story.

Your kids don't want to see their dad and you shouldn't have to tell your friends the truth, this is where you feel exhausted, but he has broken the trust you need and uncertainty of the marriage and deserves no respect for having this affair behind your back for 4 years.

You are heartbroken and deservedly so, but what you need to do is get your strength back by contacting your doctor, then talk to a psychologist because you are not able to overcome this by yourself.

Your kids must be devastated, just like you are and may need to talk with someone as well, so please click on Get Support' at the top of this page and scroll down until you see 'National helplines and websites'.

I think you and the kids need to talk about what is going to happen to your marriage because I can only suggest to you what is your best outcome.

I'd love to hear back from you.

Best wishes.


Community Member


Just want to wish you strength and hope.