Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

lonelyheart101 Christmas loneliness
  • replies: 4

Christmas is a time that brings out joy and love, the feeling of being loved. But for me it is a time of crushing loneliness and anxiety. I’m 35, have a job, my own place, work out regularly, eat well, etc. But this time of year I’m reminded of how j... View more

Christmas is a time that brings out joy and love, the feeling of being loved. But for me it is a time of crushing loneliness and anxiety. I’m 35, have a job, my own place, work out regularly, eat well, etc. But this time of year I’m reminded of how just empty my life is. I feel miserable most other times, but my negative feelings multiply around Christmas. Instead of being happy, I feel like a failure for still being single. I tried dating, but having failed so often I feel emotionally broken and my confidence shot. I’ve become a bitter person who I’ve come to hate for finishing another year and still being alone. For still having nobody to love or love me back. Still nobody to share this joyous time with. Still nobody to even smile with. I don’t have much of a support network. I have family but we are not exactly a loving family. My friends have moved on with wives and kids. My co-workers likewise. Every Christmas I go through this, and there is only small relief for me when the new year starts and things get back to normal. I know there are people out there doing it much tougher around this time of the year, and my problems seem small compared to the hardship others are experiencing. I guess I needed to get this off my chest. Just wish I could cope better at this time of year. Merry xmas to everyone.

Cjane Trying to be strong and hold it all together
  • replies: 4

Just another newbie entering the Beyond Blue page. I guess I’m sick and tired of always having to be the strong one, the one checking on everyone else. Who checks on the person checking on everyone else, no one in my case. I’m so busy making sure eve... View more

Just another newbie entering the Beyond Blue page. I guess I’m sick and tired of always having to be the strong one, the one checking on everyone else. Who checks on the person checking on everyone else, no one in my case. I’m so busy making sure everyone else has what they need and their all looked after and taken care of that I forget to take care of myself. I guess my story started when my nan left this earth for a batter place five years ago and I guess I’ve never come to terms with the fact that she’s gone. Most days I wish I could be with her in a better place holding her hand to guide me through the tough days. She was the only person I would talk to and now I just shut down and don’t talk to anyone about how I’m doing anymore. Truth be told I’m not doing okay like I told my mum I was, I’m not enjoying myself at all these Christmas functions like I tell my boyfriend I am, truth is I’m struggling. Struggling big time I feel like I’m a sinking ship trying to hold it all together. I never tried talking to professionals but I think I need to give it a go but feel super scared about it all I don’t even know where to start.

Guest_1584 How o we not get family envy, when our life is like it is ?
  • replies: 2

Hi to all. As a few will know , l've had my share of crap the last 5 or 6 yrs. And now it's Christmas , one of the worst ever. l have a huge family, l've live 3 hours away from most of them this last 10 yrs, we lived interstate 13yrs before that. l j... View more

Hi to all. As a few will know , l've had my share of crap the last 5 or 6 yrs. And now it's Christmas , one of the worst ever. l have a huge family, l've live 3 hours away from most of them this last 10 yrs, we lived interstate 13yrs before that. l just find most of them full of lies , all huggy huggy but never there or throwing it in your face down the track. Which has happened and their own actions are never seen,only yours which are twisted an used. the maintenance to even stay in touch asthey're scattered all over, parents have both passed so there's no family home to touch base at anymore. Thankfully there are one or two brothers l get along with , and one or two of the sisters too. l rang one of the older brothers tonight for christmas. It wasn't easy he lives interstate and weeee haven't spoken a few years sinccce l was last the bad guy for yet another twisted around bit of rubbish . Nother story But l wasn't sure what rrreception l'd get. Anyway thank God it was quite good and we talked for awhile. His life couldn't be more opposite to mine. Me an my ex have lived all over oz and traveled and moved 13yrs.Came back to vic an ended up divorced. We use to be the envy of the family. Even in ways from this brother, yet he has the most movie like life you would ever find. Talking to him now though, my God , the way my life's turned out , yet l hear about his. They lives up in a gorgeous little coastal town 30yrs, his marriage is still good, loving, doting, His kids all grown and living all over the country and US , they go off traveling 3 or 4 times a year. He even married into money. Back yrs ago when they first met, he wanted to move up there from melbourne. She wouldn't go. He told me tonight that once he married her then she was happy to go and she loves it up there . beautiful house ocean views,still in love, the kids, piles of money , all these years . Yet here's me , lived all over the country , divorced , worried sick about my daughter and trying to be a dad to her like this. Just bought a house 20mins away to stay close and a second base for her, don't like it, don't fit in , it's too close to ex and her new man, and so again when she's 17 next yr l'm thinking of moving, and l'm constantly haunted by the ex and her sitch, just too close. bUT IT';; MEAN STARTING AGAIN , AGAIn , after all this time and everything that's happened , lived,yet here they are, so happy, in love, wealthy, beautifyl little costal town all these years, they'll die there.

Rainbow_fish Daily angst
  • replies: 12

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised... View more

Like most women, I work full time, I love my job, I love my children and I love my husband. What brings me here however is that I'm afraid I'm not IN LOVE with hubby, which may be a result of the vast differences we seem to have developed or realised probably since our first child was born 8 years ago. I understand how a marriage can often be put under strain once a child is born, however what seems to be the underlying cause of endless arguements might have to do with the differences in how we perceive things... my understanding of cleaning up vs his understanding. My idea of respect vs his idea. I don't want to bog this down with so many examples, but I'm really really struggling to maintain our marriage that just seems to be full of immaturity or sarcasm (from him) and me having to battle that in terms of wondering why he doesn't seem to want to grow up and be accountable for things that adults, parents and husbands should... he always says that it's me with the problem and I need to change, which cuts to the bone, because I feel he has lost all sight of what he has right here in front of him... a family who wants to spend time with him but he is 'too tired', or 'organised a friend to come over' or 'will do the dishes in the morning', but they're still there by nightfall next day, or 'needs to wash the car' instead of looking after the baby while I run errands. Its just a constant struggle to agree on responsibilities...and for him to be honest... it's really just that and a lack of open communication. Honestly I can say that I become annoyed when there is a million things to do, but he's browsing on his phone... I feel like I'm dealing with a teenager who is avoiding house chores or something... it makes me feel depressed because I feel I am being the only responsible adult... and as for lying, blatantly and by omission, this is something that has caused a lot of heartache for myself... if it wasn't for the kids I'd be out of here in a flash...it's not happy or healthy... but my gut and heart are saying I've invested way too much and have two beautiful children who would suffer immensely if i did. I WANTED to work on it but I am reaching that end point where i may just cave in and be consumed by a monster of a marriage. I know we need to talk, he just doesn't think there's anything to talk about... I'm in a bad place with him and the kids miss him... I honestly have nothing left to give... feeling more alone each day...

BeccaJ So alone
  • replies: 3

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best fri... View more

I don’t really know where to start because I have so much going on inside my head. Ive been feeling so lonely the last year. i spend 99.5% of my time alone. It’s not by choice. Most of my close friends have moved away interstate. My absolute best friend died of cancer a few years ago and I’ve never really gotten over it. It feels like part of me died when she did. I considered her my soulmate. I had never had a friendship in my life like that before or after. We just meshed. It’s like we were the same person and we spent basically everyday together. Now I don’t have anyone to spend my time with so I’m basically a shut in. I know what people will say to me. That I just need to get out and meet new people...it’s not that simple because I have major social anxiety. For the first 16 years of my life I was severely bullied for being overweight and had no friends. I’m now 27 and still Whenever I leave the house Now I feel everyone looking at me and judging me and I just want to go inside and hide. I don’t know how to talk to people. My brain just shuts down when I meet people and no words come out. My whole developing years were spend alone and being shut down and criticised by my peers. I just live a sad lonely existence now and I’m so alone it makes me cry. I don’t see a way out of my empty life. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

Lora21 Family being torn apart
  • replies: 5

I'm very new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice on having their family torn apart. My brother and his wife for some reason have decided to isolate the self from particular family members. We have usually been a close family and they have t... View more

I'm very new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice on having their family torn apart. My brother and his wife for some reason have decided to isolate the self from particular family members. We have usually been a close family and they have two children who mean the world to me and their grandma. contact with them is seeming less likely by the day. They are choosing when to reply to mesages, being manipulative by making it out that we are doing the wrong thing when all we want to do is see the kids... its tearing our already semi broken family apart and its heart breaking. any advise at all is so appreciated. Thank you.

melmie Can’t stop crying
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have not been feeling too well mentally, I can’t seem to sleep properly and sometimes I can’t stop crying. My father came back from a trip from Chile 2 days ago and he was gone for 5 months. In that time, I couldn’t control anything or handl... View more

Hello, I have not been feeling too well mentally, I can’t seem to sleep properly and sometimes I can’t stop crying. My father came back from a trip from Chile 2 days ago and he was gone for 5 months. In that time, I couldn’t control anything or handle it because he promised my mum and I that he’d be back by 10 days. They nearly divorced and my mum was depressed and had multiple panic attacks in that time. When he returned, he wasn’t the father that I loved. He started smoking as he was influenced by his friend. My mum told me he’d have 10 a day while he was in Chile and it didn’t bother me at all for some reason, but today I went upstairs for 5 minutes to get changed and I find him outside smoking. This was the second time I saw him today so far, he promised he’d quit soon but I doubt it. He smokes menthol cigarettes which I know are the worst and are so hard to quit. I can’t stop crying, he’s so different and, as selfish as it is, I wish he never came back. Everything is different and awkward and I’m so sad but I have no idea why. Of course I missed him, of course I’m overjoyed for him finally returning, but I can’t help but wish my life was back to normal and I was better. I can’t stop shaking and I’ve been crying for half an hour and no one knows, I’m a mess. I don’t know why I feel like this, please help me. I’m only 12, I don’t want people to think I’m doing this for attention but I want to feel better. Kind regards, Isabelle

OF Compulsive Lying Tendencies and Anxiousness
  • replies: 4

Hi, Not sure if I am in the right area here but it is my first time and I figured I will be directed somewhere or maybe here! So it has been a long time knowing I am lying to the people around me for a few years and even my boyfriend of a year now. H... View more

Hi, Not sure if I am in the right area here but it is my first time and I figured I will be directed somewhere or maybe here! So it has been a long time knowing I am lying to the people around me for a few years and even my boyfriend of a year now. He caught me out several times and I kept making excuses or perhaps admitted I was lying but I really need to put a stop to this as this has affected our relationship in a major way. In fact in the last few days, it has hit me hard. I had to take 2 days off work! He is still standing by me, in which any sane person would have left by now. I am so grateful for him and I guess my good outweighs the bad in me. I know they say if you are with a compulsive liar and they steal from you then you must steer away but I know I will not do these things ever again and need to control the lying aspect. I fear trust even though I trust him but subconsciously I probably am not and it is an involuntary thing. I have done some awful things like stole from him twice and lying about small things. The reason why I stole from him was because I was super desperate and I couldn't ask him as I feared he would get upset and not understand. I also went behind his back and borrowed money off his sister in law and told her not to tell him in whicg eventually she did and I do not blame her for that. The things I have done are very out of the ordinary for me. I grew up as an only child with an unstable mother who is constantly abusive verbally and who was an alcoholic. She has not been diagnosed with any condition but I do believe she has major depression and other issues. I am now 32 and fear I might turn into her knowing it is not who I want to be and my Dad has been slightly supportive but unable to talk to him about this as he is over 75 and he has his own issues. Currently I am going to seek help and bring my partner in to let him know I am going to get the treatment needed. He also insisted in coming and I have no quams about that. I also haven't been able to tell my parents I have been dating and living with my partner for a while because of cultural differences, moral, etc I feel like I am in a bit of a mess. But I am just seeing, do I have hope and is my partner being silly for wanting to go through all of this with me now? The trust has been broken but he has hopes and it will take time.

bjay1383 My family has "chosen" my ex over me
  • replies: 11

I have been separated from my husband for nearly 4 years. During this time he has remained close to my family. We were together over 15 years and as far as separations go, we had an amicable spit. We co parent very well and generally there are no iss... View more

I have been separated from my husband for nearly 4 years. During this time he has remained close to my family. We were together over 15 years and as far as separations go, we had an amicable spit. We co parent very well and generally there are no issues between us. I do not have an issue with him remaining in my families life. Essentially we split, they didn't. My issues are, my family have made no effort to accept my partner. We have been together for 2 years so he's not a new fixture. They are inviting my ex on family camping trips (only my family is going and my ex's partner who they have welcomed with opened arms), dinners and general gatherings. Over the last year I have received minimal invites and the ones I had been invited to, they invited my ex as well. Which he attended and I made no issue from that. I am not a terrible person and I have tried my absolute hardest to be ok with this fact but after they tried to hide a camping trip from me after I had discussed with them I feel excluded and shunned from my family while my ex enjoys their company they still tried to hide it I advised them I will not be attending Christmas with them. I might have reacted on emotion as I am very upset but I honestly feel they would just prefer it if I didn't go so he could and it would be less awkward. I have received a message from my sisters husband advising me that if I won't be joining them for Christmas over something as petty as a camping trip, not to worry about his gift (we draw names and buy for 1 family member to keep cost down) and I have really upset my sister. I have explained how I feel excluded yet they continue to "hang out" with my ex and exclude me. I was VERY close with my family and I am devastated this is happening. They feel I am controlling who they can and can't associate with. I have never asked them to cut ties and won't but I just want them to realise how much it hurts when they exclude me in preference of him. He can join in on my invites, why can't they extend the same invite for me. My partner feels this is because my family don't like him. He distances himself at gatherings and this too creates tension as they feel he's not making an effort. I don't know if I am over reacting. It is starting to create a family divide as half can see it from my perspective and the other think I am being controlling and it is pushing them further. Half can see my point are being very supportive and this is pushing the other half further and from them also

AtHomeDad At Home Dads
  • replies: 1

This thread is dedicated to all At Home Dads that may be struggling with anxiety and depression due to the stresses of family life in our modern world. Struggling with their identity as human beings, finding their place amongst family and friends and... View more

This thread is dedicated to all At Home Dads that may be struggling with anxiety and depression due to the stresses of family life in our modern world. Struggling with their identity as human beings, finding their place amongst family and friends and dealing with the stigma that surrounds being an At Home Dad in a still genderist society. This thread it is hoped to be a place for such men to talk openly about their experiences and struggles and perhaps give each other support. My name is At Home Dan, I am 44 years old, I have been an AHD for all of my marriage which will be for 20 years next year. My daughters are two very well adjusted people and are now starting their lives, my wife and I believe we have done a very good job with them, but not without our struggles. It has been very difficult being an At Home Dad in a fairly genderist society, I have been openly mocked by friends and family alike, with most believing that it is the male that needs to work while the wife stays at home with the children. It has left me with absolutely no confidence and at 44 my job prospects are limited, I have been working from home since about 2007 as an ebay seller turning a hobby into at least some money. But none of this is recognised as "actual" work by my family, in-laws have managed to even make my children believe that I have never made a contribution, yet I have done all the things that a "house wife" would have done, cooking, cleaning and looking after the children. I was diagnosed with GAD with a Chronic Depression about 6 years ago when my marriage was on the rocks and it seemed that the whole thing was going to come undone. This all happened when I started to become popular on the internet with my hobby business, more and more time was spent on this and less on my wife and children...guess I just wanted a little something for myself, some recognition...from somewhere. It was fun while it lasted but I had a choice my family or my hobby business. During my breakdown and subsequent depression I sought the support of my friends and family and discovered that I had none, I also sought the support of mental health professionals and self-help groups which were great. I sought the help from men's groups and found that they were few and far between and none of them really understood the plight of the At Home Dad. I still suffer from GAD. I thought I would post this thread and see if there were any other AHDs that may feel the same isolation and loneliness. Dan