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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Gill1989 My insecurities are affecting my relationship
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. We have spoken about marriage plenty of times throughout the past couple of years, but were always waiting until we were a bit older (we are just 24 now). I finished school and studied a typical bus... View more

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. We have spoken about marriage plenty of times throughout the past couple of years, but were always waiting until we were a bit older (we are just 24 now). I finished school and studied a typical business degree at university, but have always been highly creative, and my life dream would be to work for myself in a creative field. However, coming from such a conservative family I didn't really think of it as an option. When I met my partner, he was that person who worked freelance in a creative field and it just inspired me so much. Thats what really drew me to him. He was what I wanted to be!!! ANYWAY, my mum recently asked me whether I thought we were "right for each other". She said "you are obviously best friends, and are committed to each other, but I don't want you to marry someone you are not 100% sure on. I am not sure if you are both the perfect person for each other". Now I am so paranoid. I love my partner so much. I can be around him 24/7 and never get sick of him. In fact, I love being around him 24/7!! I think he is honestly one of the coolest people I have ever met. He is so different to my parents and my group of friends, that it can sometimes make me uncomfortable when we are in social settings, as I get worried about what they think of him. But when we are around his friends who are much more similar to him I just love watching him flourish, and sit there thinking he is the coolest guy ever. I know I overthink everything anyway, and care way too much about what other people think. Maybe my mum has picked up on me acting anxious or stressed when we are around the family together, and wonders if we should be together. BUT she doesn't see us when it is just the two of us and we get along like a house on fire. OR when we are around his friends, or other highly creative people and were are both in our elements. We both want the same things in life, and I love talking with him about the future as I find it so exciting and I just find it generally inspiring talking to him. He makes me challenge society's views of traditional ways of working and living and makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind to. (My parents are extremely traditional, and would much prefer if I got a 9-5 permanent job than being a creative freelance!) I don't know what to do. I can't stop feeling insecure about all of this and I don't know how to calm my overactive mind. HELP! Anyone been in a similar situation?

BellaCatarina Husband with chronic pain, depression, and alcohol issues has left. Please help
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I'm looking for some direction in how to bring my beautiful husband home after he has left. He suffers from chronic pain from a serious accident many years ago, and has since had hit after hit of bad luck (half our house was demolished due ... View more

Hey guys, I'm looking for some direction in how to bring my beautiful husband home after he has left. He suffers from chronic pain from a serious accident many years ago, and has since had hit after hit of bad luck (half our house was demolished due to mould and our toddler and I had to move interstate for 4 months while he stayed and worked, then a month after the works were completed he lost everything he owned personally in a garage fire, recently he had another serious car accident). Our marriage has been suffering the past year due to miscommunication issues and his drinking (never good) has turned into a serious problem over the past two months. I've recently found out that he's also been doing cocaine, though I have no idea how often. When I found out about that he said he wanted to end our marriage (we've been together 10 years). I am absolutely convinced (as are his friends) that he is suffering from major depression, though hides it very well and flat out refuses to believe it or speak to anyone about it. He is so far from the wonderful man I married and I completely understand why he would have turned to drinking and drugs to escape his life/pain. But I adore him. I've always adored him. I'm so worried about him. I don't want him to push us away. He is pushing everyone away that tries to help and it's scaring me. I've been told there's nothing you can do when someone won't help themselves, but I don't really know what that means. Should I stand my ground and tell him I love him every day (which seems to push him further away) in the hopes that he knows I'm always here and not leaving him, or am I supposed to stop contact (as much as you can when you have a child) and let him go? I don't want to hurt him. He's been through enough. But pushing his family away is surely not going to help? Or does he need to be without us to realise he needs help? I haven't spoken to him in two days and it's tearing me apart. I don't know where he is staying. I find it hard to believe a lot of what he says at the moment because he's just not the guy I know. If there is someone that has been in a similar position, please, please tell me how I'm supposed to handle this??

TheItaliansWife I am new, please be gentle..... and sorry for the long vent
  • replies: 11

Hi there, i am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I am having somewhat of a clear moment so please forgive the word vomit. over the past 3 years my life has been imploding, at first organising my wedding, then having my wedding hij... View more

Hi there, i am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I am having somewhat of a clear moment so please forgive the word vomit. over the past 3 years my life has been imploding, at first organising my wedding, then having my wedding hijacked by the mother and sister inlaw, then my marriage and workplace took a sharp decent at the same time. I wasn't allowed to have input on my own wedding, it still classes as my most horrible day, I love the man I married but I felt it was his families day not "our day" since then my MIL and SIL have gone out of their way to cause hurt. Everything from publicly saying I have genetic disorders, my family is violent (all untrue) to encouraging my 6 year old nephew to say sexist things to me. My husband has over the past 2 years developed anger management issues, and my employer encourages my coworkers to undermine and belittle me. It all came to a horrible head 3 weeks ago when my SIL abused me ver the phone, I had called her and extended an olive branch, she called me a humiliation upon her family, and an abomination on the earth, as well as abusive names and personal attacks and she says everyone hates me (I'm paraphrasing, happy to direct quote but it was lengthy) my husband has informed me, I am to blame. I know I have chronic health issues that are painful and made worse with stress (but not genetic) and now on reflexion, I feel I probably have an anxiety disorder. I find myself lightheaded and breathless multiple times a day. Overnight I became a clean freak, but now I can't stand to sit at a table unless all the items on the table are lined up millimetre perfect. Failure to drink 4 litres of water a day and chew each piece of food 40 times feel potentially fatal. And I'm finding myself staring into space contemplating no longer existing each night. i grew up believing if I was a good person who tried to help wherever I could then I would be of value, but now I am left feeling the world would be better if I stepped back out of it. I have tried reasoning, negotiating even bargaining with my husband for his kindness, he claims I ruin everything and yells at me each night when I return from work. I just want my husband to treat me the same way as he did when we were dating, the more this goes on the less hopeful I am that he will. he is now refusing marriage counciling, he calls it "airing dirty laundry" i feel I have been chipped away and there is not much left, weak, hollow, fragile. . Hop

Only_me Struggling and sad
  • replies: 1

Have been with my husband 21 yrs, married 4 yrs. He started his own transport business approx 4yrs ago. Have 2 girls together 18 & 19. Have fully supported him as a family but in 2007 he left us for another women,turned our world upside down. We mana... View more

Have been with my husband 21 yrs, married 4 yrs. He started his own transport business approx 4yrs ago. Have 2 girls together 18 & 19. Have fully supported him as a family but in 2007 he left us for another women,turned our world upside down. We managed to put that behind us but over the years he has left us, seems to be when life gets to hard, instead of talking he shuts off especially to me. Over the last 6 to 12 months alot of arguing. Im arguing because he is on the road and it is soooo lonely and depressing. Kids are old enough to do there own thing. We had a big blow up and i was going to move out but he told me to stay and we were doing so well reconncting and it all seemed fine. We went to a party and a women who is a married swinger was sitting on my husbands knee which i stayed calm, i only asked whats the go? Well when we got home he just yelled and told me to get out. Im waiting on a house but he has just shut down. He has had money troubles but im so sad and lost, am i fighting a lost cause. Its the worst feeling, i feel like im abondoning my family but i have put up with so much over 20 yrs but i have never given up on him. I know i need to go for my own health but really struggling.

Billy2 Wife wants to seperate for no apparent reason
  • replies: 5

Married for 19years. 2 x teenage girls. Wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer but will be okay. She has become more and morewithdrawn. I confronted her last week and asked her if she still loves me. She said yes. I askes are you in love... View more

Married for 19years. 2 x teenage girls. Wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer but will be okay. She has become more and morewithdrawn. I confronted her last week and asked her if she still loves me. She said yes. I askes are you in love with me. She said she doesnt know. Since then she has admitted thinking about separation and moving out. She is currently sleeping in spare room. I am extremely angry. She says its because when she is away with family or friends she feels a better person and more herself. We havent been fighting. I treat herexceptionally well. I do most things around the house. Her reason just sounds like crap to me. She has become very secretive which i think was because she has been thinking about this for some time ans talking to friends about her decision. She now seems relieved and is going on like eveythings ok and im losing my mind. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I am really anxious around her. Im paranoid there is someone else. I have tried to talk to her but she doesnt seem to want to make it work. I think she has made her decision and i have to except it.

mezzaduck97 The End of a Relationship: How Do I Cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him ... View more

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him that weekend. Everything was fine and we were so happy. Then he started working more and talking to me less, which was understandable. Then he just cut off all contact with me. Ignored all my calls and messages. I was so worried that maybe I had done something wrong, or that something bad might have happened to him. So after 3 weeks of no communication, he sends me a message saying he is no longer 100% committed to me anymore and never wanted a relationship with me. I was heartbroken. I made him call me so we could talk about it, and we both cried. He said he was sorry and that he didn't want to cut me out of his life. I was way too upset to say anything, so he promised we would meet up at the end of the week when I came back home for holidays. After that he never spoke to me again. Unlike his word, he had completely cut me out of his life. I am so heartbroken and I have never felt this way in all my life. I am so hopelessly in love with him and am unable to comprehend what happened between us. I have no closure which makes everything worse. My personal life is also suffering. I haven't slept properly in weeks, my mind racing about him whenever I close my eyes. I can;t stand being in large groups of people now, and I don't to spend time with friends, but at the same time I don't want to be alone. I think about him every second of the day, and I feel numb to the rest of my life. I have cried more in the last couple weeks than I have since I was an infant. So what I want to know is how do I move on? How can I stop myself sinking into this deep dark hole of sadness all the time? I am concerned that this may affect my relationships and schooling. Please help if you can x

kdr country couple
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and s... View more

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and suffers from depression and anxiety. All I want in life is for her to have a female buddy or 2. We live in the Swan Valley area. any ideas? Any other lonely females in the area. Trying to google lonely brings up dating and singles websites. Nothing for simply lonely people. We are in our 50's, healthy and friendly.

Kates17 Hi, this is my first post! Newbie!
  • replies: 2

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so)... View more

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so). It was very hard to remove myself from that relationship but when I did he seemed to be ok with it... until I met someone else. And then i went through I rough time with constant harassment via mobile, ringing me all day and leaving voicemails. Sending threats to my new partner, posting nasty things about me on social media and then even sending explicit photos of myself to his mates and my new partner. I reported all of this to the police, although he then forced his way into my home, and threatened my life and my daughters. Once I was given an intervention order I stopped hearing from him. I was happy that it was over, although it wasn't really. I get scared being at home alone, I worry I will run into him in public, I panic every time my phone rings. And I sit up at night crying. I think maybe it affected me more than I first thought. its hard to talk to friends and family about this as I feel embarrassed and feel I am over reacting. any advice or support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

JKBXGF My boyfriend is pushing me away- what can I do??
  • replies: 1

So I'm new here- but have seen some posts online and it seems really helpful. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We've had a great relationship- despite a few ups and downs. He has been open since the beginning with the fact... View more

So I'm new here- but have seen some posts online and it seems really helpful. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We've had a great relationship- despite a few ups and downs. He has been open since the beginning with the fact he suffers from depression and anxiety. I've grown up with family members who've also had depression, so I think I do ok with handling this and talking to him. A while ago he realised that things were getting bad again and he decided it was best for him to go back on medication. it was really hard to see him like that but I wanted to support him and get thru it all. As an athlete he is always pretty tired and exhausted so it makes it sometimes hard to tell what's going on. Recently tho he has suffered an injury which has made him unable to do anything too physical- which means no training. That alone was heartbreaking for him and since then I feel it's only got worse. Spending so much time at home alone and not being able to be active he's been getting more depressed. He's not sleeping right or eating well. The medication he's been on has also had an impact on our personal life and affected his libido. Hes been wanting to be alone and secluding himself a lot, which as resulted in him pushing me away. He has messaged me and told me he's not happy and wants to be alone- isn't happy in a relationship. I just don't know what to do- because he says he does love me (still) and we have talked about marriage and a future together. I really feel like it's the depression talking and not what he really wants. I know he's not himself right now and I feel like letting him push me away is the wrong thing to do. But also don't want to make him feel pressured by being around and like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't feel like he wants right now? i feel like he's doing this because he knows he's hurt me- like he's doing the right thing by me by taking himself out of the picture. That's the kind of person he is- I feel like he feels like he's a burden on me. I worry that he's throwing our relationship away- and that he's going to throw his career away too. I want to be there for him and help him but I don't know how or what to do right now. His medication clearly just isn't helping. How do I be there and support him and show him I love him and I'm not going anywhere when he is trying to push me away and break up with me?? Many suggestions or experiences with something like this would be really helpful.

Recoverywoman Maybe relationship therapy was a mistake and made things worse?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, I am seeing a therapist about friendship issues. I wanted a relationship but he wanted to be friends. Sometimes I feel like he's not being true and I can tell that he's hurting too for the way he is acting after going no contact. The the... View more

Hi Everyone, I am seeing a therapist about friendship issues. I wanted a relationship but he wanted to be friends. Sometimes I feel like he's not being true and I can tell that he's hurting too for the way he is acting after going no contact. The therapist said we are not right for each other. I went along with the advice at first but now my heart is pointing back to him. Am I in denial? I miss him so much