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Dating a man with depression

Community Member
I've fallen for a lovely man online who lives two hours away who has suffered from depression for years after a number of tragedies which tore his life apart - although he says he is now on the way out of it. We've been chatting from months by text but I've only met him twice, the second time in an awesome four hour date where he told me his life story. I'm finding the erratic contact confusing as I'm not sure how he feels about me although during our date he never took his eyes from mine and sparks flew. The usual 'rule' of online dating is not to 'chase' men by always being the one to initiate contact every time. Would you say that it is different if the man suffers from depression? Is it up to me to reach out more often or would it be better to leave him alone until he feels like contacting me, however long it takes? I'm sure every case is different but I'm trying to get some perspective on this, I feel like I'm going crazy and must have imagined the chemistry between us. The distance involved complicates it.
1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Serendipity4~

Welcome to the Forum, dating of any sort can be confusing, and so emotionally loaded, everything is gone over time and time again.

I'm not sure about rules. For me at least there is a lot to be said for being straightforward and honest, if you want to see someone again then say so. I'd imagine you will have to see this person a fair number of times to find out what he is like, and if he is the sort of person you want to be with. People have different needs in relationships.

Having depression adds another layer of complexity and how it affects things depends at least in part how severe it is at the moment. When I have been right in the grip of it I did not want any relationships, just to be alone. In fact I did not even know if I loved my partner - very hard for her.

Do you have anybody to talk things over with - it can help?