Separated and wanting to move town

[JayCee28]

Hi all, ( this is a bit long winded sorry)

I am the sole carer of my son, his father has thoroughly damaged their relationship and my son does not want to see his dad, my son is 12 and no matter the options I give him, supervising a meeting, texts calls or one on one time he is adamant he does not want to see his dad, and can get angry at me for asking ( I only ask occasionally not every day).

My son and I have a great relationship, he feels safe with me, not his dad.

Last yr my son was sexually assaulted at school by another boy, the teachers blamed my son for being in the wrong place, this boy has also verbally threatened sexual assault against my son.

I have organised counselling for the trauma my son as gone through, police and education departments where also notified.

My problem is my son does not want to go back to the school or reside in this town anymore, and I can understand why.

Better schools are an hr away with more out of school activities for my son ( we live in a very small town).

I would like to move for my son’s safety, and mental well being but as much as I try to explain to his dad that this will help our son, he absolutely refuses to accept us moving to another town, even though he knows the assault my son suffered.

My ex just seems to think this will all blow over, he and I will get back together OR just expects me to take our son to his dads place and leave him there, crying or upset he doesn’t mind… our 12 yr old will just have to get used to it.

My ex has exposed my/ our son to pornography as has his dad.

My ex tries to manipulate my/our son to believe he matters.

My ex MIL has stood at my front door at Christmas time saying my son is lying and that I’m a bad mum, and that my son only stays because he’s scared of me…

The ex and his family are so toxic manipulative I just really want to take my son where he is safe and deal with one thing at a time…

New school and away from the harassment from the school kid.

If he wants to see his dad at any time I’ve told him I will help him any way I can in the future but I will not force him to go there .

I have tried to get his dad to get counselling to learn how to engage with his son and be a better dad, he refuses.

We have no court orders for parenting arrangements as my ex H just expects my son to just give in and go with him and that I should just be a caring mum and send him over there.

Do you think Im doing the right thing wanting to move 1 hr away from his dad,I live in Victoria and so does he…

any advice is greatly appreciated 

[mmMekitty]

Hello JayC28

Welcome to the forum.

Given what you have said, I'd say yes, the move would be good for your son & you. My concerns are about whether your ex has or could get a legally bounded right to see your son, though at 12 years old, I also would imagine your son ought to have a say about whether or not to see his father.

It would be lovely to keep everything out of court, away from lawyers, but I'm not sure your ex would be willing to simply 'allow' the move, even if he has no right to try to prevent you from doing that. I think it comes down to parental rights, who is the primary caregiver, whether the ex-partner who doesn't have custody of the child is a suitable parent (which could be argued in court).

I really don't know much about how it all works, so I'm only saying what I think usually happens. To be sure of what you might expect if you were to go ahead with moving to another town, I think seeking advice about what rights your ex has, first. A good place to start would be 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Legal Aid in your state.

I hope you & your son are able to move, & he can go to another, better, school. & Also be away from your ex's family, too. You don't need their abuse.

I have to say, also, I'm appalled that your son was actually blamed for 'being in the wrong place' - so proud of you for making complaints about how your boy was treated.

Hugzies for you & your son.

mmMekitty

[JayCee28]

Hello mmMekitty,

I have asked my child’s dad to have supervised visitation so my son can have a safe environment for some kind of reconnection to possibly happen, my ex absolutely refuses to go, this has been going on for 2 years.My son doesn’t want to go there either ( mainly as he doesn’t want to see his dad) but he also understands it’s just a matter of trying something rather than his father’s insistence of ( I don’t care if our child is crying ) I want him on weekends.

My ex constantly threatens court so he can have access, I have no problem going to court ( can I afford it no ) but I would go, with my sons interests first and foremost .

Ex says he will take me to court but he doesn’t want all the years of neglect to his son, locking his son in other rooms so he ( ex) could watch pornography, while I was at work or out shopping.( secret hidden for years by ex, I never knew)

I only want what’s best for my son.

The mental abuse I have suffered from the ex his family, emotional manipulation is toxic, they are toxic.

My son is also receiving the same thing now, now that he has a voice and says no to what they want .

My ex spent no time ( sober) with his son unless I forced a camping holiday when we where together, my sons only other time with his dad was playing Lego or computer games, while his dad again was drinking.

I have messaged my lawyer about moving, he will get back to be after the Christmas break…

I just want my son safe, in the future if his dad wants to see him he just has to jump through the right hoops to show his son that he’s a good dad.

it’s all about proof and actions none of which my ex does, he just wants what he wants regardless of how it makes someone else feel…

😕