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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Katie84 Help me
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anyt... View more

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anything about it. I eventually after 3 years got An avo... I had already had a child to him. He threatens to take him off me everyday if I have anything bad to say. He told me so many lies to get money from me, I have given him about 40,000 because of his apparent problems. When I realised what was going on and stopped giving him money he turned really abusive and nasty . He threatens to take our son off me. He has left with him once and I had to get a recovery order. I put up with things just to keep him happy. I just found out I was pregnant again but I lost it, he yelled and screamed at me and was very unpleasant to me. I can't do this any more. He is extremely mean and I feel I have no place to go

Grace994 Feeling a bit lost
  • replies: 1

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her fami... View more

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her family also stopped talking to us. Dad and I grew closer over the following years but then he met and married a very cruel woman who is a narcissist and turned my dad against me. She made blatant lies that my partner also confirms were never true. I became estranged from my dad and brother and lost all family contact, until last year where I tried to reconnet with Dad. Its okay-ish now, but its very toxic. He has also become a narcissist and is a major workaholic. He never has time for me, we go months without talking. Then he'll talk to me as if no time has passed. My brother's only contact is sending me irrelevant videos on instagram with no context, that he also sends to other people. He and my husband have more of a friendship and will occasionally hang out with his friend group playing games and board games. I'm not really invited and just sit at home watching tv to not feel lonely. I try not to make it that obvious to my husband cause I don't want to effect the only friendships he has. But I'm desperate to play board games with friends, its one of my favourite things to do but I haven't done it since my school years. I've been left out of the family Christmas lunches the past few years which I never expect to be invited to but it still really hurts to feel like no one cares. Dad says that his wife bought our most recent xmas presents, but I discovered they were all bought from a charity shop..my dad and his wife are quite well off and recently dropped $3k on a new couch....so it sucks to be treated so poorly. Not that I want expensive gifts, but the purposeful lack of thought hurts. I have no real friends and always feel like I have to flog a dead horse to organise a friendly catch up that never goes anywhere, but its never reciprocated. My husband is loving but has no idea how to help me and that just makes me feel worse. I feel really lonely, abandoned and let down. I can't afford therapy right now, though I know it would help. I'm just not sure what to do to feel better. I am a big family oriented person, so to not have any is really difficult for me. Really need some advice on how to feel better.

78broke Infidelity and betrayal by wife and oldest friend.
  • replies: 1

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still... View more

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still claim nothing happened , but I found through divorce docs/financial records and a bit of snooping that he’d booked 3hotels where she said she was supposedly seeing friends from interstate, no record of hotel charge, no cash out but all foods for 2 people paid for or reverse hotel paid and no food paid for. This tore me apart and still does if I think about it to much as I not only lost my wife, but the other person who I thought I could trust and was a friend who called me brother, also totally betrayed me.Her affair started after we had an argument where it was about 1am, I said “enough , I’m going to sleep in the study” she followed me down hallway screaming get back to bed, waking our kids up, o sat on bed in study, she grabbed me, yelling her back to bed , said “no your drunk”and pulled away. She then hit me in the left side temple/side of eye socket , I got up to move away, she then almost pushed me over, I yelled, “you don’t hit your partner,WTF are you doing” as I’m a bogish guy, when she tried to push me again, I held her arms down and just yelled at her again “to get out, you don’t ever hit me, if you want a divorce you’ve got it” she went to bed and I slept poorly in the study. Next day she came out with a packed bag and disappeared for 5 days. Over the next 14 months I tried to fix our marriage but looking back and at her bank records,Thin is when I believe it started, after that for 14 months until I found out about the affair , she was away one weekend a month and would go for”drives to relax or look at the ocean” for 3-7hrs 2-3 times a week. I believe a vast majority of these where to hook up with him.Then I look back at the 14 months before I found out, and there where so many signs , I was stupid and gullible to miss them as I trusted these two. I’ve now been seperated 9 months, most of the kids are living with me, the thing that grates is an”accidental”(prearranged) bumping into him by her when the kids are with her.i haven’t told the kids yet ,but I don’t know when, how , how much or if I should tell them at all. I see some of the things she’s doing to one of my older kids in particular and I’m so close to blurting it all out as he’s feeling pain because of the ways she’s speaking and treating him.

Earth Girl Ex friends that want revenge
  • replies: 2

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we bec... View more

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we became friends and I knew that if I added her on Facebook, that she would try to become a lot closer and be friends. I eventually caved in because of the pressure she was putting on me to add her. I talked to her a few times on there (I liked her, I just didn't want to be close with her and I thought it would probably be okay to just chat) which I didn't think made us friends. A couple years later, I became friends with A at CIT, but after a while I grew out of the friendship. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I stayed friends with her. I realized I also grew out of the friendship with C. My sister told me to just tell her I'm busy when she invited me to parties so I did that for a few years and after a while, she one day let me know that she was okay with me not hanging out with them anymore, but she was there if I needed her. I didn't understand what she meant though by the way she explained it to me so long story short, we ended up becoming friend-friends and she kept asking me to hang out and I felt like I was very wishywashy with all of it because I didn't know what to do. I ended up deleting C and T on Facebook and trying to let A know as politely as I could that I didn't want to be friends anymore and I read on a site after this that they all want revenge on me for "pretending to be friends with them."

Loveanimals This Needs To End
  • replies: 6

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of wh... View more

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of which he has me drive him to and pick him up from. As he refused to take driving lessons with me and his licence expired. He slobs around and eats everything in the house. Makes mess and doesn't clean it up. Asks for smokes and booze and takeaway although he has spent his pay. Takes 30 minute showers. Etc etc ad nauseum. Refuses to address his university studies for which he was failing at end of 2023. Menawhile I work part time and run the show. I am a tidy and neat person. To feel all of my efforts are in vain as he has no pride over anything. I had a go at him before and he had the audacity to say that I am selfish???!!! It is like living in a toxic marriage...but I have no way out!! There is nowhere he could go! His dad has remarried and doesn't want him ( he never did hence the divorce but that is another story). He has no friends. No money. No motivation. No self respect. It is killing me. I am the total opposite to him. I have worked all of my life and had no hand outs from anyone. I got my own licence on my own dollar. I always respected my elders and god forbid if I stepped wrong. I dislike him intensely. He is not the person I tried to bring up decently, he throws everything back at me and makes me feel like rubbish. I do not understand and I am hating my so called life. I have tried everything to help him and it is all for nothing. Counselling, sports/hobbies, big discussions...writing up contracts etc etc. All goes to nothing within a day or so.He is likely depressed due to his weight but he refused to go to the gym or do anything about it. I am beyond besides myself. I actually don't have anything to look forward to other than more of this bullshit every single day. The only escape for me is booze and that will do me in I guess. I don't even really want it but when the shit hits the fan everysingleday with him....I do it because it numbs me to a degree. I just want a peaceful life. He is drama through and through. When he finishes work he raves on about how shit it is...I then remind him this is why he is studying (?!) at uni so he won't be trapped in that life....nup . Might as well go outside and bang my head on the brick wall. He will be the death of me.

Laney-BB1234 Loneliness as a High Schooler
  • replies: 5

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and tha... View more

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and that people hate me, even though I doubt thats true. Reading other peoples experiences with loneliness only makes me feel more sad. I cant even rlly talk to my family because there's certain parts of my identity I have to hide from them, therefore im always walking on eggshells around them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I see people my age on social media having fun with their friends and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. Pls if anyone has some advice pls share.

Elle81 Feeling A Little Lost
  • replies: 2

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for every... View more

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for everything & I feel so overwhelmed to the point where i will leave to have a breather but then cant think clearly & feel so much guilt, I had to give up my very successful career and I struggle with asking my husband for money (no shared accounts) as prior I've always been very independent. My husband also frequently uses the excuse that he is the one working & making the money to get out of supporting me around the house with the kids, pets and general maintenance...it's all lumped on me. My health is declining, I'm not sleeping. I always have the attitude of just get on with it and I'm very patient with my children but I'm suffocating. I can't seem to find time for myself my hubby leaves at 5am and gets home at 8pm -9pm from the restaurant we have no other family support moving here from overseas and I also have only met a few school mums but haven't build solid relationships yet.If anyone has any ideas on how I can reorganise my life, I'm all ears.

Kez77 How long do you keep trying to help
  • replies: 2

So my partner has taken himself of meds and is just nasty and scary. I have supported him through the hard times and his out rages, verbal and physical abuse and has been months and still no change since his change in meds from addiction 30 years ago... View more

So my partner has taken himself of meds and is just nasty and scary. I have supported him through the hard times and his out rages, verbal and physical abuse and has been months and still no change since his change in meds from addiction 30 years ago and now back on what was working for him and taken himself off his mood meds and now just nasty and angry and will not listen to me or family that needs help for they have seen the change in him. I have supported through the 3 months thinking will change but it isn't and he doesn't want to accept needs help just blames me for everything, just goes to work comes home and hides in spare room and says nothing. Feels like he hates himself so much for all the nasty things has said and done to people and me that is just easier to pretend. I know he has bipolar issues and I have videoed situations so can show him and hoped he would see but just seems to make it worse and I am at the end where I don't know what more to do to help. I know he needs it and I am here still for I love him and know he loves me and when normal we are great but just don't know how to get through to him. I have asked us to go to doctors together and to get therapy together and is now like living in a life where just scared for don't know when will lash out or who I am living with anymore just constantly nasty and negative to me and even our cat is like is just always negative and nasty and just the look of his face I don't know who he is. I do everything I can to make all happy and normal and just get abused and then he runs and hides in spare room. I just don't know what to do anymore and we have a house together and all so isn't a easy split and that's the last thing I want for I am so worried for his own safety and at times my own. Any one have any ideas how I can help him?

HRW1998 Boyfriend watching the same girl in porn videos
  • replies: 3

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him ... View more

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him lying to me about talking to other girls as friends and he has stopped but I struggle to trust him because he lies to me even about small things. I don’t care if he has female friends but I have issues when he lies about it. I recently went through his phone and he is watching the same girl, overweight and naked in her videos dancing and doing other things. I personally am not overweight but am not super skinny. It has given me a lot of anxiety about what he actually finds attractive and why he watches these videos. He watched them on days when we have spent the whole day together and I don’t understand why he is doing it. It makes me really insecure and I know I shouldn’t go through his phone but I am looking for advice on trust and any reasons as to why he does this.

GabbiC Marriage of 23 years completely broken down
  • replies: 1

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move... View more

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move on and what to do. Basically my husband has been shut down for years, this has been physically, sexually and emotionally and I have been effectively living on my own for most of this time pretending that things are ok. Fast forward and we are now 'separated under the one roof'. Communication has become toxic and high conflict. There is now blame and resentment which is destroying my soul. I also know that it takes 2 for a relationship to work.. but fundamentally there is no love. I know what I need to do, I.E. sell the family home etc... But am only on a small salary and worked so hard all my life to pay the mortgage etc... how will I be able to get into the property market.. but of course, living like this is unbearable. I feel like will I ever find love and joy in my life, I have so much love to give and want to receive love and am crying when I write this.Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.. My emotional health is taking a toll.TY for listening.

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