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Anxious Attachment in relationship while also dealing with other issues.

Community Member

Hey guys, I am going through a bit at the moment in my current romantic relationship and my relationship with myself. Some support and advice would be great.


A few things to note:


- I've been diagnosed in the recent weeks with an anxious attachment style due to my mum having bipolar when I was growing up.

- I have previously been in an abusive relationship previously, I was cheated on, manipulated, guilt tripped, gaslit and so on during it. I was in this relationship for 2 and a half years.

- My partner and I work together.

- My partner struggles to bring how how she is feeling and her needs, even when asked.

- I've learnt recently that my partner is an independent person



The story begins:


I (21m) met my partner (21f) two years ago, things were great for a start, spent a lot of time together, affection and connection were through the roof. We had a few problems here and there and were able to somewhat comfortably resolve them.


Her and her best friend moved in together and I noticed that her best friend was showing signs of jealousy, it ended up have a big impact on our relationship. Her friend had no one else but my partner to spend time with and my partner was always inviting her friend everywhere that we were wanting to go, then I'd be the third wheel (if that makes sense). Her friend would also make me very uncomfortable, glaring at me, ignoring me, isolating herself whenever I was over at their place.


I brought this up with my partner many times and every time, she got very defensive about things and was very open about putting her friends needs above mine while also saying some other nasty things, breaking my trust completely. I ended up breaking things off with her for while as she couldn't have a discussion about it/anything without getting defensive, and then we were able to come back a month later and discuss things. Eventually she came to her senses and they had a falling out, and upon her own reflection, she can now understand how toxic that friendship was and how I was "right".

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion



it sounds like you're going through a tough time with your current relationship. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support and advice, and I'm glad you did. It's important to acknowledge that you recognise (?) the possible impacts that your past experiences can have on your current relationships.


So... it's understandable that you're struggling with your partner's difficulty in expressing her needs and her independence. It's important to have open and honest communication in any relationship, and it can be frustrating when your partner is defensive or dismissive. It's good to hear that your partner has been able to reflect on her toxic friendship and acknowledge your perspective.


It's okay to set boundaries and advocate for your own needs in your relationships. I hope things improve for you soon and that you're able to find some peace and clarity. Listening...