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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Flippy Depressed not having another kid
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together for over a decade, we have one young child together and live a pretty lovely life. Our child is the light of our lives, but I've wanted another for some time now (couple of years), but my partner does not. I found ... View more

My partner and I have been together for over a decade, we have one young child together and live a pretty lovely life. Our child is the light of our lives, but I've wanted another for some time now (couple of years), but my partner does not. I found that when our child was 1 and I realised that I wanted another, I slipped into depression over the fact they weren't interested, it took me 18 months on a self journey to find peace in one child, but a recent event of an unwell family member has made me realise just how much I want a second, and I feel myself slipping back into that obsessive state. Partner is not interested in counselling, but I am looking into it for myself.I've discussed this at length with my partner, and the reasoning is always the same. Don't get me wrong, I fully hear what they have to say, and I acknowledge and even agree that yes, things are a bit tight, physical family support is non existent and we would be starting again. Our kid is in school, they're happy, healthy and lovely to be around. We aren't old, but I am knocking on the 'geriatric' door if we were to have another. I don't know how to move past this. All my friends have 2+ kids, and I'm so happy for them, but it's just a slap in the face reminder every, single, day. How do I move past this? I love our triangle family, and I know having one means we could give our kid the entire world with no hesitations, but that pull for a second is deep.

Alice5 Overheard my Dad voice-phone google “Men looking for Men to have sex with”
  • replies: 6

last night I was on my couch and my dad was outside however he didn’t know the window was open and he said Into his google “men looking for men to have sex with” I was in so much shock as I’ve never ever had any thoughts that he might be bi-sexual or... View more

last night I was on my couch and my dad was outside however he didn’t know the window was open and he said Into his google “men looking for men to have sex with” I was in so much shock as I’ve never ever had any thoughts that he might be bi-sexual or gay. He has been married but seperated last year after 15 years, he’s been noticeably reclusive recently and not his usual self. The last few weeks he has been sick with various symptoms that I know realise sound like an STD, and possibly HIV. I feel a huge amount of anxiety to bring this up with anyone behind his back but feel so uncomfortable talking to him about this. I worry that he’s not mentioning gay sex to his doctor and feel like if he’s contracted something, I should suggest a blood test, so confused and stressed.

jono_3175 Anxiety, addiction, poor decisions
  • replies: 4

I’m 32, living with anxiety and alcohol dependency which lead to me making poor choices which affect my relationship with my family espically my son and partner. I just can’t seem to make my family happy and only comfort I get is after afew drinks. I... View more

I’m 32, living with anxiety and alcohol dependency which lead to me making poor choices which affect my relationship with my family espically my son and partner. I just can’t seem to make my family happy and only comfort I get is after afew drinks. I drink everyday and I feel it’s weighing on me feeling more anxiety and not wanting to socialize with anyone, or do the usual things I do. I don’t know what to do, my willpower is zero and I cave in all the time. Anyone else feel similar? My selfish ways of addiction impacting family relationships?

Carole T Estranged parent South Australia
  • replies: 1

Hi there I have been estranged from my youngest son for 5 years now since he met an international student, married and even though we invited her warmly into our home and family, she continued to manipulate him away from all of his family and friends... View more

Hi there I have been estranged from my youngest son for 5 years now since he met an international student, married and even though we invited her warmly into our home and family, she continued to manipulate him away from all of his family and friends. She has been both physically and mentally abusive. I have tried joining many groups but they are mainly in America.

porcelain blind, sad but stronger
  • replies: 4

I have been trying to help my husband for 15 years with depression. It is exhausting and heartbreaking and literally has broken me so many times. Basically I feel alone alot. He can get triggered by nothing it seems and it lasts for a long time. I ha... View more

I have been trying to help my husband for 15 years with depression. It is exhausting and heartbreaking and literally has broken me so many times. Basically I feel alone alot. He can get triggered by nothing it seems and it lasts for a long time. I have been holding out for him to get better and not be so empty so that he could love me, show me love. But it's not going to happen and that's it. He starts watering the plant, getting it to grow only to through toxic waste on it at random moments and destroy it (metaphor). Some of the hurtful awful bull**T things he has said to me, seems to be engrained into my mind. I feel like I have to try to get any affection from him to get what I crave. In his eyes I will be always the problem, which in itself is like a slap in the face, as I have been there for him and helping him forever. In contrast if I have problems or are feeling down, he is not the one to go to. I have had an ephiphany last week, that I have exhausted myself, I know what I want, what expectations I have and I will not tolerate treatment like this anymore. What will happen though? I don't know....

Mr K Am I self-Sabotaging?
  • replies: 1

As I write this I'm living with the constant fear of heartbreak. After overcoming a separation/divorce I've tried to rebuild my life/confidence and move forward.I had been enjoying a new relationship but more and more in recent times, I'm feeling ver... View more

As I write this I'm living with the constant fear of heartbreak. After overcoming a separation/divorce I've tried to rebuild my life/confidence and move forward.I had been enjoying a new relationship but more and more in recent times, I'm feeling very much like the lowest priority in that other person's life.She tells me constantly that she's busy and although that may be true, after all we are all busy; I firmly believe we should find or make time for the people and things that are important to us. Last Friday we arranged to all meet up for dinner she and her one child me and my two children. I had hoped a meal would lead to other plans/ideas for the weekend but what actually happened really left me in doubt.Randomly another of her friends was at the same venue with her children and their grandfather. She then invited them to join us and for the remainder of the evening, I and my kids were essentially ignored.I didn't hear from her again that weekend until Sunday evening when she told me all the things she had done and said I hope you had a good weekend and didn't just sit around. I didn't really have much to say, I was still frustrated by the seeming lack of care and feeling taken for granted. Anyway, I've heard nothing from her since in a weaponised silence kind of way and now I'm back on the forums wondering how to move forward in life if all it ever seems to do is set me up for heartbreak and disappointment.

1970 Mum is grieving
  • replies: 3

I don't know what to do. My mum lost her partner a month ago. She lives in the country and her neighbours/friends don't live there full time. My mum is also a drinker and I'm wondering whether she may have burnt some bridges there. She rings me cryin... View more

I don't know what to do. My mum lost her partner a month ago. She lives in the country and her neighbours/friends don't live there full time. My mum is also a drinker and I'm wondering whether she may have burnt some bridges there. She rings me crying that she doesn't want to live any more. I feel like I'm her only support and she expects me to 'fix' her situation. Then I feel lower than a snake's belly for feeling like this

emilou 2 under 2
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm just wondering how many of you out there are parenting 2 under 2 and how are you coping with the load? I feel like we're living in a 'no village' society and with my husband having gone through bipolar manic episode a month after the birt... View more

Hi all, I'm just wondering how many of you out there are parenting 2 under 2 and how are you coping with the load? I feel like we're living in a 'no village' society and with my husband having gone through bipolar manic episode a month after the birth of our son it's alot. I almost feel like it would be easier if he wasn't here but I still love him however I also feel like he is putting his own needs over our children. He goes out most nights after work to sit in the spa and sauna and go skateboarding and getting home when all the evening stress of putting the babies to bed is over and I'm struggling. Is anyone else in a similar situation and feel like they need to prompt their partner to help with every thing? Trying to work through a roller coaster of emotions and hard without the support.

dontknow-whattodo My boyfriend is confused about his sexuality
  • replies: 2

I am female and my boyfriend has recently brought up issues that he thinks he might like both females and males. After being supportive of him saying that he could take however long he needed to figure it out he has now said that he might be gay. But... View more

I am female and my boyfriend has recently brought up issues that he thinks he might like both females and males. After being supportive of him saying that he could take however long he needed to figure it out he has now said that he might be gay. But he is unsure of whether or not that he actually is. He has many conflicting things going on in his mind as he is Christian and truly believes that going that way could effect what happens in the afterlife. So having these possible feelings are confusing him and he has no idea how to navigate this time in his life. I’ve asked him if he is attracted to females and he said that he doesn’t know and is saying that he hasn’t had great relationships with females in the past (his mother & ex who cheated). I have suggested to him that he should probably see a psychologist about those past trauma experiences as that would help him navigate his thoughts and feelings more but as he studied psychology for a couple years he thinks he knows better. He believes that it may be best for us to break up as he believes that he is hurting me by asking me to wait and doesn’t want to continue the relationship in case he might end up actually being gay. Is it wrong for me to want to continue the relationship until he actually knows what’s going on with his sexual orientation? I really don’t know what to do about this as I do want to make it work but am holding onto hope that isn’t there? Am I being naive? He made a comment saying maybe he’ll be begging me to take him back if he figures his stuff out and isn’t gay.

Dan075 Apparently my need for affection is actually insecurity
  • replies: 4

I've been wife my wife for almost 16 years. She was never overly affectionate in the beginning but what little affection she did display has almost diminished to nothing, or little more than the occasional quick peck type kiss. What I found interesti... View more

I've been wife my wife for almost 16 years. She was never overly affectionate in the beginning but what little affection she did display has almost diminished to nothing, or little more than the occasional quick peck type kiss. What I found interesting was a comment on a TV show last night where a person suggested that a need for affection either emotionally or physically was actually born of insecurity. My wife looked at me and said that's you. Additionally sex was never anything exceptional or frequent but as above it's literally a once or twice a month type deal. If I try again soon after I'm usually hit with a comment like "we've already had sex or you don't need it again. Her idea of sex is to start with no foreplay or lead up and get it over and done with. We've been together for 16 years and got married three years ago. We've both been married previously and I didn't feel the need to tie the knot again. I agreed to getting married as I know she has questioned my ture commitment to her and I thought it might actually bring us together. Getting married didn't change anything in that respect We're a fire and gasoline type couple and have had our fair share of clashes over the years, relationship stability isn't one of our strengths. I feel in reality we're probably more staying for our kids and because she doesn't really work, for her it's probably the comfort of being taken care of more than any kind of deep spiritual or intense chemistry but hey, we're still both here. Is she right, is my need for even a base level of affection insecurity on my part? Harder one, am I wasting my time, is it time to let go of something that's only been in decline for the past 13 years?