Hi, welcome
We often get members here that have a relative that has some sort of mental health issue and they wont seek help. Our response is often that you cant force people to get help. eg your power is nullified. They are adults and make their own decisions. Such decisions are so firm sometimes it leads to losing relatives and they still refuse even to visit a GP.
This refusal is hard to bare and is similar to your lack of ability to make any inroads into your sons mind to at least see that you havent done anything significant enough to warrant such treatment. In your position the only thing you can do is be there for him when and if he decides to reunite. A simple letter/text to him saying something like "dear... we love you and look forward to the day we can have a conversation that leads to some form of relationship even if limited by the boundaries we set. Until then take care"
The importance is simple words and not a lengthy letter. Some things you'd like to say are self explanatory like "please tell us what we have done wrong".. that type of question can become explosive and can feed the domineering spouse he has. After your letter its a waiting game. I'm sorry for your loss.
We are here 24/7/365 for the downtimes you have. That's what we do. Although you havent technically lost a child the grief is in the same league. This might help
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/grief-and-loss/coping-with-grief/td-p/269738
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/grief-and-loss/losing-a-child/td-p/314497
Finally, is there any issue you've had that could have led to the estrangement?
TonyWK
