Anxiety, addiction, poor decisions

[jono_3175]

I’m 32, living with anxiety and alcohol dependency which lead to me making poor choices which affect my relationship with my family espically my son and partner. I just can’t seem to make my family happy and only comfort I get is after afew drinks. I drink everyday and I feel it’s weighing on me feeling more anxiety and not wanting to socialize with anyone, or do the usual things I do. I don’t know what to do, my willpower is zero and I cave in all the time. Anyone else feel similar? My selfish ways of addiction impacting family relationships? 

[Petal22]

Hi Jono 3175,

Thanks for reaching out to us.

I can hear that you can acknowledge your behaviour as selfish.

I also understand that addiction isn’t an easy thing for the addict to go through…

As a family member watching the addict this can be really difficult to endure aswell.

How do you feel about your addiction?

Are you ready to seek help?

I believe you do know what to do but it’s up to you to take that step.

Are you ready? You really have to want to get better and then move forward with the action so you can get the help you need and in turn improve your life.

No matter how long you have been travelling in wrong direction you can always decide to turn around and come back the other way for the better.

It’s your choice…….. everyone is one choice away from bettering their lives.

We all have “ choices “…… what will yours be?

[geoff]

Hello Jono, if you don't have any willpower, then alcohol is going to dominate your everyday activity, irrespective of how others are thinking, so this addiction is controlling your life and to make a decision will change from when you are sober to when you are intoxicated and can become confusing for your partner as well as your son, especially when you don't want to socialise which is something your partner wants to do.

By locking yourself away will only drive a wedge between the two of you and worsen the situation, so have you or do you want to change this situation.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[David35]

I went through a similar experience in my 30's with alcoholism. I was unemployed (still am) and was drinking to suppress feelings of failure, inadequacy, lack of self esteem, etc. I grew up "treating" my emotional problems with alcohol, like an emotional numbing agent. I eventually went to Alcoholics anonymous to sort myself out. It's not for everyone, but it helps remove the shame of alcoholism, which itself makes the problem worse. You then drink more to remove the shame, which creates more shame. It's a vicious cycle.

The secret/answer is to learn new ways of dealing with your emotions. As a guy, that can be hard, because we're not comfortable talking about this stuff. But if you can find support (family, friends, counselling maybe), then you can learn new ways of coping with your emotions, which doesn't involve alcohol. This in turn will probably help your relationships. But the drinking is usually the symptom of a deeper problem that somehow needs addressing. Unfortunately, or culture teaches us that alcohol is the solution to all things emotional. The truth is, it's not. Talking it out with a support system is, and learning how to deal with life issues as they crop up is a better way. 

Just owning up to your problem is a huge step by the way. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem. So give yourself a pat on the back for acknowledging your behaviour and the effect it has on those around you. Hope this helps.

[Petal22]

Hi David35,

I just wanted to acknowledge your honesty and thank you for your contribution.

The cycle of shame can be difficult to endure but it’s just that a cycle and we can learn new ways in braking this cycle.

If we can sometimes believe in a greater power or source we can then live from that spirit and find strength in it. I believe this is spiritual transformation.

Instead of feeling like a failure we can lean into the spirit and find strength in that and then keep moving forward.

I honestly believe that the same things in our lives will keep coming up until we learn the lessons that they are trying to teach us… 

They could be our demons that we are trying to suppress by sometimes an addiction but if we can learn to face these inner demons and in turn defeat them we no longer acquire the addiction as a numbing method.

Yes facing the demons can be a really hard thing to do but once we learn how to defeat them we begin to fly.

I believe we all have the strength to face our demons and by doing this it can bring internal growth.

If we can face our demons and then walk ourselves to a different ending then this is where our power truly lies…. we all have this ability.

Jono 3175 please reach out back to us anytime… your not alone.