Overheard my Dad voice-phone google “Men looking for Men to have sex with”

[Alice5]

last night I was on my couch and my dad was outside however he didn’t know the window was open and he said Into his google “men looking for men to have sex with” I was in so much shock as I’ve never ever had any thoughts that he might be bi-sexual or gay. He has been married but seperated last year after 15 years, he’s been noticeably reclusive recently and not his usual self. The last few weeks he has been sick with various symptoms that I know realise sound like an STD, and possibly HIV. I feel a huge amount of anxiety to bring this up with anyone behind his back but feel so uncomfortable talking to him about this. I worry that he’s not mentioning gay sex to his doctor and feel like if he’s contracted something, I should suggest a blood test, so confused and stressed. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Actually it isnt that uncommon for people to seek out gay relations but I understand the shock it gave you. I suppose err on the side of caution, he could be googling it for a friend?? A small chance but I'm always cautious without 100% proof. 

If he is or intending to- have gay sex or even unprotected sex with a partner it is his full responsibility to use such protection, that is really not within your role as his daughter to question him over that. If the opportunity arose whereby you talked about his lifestyle you might tactfully tell him how much you loved him and "I hope you make sure your health is always maintained so I'll have you as my dad for the longest time I can have you". Then he might think about it.

During casual chatting you might come across opportunities like talking about gay relations. Such times can occur watching TV as gay persons appear regularly. You could mention in your own words how you like how gay people are happy and themselves when they "come out" or similar. You might suggest to attend the Mardi Gras together. I have a cousin that has a gay son with a partner and the whole family goes to that celebration every year.

Similar opportunites will arise when you could say "gee, that couple on that show, I hope they use protection".

See the way those words are formed as to not speak directly to him to make it about him?

I hope you feel better. He would be feeling very much alone and confused about this topic so he needs a beaut understanding daughter that you are.

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Alice, if you suggest a blood test then he will ask you 'why', then perhaps just say because he hasn't been well, then you could do as Tony has said or take a deep breathe and be honest and tell him that what he has said you happened to overhear him and that's why it would good to be checked out.

At some stage something is going to happen and the longer you hold off, the worse you will be feeling, so it is important that you also look after yourself and this matter can be raised in a polite way and to make sure he stays healthy.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hello Alice,

It is fair enough to be shocked hearing this, especially if your dad has not open admitted this to you yet. However, it is not uncommon and has been happening for decades. It is great that you are concerned about your dad's health above all else and want to get him the medical support he needs. This is not something you can force him to come out with, he must do that on his own terms, but you can always be there for him and be a good support system. This could include coming to a doctor's appointment with him, and encouraging him to get a blood test if the doctor sees fit. Tony and Geoff had some good suggestions.

I hope you figure it out,

Jaz xx

[Alice5]

Hi Tony, thank you very much, I appreciate your reply it actually made me feel a little better, I don’t feel I want to discuss it with him in detail, but I suggested a blood test in general and he’s booked for this week so I feel less weight on my shoulders. Thanks again. 

[Alice5]

Hi, yes the longer it’s in my head the more I can’t stop thinking about it, however I feel like If and when he wants to tell me, if ever, he will. Thank you so much for your reply. 

[Alice5]

Thank you Jaz, I appreciate your reply 🙂