Mum is grieving

[1970]

I don't know what to do. My mum lost her partner a month ago. She lives in the country and her neighbours/friends don't live there full time. My mum is also a drinker and I'm wondering whether she may have burnt some bridges there. She rings me crying that she doesn't want to live any more. I feel like I'm her only support and she expects me to 'fix' her situation. Then I feel lower than a snake's belly for feeling like this

[Juliet_84]

Hi 1970, 

I’m sorry that your mother is putting this on you, that must be an incredible amount of pressure to have put on your shoulders. Your mother is obviously going through some fairly intense grief at the moment, having lost her partner only a month ago. You mention that she also has a drinking problem, so there is a bit of history of maladaptive coping strategies. I think that it would be best if your mum went and saw a grief counselor, someone who is experienced with this type of thing and can address her issues appropriately. is this an option do you think? 

[1970]

Thank you for your response. She absolutely needs to see a grief counsellor but a. She lives in the country and b. She's reluctant to do anything suggested. I told her to ring lifeline which she did and said "well that didn't help"

[geoff]

Hello 1970, I'm sorry for your mum's loss of her partner as this can make her situation difficult, but when drinking alcohol we always believe that's a reason why we need to drink, to solve any problem, however, it can do the opposite and worsen our situation, as I found out myself.

It's hard to get someone to stop drinking because they feel as though they having nothing to fall back on to.

The support your mum is wanting from you will change as she drinks and may become inconsistent making you feel disregarded at times plus occasions where you don't know what to do and because she drinks there isn't anybody who can tell different.

See if she can go with you to the doctor, on the proviso that she thinks it's for you.

Geoff.

Life Member.