To marry my best friend sounds ideal, but thete was one problem, we both have firey tempers.
We've been married 6 years. After 2 years we had to find a method of surviving our clashes.
We both agreed we cant eliminate our temper, nor our need to storm off in a desperate need to escape the other person. Having considered that, I came up with this solution.
Couple A and B have an arguement and one storms of to his shed or her the bbq area. The rules are
Never follow them initially
Never drive
Never leave the property.
The one that stormed off has to feel that they wont be hounded. They need time out. This is a reasonable request.
After a time often minimum 20 minutes max 1 hour one person will feel like approaching the other for reconciliation. It doesnt matter who it is. Pride has no place here.
Person A approaches and asks person B if they'd like a cuppa. Person B might have thought they werent far off doing the same so they gave their cuppa. One rule here- no raising of voices.
If person B refuses the offer it simply means they are still fuming. Thats ok. Person A returns indoors. It is then person B to approach person A for a cuppa when ready.
You will be astounded how well this works...why? Because the time out period is so effective in calming you down.
You are left alone with the knowledge that if the other person shows up it will be only to offer a peace pipe...a cuppa.
You'll be comfortable that your partner wont drive dangerously or wont go missing and cause huge levels of concern.
This method needs a commitment from both, promises set in stone. It works for us. Lately we have found less and less need to carry this out, rather we stop the person walking out and talk quietly and calmly. We short circuit the process. A key element is respect. Both persons feel respected.
Either way its a winner.
Tony WK
