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Confused and sad

Lonelygirl2322
Community Member

Hi,

first time posting here.

I’m struggling a lot with my relationship. I moved cities to be with my partner, everything was going well but lately we are fighting a lot over small silly things, haven’t been intimate in weeks, he doesn’t give me any affection like kissing or cuddling. I have spoken to him about it and he says he still loves me but says he feels depressed about our relationship and isn’t sure if he wants to be together or not.

i feel so lost and upset. I find myself crying daily and not sure what to do. I don’t know how to fix this and am scared that if it does end I’ll be alone as I don’t know anyone in this city.

3 Replies 3

Tay100
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lonelygirl2322,

Thanks for posting, we can it be a tough thing to do when you are struggling.

Please know that you aren't alone- peaks and troughs in a relationship are normal and natural, but what you feel and are concerned about is equally valid. It's good to hear that you have tried to communicate how you feel to him. Perhaps talking to someone else you trust may be good to get things off your chest, and maybe they could try and reach out to him too to get an outside perspective?

It might be the gentle wake up call he needs- as it seems like he doesn't want to hurt you but is not sure where he stands. Feel free to keep chatting to us in this thread- we're here to listen.

Sending kindness,

Tay100

Oh dear Lonelygirl2322.

It's not just his relationship - it's yours as well. Sometimes a partner will try to control the relationship by telling you that they are not happy or that they may want change. If your partner has doubts about the relationship, it's usually because of their insecurity or low self-esteem/self-worth and they usually also forget that by neglecting you needs emotionally and physically, this causes you to feel anything but happy - this is a form of emotional abuse.

Best thing to do - is to focus on you and look after yourself. It's very true because you need to be the best and happiest you can be. If you're not displaying happiness, then some partners may without realising feel that they them selves are not happy - it's similar to cause and effect - they become reliant on you to fulfil their internal happiness.

I have been through what you are dealing with so many times, I am not a professional, however, I have a lot of experience. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You are the centre of your world until your partner can step up and fill that space. Communication is the most impart aspect to the relationship and you need to set boundaries in place so that your partner understands clearly that your relationship is not a dust-bin for his issues. Remember - you are the stronger and better one here. If he is depressed, he can seek mental health support to manage his emptions - your are not his emotional punching bag for his limited happiness in the relationship - he needs to make himself happy. But at the same times, you can be glowing and shinning a radius of happiness, for you and everyone else.

Please let us know how things go. Be strong - be mindful.

SarahZ
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lonelygirl2322,

Warm welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time. Moving cities is already extremely hard to deal with alone, and the fact such a drastic change is being compounded by relationship difficulties, I can't imagine what it must feel like. I agree with what @Jusa said - often when partners begin doubting the relationship it can stem from personal insecurities. Have you communicated to him the potential of seeking professional support if he feels he is depressed? Maybe his low mood is triggering these doubts?

Just know we are all here for you and sending you positive thoughts. Please keep us updated if you feel up to it.