Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Cookie39 Alcoholic husband
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have ... View more

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have two young children at home and I feel like all of the household duties fall onto me and I get very little help from him. I have spoken to him dozens of times about how this is affecting us yet he just continues to do it. I feel like it is selfish behaviour on his part with all the money being spent and the lack of time he spends with our family. I have been empathetic, tried to ask what is going on, told him I support him etc yet there is just no sign of changing. I feel anxious, sad, stressed and tired. I dont know where to go from here.

Larlar ALL ABOUT THE MATES ! They are his priority.
  • replies: 10

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to ... View more

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to tell myself it's because he was 18/19 andhewould get passed it but he has not . He still is constantly with his friends and leaves me and the kids to our own plans etc. I have had the discussion with him that it would be nice if he spent more time with us but am always greeted with the same agitated responses and excuses as to why he can't or doesn't want to . I'm confused because I can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend time with me or the kids and also as to why his mates are so appealing ? Side note he genuinely doesn't think that he doing anything wrong and asks why I care so much . He never comes to my family events and I go to all of his and he always says we come first but we never actually do. Will he ever grow up or see that he is not spending enough time with his children ? I'm so over him being out every day and me doing all the caring and house work and kids stuff. I work part-time too and he hardly even watches them when I work ....

Jazzyt I’m an adult, so why are you still treating me like a child?
  • replies: 2

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just... View more

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just dealt with it. But now it’s different because it’s starting to affect my relationship with my fiancé. My father gaslights, will not engage in a conversation with me if he doesn’t like what I’m saying. I’m not allowed to stay over at my fiancé’s house (we aren’t financially ready to move out). If I go out more nights in a week than I’m home he gives me the cold shoulder, knowing I’ll feel guilty for it. But I don’t think I should. When I’m feeling alone and then try to speak to my mum or sisters about it, it’s like everyone just wants to please him. I can’t really speak to my mum cause she just shuts me down but always has time for my sisters. They have bestowed an abundance of responsibility on me on top of my uni work & full time job. If I don’t do what they want I’m called ungrateful and told I’m asking for too much. I’m so scared to stand up to him because I still don’t want to displease him what do I do? How can I be free?

Parto Marriage over
  • replies: 2

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept th... View more

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept the marriage is over. so why am I having separation anxiety over her. She doesn’t want me to text her or ring her. Only to talk to kids. I don’t even know my banking details as she did the banking etc. please help me

Pregnantandterrified What happened to my family?
  • replies: 2

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support gro... View more

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support groups, I’ve taken herbs and seen natural practitioners.... all with the goal of kicking this illness, breaking the code and getting back to me again. Who ever “me” is now. The problem is, my husband has not supported me in anyway through this journey. I’ve been told to snap out of it, I’ve been told my issue is a mental one. He’s even said that as far as he’s concerned there is nothing wrong with me, and I just don’t want to be better. I was heartbroken and distraught that someone could say that to me, with all I’m doing to try and heal! See, the problem is that I do t look unwell. I have a multitude of serious neurological symptoms, some that you can see, others you can’t and they come and go. I have never suffered with mental illness. Even now, I am clear and rational in my decisions and my expectations of managing this. I’m not expecting a silver bullet, just hoping for some quality of life.... and hopefully a few more years worth of life. I feel defeated. I’m exhausted. I’m even a little depressed. Because the reality of this illness is endless pain, suffering and hopelessness. If I even mention my illness, or that I wasn’t well enough to do something my husband makes it into an argument. Telling me I’m unhinged. Telling me the only thing that is preventing me, is me. That’s the hardest part. He thinks I’m being like this on purpose. What do I do? I have my first neurologist appointment on Monday. I’m hopeful that I will get a diagnosis and hopefully treatment for my quality of life. But I’m also terrified. I have a three year old son.... how does one prepare for bad news? How do I cope if this is an end game for me? so far I’ve heard everything from MS, the brain tumour to autoimmune disease to functional neurological disease. I’m overwhelmed because I don’t want any of these! I just want to go back to happy. Back to the way my family use to be. Back to myself. I feel like this will be the end of my marriage, if not the end of my life. I just don’t know what to do.

mugichan My husband is suffering from anxiety and won't do anything about it
  • replies: 1

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with ... View more

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with the fact that he refuses to do anything about managing his anxiety, instead he withdraws from me, will play video games/watch tv as avoidance or act cranky around me. He never wants to talk about it, and when he is anxious he expects me to pick up responsibilities in our life (e.g. housework, cooking etc). I'm empathetic because I understand what anxiety can do to you, but I'm struggling with the negative effect it's having on me. I feel alone in the relationship, and that I have tip toe around him to not set off his anxiety further. When I ask him to help around the house he just says he's too anxious to think about anything right now. I've asked him in the past to see a psychologist but he says there's no point. Sometime's I feel like I'm married to a bad room mate and not a life partner. I don't know what to do.

Bluebell1 Feel lonely and neglected
  • replies: 5

I’ve been with my partner for 18months and I’ve come to a crossroad. In 18months nothing has progressed we still live seperately he gets angry when I bring up living together he also does his sport twice a day almost every day so we see each other on... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 18months and I’ve come to a crossroad. In 18months nothing has progressed we still live seperately he gets angry when I bring up living together he also does his sport twice a day almost every day so we see each other once a week if that he says he will make more time but in 18months nothing has changed I’ve seen him a handful of times since the start of this year i feel like an after thought or part time girlfriend rather than apart of his life it hurts so much to think of ending it but I’m at a loss as to what to do when we spend time together it’s good but I feel like he wants to keep his life exactly the same with me in it how do I make him see he needs to compromise and make me a priority

Cranberry_Juice Relationship stress and anxiety
  • replies: 1

I have been seeing this woman for about 3 months now and things are moving forward and she started accusing me of lying to her all the time about things I have to said to impress her, this is starting to trigger the anxiety and sending me back into d... View more

I have been seeing this woman for about 3 months now and things are moving forward and she started accusing me of lying to her all the time about things I have to said to impress her, this is starting to trigger the anxiety and sending me back into deep depression, I dontwant to go through this drama all over again as I married a Narcissist and this drove me to the point of nearly ending my life as I was constantly accused of cheating and I can never do that in a relationship. Not sure weather to put my wall back up around my heart and think about every sentence I say to her or just to walk away and be alone again I have a beautiful heart and I give it out to easy and it keeps getting stomped on.

Ami29 Concerned and don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am so concerned about my friend and unsure what steps to take to get her help. I am not a qualified mental health practitioner but I strongly believe she is in need of help. My friend is in her late 40's with wonderful children. She got out of ... View more

Hi, I am so concerned about my friend and unsure what steps to take to get her help. I am not a qualified mental health practitioner but I strongly believe she is in need of help. My friend is in her late 40's with wonderful children. She got out of an abusive relationship more than 10 years ago and immediately started a long distance relationship with a childhood friend who lives in another country. She has made 2 trips to visit her partner overseas. On her first trip they got engaged and she got pregnant with her 5th child. After her first trip she started having doubts about his fidelity. She encouraged friends of her Fiance to report on his activities, specifically any female companions he may have. She would reward them by providing financial assistance. She then decided that monitoring him through social media was also required. she connected with an individual working at a telephone company in the country her fiance lives who convinced her that they had the capacity & access to an individuals chats and sms messages (regardless of the country they are in). The individual sends transcripts which supposedly prove her suspicion that her husband has been unfaithful. She has accused almost every female friend she has & two of her daughters of trying to interfere in her relationship by trying to break them up, that the friends are secretly chatting to her Fiance and promising to help him migrate. She is convinced that transcripts being fabricated by her contact are real and factual. I have tried to explain that its not possible to do. Even to explain that its a serious invasion of privacy but all efforts fall on deaf ears. She does not get sufficient sleep because she is awake most nights monitoring her suspects. she keeps saying everyone is a suspect, I trust no one. Her breakdown and paranoia is going unnoticed. Maybe not unnoticed because i'm concerned. How do I help her to get help. Or is it a case of you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped.