Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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NGE Share Mortgage, mental and emotional at home not stable, verbal abuse
  • replies: 2

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m... View more

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m so stuck ... no one can help me... I do have a job ... we don’t not talk or have conversation at all at home, is been nearly a year... he makes me feel so useless

Fruitsnacks is closure worth it
  • replies: 2

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not to... View more

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not too long ago from me writing this my gf broke up with me. It felt very out of the blue and the reason vague. We have since been in contact and we are on good terms but there are so many built-up problems and thoughts and I just want to feel some closure to help me move on. I guess I'll be honest, I still love her and miss her. I don't know if I truly want her back but I definitely know that I want to move on from this pain and get on with dealing with my mental health and the rest of my life if that includes her or not I don't really care anymore. So my plan is simple, I've written up a few paragraphs telling her how I feel and I was going to wait for a certain time, deliver the message and then just be done with it. I expect to get nothing out of it but this is just something that I feel I need to do to help me move on. is this a normal or even healthy way of dealing with this kind of stuff? this is my first breakup so I guess I'm just going by my gut feeling. thankyou for reading.

Lostcoin Supporting my wife
  • replies: 2

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home an... View more

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home and we went back to work as normal. We work together as we are growing our own company. My wife owns a horse as she loves caring for animals. Our relationship is ok with only little barnes every now & then. She has been seing a psychiatrist and is receiving treatment for bipolar type 2. She has a history of being sexually abused when she was a teen by her brother & cousin. She is a very attractive & unique lady and I'm certainly bless to be married to her for almost 20yrs. We are only 40yo. However now she has very little motivation to do almost anything! She is putting on weight, spending heaps of time on social media and isn't engaging with myself or our boys. She is so negative about everything! her need to be right is crazy! Her OCD with her horse is financially debilitating to our family & she is getting super tired! She put our boys down all the time "13 & 14yo" also puts me down in front of them and sometimes in front of clients. Her work ethic is getting avererge to say the least. I cant run our business by myself and we cant afford to put anyone else on:( my wife has amazing skills and I do believe 3 tradesman couldn't do the quality she puts out. I couldn't physically get another job to service our financial commitments. We are going to sink unless she comes good. I have tried to talk about this with her and she will go into a meltdown swaring and being hurtful How can I assist my wife? What can I say. I see the black dog institute & also a psychologist. This does help but as we know this is all cognitive therapy stuff. I'm not happy anymore, my hobbys are running a 4.30am to get some peace back into my life. I have a strong understanding about christianity & understand that there is a higher power for me this is jesus. I worry about my wife killing herself all the time, this is so tiring. I blame myself as I cant seem to do or say anything right! Do I put her into some kind or rehab for a much needed rest. Our business would fold! Do I sell all of our stuff to support this move? Do I leave my wife and start again? Either way I feel snookered! Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Or does it get better over time. Thanks for reading my message & putting up with my poor grammar.

Rosiemay1991 empty
  • replies: 1

I need a space to talk and to vent. I fear for a while now I've become a burden to everyone around me and my breakup of a long term relationship 8 months ago has left me feeling numb and emotionless like a huge whole is empty inside of me. The breaku... View more

I need a space to talk and to vent. I fear for a while now I've become a burden to everyone around me and my breakup of a long term relationship 8 months ago has left me feeling numb and emotionless like a huge whole is empty inside of me. The breakup was a good thing he was emotionally abusive, manipulative and gaslight me. He would withhold sex from me and patronise me. I fear carrying around this heartache for 4+years has now left me with that empty void and I don't know how to fill it. i hate that he moved on within a month and erased me. he is happy in his new relationship and I'm miserable in my life unable to move on. he left me and never spoke to me again. he had major depression.l I nursed him through this, and a suicide attempt. He lived with me for a year where we got him the help he needed. When I was down and out it was simply something I'd made up in my head. I feel he used me to get better so he could move on and be happy. an example of this was when told him I was struggling with mental health and that I felt as though I wasn’t a very important person and was very upset, we were in bed together and he was on his phone the whole time. He said ‘can we talk about this in the morning, I’m tired’ I said ok, and I rolled over to go to sleep and he opened youtube and started watching videos. Couldn’t see a problem with this behaviour I'm so tired of crying and so tired of thinking about him but he has left me a total wreck. i feel worthless and like a piece of discarded crap.

Lost1975 Need support Not sure what to do.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left frien... View more

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left friends,family ect but I got a transfer for my employment so that’s a positive. When I first met him he was awesome very understanding and sweet. I thought I’d finally found someone that will treat me right. And someone that would appreciate I had two children aged 13 and 18. I had just come out of a 8 yr relationship 12 mths before hand and thought I’d give it one more shot At happiness. The start of the relationship was great but as soon as I moved States things went pair shape. He is in the middle of family law fighting to get his house and car and all his things back from his past relationship this Has been going on since June 2018. She has a AVO out on him for apparently using violence though out the 7yr relationship. Her story didn’t add up to me but since he has been threatening me with violence too - this happened after a blue . We have had our blues but it always seems like it’s my fault he knows I have had a hard life, I grew up in foster homes coz my stepfather was a bastard to me. I have had bad relationships and been treated like a dog. He knows I have PTSD, depression but he holds that over my head saying things like “ your mad , have you had your pills, your on the wrong medication go get it reviewed “ I have been on the same medication for years and I’m ok if I don’t get stressed out. I try and talk to him about our problems but he just thinks it’s just me carrying on. If he says something that hurts my feelings I am told to harden up. I have low self esteem and he knows that but as he tells me “ it’s my problem not his “. Sometimes my partner will have a go at me for doing something that pisses him off but if he does the same thing it’s ok. If I say something about it his comment will be “well you do it “ but even if I stop doing it. it’s hard to paint. Picture of what’s going on but I’m lost in what to do. We have some good times but it seems only short lived and it always ends up that it’s all my doing. Since moving here it’s been a long hard road. It’s a small country town with everyone being so clicky. I have no friends and all I do is work and come home .

Housecat_moon How to help my mum leave
  • replies: 2

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He... View more

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He doesn’t listen, doesn’t respect her or take her seriously, takes everything personally and can turn and become so furious with rage he says horrible things and can’t even look at you. He was like this through our childhood. A good person but with his own emotional traumas he isn’t able to deal with and so transmits then to all of us. I have my own issues from growing up like this but am dealing with them. my mum however is still stuck in it. she says maybe she will just stay as it is easier-she always puts herself and her own needs last and has been doing so for 30 years + I don’t think she is even in touch with her own needs anymore let alone knowing how to act on them however it is not healthy emotionally or physically for her. She keeps saying where will she go, how will she approach it with him and I am providing the best advice I can. To just be honest and not worry about his reaction as she can’t control that. To not worry about the whole picture of where she will leave because once it is in motion things will happen without having to plan ahead of time. the house they live in will sell for quite a lot of money so I believe they should be okay each buying their own houses. she works and hates it and he doesn’t so she is always tired and I imagine feels scared and alone. Breaking apart a life she has lead regardless of whether it has been good for her or not seems like too much of a jump for her. I tell her it seems hard now but not to look at the big picture and just take a step at a time and soon she will have created a new normal for herself. i encourage her to go to counseling but she can’t find one she likes and even then doesn’t know how it will help her having the hard conversations and with breaking apart her and dad’s whole world. has anyone been through this? How do I get my mum to see the only other option is to live unhappily and with no control over her own life or her own environment for the rest of her life. she has asked him to separate financially from her with the pretense of him being able to claim a pension but he got offended by the papers the lawyer drew up and refused to take it any further. i said to her if she doesn’t have the strength to do it I’ll do it for her. Is this wise?

Serendipity101 Just on the verge of splitting
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My hubby is bipolar PTSD anxiety. I have ocd and ptsd Weim not coping lately with him hating me all the time. He Gets upset over everything.i developed an eating Disoder in the last few months from his treatment Of me.hes keeps threatening to leave m... View more

My hubby is bipolar PTSD anxiety. I have ocd and ptsd Weim not coping lately with him hating me all the time. He Gets upset over everything.i developed an eating Disoder in the last few months from his treatment Of me.hes keeps threatening to leave me. Because when he starts Telling me in what way I'm not good enoug. I get very Very upset and suicidal and spend ages erratically trying to Get him to change his mind. His only feelings i see are anger and anxiety. But he says I'm being delusional. That I'm perceiving Everything wrong. I don't think that's true I think I just Can't cope with it anymore. How do I know if I'm delusional or is it him.? And Either way will have us breaking up n I dunno what To do with myself I'm sooo depressed. I actually think he hates me as much as he loves me. Yes I've seen Dr and therapist but I value opinion of Ppl who suffered similarly. So I'm here. 🥺

Brave_girl Thinking of leaving my husband. He neglects me & can be emotionally abuse.
  • replies: 7

I am thinking of ending my relationship. I don’t feel emotionally safe with my husband. There’s no emotional connection or support from him. There’s no real sharing. All we have is very minimal “weather” talk interactions He has issues however says h... View more

I am thinking of ending my relationship. I don’t feel emotionally safe with my husband. There’s no emotional connection or support from him. There’s no real sharing. All we have is very minimal “weather” talk interactions He has issues however says he accepts himself the way he is and that is how it is. When I try to really talk to him he says nothing or can behaviour very negatively eg gets aggressive, angry, swears at me, puts himself down & puts me down, walks out. We are like house mates & acquaintances after 37 years together. I feel so alone.

Longboard Longboard
  • replies: 2

Having trouble with relative which has affected my mental state over many years which in turn has put a strain on my marriage which has resulted in arguments and shouting at each other it really come to head over the weekend which I said to my wife i... View more

Having trouble with relative which has affected my mental state over many years which in turn has put a strain on my marriage which has resulted in arguments and shouting at each other it really come to head over the weekend which I said to my wife it would easy just to finish it / I walk off and broke down that’s when I decided I need help start away made a appointment to see the doctor we spoke for a while and has arrange support plan for but the demon are still there but it did help

carlsland What could be wrong with my husband?
  • replies: 6

My husband of 20 years has always been a bit hyper, but now it's gotten worse. He usually goes through phases of different hobbies, etc, but now they are becoming obsessional to the point it is affecting his life and mine. A few years ago he borrowed... View more

My husband of 20 years has always been a bit hyper, but now it's gotten worse. He usually goes through phases of different hobbies, etc, but now they are becoming obsessional to the point it is affecting his life and mine. A few years ago he borrowed a book from the library. He is an artist and this book inspired him. It was a book about an artist that had an interest in the Japanese art. Well, my husband started taking an interest in the japanese art. He never did before. But it didn't end there. He practically changed his whole culture and this is what he will do. If he gets an interest into a different hobby, he imerses himself so much into it that it takes over. For a few years it was golf. And then, everything became about golf. He would play the game constantly, stay up watching the golf into the early hours of the morning. Setting the clock to watch a golf game on tv in the middle of the night. But for the past few years it's been Japanese Art. Then he had to book a ticket to Japan and he has been there 8 times already. He now eats sushi. Never ever liked or had it before. He eats fish for breakfast, and has bought a tonne of Japanese arts and crafts, ornaments from Japan. Our house looks more Japanese then it does Australian. When I ask him, why, he just replies, "I don't know, I just like it" He refuses to eat at the table and will sit on the floor and eat his meal like a Japanese and is now taking lessons online to learn Japanese. The thing which is more upsetting, is that he has made friends with Japanese women and will talk to them online. He says there is nothing in it, that they are just friends but he sends them gifts, koala bears ornaments, from Australia. He has made about 40 Japanese friends on FB and bought Japanese books on art. He is now following Japanese sports He has spent $$$$$$$ on the trips to Japan and we had to sell our investment property recently. He says it makes him happy but, to me, it makes him agitated. I didn't marry him like this but now he has become more Japanese then Australian. He is 46 years of age One day he may watch a program on Water Buffalos and decide he needs to go to Africa to save them. Then he would get obsessed with Africa. This is how it goes with him. My concern is that he will divorce me and want to marry a Japanese. He jokes about it. His mother was a little like this and there is some mental illness in the family. What does this all mean?