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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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honey2435 I'm alone in another state and don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I ... View more

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I still stay because I have no where else to go and I still love him and want to be with him. The fight is because he talks to these online streamers and it makes me uncomfortable. He knows I'm insecure because I've been hurt in the past by family and exes. But when I ask him to remove someone and express how I feel e.g. "I feel insecure, paranoid and uncomfortable that you talk to her and follow each other; can you please remove her". He will merely say "No. I'm not doing anything wrong, so don't tell me to do that". I've even gone as far as saying "please do it for me" and he won't. I hate pulling the ultimatum card; but I want to see if he will do anything for me as I have done it for him. He tells me I can trust him, but his actions always make me doubt and I get paranoid about everything he does. I want to leave because I feel like if he won't change then I should leave and get treated like how I should and not lower my standards and let things slide; when it clearly bothers me. But I have nowhere else to go and I am scared of being alone. I tried to leave before but his mum kept begging me to stay while I packed my bags. My partner even deleted his social media accounts and told me to stay; so I did. But now he's got them back and refuses to remove her and I just feel like what was the point of all that if it was just going to happen again. I don't know what to do and I just wish someone was here to help me.

noharmstartingover How to handle being stonewalled
  • replies: 20

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stone... View more

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stonewalled or shut out. How do I handle the situation when I am being stonewalled?

Printers Marriage breakdown due to childhood trauma
  • replies: 3

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma cam... View more

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma came up from pregnancy and then when our child was born she developed anxiety. It crippled her and as she sought professional help our marriage suffered. We were sleeping in separate beds, living separate lives but co existing for our daughter. At the same time my estranged eldest child from a previous relationship went through child protection and I attended court and tried to connect with my eldest but my ex wouldn't allow it. I drank regularly to numb the pain of it all and lied to my wife about my drinking which she linked to her childhood trauma and our relationship dissipated. She wants to be single and keep working on herself and I hope she finds the inner peace she deserves.

rrachel1985 Feeling resentment to my partner for relocating us, self destructive and wondering if it is okay to leave part time to join a yoga school
  • replies: 4

Hi there, My partner and I moved to AUS from the USA 6 months ago. We were happy in the states, had friends, socialized, i had a great job, we could surf every day and enjoyed each other. Since moving back we have been relocated out of melbourne( whe... View more

Hi there, My partner and I moved to AUS from the USA 6 months ago. We were happy in the states, had friends, socialized, i had a great job, we could surf every day and enjoyed each other. Since moving back we have been relocated out of melbourne( where all our friends and activities are) to a rural town. I am unable to join yoga classes as after 6 months of doing them alone in the living room am craving people. I am so very used to being outdoors and active. I have fallen into a depression that is so destructive. I drink every night, I am unavailable to my partner, I cry all the time, I eat because i am bored and have almost stopped all my hobbies. When we visit Melbourne it is almost like the weight is lifted but the bridge is burnt. I've caused Max so much anxiety, he doesn't want to go out because he's afraid i'll hurt myself. The relationship is going down quick but we both love each other and don't want to give up. together we decided it would be great for me to finally do my yoga teacher training, however it is located in melbourne. The only problem with this is that I feel horrible leaving him by himself in a place I know he also hates. It's a short term contract, we will leave in a year, and I want to know if it is okay for me to go to melbourne and we'll see each other weekends or should i stick it out and wait until we move together? I am afraid I will hurt him even more by leaving even though he assures me that he would rather that than continuing like this. WhT do I do?

crookedtreeline My family doesn't understand that certain common things make me(14) uncomfortable
  • replies: 1

I have no idea why, but i find myself often doing things that are considered weird, and feeling uncomfortable by things that are. Some of these things include the fact that i wash my hands constantly. Sometimes its because i touched something that i ... View more

I have no idea why, but i find myself often doing things that are considered weird, and feeling uncomfortable by things that are. Some of these things include the fact that i wash my hands constantly. Sometimes its because i touched something that i don't like the texture of, or they just don't feel clean. I also dont let anyone touch my bed or the things i keep on it. These items include my ipad, pencil and headphones. I dont even touch these things myself unless i have showered. I dont know why, but i just dont feel comfortable when those things get 'dirty'. My family (father and older sister) dont feel the same, and will sometimes judge me for washing my hands too much. My sister also 'forgets' about the fact that i dont like my stuff being touched often.I remind her all of the time, but she always ends up doing it again eventually. When i start to get really upset (it bothers me ALOT for some reason) she says that it just doesnt make sense. I get that, I know it doesnt, but i just want to respect that i dont like it. Its not like it hurts anyone. I got upset with her a few hours ago because she used my headphones, and afterwards my dad just told me that i wash my hands too much. I it started to seriously effect me around the beginning of last year, but i started to be a bit more clean than my family in grade 4, and it just got worse as time went on. Another thing is my lack of need to socialise. I used to want to have friends, but now i dont. i cant hang out with my only friend (who i have known for over a year) for more than about 3 hours before wanting to leave. My family also does not understand this, although the usually just leave it alone, which i appreciate. The problem is that I might have a school camp soon (I live in a relatively covid-safe country) and my father wants me to go. I have repeatedly stressed how much of a nightmare it would be for me, since i would have to sleep in a tent, be around people ALL day, and I would constantly be dirty (I am also not very active and everyone will be hiking the whole time), but he just gets frustrated with me and tells me that i am going, before ending the short-lived conversation. I really want to be able to get permission to skip it in advance so that im not left shaking and panicking the week before. They keep telling that i will enjoy it, but i am. certain that i will not. Perhaps he does not want to semm like a bad parent to the school? I feel bad for being. bossy with them but it bothers me alot

Freckles1984 Heartbroken and confused over husbands infidelity
  • replies: 11

I find myself in a very depressing confused state. It was supposed to be a happy time achieving milestones in our life as a couple... things had been rocky during the last 3 years of our marriage but I always excused my H bad behaviour, his laziness ... View more

I find myself in a very depressing confused state. It was supposed to be a happy time achieving milestones in our life as a couple... things had been rocky during the last 3 years of our marriage but I always excused my H bad behaviour, his laziness and lack of support. In turn I started to become less interested in sex and in being affectionate as a defensive reflex? We married when I was 23, he was 35 and sex was great, everything was new to me and I felt deeply loved and cared for. We moved to Australia to start building our life together. We’ve been here for 13 years now and have a beautiful 4yo son. My H was the Center of my world and we had a good partnership, I always supported his dreams and endeavours. At the same time I have been trying to build a financially stable future, working hard and slowly achieving our goals. The relationship shifted when our son arrived, I started to demand more from my H, I asked him to start looking after his health and to be more involved with our son. I know he loves him deeply but at times it felt like he was annoyed when asked to mind him or play with him. His phone or computer where more important. My H behaviour only worsened with time, he would be more irritable, disconnected. I am working full time, shift work, 24/7 shifts and coming home to look after our son, I wanted to have some appreciation by sharing some of the load at home but he would barely give me anything and he would complain about the lack of intimacy. He has been my only sexual partner and although I felt like exploring with him because I truly love him and only want to be with him, my needs we’re not met therefore I would not feel enticed to have sex at all. Going to mid 2019 and I was at a breaking point, I had decided if things did not improve I wanted to divorce. We were overseas visiting family and they all saw the situation, we love each other but this could not continue. We came back and went to 3 sessions of couples therapy. It was useful in the sense I opened up about many things one of them my sexual frustrations and we started working towards repairing. a series of health issues came, he had a surgery sep 2019 then things started to decline again. Covid arrived, I got an unexpected surgery in may and fast forward to November I discovered my husbands indiscretions, I confronted him and he has been paying for sex since 2018. All started to make sense and now I am destroyed! HELP

Scoop04 GF left with no warning. Looking for some advice.
  • replies: 4

My now ex GF and I have known each other for 17 years. We have been friends but not overly close. That was until COVID hit and we just started talking. We hit it off instantly once the COVID restrictions were relaxed we were hanging out. Because of h... View more

My now ex GF and I have known each other for 17 years. We have been friends but not overly close. That was until COVID hit and we just started talking. We hit it off instantly once the COVID restrictions were relaxed we were hanging out. Because of how long we had been friends we kept our relationship a secret for awhile until we told our closest friends(one of hers is my sister inlaw). This started to make things progress we went to the footy together and started making long term plans, she even mentioned when we retire. This made me so happy, I knew I loved her very early on. I had always known she had suffered from severe anxiety and depression but it never worried me. I was always supportive of her even when she cancelled dates at the last minute. Her health was the most important thing. Things started to change when she got a new job and the support she was promised never came. Her stress levels rose and her anxiety and reclusiveness became stronger. We still talked like everything was fine until one day she asked to meet up and she ended it and told me she didn’t have feelings for me. It felt like to come from nowhere and has shattered me. I know she loves me I have felt it and when she ended it she told me she didn’t want to do it and I was perfect and knew her better than anyone ever has. She even kissed me. I told her everything would be ok and let her go. Things got the better of me and the next day I met up with her again and told her I loved her hoping that she would see that she was worth it and I wanted to be there through the thick and thin. It’s now been nearly 2 months and I can’t stop thinking about her. She is posting things on social media that too most look harmless but to me I can tell she is struggling. I need advice on how do I approach this? I have read similar stories on here about the anxiety kicking in and telling them to run and making them believe stuff that isn’t true. I want her back in my life. We are perfect together. But if nothing more I just want to help her and get her though everything she is going through. She is the most important one to me. So please reach out if you can help me on any way. I’ll be forever greatful.

Summer188 Drug dependent mother
  • replies: 2

I'm 23 now and out of home but feel as if I've never properly addressed the ongoing issue of my mother being addicted to prescription pain medication. As of the last 12 months all my siblings are finally living with their dads (aged 11,15,20) and I'v... View more

I'm 23 now and out of home but feel as if I've never properly addressed the ongoing issue of my mother being addicted to prescription pain medication. As of the last 12 months all my siblings are finally living with their dads (aged 11,15,20) and I've moved out of home but my feelings of hopelessness always seem to return to centre around mum. Its taken 4 trips to the hospital for accidental overdoses and millions of "im sorry it won't happen again" yet nothing seems to change. This week shes finally off to move to QLD to have her sisters support but just doesn't seem to get that she's put herself in this position. This issue has been going on since before I was born, and I feel as if this has just been the norm for her now for so long that she forgets that she doesn't need to be doing what she's doing. That yes she needs to be only given 3 days medication at a time because she's the one that put herself in hospital on numerous occasions. She's apparently been diagnosed with fibromialga and constant migraines so is on a constant pain medication schedule. Now when I look back on the 18 years I lived with her, I realise that it was me running the household. That when she went through 2 divorces, I was the one trying to raise us kids. That when she would not get out of bed for days, I was the one to feed everyone. I feel this build up of resentment but I can't say anything because her last trip to the hospital left her brain not 100% all there. She wants this great relationship with her kids and thinks she has one but we don't enjoy speaking to her and hearing every time that "the doctor won't give me more how stupid" as if she has no idea what she's spent the last 25 years doing gets too much. I dont really know what I'm trying to get out of this post, maybe just to hear anyones similar experiences. I've tried to speak to a counsellor about this in the past yet after 2 visits and an hour and a half im apparently "fine" and "much better now". Anyone have any idea on how to let go of this resentment? I'm sick of feeling down and over thinking everything because I'm worried about hurting her feelings.

A_Elise Partner broke up with me because of his mental health
  • replies: 6

Hey all I am in desperate need of some honest advice. So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while now and last week I had been noticing him acting strange. By strange I mean leaving me on read and giving me short replies which worrie... View more

Hey all I am in desperate need of some honest advice. So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little while now and last week I had been noticing him acting strange. By strange I mean leaving me on read and giving me short replies which worried me because I was getting the feeling that he'd suddenly lost interest in me. Then midway through last week, I asked him if he was okay because he's been acting strange and he asked if we could be on a break because he doesn't feel like he has the capacity to be in a relationship right now due to how he feels as though nothing makes him happy anymore and he has to fake being happy all the time. I tried to reason with him and ask for him to give us another go and I reassured him that now that I know what he's going through I'll know to not be hurt if he treats me badly and he eventually agreed to give us another go. I felt so selfish for basically forcing him back into a relationship when he's in the state he's in so a few days later I said that if he wants to go on a break I'd be fine with it because I want him to be happy. This was a few days ago. Our conversations still weren't flowing like they used to and whenever we called each other it just felt weird and not as natural as it used to be. So tonight I naively asked him if this was maybe him just trying to break up with me and we ended up actually breaking up because he said that he just can't be in a relationship right now and that if we truly do love each other then we'll eventually get back together again. But I didn't see the point in actually breaking up if we were eventually just going to get back together again and I began begging for us to just be on a break at least but he said that he didn't want to do that to me. Again I began reassuring him that I didn't care how badly he treated me and that I'd do anything just to at least be on a break with him rather than broken up. Now we've decided to just go back to the way we were before we started dating and we may or may not be back in a relationship again when he feels like he's doing better. I feel so horrible and selfish for trying to force a relationship back onto him with all the stress he's going through right now but I feel absolutely shattered. How do I support him and make him feel that we can be in a relationship while he's in this state? I don't want to force him but I just don't know what to do without him. I just cannot stand the thought of losing him. What should I do? Thank you.

Ryanmb92 Ruled by anxiety of previous relationships *Trigger warning: history of suicide attempt* 
  • replies: 3

I've had a tough run with girls, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a genuine soul but I've been cheated on by all 4 of my partners. The first 3 were sucky but the last one was the worst. She was sleeping with her colleague. She would see him before she... View more

I've had a tough run with girls, I'm not perfect but I think I'm a genuine soul but I've been cheated on by all 4 of my partners. The first 3 were sucky but the last one was the worst. She was sleeping with her colleague. She would see him before she would come home to me and then one day I caught her out with a lie. She simply broke things off and started openly seeing him. We would talk about kids and marriage. I was played, there was no closure and no way I saw it coming. When I was younger I was very depressed and attempted suicide. I remember presenting ED a few times when I thought I was close again. I remember one night the private hospital turned me away (regrettably) because as a uni student I couldn't afford to purchase a room. I remember sitting in the rain in the car park not having the courage to actually get it done, I was just crying out for help. I was so worried I would keep having episodes like this. I felt like that independent of the break ups but the breaks up were catalysts to those situations presenting again and often in their worst state. The reason I say that is for context. Its been 6 or 7 years since I have taken medication for my mental health. I don't know what you call it. Some doctors say depression, some anxiety, towards the end the Psychiatrist called it bipolar. I live with my highs and my lows. I now find myself with a lovely girl. A gentle soul and nothing surer in this world than she is kind and nothing like that which has hurt me before. But my anxiety rules me. My mind races. The first person I trust not to be like that, but to trust is just to set myself up for such a situation above, or worse, to happen again. I find myself inventing scenarios, anxiety ruling my mind at the thought of if I finally, honestly trust again that nothing sinister is going on that I will end up in the same situation but worse. I know that if I was to dive in again and have it happen again then I dont have the capacity to survive it. How do you move past your mind's own protective instinct? It sounds so simple, or so common, but for me it's everything because it feels like I don't have another shot in me after that.

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