relationship breakup with bipolar girlfriend

[confused68]

Hi guys.im new to this and am hoping to get some encouraging advice from those who have been through something similar.my girlfriend who has bipolar started dating april last year.All was going great and she told me about her condition straight up.Before long i met her kids 2 teenagers and her 5 year old twin girls and also her mum,dad,brother and one sister.Everything was going great,we were even going to get engaged.Things were getting serious,maybe a little too quickly.Anyway one night we arranged to meet at the pub but i decided to show up at her place and surprise her with a lift but she got really angry at me.i calmed her down and met her later at the pub but she up and left without me knowing(panic attack maybe)From this night on i noticed her moods had changed and she didnt seem to want to spend time together and she seemed to even have this aggression in her eyes.so 2 weeks later i drank with a mate and fell asleep.aAs i slept i missed 2 texts and a phone call from her.I awoke to a nasty breakup text and ended up taking a week stress leave from work.A couple of months after that we had a chat at the pub and talked about having a proper talk about reconciling.I left her but 2 hour later she caught up with me and abused me in a drunken psychotic rage.Since then her father has passed away and i have sent her the odd text and she has responded in a non aggressive way.I have most of her family on facebook and i know they really like me.I love this woman so intensely and want to contact her to have a face to face chat to reconcile.Could this work.Has anybody out there had a similar situation.I suspect she feels the same but she is very stubborn and i think i should be the one to make the move,but with the bipolar its hard to know what mood she is in.I have done a lot of research so i know what she is going through out of love and respect for her.Any advice would be much appreciated.im hoping to get encouragement.Thanks so much.

[confused68]

Hi romantic.Thankyou so much for replying.It is really good to get supportive and encouraging advice.I think i mis wrote part of my reply to you when i said pam was confiding in my mate.That was actually during the period we were together.I do agree with you that i need to have the conversation with her and if that happens im really positive we can get our relationship back.The biggest problem for mae is that she is a bit stubbborn so i have to initiate us to talk which i will do some time soon, but i am really worried she will reject me.on a more positive note she has made no mention of anyone else nor has she indicated she has no feelings for me or she hasnt told me to stop contacting me.I believe she has the same feelings but maybe is a little confused or clouded by her illness.I saw on her facebook page today that she posted something like (when it feels like music is my only friend but it keeps me smiling).This to me suggest she is lonely and when she posted this it was friday night and this was our main night together so i was just wondering if she might be missing me.If so i will have to act very soon.Thankyou so much romantic im not trying to rely on your advice or insight too much but it really is helping and giving me a bit of hope. Cheers confused68

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi confused68,

Good to hear from you again.

Ah - yes that was the impression that I got too! I was trying to imply that even with those conversations to your mate it does sound like she's optimistic and has had lots of plans for your future together - which in itself is a great sign! Sorry if I've somehow misinterpreted that.

Yeah I can see where you're coming from, wanting to talk with her but being afraid of what she might say and being rejected. That's hard. I don't think there's any easy way around that, because nobody can know how she might respond. But at the same time you do need to know - if the worst case scenario happens and you are rejected, at least then you can deal with that instead of just not knowing. Does that make sense?

I'm really glad that this has been helpful 🙂 That's really good feedback for me knowing I'm saying the right things! It makes sense you don't want to rely on my advice too much but I don't think I've really said too much that you haven't thought about already. Even in your first message to us you said how you want to try and reconcile, so all this is you and your decisions. I do genuinely hope things will work out!

Hope this helps,

[confused68]

Thanks romantic. I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and contact her and suggest we meet and talk. I am pretty hopeful she will wanna do so and I have a feeling her moods may have settled down and that she is very lonely even with her kids. Im hoping she is missing her soul mate, as she called me once. I just want her to be happy (preferably with me) and that will bring back my happiness. I'm pretty sure she still has the feelings but may have been clouded by her bipolar episodes. Thanks again for good advice.

[confused68]

Hello again romantic.I just thought id write to you again and let you know that i havent contacted my ex girlfriend pam as yet i guess out of fear of rejection.She did post on facebook again last friday (always a friday) which was our night together every week and this suggests to me she may be lonely or even missing me,im not sure.The post said i wish i knew what the meaning of my life means and i showed this to my mate and he was quite concerned and wanted me to text her and so did my brother so my best mate came up with the idea i could buy her and her little twins easter gifts and a card with something really nice written.I was going to include in the card how much i miss her and suggest we meet for a talk about things.Do you think this is a good idea as im hoping it will show her how much i care.We were only together 4 months and i know how much she loved me as i could see it in her eyes and the lovely texts she used to send me so i dont understand why she would break it off for no reason but i guess that was the bipolar and/or the episode she was having.One thing i found out on line was that bipolar women who are pregnant or think they are pregnant can drop their meds as they can be harmful to the unborn and she did tell me she was pregnant in june last year so im thinking this could have affected her moods or brought on an episode.Im actually experiencing a lot of anxiety and emotional turmoil from this.Ive been through breakups before and have always recovered but this isnt getting better probably cause i care about her so much.Most people dont want me to have her back because as you know bipolar goes in cycles but im more educated with it now and im prepared to support her 100 percent.thankyou for your patience romantic confused68

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey confused68,

Thanks for your post! I was kind of hoping that you would have better updates but it's still great to hear from you again and I'm sorry this has been so difficult and causing so much turmoil.

I can see how you're so afraid of being rejected; it sounds like you both had something really special going on and I can see from all your posts that you both are really invested in this. Yes, she did break it off - but it sounds like now that was due to her Bipolar/episode. It's no wonder that it was difficult given that it was her first episode with you and completely unexpected!

But, at the same time - I think the reason that you haven't 'completely recovered' is because you just don't have any answers yet. Does she still want to be with you? Is she still invested in your relationship? Does she want to make things work? These are the things that you need (and deserve) to know, but there's no way of being able to do that unless you contact her. I do like the idea of a card but personally I'm worried that if she doesn't reply it will only cause more anxiety - the way I see it personally best to be upfront and in person. Even if you write in the card and deliver that in person - that way she can read what you have to say but you also get a little bit of an idea about where she's at? At the end of the day though it's your choice and you know her best.

Hope this helps,

[confused68]

Thanks for that. I'm thinking of messaging her daughter for some advice as I'm sure she would like to see us back together. I'm just hoping she has feelings for me and if she does it should work out. I don't believe people fall out of love after 4 months and believe she was clouded by her episode. I'm pretty sure and other people think the card and Easter gifts should get a response and hopefully break the ice. I'm prepared to take the good with the bad and don't care what she throws at me. Have a good Easter romantic and I will keep you posted. Confused68

[Guest_1584]

Hi confused.

How have things gone last few days, any action. ?Personally l wouldn't message the daughter l don't think it's fair on her. What about ya mate has he talked to her lately.?

Anyway , sounds a lot like my now ex, sadly. We fell instantly also, and it was the most mind blowing thing , even more so that when l first met my ex w. But cracks and bad temper, moods started showing with her within a few weeks. 6mths in l found bpd info and noticed gf was very similar.Reading yours though , it could've just as easily been bi polar, l don't really know l'm sorta new at all of it and yours sounds very similar to.

be sorta careful in texting , it can really set them off as they seem to choose to twist words and gf would be fulla love one second but going off like a cracker the next over one word, and she'd turn into the she devil in seconds. this was still happening right up until last week, 2yrs since we met and l;m afraid that one was one too many and it looks like we're kaput.

Does yours get insulting and a really quick bad tempter ? Does she ever apologize or acknowledge her stuff , or does she blame you ? Mine rarely acknowledged anything, she say a lot of really bizarre , blunt, often insulting things too but expect me to just roll with it.

We broke up a lot , some was me for sure because of things she'd say. l still love her but l just dunno what l can do with it and seems she's been OS , l can't just be with her to hold her and be together and to just find us again , or try , not without going over there which l was suppose to be doing in a few weeks but she blew up again last wk and it's all pretty well off again sadly.

Anyway , earlier in , she forgave me or made moves to get us back or back on track many times so later on , l had no qualms in doing the same. And you could try what l've always done, and she did too.

Just text her hello how are ya , been thinking about you or something like that. see if she replies, just go really slowly through a day , but let the convo's build up more and more, we'd be back to talking full on again in 2 or 3 days. sometimes , a week. You'll be able to tell from her responses if she's as keen as you, even though she mightn't show that but you see between lines and as soon as you think she's ready ask to see her and take it from there.

Just please try not to set her off again somehow in the messaging, mine was great in person but messaging l just dunno but it was really tricky.

[confused68]

Hey randomx did you change your user name?Its really cool.Hey i need to apologise to you as i was so caught up with pam that i didnt realise what you are going through mate.I did text her daughter and sister not for advice but to wish them a happy easter and they both got back to me within 15 minutes.Lovely people. I think i may have had a breakthrough with pam.Saturday night i was drinking watching music videos on youtube and my phone started going off.I was in the process of getting ready to drop the gifts off.It was text after text wanting to come see me.So i responded and she came round,we had a drink and watched some music videos together.I asked her if she wanted a drink and she said ive got one its all good.Then i said ive still got one in the fridge from last time you were here.Then i said okay maybe next time,she looked at me with a big smile and said is there gonna be a next time.I said absolutely. My mate and i had a game plan which was dont talk about getting back together or say i love or miss you.He said just be yourself like the night i met her and it will fall back into place.I gave her a hug when she left and her easter gifts.I think this is a major step forward.One oh her texts concerns me,it said lets leave the past in the past.I told my mate and he said she probably meant the bad stuff because she wouldnt have come looking for me if she didnt care.I think it took guts for her to come over and i believe her best friend pushed her to do it.Anyway she hasnt contacted me since which im not surprised at.She doesnt communicate very well.My mate said be patient she will contact you again.Im really sorry to hear about your situation.Hope you will be ok.As for pams episodes she only got aggressive towards me after we split i think because i tried so hard to get her back and she saw this as controlling.Anyway take care and i will await your reply mate. confused68

[Guest_1584]

Gday Confused.

Nope didn't change it but eh thanks for that.

Mate that's a big thing that she came over , if mine was local she might too l think, l'm so use to long distance dilemmas these days l sorta think in terms of other ways with us but she's made whatever efforts she's had to because of being back OS , messaging and stuff. Must be surreal being local to each other man , forgotten what that's like.

The fact P said wants to leave the past in the past to me says she acknowledges that she went off and she's embarrassed about it and hopes it can just be done and forgotten. That's also a huge thing, she doesn't sound as bad as mine, that's great stuff. Don't get me wrong mine does acknowledge it;s just that you have to see it , she does it her way haha. little things change, efforts , new understandings, just don;t mention it though haha, it didn't happen, she's a proud little italian .

lf we were together all the time, l think we could get around things , and she's a lot worse, so you guys have some real hope here l think and she still feels the same so all good.. Not sure about waiting on her again though , she's already gone way out on a limb and come around , she might wait for something back from you now.

That's great about the daughter and stuff , great way to approach that one glad it went well, perfect.

Personally yeah l agree be patient with her, if you get back there'll be lots of patience needed and understanding and experimenting. We can't all be perfect though right but she'll be worth it hopefully. lt seems like she still wants this though and she's thinking about her actions and stuff . lt's a lot like mine in the way that if you are together then you'll have to make allowances and experiment with things and ways with her. But eh if you love her . l've found some stuff that really helps . lt's actually a really nice feeling working with her thing and trying to look after it.

l heard from her yesterday , she left a few messages , about her place and the cat haha, ya see in her way that's saying where are you l wanna talk l still want you l'm sorry , but just don't mention that whatever l do haha. Sooooo, l'm not sure, she's nowhere again , she might be working but l have to admit l'm secretly hoping we fix this again enough for me to get over there then we can just be together and maybe find us again. if we do that l think we'll get back on track until she can come home.

Hood luck with P mate , let us know eh.

[confused68]

Hey randomx. Its good you heard from your ex.Id be optimistic about that.It sounds like you"ve been through a few of these breakups.Im not sure how to deal with the situation now,maybe a bit confused.Pam is not great at communication so i have no idea how she is feeling about the whole situation.My main fear is that she came over to test the chemistry or how she feels about me and went away feeling nothing,but i dont think thats the case.What she did (coming to see me in person) i believe took guts and by doing that maybe was putting it out there for me to contact her for another catch up. im hoping this is the case and im thinking by the weekend i should contact her to maybe come over again.Im hoping if she does she will be up to talking about continuing our relationship.I think the ball is in my court and i need to put things on the table and see what she thinks.She obviously trusts me to come over by herself.I just hope i dont stuff it up as what she did the other night gave me a lot of hope. Cheers mate take it easy Confused