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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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JuggleMum9 Is my child suffering anxiety?
  • replies: 5

Hello, When my son was 12 months old his father and I separated. it was a pretty tough time for both parties and the emotional abuse from the father to myself probably went on for about 18 months afterwards. I can not comment on what impact this had ... View more

Hello, When my son was 12 months old his father and I separated. it was a pretty tough time for both parties and the emotional abuse from the father to myself probably went on for about 18 months afterwards. I can not comment on what impact this had on our son from his fathers side, but I have always been very careful to what I say around him in regards to his dad, and that his dad is a positive figure in my mind. Even if I don't always think so. I have known for my sons 9 years that he has not yet gained as much resilience as most children his age. He is very bright, funny and extremely sensitive. Even as a tot/kindy kid his ability to adapt to change (for example after leaving kindy for the day wanting to play longer, or after a play date) he became filled with pure rage and upset. It became very hard to do most things. Chats with his Dad was me getting concerned and Dad saying "'oh he will grow out of it".. to which he has somewhat but now its slightly changed how it presents. His father and I have always had shared care so that is our sons normal. Whilst he has resisted hand over and expressed not wanting to go, lately this has escalated. I had to drop him just for 45 mins to his fathers house (dad not there but his step mum and younger siblings from their marriage were) before school as I started work early and he was hysterical, crying and very visibly uncomfortable. he was twitching his hands and it was really hard to watch. I was trying to stay strong and calm for him myself but this was hard to see. I have tried so many times to get him to open up, let him know I'm a safe place and we can talk about anything.. he only says they are all just mean to him but that is all. I honestly believe his Dad is a good enough Dad and I know that when our son is with him and I see it like at sports games, he seems very happy with his Dad. Is this all stemming back from change as a younger boy or is this potentially something deeper? I have been to parent workshops, sent my son to resilience workshops and Im open to trying anything. My partner has told me I need to stop moddycoddling him and be firmer but I strongly disagree and think that will only make my son shut down with me. I do not think by giving my son love and cuddles when he is upset is EVER a bad thing. My son adores him and wants to hang out with him often as well. my son says he wants to live with me full time but we have a parenting plan in place with his dad for 50/50. its just so hard

Dusty_dee I am having relationship issues because I compulsively lie
  • replies: 2

I have been in this relationship for almost a year now and I am still lying about silly stuff. I grew up with strict parents and had to lie about a lot of stuff in order to be allowed to go see friends and stuff like that. I was in a toxic relationsh... View more

I have been in this relationship for almost a year now and I am still lying about silly stuff. I grew up with strict parents and had to lie about a lot of stuff in order to be allowed to go see friends and stuff like that. I was in a toxic relationship before this one and I had to lie frequently to spare his feelings. I just want to know if anyone has been through this and how they stopped.

HoneyMilk My Dad is depressed, what should i do?
  • replies: 2

where do i start? This is my first forum. I have no idea what to say all the words in my head spin around crazily. Right now this very second i can hear my parents crying. That's a sound no daughter should ever hear. And yet here i am. I've always th... View more

where do i start? This is my first forum. I have no idea what to say all the words in my head spin around crazily. Right now this very second i can hear my parents crying. That's a sound no daughter should ever hear. And yet here i am. I've always thought of my life similar to the Simpsons. My family is almost completely similar to them. I think i'm a mix of Maggie and Lisa. But unlike the Simpsons my family doesn't have a happy ending. My dad lost his job a little bit over a month now. Ever since my life has gone upside down. I take life for granted sometimes, i unintentionally always see the bad in things. I don't know why. I am the oldest of two siblings which makes me act like an adult even though im only 15. Im scrambling through things to do. My dad means everything to me. He has been through thick through thin and hes always by side. I dont know how to put into words how much he actually means to me. About 30 minutes ago i overheard my parents talking and well i guess you can guess my dad said that hes depressed. depression is an foreign concept to me. What do i say? How can i act normal around him when i know this is happening? My dad deserves the world and all he receives is depression. I dont think i could ever say the word out loud. I just need to know what to do, what to say and how i should act. Im 15 years old and yet im expected to act like an adult. I have no idea what im going to do. help.

Kelizabeth ?Toxic mother in law ended my relationship and I can’t cope
  • replies: 5

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken... View more

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken I didn’t know how to cope, my last relationship before this one was verbally abusive and the flashbacks this caused has just put me into a deep depression. In my upset I contacted my partner’s sister in law to ask if I was weird or if she treated everyone like this, at the end of the conversation she asked me to delete the messages because she was afraid her husband would find out what was said. I did and it’s a huge regret. My partner found out and after saying he loved me broke up with me the same day by text saying he couldn’t trust me anymore. I’m so lost and blaming myself. I’m caught between feeling so angry because part of me knows this wasn’t all my fault and questions if it’s all abusive and just feeling so broken and blaming myself. I haven’t eaten in 6 days I’m not sleeping and I just don’t know what to do.

be_me_be_you No one wants to speak their mind in my family
  • replies: 2

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house... View more

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house is that none of us seems to be able to answer each other's questions without going through mental gymnastics trying to catch any hidden interpretations of the question. It could be as simple as "what do you think we should have for dinner?", "did you want this or can I have it?", or "which car will we drive to the shop?". Instead of just giving an honest answer the person being asked umms and ahhs over it. I know personally, the mental checklist starts going off "Why are they asking? Have they mentioned something they want for dinner recently? Am I supposed to remember? Are we supposed to be on a diet at the moment? Do they want me to support them by suggesting something healthy? Are they asking me if I want this because they want to take it? Why does it matter which car we take? Does one of them need fuel on the way?"... Two tactics then tend to come into play. Either you give an "I don't mind, what do you want?" answer, or sometimes you might try some clarifying questions. The problem is, the person asking the question then often gets annoyed. I mean, let's face it, by carefully skirting around your answer you're indirectly accusing them of having an ulterior motive, aren't you? We're all smart enough to see that's what is going on. You're admitting you don't trust them enough to take your honest answer. Therein lies the complication though. Because the obvious solution is just "well, don't do that". But the other person won't always take your answer the way you want it, will they? Maybe they were hoping you'd say "screw it, let's have pizza!", so when you blurt out "we'd better have that stir fry we planned for tonight" now they ARE annoyed! Are there any little communication tricks we're missing here, or are we doomed to go around and around with this forever?! Thanks for any advice.

Confused_and_hurt1 Husband cheated on me but I want to make it work
  • replies: 5

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He ... View more

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He deleted all messages off his phone. He said he wanted to try and fix the relationship. I have found out he was still in contact with for 8 days after this. He has now ceased all contact as far as I know. I have also called her up and abused her and let her partner know (I know that seems mean but I wanted her to hurt as much as I am) I feel devastated, unloved and stupid because all want is for him to stay with me. He says he wants to stay and that he loves. I think I may be depressed as well I am not eating or sleeping properly and I am crying at the drop of a hat. What have other people done.

TipTup04 Too ugly to find love
  • replies: 9

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and m... View more

I turned 16 pretty recently, and I realised something quite sad... I'm too ugly to be genuinely loved by someone. I'm not overweight or overly stupid or anything, just very unattractive in the face. I've always dreamed of finding a nice partner and making a family, but unfortunately, that'll never happen. It's a shame that I'll never be loved because of something out of my control... I just want to know what being loved is like once before I die, but I can't see that happening. I don't know why I did this, I won't get any responses. Never got help irl, it won't be any different here. Anyway, I've just been depressed because of my lack of physical or emotional love. I just want to be hugged or complimented by someone, just once. How can I find joy in life with things other than love?

Dexterity Parent threatening suicide
  • replies: 4

My father has Borderline Personality. I lived it growing up. He ticks all the boxes, the only one he wasnt was suicidal. Maybe he was and maybe i was shielded from it. Now, I have left home, he is telling mum that he wants to commit suicide. He is su... View more

My father has Borderline Personality. I lived it growing up. He ticks all the boxes, the only one he wasnt was suicidal. Maybe he was and maybe i was shielded from it. Now, I have left home, he is telling mum that he wants to commit suicide. He is super controlling, not letting her go anywhere alone, drive or spend money without his permission. My mum never admits anything is wrong. For the first time in my life, my mum has admitted something is wrong with him and she needs help. This is a HUGE deal for her. She went to her doctor today (father tried to go in with her but was stopped by the doctor) and told the doctor everything. he said it is nothing to worry about. WTF??? This has been their GP since the early 80s. I suffer from depression and have since i was very very little and this is a huge weight on me. Is there anything I can do?

MummaPetal Husband addicted to porn
  • replies: 19

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never... View more

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never look at it again. Just recently I was on our computer and noticed it on an open tab. I was really shocked and hurt. I feel betrayed because he lied to me. As much as it hurt, I could understand why he'd look at it to perhaps improve things in the intimacy department but now it seems to have replaced ANY intimacy between us. I feel uncertain about our future and feel numb. Thanks in advance for any thoughts. MP

Sam145 My boyfriend has an only fans account
  • replies: 35

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason... View more

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason this is more of a problem is because he said his sex drive was low and because of that we would hardly have sex. He has had the account for 2 months. he has also cheated on me and been unfaithful and unoyal in the past. We have been together on and off for 4 years. We have only just come good and it’s been a year and 4 months. I know his sex drive isn’t low because otherwise he wouldn’t be on only fans and wouldn’t be paying For random girls nudes when he can just get that from me for free. my sex drive is quite high so he isn’t deprived of it i don’t know what to do. My head says I deserve better and to leave but my heart wants to try and understand why he felt the need to do it his reasoning was I don’t know and he wanted to feel validated. When I brought it up to him he straight up went to lie about it but I already knew the truth