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Relation ship issue with wife with depression

Berito
Community Member
Hey all looking for some advice if anyone has been through similar issues.
My wife of nearly 2 years now has had depression issues since we met over 8 years ago and I have tried to help her through it. Just recently I found out she now has feeling for another bloke she works with aswell as me but her depression is all over the place and her head is not clear at the moment she doesn't understand if she just likes the feeling of being wanted and doesn't know what she wants. We have split for the time being till she can work out her head and what she wants. She says she still loves and cares for me and she doesn't know if being split will be forever or she just needs a break to clear her head and get back in track again. I'm really struggling with it specially as we have a beautiful 7 year old daughter together and we are trying to keep things as normal as possible for her so she doesn't know what's going on as yet till my wife works out what she wants as we don't want to confuse her if we do get back together once she clears her head

If anyone has any advise would be great thanks guys
4 Replies 4

Emmen
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Berito,

I'm really sorry for the situation you find yourself in. To have all that history with her, only for it to come to this...I cannot image what you're going through right now.

I know this is difficult to hear, but relationships can change over the years. You've been together for 8 years and been married for 2. Perhaps she feels like the magic of being in an unmarried relationship has faded with the marriage, which could explain why she likes the feeling of being wanted. Giving her space to clear her mind is perhaps exactly what you should do right now. If you do get back with your wife, I hope you speak to her about how you can keep the spark in your marriage alive. Having a daughter together is a beautiful thing, you must both love her so much. For all your sake, I hope things work out for the best.

Stay strong during this difficult period.

Take care,
M

Berito
Community Member
Thanks M I'm trying to give my wife some space it's hard living in the same house and trying to keep it from our daughter for now untill we work out what we both want.
Both my daughter and my wife are the best thing to ever happen to me in my life and hoping we can work this issue out. I'm really struggling with it all because it was so sudden and out of the blue was only 6 months ago we purchased our home to live in and and the last few months we have been trying for another baby but then this has happend. I'm wondering if not falling pregnant has also brought this on aswell considering our daughter happend so quickly.

Betternow
Community Member

Hi Berito

It’s a tough situation for you and I wish you well. You seem incredibly level headed and I agree that allowing your wife some space to think is probably a wise move.

I am disturbed by her feelings for her colleague as this puts an additional complexity into your marriage.

I’m assuming that her depression is being treated and you are doing everything possible to ensure her treatment is appropriate.

It sounds like your story still has a while to run so please post here again if there developments that you want to share or seek further advice. Kind thoughts to you.

Firsttimedad
Community Member

Hi Berito

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I had a somewhat similar situation with my ex-wife of 13 years. She suffered from depression throughout our entire relationship. I felt I had always been supportive of her throughout that time despite it being draining being with someone who was suffering like that and was not helping themselves. When she got into a similar state when she did not know what she wanted she always suggested we break up and move on. I fought for the relationship for a number of years but this eventually wore on me; I felt I was supporting her with what she was going through but when things got tough in our relationship she would give up on me and want to bail. Ultimately we separated and although it was sad to lose a relationship with so much history it was a relief not have that responsibility for someone else's happiness. It is always confusing though when mental health is involved and it muddies the waters..