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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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CrazyGecko89 Close friend is always vague about one subject.
  • replies: 5

My best friend and I have known each other for about 15 years and I first met her during early high school and we just simply clicked. We would spend a lot of time together in and out of school so unsurprisingly we were assumed to be a couple which l... View more

My best friend and I have known each other for about 15 years and I first met her during early high school and we just simply clicked. We would spend a lot of time together in and out of school so unsurprisingly we were assumed to be a couple which led to people asking us for advice or seen with jealousy by others since high school relationships were short lived at best. We did talk about dating back then but decided it was better to know each other more first and the subject was dropped because by then we always supported each other. After high school life's obligations meant it was trickier to spend time together but we still found away even if it meant doing simple chores together like shopping, washing, cooking, spend a few nights on the couch or just message each other but we don't live together. Again we were seen as a couple outdoors but this worked to her advantage mostly as if she was approached by a guy she would act as if I was her boyfriend until the person moved on. There has been a couple of things that I noticed but never could get direct answers for though despite her being a direct person. The entire time together she has never made any attempt to date other people let alone show interest or talk about it. I have asked her about us being together and the answer will change between she doesn't to want to risk our bond together to saying she can be a hypocrite to her decisions. As for the subject of intimacy she has asked questions about it but her stance on it is that she isn't ready but she'll let me know when she is however she does know where I stand and there's no need to rush On the one side it feels like I'm filling the boyfriend role unofficially for awhile but I think she's worried that taking the extra step would affect our connection negatively which is a possibility or that since she's been busy a lot more lately it might feel like a relationship would not get the attention needed at the time affecting obligations seen by her.

mooncrab_ Struggling to get through the negativity...
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, This is my first time starting a thread in these forums and I definitely feel it is about time to reach out plus I really need to vent >.< A bit about me... I am 33yrs old, I have a partner(fiance), two children from my previous marriage... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time starting a thread in these forums and I definitely feel it is about time to reach out plus I really need to vent >.< A bit about me... I am 33yrs old, I have a partner(fiance), two children from my previous marriage and have had depression and anxiety for years. Lately, I have been struggling. In life and love. I can't seem to focus on the good and my emotions have been taking me for a ride once again. I keep feeling like a failure. Even when I tell myself that I'm not a failure because of all the positive things i've been doing, I still feel the ache in my heart. Logically, I can understand that what I am feeling is very likely due to hormonal changes (that time of month) and that it's normal to be moody during these times. But sometimes, even after I have completed a task, I start to question whether it is good enough? Is it enough? I guess the inadequacy stems from comparing myself to my partner. He is a professional in his field with strong academic direction. I know he wants me to be more productive, to evolve from negativity and ignorance and to build myself into a stronger person. But I can't help feeling as though "expectation" is the sword hanging over my head. I am a mum. I cook, clean, manage the kids (both have adhd tendencies) manage the cats and study 9.30-2.30. At the end of the day I'm tired and left feeling empty. My partner is at work 8-4 and then straight to online uni studies once he's home, he's also burning the candle at both ends . Every few days he'll ask me whether I got to finish a certain task and if I apologize for not being able to get to it he reminds me that I should be more organized by now. Sometimes I sense a little disappointment in his mood. And lately, that has been tipping the scales for me. It's not easy trying to manage two children with attention difficulties and hyperactivity who just want to turn on the telly and watch nonsensical crap on youtube because all their school friends are into it. But honestly, am I seeing things differently to everyone else? Am I supposed to be doing more? I feel so lost these days... I feel like I've lost who I am along the way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

P_pod Can you ever trust again?
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my partner for 29 years. I’ve recently found out he was unfaithful numerous times earlier in our marriage. He travelled a lot for work. One of which may have resulted in a child - no paternity test yet. He is now saying that he would n... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 29 years. I’ve recently found out he was unfaithful numerous times earlier in our marriage. He travelled a lot for work. One of which may have resulted in a child - no paternity test yet. He is now saying that he would never do it again. We are starting counseling soon. He says he wants us to work. He loves me and is sorry. Is it possible to get through this? We have been happy for many years. It is such a shock and I’m still in disbelief, heart broken etc. we have kids who just can’t work out what is happening.

Lady45 Advice needed - Relationship Breakdown
  • replies: 25

I was due to get married in 2 weeks time. 4 weeks ago, my fiancé moved out. He used to be the most loving and caring guy i had ever met. He has a daughter (4) and a son (12). I also have a son who is 7. My partner’s ex hates my partner. She withheld ... View more

I was due to get married in 2 weeks time. 4 weeks ago, my fiancé moved out. He used to be the most loving and caring guy i had ever met. He has a daughter (4) and a son (12). I also have a son who is 7. My partner’s ex hates my partner. She withheld care of his kids, alleged he assaulted her and alleged he sexually assaulted his daughter. I have supported my partner throughout this whole ordeal, preparing for and attending court as he fought to gain care of his kids. I thought if we could get through that we could get through anything.The allegations were thrown out of court. I also supported him financially as he was always saying he had no money due to legal costs. After regaining some care of his kids he moved in with me. I rearranged my home to feel like home for his kids and treated his children as if they were my own. My son became very close to his stepbrother and sister. After the property settlement he bought a $53,000 car. That’s when I asked him to start contributing to the bills. We started planning our wedding.That’s when things started to change. My partner became disinterested in organising the wedding. All he did was organise the photographer. I organised everything else. He became quite argumentative and highly critical. Before Xmas, I suggested that we take the kids away for a weekend. He said he couldn’t afford it. Days later he bought himself a $400 watch. I paid for the weekend. He withdrew emotionally and I became frustrated. I kept asking if he still wanted to get married? The answer was yes but his actions said otherwise. I threw my engagement ring at him. He moved out. As he was gathering his things I told him in anger to “get out of my house”. He moved back in 5 days later and we tried to make it work. When he told me the wedding was not the wedding he wanted, I cancelled the wedding. I couldn’t go ahead with it after he told me how he felt about it. We continued to argue. He said I'd withdrawn emotionally. I hadn't. 4 weeks ago he moved out to his parent’s home and told me he needed ‘security’ because he didn’t feel like our home was his house.He felt like I could throw him out at any time, despite living together for 18 months. 3 day after moving out he put an offer on a house. I told him this was a deal breaker. He bought it! Thinking we could resolve our issues living under 2 rooves. I was not considered or involved in this decision. I’m heartbroken.It’s so hard knowing that we would have been married in 2 weeks time...

bubbles33 cheating on hubby but want it to stop
  • replies: 5

a few months ago, I cheated on hubby. I was going through a really bad patch, mentally and really just wanted company but now I hate myself for it. I really do. but now this guy wont stop messaging me. I like it but I hate what im doing to my hubby. ... View more

a few months ago, I cheated on hubby. I was going through a really bad patch, mentally and really just wanted company but now I hate myself for it. I really do. but now this guy wont stop messaging me. I like it but I hate what im doing to my hubby. I hate what im doing to myself. I have been asking my hubby for more love over the last few years but nothing has change. and now this new person has come along. I don't want to leave my hubby because I do love him. we have been married 10 years now and been together even longer. I don't want to lose that, but I do want that love that has been lost. im missing it.

07flower I don't know whats wrong with me
  • replies: 3

Hi all I am new to this I have a loving husband who works hard great father. I love him but not the way I used when we got married. I don't want to upset him or the children, I meet this man through my dads friend, hes a little older than me I think ... View more

Hi all I am new to this I have a loving husband who works hard great father. I love him but not the way I used when we got married. I don't want to upset him or the children, I meet this man through my dads friend, hes a little older than me I think late 40s not sure but I take my car to him to get serviced, we text each other about general stuff example, how our day was and venting on each other about our frustration, talking about how stressful our days can be. When I meet him we immediately got along, I don't know why but I deleted the messages on my phone? Don't know what's going on with me, my husband is a hard worker he is wonderful man. There is no quality time I don't know why I am feeling this way, a few years ago I felt I needed to find myself I feel that I am being selfish to him and my kids. I have always put them first, I just feel a connection with this man . Maybe I am selfish, feeling a spark .

pat06 Is it to early to move on
  • replies: 15

Hi all me and the wife separated about 8-9 weeks ago. she left and took the kids and I haven't seen them (long story). I don't think there is reconciliation. one day she says yes another day its a stern NO anyways is it to early to go out on a date w... View more

Hi all me and the wife separated about 8-9 weeks ago. she left and took the kids and I haven't seen them (long story). I don't think there is reconciliation. one day she says yes another day its a stern NO anyways is it to early to go out on a date with another girl?

RoseToez Controlling mother
  • replies: 2

So recently I got into relationship, and his been living with us for 3 months now. Well every time I spend time out at my mum's place she bags him out to me and I come home in a negative mood and have a fight with him. Then we won't get along very we... View more

So recently I got into relationship, and his been living with us for 3 months now. Well every time I spend time out at my mum's place she bags him out to me and I come home in a negative mood and have a fight with him. Then we won't get along very well for the next two days until one of us breaks the ice. Well in my past relationships it's been the same. The relationship with my kids father was worse, we were together for 5 years and all my mum had to say about him and his family were negative. And previous relationships were the same.. the longer I was with someone the worse it would get. The thing is that she's my only friend that I visit and open up to.. we'll have a couple of drinks together then I do find myself opening up about everything. I'd like to be able to avoid these conversations where she mentions these things about my partner that makes me feel like crap, but before i realise shes done it im feeling like crap wanting to go home. I'm starting to get really frustrated at myself that she's always had it over me like this. I honestly don't know how to go about this apart from me not visiting her or spending time with her. But then I get cabin fever because I'm stuck at home all the time with the kids. If I start having a go at her about it she just gives me a strange look. I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to explain it to her so it sinks in without coming across aggressive

T1000-2019 Parent who gaslights makes it hard to stay in touch
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m a 36yo man. I had to turn to my parents for help in the last couple of years for some help with unexplained medical symptoms. I was having neurological issues, think a virus got into my CNS, and it was affecting my ability to work and giving ... View more

Hi, I’m a 36yo man. I had to turn to my parents for help in the last couple of years for some help with unexplained medical symptoms. I was having neurological issues, think a virus got into my CNS, and it was affecting my ability to work and giving me heavy fatigue. I am left with chronic nerve pain that comes and goes, and fatigue, but it’s not as bad now as the more severe symptoms that were going on when it first hit me. I encountered a lot of suspicion and doubt when I sought help from doctors, I was accused of being a drug user/drug seeker and that it was just anxiety. When I asked my parent for help navigating the medical profession, they insisted I go back and see a neurologist who had treated me like an idiot, and I assented to this and the parent accompanied me and the neuro then treated us both like iditots. That encounteer was a while ago now. Anyway I have also ended up with depression and anxiety from the chronic nerve pain/fatigue, it’s slowly worn me down over the last two years. I was still talking to my parents about it, trying to help them understand how desperate my situation has felt at times and how that doctor did more harm than good and how when my parent insisted I go back to the doctor that was more unnecessary punishment at a time when I could have really used some trust and help. Anyway my parent then flat out denied insisting that I go back to the unhelpful neuro. I think they deny the truth because it also hurt them to get insulted by the doctor, so they prefer to pretend it didn’t happen. So it’s like a self preservation tactic on their part. It’s just tricky for me because the gaslighting/denial of reality has put distance in between us at the time when I was still hoping to get some help and understanding. I’m also concerned that my family hasn’t rallied around me when I asked for help. Like when dad got cancer we all turned up at hospital and supported, when mum had operations we all turn up and support. Hospital visits plus home visits to make sure there’s support. But no family have attended my specialist visits with me. Or turned up at my place to check that I’m ok, make sure I’m good. I guess it’s tricky to some extent, because I don’t have a diagnosis. Also at times my family have expressed doubt along the the same lines as doctors. Feels like such a blow. Definitely part of my depression now is like just the fact that I’ve asked for help and it hasn’t been there. I think about that a lot.

CesiNestPasUnePipe My friend doesn't like to be around me when I'm in a low mood
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about two years now and my best friend was the first one I told and the only one who knew what I was going through for six months. As time went on I became more confident with talking about my men... View more

Hi, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about two years now and my best friend was the first one I told and the only one who knew what I was going through for six months. As time went on I became more confident with talking about my mental health with both professionals and other friends and families but it always seemed like this one friend was there for me because she had seen me deal with so much. However, she started to become distant and when she noticed I wasn't having a good day she would avoid me rather than speak to me. A lot of my fears surround the fact that I am alone and I start overthinking things so when she avoids me it feels like I've done something wrong. We have been avoiding the topic of my mental health for a few months now, and our relationship has been somewhat strained. We used to be so close, we used to see each other every day and talk all the time on the phone, but it's like she doesn't want to see me at all. Recently I feel like my mental health has been declining and I've been having more bad days than normal. She has noticed this and messaged a few times to ask if I'm okay to which I usually respond with "not really" but don't elaborate and she doesn't ask. However last night she pushed with more questions which meant I was talking to her more and forgetting to keep my guard up and I stopped filtering my words, telling her everything I had been dealing with recently and apologising for not being there for her. She got upset with me and said she can't handle it when I constantly apologise for everything and this is why she tends to avoid me at this time. But when I'm apologising, it's just how I speak and feel when I'm in a low mood. I am aware of it and try to stop it, but it's not really something conscious. I told her this and she doesn't seem to understand. Now I'm frustrated because it feels like she only wants to be friends with me at certain times and can't accept this other part of me that I am sick of pretending doesn't exist. I don't think I can just hide this part of me and pretend everything is okay just to be friends with her, but I really don't want to lose her, she's been my best friend for years now. CeciNestPasUnePipe