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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nattys Do I keep going with him the same way
  • replies: 6

I have recently met an amazing guy. Last weekend I visited him at his house. Friday night was great, Saturday he went to work came home and was OK...as night went on got really stand offish. We went to bed and there was absolutely nothing. The next m... View more

I have recently met an amazing guy. Last weekend I visited him at his house. Friday night was great, Saturday he went to work came home and was OK...as night went on got really stand offish. We went to bed and there was absolutely nothing. The next morning I woke him and told him I might get up and shower and head off he then told me he was sorry and that he suffers severe depression and anxiety...we had a good chat he cooked bfast before I left. This week as the week has gone on the message replies have got less and less now down to one word replies. I keep messaging as normal. I have told him what I think about him and how I won’t let him fall. Do I keep messaging or do I just pull back

Thegirlfriend The twilight zone, I need guidance
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for a year now and he confided early on that he suffers from anxiety, has had depression and a level of ADHD (not taking meds for anything). He is incredibly loving, giving, caring and an excellent communic... View more

Hi all, I’ve been with my amazing boyfriend for a year now and he confided early on that he suffers from anxiety, has had depression and a level of ADHD (not taking meds for anything). He is incredibly loving, giving, caring and an excellent communicator. He is 38 and a bar manager, has had many jobs and owned his own business. He as countless ideas for future ventures, some of which he had wanted to put in motion by the end of the year. Over the last 6weeks his anxiety has flared up and reached a point where he’s pulled back from everyone, including me. The signs and symptoms are mental and physical and he doesn’t want to see or talk to anyone. The only people he feels comfortable with are his brother and family, who won’t ask questions. Hes tried reassuring me countlessly that this is a cycle he’s gone through before and knows what to do, and just needs space to sort his head out. Saying constantly it’s not me or “us” and that he’s not here to waste my time; if he didn’t want to be with me he’d tell me. I obliged for a few weeks but was struggling with lack of communication and time together, paired with the feeling that I couldn’t help or support. I started to feel neglected as he was incapable of being a boyfriend and giving to the relationship. Two weeks ago I suggested we have a month apart (but still in a relationship) with minimal chatter and not seeing each other so that he could focus on himself without the pressure to please me. He didn’t want the “break” but agreed it was probably best for his headspace, to sort everything out. Two weeks and I’ve been a mess. While I’ve told my closest friends and family, to have their support, he’s told no one. He’s had a lot of quiet alone time, said it’s been helping and today said he felt a little better. But his messages are unemotional, he doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s not reassuring me that “we’re okay”, he stopped saying he loves me. I guess I’m feeling neglected, abandoned and I’m SO confused. I’m trying to have faith in him and keep reminding myself that these are his issues and nothing to do with me but now I’m getting anxious that perhaps he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m so scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen. Does anyone have any tips for how to get through this or similar experiences?

Cherrybean I have a mentally unsupportive family
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have a whole lot on my mind right now so I’ll do the best I can to keep this brief. I really don’t like living at home, I feel depressed, lonely, and anxious, have been for around a year now. A lot of people would say I’m lucky to still l... View more

Hi there, I have a whole lot on my mind right now so I’ll do the best I can to keep this brief. I really don’t like living at home, I feel depressed, lonely, and anxious, have been for around a year now. A lot of people would say I’m lucky to still live at home with my family at 21 but I personally hate it. My family rarely talks to me on a daily basis, we are not close. I felt it was a big mistake taking a gap year off at home because over the past year I’ve had to deal with a lot from my brother and my dad disrespecting me. My brother has bipolar, sort of relevant because around him I seem to never do anything right, or when he’s not in a good mood he takes it out on me, insults me, swears at me, tries to get to me mentally. I’ve learned to say I’m disengaging and walk away over the past few months but in turn I’ve developed some possible anxiety over this where I get scared hearing him walk, talk, ask me anything. My dad hasn’t been very respectful either. He’s gaslit me on situations saying that the situation isn’t as bad as I’m saying, talking over me, lecturing me whenever we talk, ignoring me. Whenever I’ve tried to tell him about my brother acting out on me, he tells me and my brother that we need to get along but that doesn’t help out be because my brother will just get upset at me again without backlash. The main thing my dad’s done that I’m unhappy with is on my birthday I was talking online with friends, my dad forgot his keys at home. He came back home late and I didn’t hear him knock, nor did my brother. He got let in, barges in my room and got upset that I didn’t hear him knock and let him in. I told him to wait till after I was done talking with friends but he kept going talking about how upset he is, on my birthday. After talking with friends online, I talked with him and he claimed he was too tired to talk to me and wouldn’t respond properly so I let him be. Then 5 minutes later he blasts his techno music late at night. Over time from behaviour like this I avoid my family as much as I can. I’d love to move out but I do not have a job, my dad will not help me with my resume, or jobs/courses so I’ve had to rely on friends for that help. It sucks when you live with family that isn’t mentally there for you, so I’m left to figure out how to do things on my own when I’m too scared to do a lot of things by myself. Even leaving the house is a big thing for me. If there’s any help or support I’d love to hear it.

Guest_598 Obligation to end well or latent feelings?
  • replies: 4

Hi All, I am currently in a difficult situation whereby the person I want to spend my life with (and who dreams of a life with me), still needs to go through a proper ending of his marriage which he ended a year ago. He did not manage the separation ... View more

Hi All, I am currently in a difficult situation whereby the person I want to spend my life with (and who dreams of a life with me), still needs to go through a proper ending of his marriage which he ended a year ago. He did not manage the separation well and avoided the grief for a long time. Now, he says he needs closure by talking through everything with his ex-wife and a psychologist, so that he can a) understand why the marriage of 13 years failed and b) to be 100% sure, there are no leftover feelings for her. He has said numerous times, and very clearly, that he has no love or longing / attraction for her anymore. But he struggles to let things go so I believe he needs to be 1000% sure there are no feelings that will return. I find that very unlikely but it worries me nonetheless. He says he needs to talk to her / spend more time with her just to be sure he has done the right thing. Obviously, that hurts a bit because every time he plans to see her, I get worried that the feelings may return. However, the reason why I highly doubt that are below and I would really like your thoughts on whether you think someone would suddenly have feelings of love for a person again if he says these things: He says he feels no love / attraction towards her, He does not want to engage in anything physical with her, The trust is gone, He thinks he may have stayed because it was comfortable, He does not think they are too well aligned - he wants to travel and live overseas, she is very family bound, She is an alcoholic (sobre at the moment but it has not been too long), He says he gets angry a lot and I believe there is a fair bit of resentment in him, He dreams of a future with me but says he cannot commit 100% until the past is done, He wants her to understand the reasons why he left so she can have another good relationship, He wants to use the sessions with her to understand so that he does not carry old problems into a new relationship. He finds me extremely attractive, he dreams of travelling with me, he is thinking of travel plans for next year, we have spoken about "deal breakers" for new relationships and what would be important to us if we were together. He also spoke about cleaning and selling their house and then moving into a two bedroom unit so we could possibly move in together once he has lived alone for a while. Based on all that, do you think there is a high likelihood or risk that he would suddenly fall back in love with his ex-wife?

WantsPeace Emotional Abuse
  • replies: 1

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance ch... View more

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance cheated on me and broke up with me last New Years and this person who I am with now pounced on me as soon as I was single and gave me the attention i was craving to get over my fiance and his behaviour, little did i know i would be in a cycle of emotional abuse and being yelled at. We have so much in common and we live in quite a small surf community where he knows a lot of people and I feel like he has so much power over me. I am 38 years old and am worried I will never have someone that loves me and that I have missed the opp to have a normal family which is what I have always wanted. There is the normal push and pull of him acting bad and then making out its my fault, it has gotten worse and Im getting desperate. I hold down a full time job and become exhausted by the drama, his father knows what he can be like and tried to support me but I dont think he understands how serious it is as he used to do the same thing to his mum when they were young. We went to councilling for awhile and he said the lady didnt do anything for him and he said he would go to a man so I am trying to organise that. His behaviour is starting to leak and I look like and idiot, i am an eternal optimist and always see the good in people and I feel I am being taken for a ride as I not being respected or put first. I am so scared to be without him because we have such a connection but I am scared im going to end up in a really bad place. HELP!

Ry95 Dumped via instagram message while overseas on holidays and now my ex has asked for coffee
  • replies: 4

I'm 24 and bisexual and was recently dumped whilst on holidays via instagram message. The guy I was seeing was also bisexual and I was his first male partner. He all seemed quite into it, but I suspect he is just insecure. He said dumping me on holid... View more

I'm 24 and bisexual and was recently dumped whilst on holidays via instagram message. The guy I was seeing was also bisexual and I was his first male partner. He all seemed quite into it, but I suspect he is just insecure. He said dumping me on holidays was the kindest thing to do as I could use the holidays to get over it?? Thats complete BS in my eyes, its obvious he just didn't want to do it in person. Thats pretty much the worst way to break up with someone and basically ruins their holiday. Since the breakup he continued to comment on all my instagram stories with simple statements and not once in the past few weeks has he asked anything about me. It was weird and I had no idea why he kept doing it so I asked what the go was. He said he wasn't going to ask anything more substantial if im not going to reciprocate??? What does he expect, he literally broke up with me over message whilst on holidays.... A close family member of mine even passed in the past two weeks and he didn't even ask about that. He has since asked me if I want coffee (after I disabled my instagram). I asked why and he said "to apologise and stay amicable". I don't know if I should go. I already had pretty bad mental health and this has made it all worse. Going would perhaps provide me some more closure, but I also don't really want to give him the satisfaction as he hasn't shown any level of care towards me at all. It seems like he just wants himself to seem like the bigger person and and clear his conscience. Thanks for any advice.

Hollybambam Crying lots damaging my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi all, First time posting here. I used to get a lot of comfort from forums so was pleased to find one on beyond blue. My partner and I are quite different emotionally in both how we experience and manage it I find I cry very easily, over almost ever... View more

Hi all, First time posting here. I used to get a lot of comfort from forums so was pleased to find one on beyond blue. My partner and I are quite different emotionally in both how we experience and manage it I find I cry very easily, over almost every intense emotion: sadness, anxiety, anger even profound happiness. I flair up and cry fast and I think it's damaging my relationship with my partner She's used to me a little now and isn't so affected with fast crying, but I always feel guilty and anxious after I cry over something that probably didn't warrant it. When I cry over something I feel like she might be thinking in her head that I'm so much work, that I'm trying to manipulate her or that I'm just plain overreacting all the time. I feel bad. I wish I had better emotional control. Crying, whether it's a natural empathetic response or not never improves a conversation or argument. Even if the other person knows it just happens to you. It poisons the interaction. It poisons the memory which locks in that negative association. Im not sure what I'm asking for. Maybe some advice? It's always helpful to hear from others having similar problems and what they're doing that helps. Thanks, H.

Georgie7 sharing with family
  • replies: 2

so not sure if this is the right place to post - but does everyone share their MH with family? if i had a cold or was ill i would tell my parents, but i feel like i can't share with them my MH diagnosis. I am worried i have let them down, or they wou... View more

so not sure if this is the right place to post - but does everyone share their MH with family? if i had a cold or was ill i would tell my parents, but i feel like i can't share with them my MH diagnosis. I am worried i have let them down, or they would say "why on earth would you have depression and anxiety". a few comments my mum has made recently make me feel that perhaps she doesnt understand how it all works - i dont even understand myself, but i feel like they would think i am attention seeking or a hypochondriac. Do they need to know?

DebsChili Disallusioned
  • replies: 2

Hi all, thanks for having me. I suffer miid anxiety and depression but my main issue is I'm a self saboteur in relationships and I'm about to ruin yet another one. This is my first flame from when we were teenagers, in fact he was my first sexual enc... View more

Hi all, thanks for having me. I suffer miid anxiety and depression but my main issue is I'm a self saboteur in relationships and I'm about to ruin yet another one. This is my first flame from when we were teenagers, in fact he was my first sexual encounter, now 45 years later (62 and 63 respectively) we have reconnected. Problems abound though, he lives on a boat 1000 kilometers away. When we first connected he used to message me multiple times a day and call often, then he was still organising his life before moving onto the boat. Since the move the messages are less and the phone calls just once a day. The fact he still did this for me shows he cares and is keen to keep in touch but I'm the sort that falls hard and fast in love, which he knows because I've alread, after 4 months, told him I love him but he tells me he wants to take things slow... my problem is I become highly insecure, I get anxious and can't function, I cry often which is hard at work, and accuse him of all sorts of things that exist only in my mind. I've done a few things in my past I'm ashamed off and don't believe I deserve to be happy so I to do all I can to push people I want to be with away. Sometimes I feel like I'd like to find a hole and disappear into it. There is do much more to say but just wanted to start with the basics, thanks for listening

Spawnofkyuss Lost control stepdaughter.
  • replies: 2

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenge... View more

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenges most days, but I'm here to battle, rather than the alternative. So, I feel really selfish, but we're having a problem with my and my partner's stepdaughter. Since she started High School 3 years ago, she has become so isolated, hateful, uncontrollable, unreachable. Wagging, lying, vaping, drinking, and now marijuana. Last weekend, she bought marijuana, smoked it alone, and has become the worst we have ever seen. When we found out, we wanted to find the dealer, so we could see the police. We confiscated her phone, and then the scary new behavior started. She is smashing her bedroom up, and any time we go near her, she screamed and screamed, completely unreasonable. She hasn't eaten today, and still will not communicate. We are worried sick. Is this just hard core acting out, or could it be a psychotic episode? It is impossible to get her to a doctor, or the police, or even to the hospital. We don't use physical violence as a punishment, and our voice, and phone discipline is all we have left. Any ideas? We are freaking out. Thank you and sorry to jump in so selfishly.