Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

ChrissyStar When I get scared, he gets worse...what is happening?
  • replies: 3

Hi, My BF has recently started picking on me. When I answer a question from him - I'm trying to think at the same time so it's often not as quick or assured as usual....I'm also "thinking on my feet" trying to judge his reaction to my words because I... View more

Hi, My BF has recently started picking on me. When I answer a question from him - I'm trying to think at the same time so it's often not as quick or assured as usual....I'm also "thinking on my feet" trying to judge his reaction to my words because I don't want to find myself in an escalating situation which spirals out of control into violence. I'm also confused at what his problem is, going through all the things in my mind of what it could be. And hurt that he is unhappy with me, confused that he's turning on me, frustrated that he's being demanding...you get the picture. The more intimidated I get, the worse he gets...I end up actually being scared & my words are stuck in my mouth. This makes him even more angry. What is it called when a person feeds off fear (or uses the discomfort of others) like this? I'm not sold on his explanation...which is that he believes I'm trying to antagonize him on purpose...it's obviously just a ploy to get angry at me. But why? Control? Power? To punish me for doing something he didn't like? What's his psychological issue here?

Pammyk Surviving a narcissist
  • replies: 3

I have been two years free of a toxic relationship. Just starting this post had made me feel light headed. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over thirty years and blame this for my choice of partners. I think it started with how dad alw... View more

I have been two years free of a toxic relationship. Just starting this post had made me feel light headed. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over thirty years and blame this for my choice of partners. I think it started with how dad always broke my mums heart (never physical) then my son bullying me until he left. Then the icing on the cake after my son left I fell in love with the same sort of person. I feel like I am attracted to this type of person and am too scared to become involved with anyone. Thank goodness for my dog and my job. When I am not at work I feel sad most of the time but only cry at happy things or sad things that I hear about. Never for myself. N

The-misunderstood-girl We're so messed up its pass toxic
  • replies: 2

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I ... View more

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I have my child and hes changed from doing stupid things that would end him in court. He works and I started home school until it became unbearable due to my mental health not being fixed since the drugs. However we have the worst lash out moments i blame it on our messed up mind from the drugs and actions we done in our past. Its like an uncontrollable rage of anger that comes with heavy anxiety and depression, I find mine to be worse at I get to stages I cannot even get out of bed but hes able to get himself up for work somehow. A lot of our fights was who we both can and cant talk to, who we can have on social media, what kind of social media we can have, were we can go etc. It was as if one person started on something they didnt agree with that the other would ask for it to be that way for them also. Its feeling like a massive toll but we both wont let it go and try to build from it i guess we dont know how to either. He refuses to acknowledge that he also needs help and says that it is all me. I feel completely stuck too.. I dont have anywhere else I can go, I have no money, nothing as he would argue if I tried to get a job. I can only apply for certain ones that he thinks is appropriate for our relationship. Now in saying all this i have never done anything for him to not trust me I have always been completely honest with everything but ive come to find that everything he use to say he was and things he would never do has made me question everything now. We have had two to three physical domestic and too many emotional i cannot count, thing is this is someone i have changed for I am just so confused with what is going on. How can I fix this? Is it mainly me? I cannot keep feeling like this everyday i am so tired.

Shelby123 Husband verbally abuses me, feel so alone
  • replies: 2

I recently had our first baby. My husband works in emergency services and his mental health has been deteriorating in the past 2 years. I feel like I’m his emotional punchbag, he holds it together at work and bends over backwards to help other people... View more

I recently had our first baby. My husband works in emergency services and his mental health has been deteriorating in the past 2 years. I feel like I’m his emotional punchbag, he holds it together at work and bends over backwards to help other people, however when he comes home he let’s rip at me over the tiniest thing. His rants are becoming more and more intense and the things he says are unforgivable. He will start at me over something insignificant, but will end in him saying he detests me, hates me and that he is leaving me. He did this regularly during my pregnancy and told me numerous times that he is only staying because I was pregnant and that he hates me and everything about me. He will never apologise ever for anything he does or says. I feel so sad all the time and worthless. I want more than anything to leave but I don’t want our child to be from a broken home. I thought having a baby would heal him somewhat but it has escalated. If I ask him for help with something to do with the baby when it doesn’t suit him he loses it. He will tell me I’m a bad mom. He will repeat things to our baby like ‘your moms an idiot’ or ‘your mom couldn’t be bothered picking you up’ if I ask him to help me with her when I’m breast pumping milk for her and can’t immediately go to baby. No matter what I do it’s the wrong thing. If he is holding the baby and it cries, if I don’t immediately rush to help him he accuses me of not caring about the baby and leaving everything to him. If I do rush to help he tells me to stay the f* away from him, that I’m the reason the baby won’t settle for him & that he doesn’t need my help. Everything ends in him having a meltdown and blaming me. I feel like I’m on eggshells and i feel so alone. He isn’t close with his family and we live overseas, he doesn’t have any one else but me and the baby. I feel like either he will make my life hell if I leave, or he will hurt himself. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I can’t live like this, and I don’t want our child to grow up thinking how he talks to me is normal. Everytime I try to talk to him about it he has a meltdown and ends up screaming at me that I don’t understand. He won’t see a doctor as he is worried that he won’t b able to stay in his role if he is diagnosed with depression. I sweep all his behaviour under the carpet and just put on a facade for everyone else. Everyone we know thinks we are in a happy marriage. I came from a loving home and I just want the same for our baby.

Abbie121 extra loneliness and helplessness around holidays and new year's eve..
  • replies: 21

I've been struggling with loss and grief from a long-term relationship breakdown last year, and now find myself in isolation with deep loneliness and sadness.. made worse by looking back at my life this time last year where it was full of people and ... View more

I've been struggling with loss and grief from a long-term relationship breakdown last year, and now find myself in isolation with deep loneliness and sadness.. made worse by looking back at my life this time last year where it was full of people and things to do. I find I reach out to friends to try and connect but I get nothing back - they are too busy with their families or don't even reply. I want contact with my ex just to try to re-live some of the connection and affection we had, which I know is unhealthy but he has moved on and doesn't want anything to do with me. I struggle to understand why I can't form lasting relationships or why people have no interest in spending time with me, or even checking in on me to offer a kind word or support. I have no one to talk to or spend time with. I'm dreading tomorrow new year's eve when everyone else will be spending it with people and I want that too, but can't seem to get it. I don't know what to do..

Deecee88 Long term isolation and emptiness :(
  • replies: 1

Hi there, this is the first time I’m trying to speak to people that are outside of my life because frankly, I have no one left. For the past 5-6 years, since my mother has passed my family has broken down and I’ve been completely left on my own. my d... View more

Hi there, this is the first time I’m trying to speak to people that are outside of my life because frankly, I have no one left. For the past 5-6 years, since my mother has passed my family has broken down and I’ve been completely left on my own. my dad has been absent since she died and got a gf straight away and moved out. I stopped working and spent all my money shopping to try and cope with being on my own. I was numb and assumed dad would catch me if I fell. Anyways, as time went on he grew colder and colder. Sold our family home and as I was in so much debt and Broke, I’ve been nothing but a burden to him ever since as I cannot get back on my feet. I’m not allowed to live with him because his gf doesn’t want me there and I’ve been struggling to pay rent and debt repayments to the point where I have no food. I haven’t spent a birthday, New Years or Xmas with anyone as everyone’s too busy. I don’t know what’s happened but it breaks my heart every xmas, new year and birthday when not 1 single person reaches out. I haven’t been out for dinner, on a holiday, had a laugh with any friends or family in multiple years after I have tried so hard to keep people in my life. My heart physically hurts, I hate waking up, I can’t get to sleep and I’m being evicted on Sunday as I have been late a few times with the rent as I finished my law degree 2019. im physically broken because I’m lonely. I’m smart, I’ve had my own business before and I am usually a social butterfly. But watching Netflix everyday because I have nothing to do for 5-6 years is so painful for someone who is usually super positive and motivated. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong and I feel like my dad breaks me just so he can complain about him being the one to help me. I have been emotionally abused to the point I don’t know why i wake up anymore. I want the pain to stop

merry301 Suffocating!
  • replies: 2

I don't even know where to begin other than being in a relationship with someone who suffers from mental health is bloody exhausting. I'm 25 and have been with my fiance for 7 years. Many of those years beautiful, however, this past year has been rea... View more

I don't even know where to begin other than being in a relationship with someone who suffers from mental health is bloody exhausting. I'm 25 and have been with my fiance for 7 years. Many of those years beautiful, however, this past year has been really hard and it's showing on us as individuals and as a couple. We should be having the time of our life yet we spend almost every weekend arguing for hours, we live in server financial stress as my partner hasn't worked for 12 months, our relationship lacks intimacy and we barely speak with each other about our feelings or important matters (mostly because I don't know what reaction I will receive). My partner suffers from GP diagnosed anxiety and depression. He's been on a course of medication but after the 4th one and a bad experience with a psychologist completely stopped and has no immediate intention of seeking any more help as he believes he can do it...or we can do it. He also has a heavy drug addiction to weed and whilst he admits he is addicted, shows me no intention of stopping. I have recently visited a psychologist for myself and they confirmed something I've probably tried to hide from my family and close friends...that I'm in an abusive relationship. I've always been very certain in my feelings and thoughts and considered myself to know when I'm being treated poorly, yet I'm at the point where I'm second-guessing everything I say, questioning if I should be doing more (as I'm so often told I'm not doing enough to help) and feel as though all the problems are because of me, If I just did a little more we wouldn't have these issues. If I just didn't get so defensive maybe he wouldn't raise his voice. I love this man so dearly and am holding on to the relationship we had years ago and the man he was before, but I feel as though I'm suffocating and the word hate starts to enter my mind when I think about my feelings for him. He seems to take no responsibility for his actions and finds a way to turn things back on me but then asks why I'm so defensive or why I don't want to ever talk with him....everyone else can see it, why can't he?!?!?!? It frustrates me so much and I'm sitting here feeling guilty about writing this, guilty about making him out be a horrible man, guilty that after our argument this morning I have no intention of working it out (right now at least) and guilty of having no intention of being around him... I guess I just wrote this because I want to know I'm not alone!

Echoes Feelings of guilt leaving an alcoholic
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel lik... View more

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel like I have let her down by leaving her as she has no means of support after losing her high paying job due to alcohol. I know that I was only enabling her to continue her drinking by being there and I feel like I have wasted the past 10 years. I feel like less of a person and a failure as a husband. After several stints in rehab and having to clean soiled sheets and clothes often I lost hope in our relationship. I was totally miserable and after leaving her I am in a slightly better place now. I am now alone and have taken action to protect myself from her by moving away. I am thankful I have no children and sometimes think about what I could have done to help her while crying alone. I know things will get better and I am doing my best but sometimes I think that I will never get over this. My self esteem has been battered and I can’t see how it will ever rebuild. It feels good to write this and I hope that people in similar situations can see that they are not alone in this struggle.

Liseyy Hi All, Anxiety ruining relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi all, i guess I am seeking some comfort in that I’m not alone, i am finding that my anxiety is ruining my marriage and family. I have good days and bad where I find I am not down and anxious but other days are terrible, there are days where I think... View more

Hi all, i guess I am seeking some comfort in that I’m not alone, i am finding that my anxiety is ruining my marriage and family. I have good days and bad where I find I am not down and anxious but other days are terrible, there are days where I think this is too hard for my husband, to have to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks and and I guess I push him away as I do not want him to have to put up with how I am, I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to have the guilt of having anxiety and not knowing how to ‘get better’ my husband has worked fifo for many years and this has possibly made my anxiety worse, So he came home for a while and now we fight a lot about different things which also triggers anxiety.. sorry for the ramble, I guess what I’m asking is how do you not let anxiety consume your relationship, and move forward? Or did you find it better to go separate paths? thanks xx

Beach26 Super confused lost and anxious
  • replies: 6

Hi, I’m female in my 20’s I’ve been with my partner for almost 5 years ,we are engaged due to get married this year. Recently have moved into our new house. Our relationship was great until we got engaged and I feel like I’m owned. My partner I belie... View more

Hi, I’m female in my 20’s I’ve been with my partner for almost 5 years ,we are engaged due to get married this year. Recently have moved into our new house. Our relationship was great until we got engaged and I feel like I’m owned. My partner I believe suffers with depression and has anger bad when he drinks in which he will not get help . And I become the target over the years I’ve had a lot of mental abuse to which has lead to me having anxiety and depression from this. I’m now a lot stronger than I was 2 years ago, as he has said a lot of nasty comments towards me over the years and his anger worry’s me. I have realised I don’t love him the way I used to and feel like it’s more a friendship . As he only wants to be intimate when it suits him. I have made an ultimatum that he needs to go and speak to someone otherwise I can’t get married. I’m so anxious and stressed and I have no idea how I would go about our house. I can’t really talk to friends and family as I don’t want anyone to know yet. Wondering if someone had any advise when it comes to the house, as he is super money driven loves money more than me sometimes. And I know it will get nasty hope someone has some advise x x