relationship breakup with bipolar girlfriend
Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what you are going through. I don't have a lot of experience with bi polar so my advice is pretty generic but just wanted to reach out and offer my support. Like any relationship, if you feel that way about someone and you can say you love them intensely, then it is worth fighting for them. Making the first move doesn't mean much these days, we have to put our ego aside and just go after what we want sometimes. May I suggest you read the section on these forums about supporting someone with a mental health issue, simply go to the top of the page where it says "The facts" and scroll to supporting someone.
My best for you,
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.
Gosh I can tell your name really fits with what brought you here! I'm sorry that you're going through this and glad that you reached out; it sounds like despite everything you have both gone through you care so much about her and want this to work out.
It sounds like from your post she has been both up and down indicating to me that she's been (or is in) an episode. Has she been in one before whilst you've known her? How does she usually cope with her Bipolar, what strategies does she have in place?
It sounds like you are quite close with her family having them on Facebook and having already met some of them. I wonder if it might be worth having a chat with them? I do personally think that there is a chance you can reconcile; but only when she is in a stable place. If her mood is unusually high or low, she won't be able to make any clear decisions or think rationally - so if that's the case now, I would suggest trying to create some space rather than making any big decisions.
Hope this helps,
I too welcome you to the forum.
Jay and romantic have oven you helpful advice.
I have had bipolar for over 40 years, but of course my experience differed from other people with bipolar as we are all individuals who react t events and stress indifferent ways.
Does she have regular highs and lows and is she seeing.a doctor oe apsych ?
I think her dad dying and the break up would put stress on her and maybe now she could do with a friend. Also i feel the best time to chat with her is when she is not high or low. At other times she needs support but she may push you away.
I agree she needs space and perhaps no pressure as she reeves for her dad,
It is tricky bein with someone with bipolar and it is even trickier havin bipolar.
Great to hear from you again and I'm really glad you're getting lots of support from the forums! It sounds like you're trying hard to understand more about Bipolar and how it affects your girlfriend. I can really see how much you care about her and how much she means to you but also how much you mean to her. Even though you may not see it I am sure that she is grateful for your support and commitment when she's not in a good place herself.
You mentioned how she has had therapy and medication before so that shows me that she's been managing her Bipolar really well. Any medication change is going to have an effect on her Bipolar, so that would absolutely explain why this has happened. Even a reduction in medication can affect her mood, let alone dropping it completely. Is she back on them now?
I want to really stress that while people are 'in an episode' they aren't themselves. People can do things in their episode that they would never do normally - anything from drinking too much, spending too much, not sleeping/not eating - their mind might race, make impulsive decisions, etc. A big part of this is not being able to see any consequences;- she could potentially send a nasty text on impulse that she might never send if she wasn't having an episode. So I guess that's why I'm talking about 'creating space', because it is hard to see how she's really feeling and how much might be out of her control right now.
Hope this helps!
It's good to hear from you again.
It sounds like you've both gone through a lot together; especially hearing about her panic attacks, hospital admission and trauma. I can see that you've got something really special going on and I understand you really want to get her back.
Sounds like from hearing from your mate that she hasn't quite given up yet either, talking about your future together and having a baby - certainly not something you do if you've cut ties! How does your mate think that she's doing now?
How do you feel about talking to Pam again? I think in person would be best if you can -
I do have lots of other thoughts! But I think the biggest priority is being able to actually talk to her. That way you can get a better idea of where you both stand, what she might need from you and how she is feeling now. Of course this is also a chance to let her know how you're feeling; as since last time you've worked so much harder to understand what she's going through and how her Bipolar affects her and her moods. If you are both committed or open to working things out and getting back together then I think you can work things out from there (like if she's worried about abandonment) - but none of that feels possible unless you can actually have that conversation.
Hope this helps!
Sidenote: as for your question about her daughter, I'm thinking it might be more due to curiosity. You've been a big part of her and her mother's life so I imagine that she's naturally curious and open to where this might go and how you're feeling too.