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Relationship and Family-Vaccine-New Parent Cut off.

Cotts
Community Member

My Son and I have always been very close and have to date had a loving relationship.  He has been in UK the past 10 years and over the past year has become a Dad with his Partner who is Heavily Anti Vaccine driven.  

At first at the start of the Pandemic and later when Vaccine became a thing my Son bent over backwards trying to convince me the Vaccine is dangerous.  After due diligence I formed a view the vaccine would be the best thing for my own health as well as others.  Today, after 5 Vaccine's I'm very happy with my decision.  

I have tried to encourage my Son to Vaccine always pointing to fact checkers to disprove each and every you tube anti Vax theory he threw at me.  It got exhausting.  Our latest discussion my Son decided out of the blue to cut me off from all forms of communication,  phone, Internet, email the lot as well as advising friends and other family he know longer wants any contact with me.  

Now, My Son and his Partner and 6 month old Baby, all Unvaccinated are in Australia and I have no way of seeing my Grand Daughter.  Whether right or wrong all I was trying to do was care for their health and well-being and to be cut off for this has left me with a rotten feeling deep inside.  As some of the earlier posts have said, you devote all time to our kids, every second , every thought and it all gets chucked out because of this dispute.  Note this includes National Immunisation Schedule for Children.  

My feelings toward my Son and his Partner have now really questioned my entire life and the way I raised my Child.  Both his Mum and myself are single Parents and amicably shared custody.  If my Son got sick of me he's go to Mum's and if he got sick of Mum he's gravitate back to me.  

This is a massive kick in the guts.  I now feel as if I don't even want to see him anymore.  Feelings i never had before.  It scares me. What does he plan to tell his Grand Daughter in 15 years when she's old enough to come see me?  "We cut Grand Dad off because he wanted you to get Vaxxed."  

Right now it's difficult to move on with life, depressed, feel my life has been a total waste and wonder how my own Son could make such a massive call only because his Dad was worried  for the well being of his Grand Daughter not to mention his own Son.

 

8 Replies 8

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hey Cotts, 
 
Thanks for sharing this, we’re sure there are many people who can relate to what you’re feeling and will be really glad to see this post. It’s an uncertain time for many people.  
 
You’ll probably hear from the lovely people on this thread soon, but in the meantime, we just wanted to pop in and let you know we’re here if you want to talk this through with our counsellors. If you feel even a little bit uncertain or unsettled but don’t think your concerns are ‘important enough’ to call a support service – they are.  Is there anyone that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.  Thanks again. It was brave and powerful to share this here, we hope you can feel proud. 
 
Kind regards, 
 
Sophie M 

Cotts
Community Member

Hi Sophie ,

Means a lot to receive such a lovely and speedy reply.  Yes I have thought often about contacting BB but never jumped in.  I woudn't know just where to start.  Problem with Family is they all seem to have their own bias and when push comes to shove they're really only interested about themselves and theirs.  It's not until a big issue bobs it's head that they will sometimes ask for assistance.  This is all still very fresh so I'll sit tight for while and see how things pan out.  I will say this though!  Today I thought, ok, I'll move on with my life totally guilt free knowing I've taken nearly every possible step to re-connect with my boy and I'll do so happily without judging myself.  Am I being selfish or should I be rocking up at the Front door of my ex asking to see my Son?  I don't feel confident with the rocking up uninvited approach.  You can't force someone to love you and if someone wants to cut you off because of a Vax dispute you have to question whether you're better off with them or without them?  

Dean07
Community Member
I'm sorry that you're in this situation.


For me it's very difficult if not impossible to reason with anti-vaccers. They often have online groups that I believe share poorly researched and at times completely false information


I worked with someone with these views and they weren't restricted to just vaccination. All sorts of conspiracy theories the illuminati taking over the world to Com trails.

 

You can try to show where a particular idea is incorrect and give the evidence but unfortunately there are just so many more out there to disprove it that you can't keep up.

 

I still socialise at times with the person I worked with. He knows I don't follow his beliefs. Unfortunately every now and then he can't help but to become agitated and start trying to convince me how I'm wrong. I know it causes him a lot of stress because he thinks the world is coming to an end and only he can see it.

 
New property know all this anyway.



I think all you can hope for is that at some stage either he or your grandchildren will see that the events they're expecting to happen don't and they may rethink their position.

 

If you make it clear to them that you are always happy to see them and hope that they change at some stage.

 

It must be really hard to be in this situation when your own children lock you out. I hope things change for you in the future.

Cotts
Community Member

Hi Dean, 

Thank you for your response.  Definitely the plan.  My Son and his Partner know where I am.  I have reached out relentlessly as mentioned but they aren't ready to connect.  As Parents we have a belief that our kids will love us unconditionally.  Corrupt and misinformed ideologies have got into his head.  As you say, it's very hard to contend with that.  

Guest_7403
Community Member

It's a hard topic to discuss, there's alot of new studies coming out as to why some people are more susceptible to go down the rabbit hole, and they have different techniques to talk to people are about these beliefs they have.

 

One of the best questions you can ask an anti vaxxer or conspiracy theorist is "what evidence do you need to see to disprove your belief?"

If they can't answer you it is a pointless discussion. 

5teve_5teel
Community Member
Hi Cotts When the pandemic hit I had no hesitation whatsoever about getting vaccinated. One week before my second shot I called my son in the UK and asked has he had his second shot yet. Dad he said there’s no way I’m getting vaccinated, it’s totally untested and two of my friends have had terrible reactions, one of them has been off work for 3 weeks. I immediately saw red and called him stupid and hung up. Something I regret to this day. I’m sure it cut like a knife as we have always been the best mates. The next day he said if you only do one thing for me for the rest of my life, don’t get any more shots. I was instantly angry again but said lets just agree to disagree and not mention it again. Forward 6 months- i had an experience that changed my perspective. Dont let a ridiculous thing like this come between you and your flesh and blood, he loves you so much. In my eyes your son has done the right thing by following his gut feeling. Can you imagine how he felt in his world believing his Dad could be going to take something that could kill him? Dont forget love for your children is unconditional, nothing can ever come between you. As for my son I called him and apologised for my reaction as I now know it was coming from a place of love. Good luck my friend and I hope things work out. P.S. There are quite a few class actions going on over vaccine injuries that arent mentioned in the main stream media. I am still pro-vaccine but now respect anyones decision not to get vaccinated.

HelloGail
Community Member

Hello Cots My daughter cut me off in mid-March telling me she does'nt want me in her life. Today is Mother's Day so the emotional pain is acute. I didn't want to face the day today and thoughts of ways to end it. The pain always comes in waves but today it's a hurricane. So, feel welcome to reply. I feel for you especially with your son visiting Australia. They must had been vaxed as isn't the rule on entering Australia that one needs to have the Covid-13 Vac? I have had 3 vaxes. My daughter is moving to the UK to live, she has cut herself from me since March and doubt I will see her before she departs Australia. I texted her two weeks ago but she never replied and it is Mother's Day today and it is so quiet. I rang her dad on 15th March concerned of her changed behaviour, he told me he is going on a short holiday in last week of May before she leaves. I don't understand as we usually got on really well. She changed in April last year 2022, its been a slow burn, walking on egg shells. I had the urge to call her today but as she didn't return my 14 April text, I believe my iphone may be blocked by her anyway. My only child. I want to forget and start a new life but just can't. 

Hi Cotts, I read one of the replies for you here, he said he called his son so I rang my daughter's mobile but it rang then went to voicemail. I didn't leave message but she would had seen my number. Hope you have since reconciled with your son. Don't give up. Children can be cruel they do not realise we have feelings too.