Dealing with a relationship that is affected by severe low-esteem causing insecurity

[CupcakeHugs]

Currently in a relationship that is affected by my partners low esteem that then resorts to insecurity. 

It's becoming so draining half of the time I don't know how to feel with him. One thing I do know is that I do truly love and care for him. Though my heart is suffering and so is my mental health at times. I don't know if it will get better or get worst. Over the weeks I have noticed it becoming more regular that we are having daily issues with mis communication that starts from conversations that go from good to worst. I am the person that in his life makes him feel worth. I live on egg shells so if I say the wrong thing and that could be in every line, even though I am not intentionally trying to make him feel like crap he still sees in some way that I have made him feel terrible. Lets just say it's like fighting a losing battle. I just want positivity and prosper in life he just gets that way where he can't see that some days and so wrapped up in his emotions. I don't know how to think or feel half of the time with him but yet I love him so dearly. I feel he has so many issues with mental health that it sets of my mental health that is no good at times when I reach a peak level of stress with this relationship. Anyone can relate?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

Low self esteem can be caused by so many things. Often childhood environment to blame it needs professional help. Other times, if it is of a negative thinking core (as it was for me) then there is a few things you can try.

1. Provide conditions whereby your partner "sees" the possibilities of positive thinking (google: beyondblue 30 minutes can change your life). So attend motivation lectures and watch inspirational videos

2. "Lead" him to variety and back to basics life. Eg grab a tent and head off for 1 or 2 nights, campfire, stars, talk and read passages of books. Watch YouTube videos. (Google: beyondblue depression he helped me for 25 years' Maharaji)

3. Build up self esteem by enhancing his natural ability. My wife did that with my poetry to the point whereby I write poems to sooth victims of crime. Rewarding and builds confidence.

Reply anytime

TonyWK 

[Alice_md13]

Hello cupcakehugs, and thankyou for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to it, as it seems to really be quite a frequent occurrence in many personal relationships. Just like yourself, I've been in a committed relationship, made plans for future, tried to stay true to myself while slowly realizing that my partner's mental health is on decline. He did his best to cover it up, but with Covid hitting us hard in 2020 all the issues, starting from financial, have resurfaced. He's started sliding into depression right in front of my eyes. My bright attitude could keep that ship afloat for only that long. I've succumbed to his darkness and lost myself, I've become edgy,  short fused, irritable, it started affecting my day to day life. Something had to give as he'd refused to seek help, partly because he couldn't afford it and waiting period to see a specialist by that time has grown out of proportion. I've made a very difficult decision to leave him, and we were both heartbroken. Afterwards, but unfortunately too late for us, he's got himself sorted, even started dating a new person and had been in that relationship for few years up until now (we've remained good friends and stayed in touch). What I've learned being with him, and afterwards with 2 others having different issues all together, you cannot help another person until that person realizes for himself they need help and do something about it. I'm all for staying together for the greater good and be a rock solid support but if you're the only person trying, it will ultimately bring you down to the level of your partner and climbing up from it is an extremely long and painful process. I've also been way too sensible to address the issues and have a frank conversation about them, and this is not the mistake I'll ever repeat again. Hard truth beats the hell out of 2 broken people. It's exhausting to always walk on eggshells and look over your shoulder. In the end of the day you'll be the one left with broken pieces to try and glue them together. Healthy amount of selfishness will go a long way trust me. Have a chat to him and express how the situation being around him makes you feel, and see how he responds. I hope for the sake of your relationship he'll seek help and as a loving and caring partner, you'll no doubt be there for him!!! All the very best and please look after yourself first and foremost!