Partners dad and brother living with us for over a year
First time looking for help on a forum so i hope this is the right place. My partner and I are both 27 and have a 15 month old baby together, and about a year ago her dad and brother decided to move in with us. At the time this was great i got along with them and having my partner not working to look after bub meant only 1 income so the added financial support was a life saver. Her 21 year old vrother has never worked a job or gotten centrelink for some unkown reason so the deal was the he would take our sons room (only a 3 bedroom home) and once he got a job and if it was all working out we would get a bigger house or go our separate ways. 1 year later he still isnt working, we needed our sons room as he got older so now her brother sleeps on our lounge and her dad just doesn't know anything about tidyness or respecting our stuff. Everything in the house we own, and it has just been trashed they both refuse to clean or really do much at all other then watch tv with the aircon on all day. This has resulted in huge electricity bills for us and with her father on the pension and brother not working we basically get left with the bills (we both work 45+ hours a week a d not home much).
To cut a huge rant short I'm caught in the biggest rift of my life, my partner and I get along like ying and yang and we generally have a very solid relationship BUT this situation is tearing us apart and causing fights. She doesn't life confrontation or talking about things, shes very much a if i ignore everything it will fix itself and I am very much a talk everything out all the time kind of person. Anytime I ask if she can talk to her dad about trying to find somewhere else to live or pay the bills or clean the garage (we have a double garage and when they moved it he filled up both sides with his stuff which to this days he refuses to take to the top) she either says yeah i will and doesn't or gets mad at me for always asking her to talk to them.
I feel like I'm just stuck in such a hard place, our name is on this lease so we can't move until they are out and anytime I try to sort it out it blows up into a fight. I have even spoken to her dad about all this before which he blew up a d got defensive about. Meanwhile we have a 15 month old we are trying to raise in this filthy house.
Sorry about the huge write up there's honestly so much move i could even go on about, any ideas?
Hi Br, welcome.
I feel for you. A partnership is one whereby the feelings of the other is paramount but when family gets in between this priority moves.
In hindsight her brother was never going to get a job. Her father even on a pension should contribute towards bills, he can afford to. There is no free ride in life.
I would cease to argue. I would suggest family counseling as crucial to a solution.
Funny as it might seem other actions can be- a padlick on the power cabinet with the aircon switch inside it turned off. You are on the lease, you pay the bills- control it.
You BIL wont get Newstart because that comes with obligations. Again take control. Tell your partner that you are unhappy and things have to change. Even you moving into the garage might shake her up that she needs to realise she is one step from losing you. That way you are still near your child. Perhaps doing both, moving into the shed and making an appt with a counselor is the way. If she doesnt want to go to a counselor then go on your own.
My suggestion mught seem silly but Ive learned tjat yelling goes nowhere action makes a difference.
Living with inlaws rarely works.
I'm sorry for the situation you are now in because it's not suitable at all.
If the real estate knew that the father and his son were living in the house then the weekly rent may increase because the lease is only in your two names, and the landlord would either want them to go or for the rent to double, and it will probably be the latter.
Her brother will go where ever he can get free rent/food.
You have to look after yourself, your partner and your baby first, and I believe that you have to talk to her father/brother to find somewhere else to live and move out.
The house is dirty caused by her father and brother who won't do anything to keep it clean, this is not healthy for your baby.
Hello and welcome. Glad you found us.
I think there are several things you can try. One is to tell your FIL and BIL to leave and set a date. I can understand your frustration that your partner does not speak about the problem to her dad which has gone on long enough. It would not be easy for her to tell her dad to go however inconvenient it is. I expect she does have some regard for him.
Tony's suggestion to put a lock on the electricity box is good. Tell them it has happened and is not to be opened. However I suspect they will try to break the lock.
If I understand correctly, you are renting this house? I suggest you talk to the real estate agent about legal options. They cannot claim to be co-tenants because they do not contribute to the rent.
I also suggest you consult a lawyer about your rights. I think there is a Legal Aid branch in your state. Take photos of the mess, damage to your possessions and the items in the garage to show they are being unreasonable.
Alternatively, move house. I know this is a big step and will cause inconvenience to you but may be the best option. I suggest you do not tell them you are leaving until you actually have somewhere to go, lease signed etc. Tell them when you are about to go and perhaps pay a couple of weeks rent. Check with your real estate agent about this. I think (but no expert) that you have to give notice of when you are leaving and pay rent until then. Two weeks rental will give them some time to find other options. What did they do before moving in with you?
Perhaps discuss this option with a lawyer first. I know this talk about legal matters can be a bit scary but I suspect you will not get them out in any other way. If courtesy does not work then you will need other methods.