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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Nico2 Father's affair
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a d... View more

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a divorce and blamed myself for it. My dad also blamed me calling me stupid and a family breaker. I was traumatized ever since however they remarried and things went okay until I found out again. Currently both my parents are unemployed meaning my dad is like 80% of the time overseas as he says that he feels lonely here due to not having friends and being unable to speak english. I was okay with not seeing him much as I knew my mother and him didn't get along very well. When I overheard his conversation on the phone I was angry and wanting to cry. I then had major depression issues and things were really bad for me for a while. I knew that I wasn't going to tell my mum this time as it only caused her to breakdown last time. The thought that my dad is enjoying himself overseas while my mum takes care of the family makes me so guilty that I am not telling her about my dad and it makes me feel no better than my father. I love both my parents but I'm at this point where I push myself away from both of them as I don't want to have anything to do with this. Should I keep it like this and keep the secret forever? Talking about it with my dad is not going to work. I know why he cheats. He tells the family all the time. "your mum doesn't have sex with me ever, she isn't a woman. You kids will understand when you grow older. You guys wanna know why I drink and gamble its all because of your mum". Everytime I think about what my dad says I feel sad and lonely and I'm unable to be close with my mum due to guilt. So guys what should I do?

Miss_Empath Being pushed away
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m new to this forum so will see how this goes... im a single Mum, have gone through a very tough and trying time for the last 5 years and have come out of my darkness and into the light about a year or so ago. But I find it very difficult to fi... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum so will see how this goes... im a single Mum, have gone through a very tough and trying time for the last 5 years and have come out of my darkness and into the light about a year or so ago. But I find it very difficult to find good friends. But almost 3 years ago I met this guy who I have had a fwb relationship with pretty much the whole time. In the last 5 months or so we have gotten very close in our friendship and have declared to each other how important we are. We share and talk about everything and enjoy bedroom fun too. He has had a very tough time in the last 3 years and is in a relationship that he tells me he doesn’t want to be in but it’s convenient for him for the moment cos he has a roof over his head. I try not to let that in the way of our friendship because I love how it is with us, or how it was until a little over a week ago. i can sense when someone or something isn’t quite right. I can feel their energies shift immediately. His energy shifted, I felt it, so I confronted him. He started off saying he was busy, then days later he told me he was being tested for cancer. He had cancer recently and got the all clear. I’m praying and sending all my healing and positive energies to him in the hope for good news. But, he is pushing me away he says he’s not and that he’s putting himself first, which is fantastic, but does he need to cut me off to do this?? My messages aren’t being replied to, I’m being left in the dark and I am an empath and I love and care for him so much and this is tearing me to pieces! Why must one hurt the ones that care for them and will be there with love and support at all times, whenever they need?

sadangel34 Depressed and confused
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have a bit of a personal question. Will explain a bit first. I've been married to my darling husband for 11 years and we've been trying to have children ever since we got together, sadly with no success. I've also been diagnosed with d... View more

Hi everyone, I have a bit of a personal question. Will explain a bit first. I've been married to my darling husband for 11 years and we've been trying to have children ever since we got together, sadly with no success. I've also been diagnosed with depression and Fibromyalgia, which means im on pretty strong medication. I've found that because of the tablets I don't feel like making love to my hubby anymore. I love him as much, if not more, than ever, but the urge just isn't there and this makes me really sad and more depressed than ever. My question is: what, if anything, can i do, to try and jump start my libido again? I h8 feeling like this and its not fair to my hubby.

Ashchick Loneliness as a mum
  • replies: 9

Hi all, first time poster. Looking for words of advice to help me see the light. I'm a single mum of 4 and battling addiction to cigarettes, alcohol and cannabis. It's been a long time of self realising I need to be clear of all these clutches to rea... View more

Hi all, first time poster. Looking for words of advice to help me see the light. I'm a single mum of 4 and battling addiction to cigarettes, alcohol and cannabis. It's been a long time of self realising I need to be clear of all these clutches to really move on in life. My biggest issues are feeling low. I have always been treated horribly by men I guess partly due to my own self esteem and confidence issues I get ran over. The last one gave me a std and it's almost ruined my life( just as I was getting better!!!) I always cop the blame and hurt. Anyway i just don't want to be lonely anymore. I don't want a relationship because I am not in the right mind frame and will be hurt again. I just want social connections and someone to talk to. It's hard to just get about an about with 4 little kids. I can just see myself falling back onto bad habits to combat my loneliness. I have my mum and sister but that's all. Don't see them enough.. I can't talk to them about these issues either. I'm also anti social in my ways as I've just become quiet and miserable... Thank you

Seekparadise Lost friendship
  • replies: 1

In the past few years, 2 of my closest friendships have ended & I don't feel any sense of closure. Sometimes I think reaching out to them will help, but there are a hundred reasons why I can't do it. I don't think I could bare the vulnerability. I th... View more

In the past few years, 2 of my closest friendships have ended & I don't feel any sense of closure. Sometimes I think reaching out to them will help, but there are a hundred reasons why I can't do it. I don't think I could bare the vulnerability. I think I just need to write this to get it out of me and to tell somebody because it's hard to talk about. My first friend was like a sister to me. We were intensely bonded. We moved in together after we both broke up with our boyfriends and did everything together. But while I was quite depressed and really struggling, she got a new boyfriend really quickly who just sorta.. came over one night and never left. He just moved in. Nothing was said to me. I know she was struggling mentally at the time from trauma in her past and I was really sad because she felt totally distant, barely hanging out, barely even talking when we walked past each other. When I told her I wanted to move out, she went ballistic on me and attacked me. Things were up & down for a bit, I held it together for her birthday but really I just wanted out. I felt rejected and depressed, because we were so close then all of a sudden it was like she didn't need me anymore. She said I would always come first, and then it was like I had to awkwardly beg her to even watch tv together. The day I moved out, I packed my stuff alone. The next morning, my Dad came to help me move my things. Her and her boyfriend were literally stepping over me as I packed boxes on the ground, not speaking to me.. it was just so weird. She didn't ask where I was going or anything. I felt awful & alone. So I got in my Dads car, and left without saying anything. She sent me pages and pages of messages, listing all the things I'd done wrong in our friendship. I just couldn't believe how self- righteous she was, and I left feeling so whiplashed. She left me with the entire electricity bill to pay on my own and refused to pay her share and tried to even get money out of me for another supposed bill that didn't exist. I'm so conflicted. In some ways I miss her dearly. In other ways, I feel sick when I think about her. I feel intense guilt for leaving it the way I did. But I didn't know any other way to do it or cope with it. I never replied to her message. I was so shocked and hurt by everything she said, and in my mind, there was no going back from that for me. She was vicious and manipulative and cruel. But I also doubt how 'true' that is. We were friends for almost six years.

Guest221 Longdistance
  • replies: 8

Hi. I’m new to these forums and don’t really have many people to talk to, so if anyone is going through similar problems or has tips on how I can help myself and my relationship I would appreciate it I have been in a relationship for 4 years and the ... View more

Hi. I’m new to these forums and don’t really have many people to talk to, so if anyone is going through similar problems or has tips on how I can help myself and my relationship I would appreciate it I have been in a relationship for 4 years and the last year been in a long distance relationship. It’s very hard at times, especially with the feelings of jealousy and loneliness. Some days I can deal with it but others I feel like a total wreck. I don’t really have many friends so I feel like I’m constantly alone even though I have family that love me I don’t want to worry them with my problems. Whenever me and my partner argue it’s always over the same issues, and both agree that we both don’t handle an argument well and are both hot tempered. I have never really spoken to anyone about it, but just recently my partner has been telling me that he thinks I have anxiety especially because I just dwell on the problems and constantly feel uneasy. Always overthinking small things and it’s starting to affect my life and also because I’m not in a fulltime work place I have a lot of time to myself which I find, at times to be too much because I just can’t stop overthinking and make problems between us worse. He knows I have always been this way but i have not been told by a doctor or anyone that I actually have anxiety. But the more I research I’m beginning to believe I do. I really love my boyfriend and I don’t want to drag him down with me so can anyone give me any tips?

Dogsnsushi Family unsupportive of mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am just seeking advice about what to do when you have a family who is very unsupportive of my anxiety. Today we went shopping as a family and it was very, very busy as it was raining so everyone wanted to go to the shops as it's indoor. Any... View more

Hi all, I am just seeking advice about what to do when you have a family who is very unsupportive of my anxiety. Today we went shopping as a family and it was very, very busy as it was raining so everyone wanted to go to the shops as it's indoor. Anyway, my family was walking really slowly right in the middle of the main path of the shopping centre, and taking up a lot of room so people couldn't get around. I always walk at the back when we go shopping and because of this, people were standing on the back of my shoes and banging into me because of how slow we were going. I asked them so many times to walk faster because there were people behind us but they didn't care. After about an hour at the shops, I started to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was going to throw up, I was shaking and just felt really delirious and dizzy. I told my parents that I was having an anxiety attack multiple times and they just said, "calm down, you'll be right." So I started to work myself up and then I just pushed past them and speed walked to the food court, which is where we were heading. I sat down and put my earphones in because I was trying to distract myself. They eventually caught up and just sat down eating and chatting normal while I was struggling to breathe, shaking and crying. Then we went home and they all walked off ahead of me. We got into the car and they said, "take your earphones out its rude." So I told them I felt really unwell and couldn't breathe. They didn't reply but instead, started a new conversation. When we got home I slept for 2 hours because I was very tired and upset. When I woke up, I walked into the lounge room where they all were and they started teasing me saying, "oh look she can breathe now!" And were laughing as if it was the newist, funniest episode of the Big Bang theory. They still make a joke about it in every conversation about it and I just feel overall worthless and like my anxiety is pathetic and stupid. I'm too scared to talk to them about it because when I've tried to talk to them about this sort of thing in the past they've just laughed and then make jokes about what I said, still to this day. What should I do? Someone please help. I feel like my family is making my condition even worse.

Empathic My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant
  • replies: 9

My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant. While he doesn't hide bottles around the place he simply cannot function socially without drinking and I'm well and truly over it. Over the past 12mths it has gotten to the point where it is taking a huge ... View more

My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant. While he doesn't hide bottles around the place he simply cannot function socially without drinking and I'm well and truly over it. Over the past 12mths it has gotten to the point where it is taking a huge toll on our marriage. He works overseas and every 7 days has a 24hr break. This break is used to drink as much as he possibly can then passing out. Every stop on his flights to and from work are spent in the terminal bars drinking and at home he typically has a few beers at night and when we go out he literally guzzles as many jack daniels as he can along with shots and anything else hes offered. If we have friends over out comes the grog and he pushes everyone to drink with him. Although he is a happy drunk, he is annoying because when drunk he repeats himself and waffles garbage. If the two of us have a night away together theres always a stop at a bottleshop to get beer which are downed as soon as we arrive at the hotel, then as many as he can fit in if we go out plus nightcaps. It has gotten to the stage where I am being neglected in favour of him going out drinking. If out he will simply forget I am there and if I tell him its time to go he always says "one more after this" which usually means 3 or 4. We live on a small farm and when he is home he does nothing but drink, eat and fall asleep at all hours of the day. Recently I became suspicious as his neglect became worse and he is getting very snappy with me. I noticed him constantly on facebook so while he was out I looked. He had been messaging a woman he knew years ago and while there was nothing sexual, a couple of his replies to her overstepped the line. For her part she said nothing untoward but it hurt. I confronted him and got a pack of rubbish. Materially I want for nothing and he is very generous financially with gifts and money, but I feel its simply to keep me in my box so he can go out drinking. Just before he went back to work we had a huge blowup and I'm left feeling angry and stressed. I really don't know what to do!

Jalapeno We both have mental health issues, I love him, but I think it might be time to leave. How do I decide?
  • replies: 3

I am in my first relationship, 3 years in. I never expected to settle down so quickly, but my partner and I really entangled ourselves in one another quite quickly. We made a series of decisions that I think put a lot of pressure on our relationship,... View more

I am in my first relationship, 3 years in. I never expected to settle down so quickly, but my partner and I really entangled ourselves in one another quite quickly. We made a series of decisions that I think put a lot of pressure on our relationship, such as moving interstate without us having any friends/family there, within the first 3 months of our relationship. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and now he has started treatment for the same. At first when he was diagnosed, it was a relief because I felt validated that some of my doubts and insecurities might be justified. However as many of you would know it is really only the beginning of the journey. I am only 23 while he is 37, and I must say that I am really struggling to keep supporting him when all I want to do is live a happy, adventurous and sexual life, while he is struggling to do any of these things. Commitment means an awful lot to me, and I do love him so much, but more and more I get the feeling that if I stay in the relationship I may feel resentful down the track. I am so confused about what to do. I love him, and wish I could be all the things I said I would - a life partner, and eventually hopefully a mother to his children, but I feel so exhausted and emotional and am honestly unsure of how much longer I can do this for. But because I love him so much & we've worked really hard so far, I don't know if I'm ready to give it all up. Ive loved our lifestyles that we built up together, but I get so obsessed with all the aspects of our relationship that I feel insecure about, making it hard to stay positive. It's all just really taxing. Any advice? Do I stick it out, or cut ties? I am so afraid of the consequences of either of these options. Ialso want to add that he does care, and does go out of his way to show his love but obviously it isn't all that consistent. He is never mean, and I will concede that I am sure I am inconsistent as well. If we can work through these issues we have a lot of things to look forward to, together. If. I do see a counsellor, but I guess I don't have much immediate support around me. We have great friends but we met most of them together, so it can be hard to talk to them about these personal issues. Reading the forums on beyondblue have calmed many of my late night anxiety attacks as I no longer feel so alone. Thanks so much all.

Alexanderv New in here
  • replies: 1

Hello Everyone, I would like to introduce myself, My name is Alexander, I am 24 years old.. about to turn 25 next month. Since my boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and half ago, my life its been so awful, at least the first 6 months that I couldn't s... View more

Hello Everyone, I would like to introduce myself, My name is Alexander, I am 24 years old.. about to turn 25 next month. Since my boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and half ago, my life its been so awful, at least the first 6 months that I couldn't stop thinking about him, now after seeing a few psychologist, I feel that everything is normal now, but now I'm facing this feeling of loneliness where I think I won't be able to find that person, that now guys are only looking for sex and I have this flaw, that I get attached to people to quickly.. so after they left or stopped talking to me, I felt really bad.. I tried to have a relationship, but every time I had one, the feeling is not the same, so i'm not sure whats going on with me, I have tried to go the gym, get involved in new activities but none since to help me, I stop talking to God because I'm too embarrassed of the person I become.. it is to hard to write all of this and still trying to make sense, because everything in my life is a mess, at the office, in my house, at college, I feel trapped, I don't know where to go and I have loose fear of dying and that scares me. Not sure how to put myself together... and I cannot move to another area and a start a new life because I cannot afford to lose my current job and start a new one.