Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lukeyluke Cannot feel love :(
  • replies: 2

Hi, im luke I'm 28, one night while laying next to my wife in bed a thought crossed my mind ( what if I don't love her) well as soon as that happened instant anxious and feeling sick, that was about 6 weeks ago and I have gone down hill, I just could... View more

Hi, im luke I'm 28, one night while laying next to my wife in bed a thought crossed my mind ( what if I don't love her) well as soon as that happened instant anxious and feeling sick, that was about 6 weeks ago and I have gone down hill, I just could not stop thinking about the though "maybe I don't love her" it made me so worked up and worried, I told her all about it and she was very comforting in saying after 6 years feeling don't just stop, I have gone through bad anxciety and she was my rock through all of that before. i have been to the doctor and she put me on meds and have been starting to see psychiatrist and am getting cognitive behavioural therapy to try and help me.. I just feel so alone and scared I know I really love my wife but my mind tells me otherwise

Miss-Anne-Throwpy trust
  • replies: 4

It's so hard to trust people. Took a chance, no matter how cautiously and the moment I shifted to an inkling feeling of safe, betrayal is exposed. I'd dared to stop expecting it. I trusted. It felt equal and even keeled. It felt real. They were not a... View more

It's so hard to trust people. Took a chance, no matter how cautiously and the moment I shifted to an inkling feeling of safe, betrayal is exposed. I'd dared to stop expecting it. I trusted. It felt equal and even keeled. It felt real. They were not a stranger, or new to me. Why do people lie? Everyone cheats, hurts, betrays. It's like they seek out the most sensitive part to wound and do so in the guise of loyal, non judging friendship. . Prefer alone. People suck the life out of me.

Doolhof I believe my husband has Asperger Syndrome
  • replies: 4

Hi All, Early in my marriage a friend who worked in health told me she believed my husband had Asperger's. I didn't know what to do with that suggestion as 30 years ago Asperger's and Autism was not so commonplace as it is today. Having struggled wit... View more

Hi All, Early in my marriage a friend who worked in health told me she believed my husband had Asperger's. I didn't know what to do with that suggestion as 30 years ago Asperger's and Autism was not so commonplace as it is today. Having struggled with our relationship and how it makes me feel I am reading a book called "Asperger Syndrome and long-term relationships (2nd edition) by Ashley Stanford. As I am reading this book I am having so many "light bulb" moments of recognition both of my how my husband is and how I react to the way he is in return. Over the decades I have accepted my husband is not able to communicate in ways I desire, now I understand more why that is so. My issue is, do I show him the book and suggest I feel this is part of him? If the shoe was on the other foot he would definitely do so. I now realise that is part of his possible Asperger's, to be able to tell me quite openly and forthright every little thing that I do wrong, including letting a pea get under his mash potatoes. I don't recall the last time he laughed or even smiled. He tells me not to look at him and not to touch him. He certainly has the persistent deficits in Social Communication and interaction, repetitive patterns of behaviour, fixated interests, body ticks and so much more the book is opening up to me. Where to from here? That is the question. One thing, I need to read more and learn about this syndrome for the sake of our relationship. Cheers all from Mrs. D.

Hollowshell How can I let it go?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone this is my first post as I don't know what to do next.. 38yo married father of 3 kids.. feb 2016 my wife of 8years partner for 20, for no reason at all collapsed and proceeded to have 80 seizures over 2 days. All tests were inconclusive a... View more

Hi everyone this is my first post as I don't know what to do next.. 38yo married father of 3 kids.. feb 2016 my wife of 8years partner for 20, for no reason at all collapsed and proceeded to have 80 seizures over 2 days. All tests were inconclusive and ultimately diagnosed with having a dissociative disorder seizures leaving her with limited use of lh side of her body. We owned our own successful business at the time with a really great marriage etc nothing could be better... due to work commitments and her inability to drive for 6weeks we required assistance getting kids to and from school. A neighbor 2 doors away who was a teacher aide at the school offered help. We had lived there for 1.5 years and never said boo to these people before this day. Long story short my elder sister came to see my wife one afternoon and observed my wife asleep on the couch with this lady sitting on the floor stroking her face and whispering in her ear... over the course of 3 months they entered into a same sex relationship with my wife convinced that it's destiny and they shared the truest of loves. As anyone knows school politics there relationship would of been frowned apon so there was an elaborate story of me abusing my children and wife concocted to explain the relationship between them. This was over a period of 6months, I increasingly became manic at the situation with every few days there relationship strengthened???? I went from living at home to staying at my sisters house. Her mental state was erratic due to the constant physio and neuropsychologist appointments. Wtf my wife is heterosexual and over the years that this type of thing has entered our lives she was clear about her sexuality and marriage. We were best friends and soulmates with 3 great kids and a successful business with the future there for the taking. She increasingly was convinced and manipulated by this narcissistic lady into abandoning her entire life and things she stood for. This lady became my children's second mum and manipulated them into believing that I was not a good dad etc Their relationship was found out and the other lady also married backed off and all her lies and deceit was found out. She agreed to move away ( run away) to have a fresh start and I would work in the mines staying in camp m-f and driving home for the weekends.

Little_Red_Rose_Bud Confused, heartbroken and feeling worthless
  • replies: 3

For the past 18months I have been in a relationship with the love of my life. Everything was perfect (well what I would count as perfect). I suffered bad anxiety and stress last year and it was impacting on my health badly. I changed some factors in ... View more

For the past 18months I have been in a relationship with the love of my life. Everything was perfect (well what I would count as perfect). I suffered bad anxiety and stress last year and it was impacting on my health badly. I changed some factors in my life and moved the 2 hours to be with my partner full time. I had a new job, new house, new life, the most amazing partner ever and a beautiful step daughter. We have been talking about kids, Marriage and buying a house. We had ups and downs but everything was great. Recently my partner lost his father rather suddenly. Since then he has been trying to grive but is also feeling very gulilty about only seeing his dad about 4 times in 10 years... Mainly due to being 3 states apart and life getting busy. Now he is also dealing with the normal will issues and family fued issues and trying to hold everything and everyone together. The past 3 odd weeks he has been acting so out of character and being withdraw from me. But we were still having some good days in those bad days. Last week I finally convinced him to talk to me. He broke up with me. Hes only reason being that he has been thinking since his dad has passed and he now doesn't think he wants any more kids and he knows I really do. Apparently he doesn't want me to grow to resent him for it in the future like his parents did to each other. A month ok we had time lines organised to start trying fir kids. Now I get no say in it. He has made the decision. He keeps crying about it when we talk, telling me it's the only reason, that he still cares for me, doesn't hate me. But won't give me the opportunity to think or prove to him that I love him and his daughter more then anything. I've been unwell the past 5 weeks but more so the past 3. I have had numerous tests and apparently I'm all healthy and I might be being diagnosed with depression in the coming week as it's the only way to explain what's going on in my body. But I don't want to except this. There are people much worse then me. I want to be with him, they are my family and I now can't imagine my life without them. If it's because he has decided he now doesn't want kids and he knows I do shouldnt we talk about this first and then it be my descion not his? I'm so confused and my heart is shattered....

cleo1988 Emotional Manipulator/ Toxic Relationship
  • replies: 8

Any general advice for removing oneself from a toxic relationship…? I have been troubled and stuck in this for almost a year. I have tried to break from him many times. Background - i'm 28, he's 41. I'm isolated and lonely I have read some things on ... View more

Any general advice for removing oneself from a toxic relationship…? I have been troubled and stuck in this for almost a year. I have tried to break from him many times. Background - i'm 28, he's 41. I'm isolated and lonely I have read some things on emotional abusers - he does this, to a tee. and Emotional manipulators … - makes you feel guilty for everything - forces his insecurities on you - makes you doubt yourself - makes you responsible for his emotions (also tied in with guilt) - makes you believe that HE wants what YOU want, and vice versa Additionally, i am so disappointed in myself, because people will treat you how you allow them to treat you. I feel disgusted with myself, And its not that he treats me poorly - but he is so pushy and smothering. Its more that I can bear. Please give me the strength to be strong.

Pheenstar It's so funny now but five weeks before reality hits story
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This is my first post not my last and will see where it all goes ....So we did a year together and that was bad and this time we did it 4yr together with two boys 3 and 1 And it's been the same.. She's gone home to Germany with the boys for seven wee... View more

This is my first post not my last and will see where it all goes ....So we did a year together and that was bad and this time we did it 4yr together with two boys 3 and 1 And it's been the same.. She's gone home to Germany with the boys for seven weeks and there 4 left so you could say life is good at the moment... I was just about out the door towards the end but it's hard to walk out on the boys and then I thought I could get some help from afar.. The first two weeks and she's been away everyone was tested and helping me see if I was alright.. But she was gone so I was fine.. I kinda stayed strong the whole way through this but I wasn't sure another 17 yrsI wwas not.. I'm still strong and she was getting a bit worse and I think the kids are next.. It's been the same since day one..I would call it A repetitive nightmare where her whole focus was on her proving to me that I was wrong and A mix of stalk and jealousy where the conversations didn't go anywhere I'm always the same ending up in a plea for love sorry and forgiveness.. Now even to the point of a simple matter of the children being sick and because I would think one thing it was ruled out and lied about and then days later having to get to the doctors myself and fix it... Two months ago the short story those anyways I was worried about the kids and told her I wasn't interested in her problems time to help the kids but the only made things worse and just before she left put a bogus AVO out and then went to Germany.. Still I had some time to breath so it was still all good .. My friends and family worried about me And took a little bit of effort to calm everyone down ..she was saying one thing and I was telling them it's been like hell for four years straight and now it's real bad. it also become clear that instead of living with a person who just puts me down and just couldn't make sense of it I read about personality disorders and in about two minutes realised.. I kinda feel that I should've picked this up a lot Elia only week excuse I can give is in this time I did work a lot and stay in the backyard building a lot have a naturally strong generous kind personality .... And I've never treated the relationship as one with a personality disorder which will give me a complete different outlook but where will it go ... she 38

Pheenstar How do you negotiate child custody with a personality disorder
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, im neil im abdad and my partner or ex has a lovely BPD, i joined up beyond blue about 9 months ago, but was posring somewhere alse until i got banned yesterday for trying to exchange details so i can help him out, its a forum focused mor... View more

Hi everyone, im neil im abdad and my partner or ex has a lovely BPD, i joined up beyond blue about 9 months ago, but was posring somewhere alse until i got banned yesterday for trying to exchange details so i can help him out, its a forum focused more on the personality disorders and not so much the mental illness, so a shout out to the carers and the real people over there, im going to miss your beautiful reading and your support and when i got time will sneak back there for a hello, i need the forums though so i want to keep posting so i been with this disorder now 6 years and we have 2 kids 4.5 yrs and 21 month boys, i have only known about disorders since septemberand before that all i knew was she was crazy, stupid and just keep away from her unless you want to be systematically abused mentallity and leave when you think the kids can handle it.. Now im a carer of sorts to a disorder that has no meaning and are starting negotiations of child custody so we can split and try to stop the abuse, i have tried everything and it cant be stopped, It is unstopable you can say. I dont blame her,, its just one of those things, but it is not her now, i wouldnt even say i reconize it as human, That one little place in her mind has completly taken over all rational, and now she is a disorder. Me being me will be there for her probably forever and as we have kids will try and keep them safe and mentally prepared and up for what they go through and what they are about to... For me now its about stopping the abuse... i need a break and to feel sanity, i have been so focused and getting the kids right and getting her help, which doesnt come as she is more against help and protecting this thing than anything i have ever encounted, She has seen my psychologist who is very good once and hopefully will keep going, but after being told all sorts of bad advice and what to do, Its now what i thought and now confirmed that you cant fix this sort of thing, He knows shhe is what she is and there aint a dam thing he can do or say to protect me or children or help her unless its her doing all the work really and with a disorder thats the one thing it definelty can not and will not do... I still feel good but i know the abuse must stop and she is looking for a place to live and then i sell up.

BlackSwan101 I'm pregnant & he's gone to a strip joint
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Hi all, I'm new here. The heading says it in a nutshell. He was open with me of his plans. Meeting with ppl who are of that scene, something he use to do before he knew me. According to him I wouldn't fit in. He told me not to wait up, may come back ... View more

Hi all, I'm new here. The heading says it in a nutshell. He was open with me of his plans. Meeting with ppl who are of that scene, something he use to do before he knew me. According to him I wouldn't fit in. He told me not to wait up, may come back late. Will be drinking, try not to drink too much or come back in a cab. He's freshly showered & shaved before leaving. Should I be worried? While I told him how I felt, he did acknowledge my feelings but he still went anyway. Is this normal? We've been together 4 a long time, I'm 24 weeks pregnant. I'm home alone trying to make sense of this. I'd hate to think what he'd do when I'm 30+ weeks preg & a lot bigger!

Josieell I'm married but I'm starting to wish I wasn't
  • replies: 2

I've been married for almost 3 years, but I'm starting to feel so alone... If I'm honest we've never really had conversations that just flow since we got engaged, and I find myself getting crushes on people I spend time with at work, people who I can... View more

I've been married for almost 3 years, but I'm starting to feel so alone... If I'm honest we've never really had conversations that just flow since we got engaged, and I find myself getting crushes on people I spend time with at work, people who I can talk to for hours on end about anything... I don't know if we don't talk because we're comfortable or stopped trying or have nothing to talk about... I never feel like a priority at home or like I matter. I have brought this up... we end up arguing every few months and it ends up there... I just know that I've been in a place for a while, where I feel so alone whether I'm with him or not. I loved being single and dating, so maybe it's a case of the grass is greener... But I know people who actively seek me out for conversation, who will come and sit next to me and talk for ages, people who I don't feel awkward talking to about absolutely anything... I don't know what to do and I feel so guilty, but mostly I just feel alone.