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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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_erehmai Lost, need directions.
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage... View more

Hey guys, this is my first post so I'm reaaaally nervous and don't know really how to do this but this girl needs advice quick. I'm 23, I'm currently suffering with Manic depression, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle deasese and nerve and joint damage.. I'm living out of home with my sister who currently needs someone to stay with her to help look after my niece and pay for rent... (I get centrelink couldn't work with my condition) if my Mum moves out with her boyfriend I'll be paying a lot more money then if i went to a share house..but I'm in a pickle because if i did that I'll be leaving her to suffer... when also her partner just moved out a couple of weeks ago, so she would be paying full rent on her own being a single parent. I pay alot of money with my condition Physio/Chrio/pain killers/strapping/knee braces,deep heat/heat packs/remedies etc. so $195 a week just makes me want to cry I'm having a lot of identity crises and not knowing who i am and what I'm here for and thatone racks my brain a lot. I'm having a lot of relationship problems with my partner not being able to let go of the past and accepting I'm willing to push my self through this depression and pain Also family issues with lots of drama and fighting and hate and My mum not being around I'm lost if i should go and be happy on my own for once counter my happiness or stick by everyone and help what they need. I know this isn't that detailed but that's the run down of my life at the moment, i could literally write a book about it. I need help on if i should keep my sister from falling and my partner and my family or me fall instead?

Siuwen Depressed and Angry
  • replies: 6

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get s... View more

Hi Me and my husband have 2 beautiful daughters. Everything is great until my 2nd was born last year. My husband started drinking. It's definitely alcohol abuse. He would drink in secret mixing vodka and water, in front us saying its water then get super drunk at night. When I confronted him, he started yelling, throwing stuffs and calling me ugly names. He asked for forgiveness and I have forgiven him a few times but like a cycle it keeps happening. This happened again 2 weeks ago. Whats worse is my older daughter who is 4 years old wake up and witnessed this a few times. I am thinking of leaving him and get full custody of my kids but my older daughter keeps screaming and crying don't want him to leave. Its really hard for me because my daughter is very forgiving. Once he apologised, she is attached again to him. He keeps saying he will change and we should work it out. So once again, I stay but I have not been eating or sleeping well since it happened. I want to leave but I am stuck because of the kids. Last thing I want is making them grow up without a father but a part of me says he won't change. I am scared it will repeat itself again. I am so helpless. My family is overseas. I move here when I married him. We have been together for 18 years in total and only the last year, he started this crazy alcohol habit.

lost_empty feeling so lost & alone
  • replies: 10

Hi I'm new here. My partner just broke up with me after being together for 14 years & I can't stop crying. I'm haunted by the memories of things we've done together & all the things we were yet to do. I don't have any close friends she was my life my... View more

Hi I'm new here. My partner just broke up with me after being together for 14 years & I can't stop crying. I'm haunted by the memories of things we've done together & all the things we were yet to do. I don't have any close friends she was my life my love my best friend now I feel my life is over

Downandout92 Broken and feeling hopeless
  • replies: 4

My partner and I work together in a very male dominated environment where reputation for females is very important. We recently separated and he began to spread horrible rumours about me that are not true to his mates/the guys that we work with. What... View more

My partner and I work together in a very male dominated environment where reputation for females is very important. We recently separated and he began to spread horrible rumours about me that are not true to his mates/the guys that we work with. What these guys don't know is that he was actually unfaithful to me and all these things that are being said are not true and extremely hurtful. I've tried to ignore the looks and the whispers but it's very hard when you're constantly feeling judged at work. He did a similar thing to another girl at work a few years ago and her reputation is still tarnished because of it. Just the ratio of males to females means that their story is the one that gets heard and believed. I don't need people to know the truth I just need the lies to stop. I love my ex partner very much so the breakdown in relationship really broke me on its own but this maliciousness is bringing me down even further. I had to move out of our house and leave behind my dogs that I love and miss very much. I am miles away from my close friends and family so I have never felt so alone and hated by everyone in my entire life. Right now it's hard to see how things are going to get better and the hopelessness feeling won't go away.

Tillycat Advice: Do I stay or go?
  • replies: 10

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and toget... View more

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9. My husband and I have a similar profession but I gave it all up to allow him to pursue his career when we got together. I completed study in something else (which I don't really enjoy) to enable him to continue doing what he wants. His job was not a normal 9-5 job which means he travels and spends many nights out. I am at home alone. This year one of those jobs has fallen through, he wants to return to uni to study to become a teacher to give us a more stable financial position in order to start a family and save for a house. It is just that he has had to put the course on hold to finish of paper work to get his citizenship which he has been saying he will do for the last 6ish years. We have spoken about having a baby so many times and that we would start trying but never have. We have have spoken about buying a house but it never comes to anything. It is all just words to me now. Even trivial things like "I will wash up" or "I'l take the bins out" and it is still sitting there 2 days later waiting for me.To top it all off he has been writing inappropriate (sexual) things to female friends on Facebook. It has happened several times before when we first got together and a maybe 3 or 4 times since then. I have told him each time that it makes me feel so bad and low and is a betrayal of our relationship. He is secretive of his phone and Facebook accounts. I brought it up with him again and he says he just doesn't think he doing anything wrong at the time but can see how it would make me feel. I don't know if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I have given up everything for this marriage and relationship but I am not getting anything back. I am always his number one supporter. He supported me when I was at uni but not to stay true to my main life goals and dreams. I am tired of his empty words and promises. I feel like it is now or never for me. If I stay will it be like this forever? I see a psychologist and she has told me straight out to leave. We saw a marriage counsellor together but I felt like it was dealing with his issues not ours. He is trying to implement some things but a bit of me feels like it is too little too late.

Sue78 Lost & confused
  • replies: 2

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not... View more

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not help either.His work stress was impacting him.We started counselling & it was working.We went on a belated honeymoon in June.Came back happy & normal.But soon his stress,his mother & friends got the better of him.The same issues came back in worse form.I could not stop the rot.I went overseas in Dec to visit my mum for a month.During that month his mum told me he was screaming & shouting at his staff & his father,he was working too much,wasn't eating or coping.He did not keep up good communication with me which made me angry & anxious.He informed me he was depressed.He had earlier during our honeymoon told me he is having a midlife crisis.The day I got back he told me we have 11 months left before we go our own way.He told me to get out.It was midnight and I had just stepped into the house.I tried to calm him down & suggest we sit & talk like adults.He refused.I had noticed he had moved to the other room.We never had any intimacy issues so I was shocked.I tried to stand by him being concerned of his mental state but he spiralled.After nearly 12 months of emotional & verbal abuse & couple of attempts to discuss the separation I moved out.When I was moving out he was a raging lunatic.I had to call the cops.We were on the same page re kids & had purchased kids items together but when troubles started last April he pulled back.I had suggested he gets counselling for his stress but he did not.His mother & friends were too influential.Even though at one point I was his confidante & ally,now I am no one.His fury was tremendous & I copped the brunt of it.Anxiety attacks started & I went into depression.I was seeing a psychologist & he was supportive to some extent but he was such a mess himself.He signed up on dating & sex sites.He has been hitting on his female friends & chatting up random women. We are both 39.He owns his own businesses & I have a good job.Now it has been over a month since I left the house.He knows I don't want this separation.He has not once contacted me - neither have I contacted him.Am missing him so much.I thought by now he would have contacted me even if just with angry words.What is going on? Is it all over? Is there no hope? any insight & advise will be so appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Guest_989 No attachment to my kids
  • replies: 23

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have... View more

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have no desire to see them, or be apart of their lives. I don't come from a broken home, my folks are still together and I have normal relationship with them and my older sister. When I lived with my kids, I never had an attachment to them, or bond it's not something that occurred after they left. I would avoid coming home, and when I was at home would distance myself from them. I always felt uncomfortable, nervous, anxious around them, and felt forced spending time with them. I was undiagnosed BPD, and struggling heavily at the time. But now that I'm in control of my emotions, and am quite happy in myself....I still do not want to be apart of their lives. I declined to see them today, even though I was off work I don't really think about them, nor do I miss them. Im seeing a BPD specialist psych for the first time on Wednesday, and hoping she can shed some light on this, because I know as a person this is not right, but seem to be rather carefree about the whole thing I know there is many people on here with BPD, both males and females. Is this a typical trait for borderlines? Or is there something else at play here? Confused, but not emotional.

Yando Lost for what to do in my relationship with my wife???
  • replies: 1

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility trig... View more

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility triggering all manner of arguments (minor ones) which now end in threats of divorce... to force a win in her favor when she knows I love her and want to be with her. On top of that she now acts like I am a useless 'participant' in our marriage when in fact I am the only one attempting to have a conversation, she likes to hear and be informed and learn everything about my day every evening, then when I ask about her day all I get is a measly three word answer that 'It was okay", then her leaving the conversation is dead in the water. I then get constant criticism that I know nothing about what is going on in her life, where I have to remind her that I continuously ask and get no communication to be informed about what is happening in her day-to-day. Of course as you can imagine this is extremely frustrating for me, I am trying my best to be supportive and loving and I am not given any information to know what is going on in her life. I now am not only expected to work full-time to support my two kids of my first marriage but also are expected that I must do the entire housework (indoor and outdoors) as my career is not as important as hers. She comes home and expects dinner prepared and laundry done so she can just relax (we both have desk jobs dealing with clients). I am starting to feel emotionally exhausted, apparently everything is my fault and I don't listen (hard when there is nothing to listen to). What advice can you give me?

Brownm My Dad making me feel down
  • replies: 1

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

Midnight6 Married for 11 years and falling for another man
  • replies: 4

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't re... View more

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't really realise it till i started seeing a psychologist because i knew I was changing as a person cause i could finally see what i had been putting up with and i thought their was something wrong like i was the crazy one. Eg are, him not wanting me to work or wear makeup to work, not have fb or any social media, treating our children horribly with verbal abuse and the list goes on I have depression and was on antidepressants but went off them about 4 months ago. I felt like they numbed me too much and i couldn't make a real decision. Today i live confussed and totally exhausted from life. My brain doesn't switch off. I don't know what I feel anymore and i don't know what i want. I have been talking to a guy at work and i can't stop thinking about him. We are only friends but deep down i want more. I dont even know if i love my husband anymore. I dont know if i feel sorry for him or what it is or whats still keeping me here. We have started seeing a marriage counselor but deep down i say to myself that of all things ive been through with him and all the hurt and resentment I have, it just cant be undone. We are intimate but i dread it , i cringe when he comes near me...this isn't normal is it?? I fantasize about this other man all the time. I know it's wrong but i cant help it. Im scared that if i leave my husband ill regret it or something. I have sat down and told my husband that i have lost feelings for him and i that I dont know if i can get them back or even if i want them back. I don't want to hurt my husband but i need to be truthful to myself. Im so confused. And just to add i have felt these feelings even before i started talking to this other man. I have wanted to leave for a long time but we said we would give it a shot with the marriage counselor. I just dont know who i am or what i want anymore. And i don't want to keep being in this marriage and dragging my husband along. Im just so unsure of my feelings and what to do.